#303
Clint  0:00  
Hey everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 303, recorded on Tuesday, February the 23rd 2021. My name is Clint Hufft. And with me is a gentleman that keeps me on track when I stray off the hip the and with me as a gentleman.


JP Reynolds  0:24  
I'm with you. I'm with you. When people would say I'm a gentleman. My name is JP Reynolds.


Clint  0:36  
I was gonna edit that I don't think I have now I like that. JP’S accomplished author. His books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. The businessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com For all of the things that I do.
JP, I was really lucky that Sunday, two days ago, I got to do an elopement, but it was a zoom deal.


JP Reynolds  1:13  
Oh, okay. I'm officially jealous.


Clint  1:17  
Oh, well, then let me tell you a little bit more.


JP Reynolds  1:21  
Oh, I've got questions. Yes.


Clint  1:22  
Oh, good. Okay, okay. Okay. So why? Are you going to do one?


JP Reynolds  1:28  
No, it's my bucket list. My bucket list is not a very full bucket. But that is one of the items in my bucket list to do a zoom wedding.


Clint  1:37  
Your bucket isn't full, because you haven't accomplished much on your bucket list, or you don't have many items on the list itself.


JP Reynolds  1:46  
I don't have many items on the list itself. But you'll recall, we talked about zoom weddings a little bit when I almost I had a chance to do a zoom wedding in New York and then found out because I wasn't in New York, I couldn't do the New York scene. Right.


Clint  2:00  
Right. Right, right.


JP Reynolds  2:02  
But now here you are. So yeah, tell me.


Clint  2:04  
Well, first of all, the venue was awesome. It's called the SmogShoppe. Now, those of you who are listening from outside of Southern California, actually outside of LA, would say to yourself, what is that, and it's spelled exactly the way you would think s m o, g. Sh, O p PE, I guess to kind of add a little something to it. And it used to be an automobile repair place. I mean, I'm almost positive. 


JP
That's what it used to be. 


Clint
Yeah, yeah. And they've converted it into this beautiful venue. I mean, gorgeous. It's got an outdoor patio. It's got lots of foliage and greenery. And it's just open and it's beautiful. And then you walk into, I don't know what you call this, you're really good with words like this. I don't know what you call it when the doors have been flown wide open, and an entire wall is open between the indoor and the outdoor. Is there a name for that open space that the transition as opposed to you're not walking through a doorway, necessarily.


JP Reynolds  3:13  
I feel like I'm doing a crossword with you now. I don't know. But let me say that What I like about this venue, is that, yes, it's beautiful. Yes, they've done some remodeling. But they have kept the structure of the building. And they've kept that you're in a funky place. Yes, you can walk in and imagine very easily what it looked like when it was functioning as an auto repair shop.


Clint  3:51  
Well, one of the ways that it's easy to imagine that is because the on the wall, how can I put this, there's one section where if you go up the stairs, you get to the bridal suite. And then below that are the restrooms. And, then what I noticed is that I think they have their offices back there underneath. But on the wall above the restrooms, they have at least 200 automobile fan belts, those black belts that go inside the engine of your car, those are all hanging up there. Then when you go into the restrooms, there's old posters, and it's fantastic. But having said that, because I think most people would start imagining like, Ooh, it's probably kind of grimy and dirty. No, it's spotless. And the big room where people gather and big long tables and benches and is just spotless. It's immaculate. It's a beautiful place. I've done a bunch of weddings there with some, I guess what would be considered high profile event planners or whatever. The point that I'm making is that their clientele could go anywhere. But they go here because it's funky, but immaculate all at the same time. Does that make sense?


JP Reynolds  5:10  
I described to you the people, quite funky but immaculate.


Clint  5:20  
That reminds me of that movie, The Beatles, their first movie Hard Day's Night. Boy, this is generational. But Paul's grandfather, when everybody looks at him, he's very clean. He's very clean. Those of you that have ever seen that movie as you'll get, okay, so I know. Thank you. Thank you very much. So regarding the zoom thing, it was only the couple, no family, no wedding party, just a couple with an event planner, and photographer. And I think it was combo video-DJ, kind of a guy, obviously, there was no party, per se. But they ran the zoom through him. And so he had a couple of laptops. And what I noticed is there were iPhones on tripods, and I saw two of those. But then in the main room, there was a huge, huge screen, I don't even know like, it took up most of the wall. And that's what the zoom feed was playing on. So he was able to


JP Reynolds  6:28  
Okay, this is a little different than I was imagining. So the zoom wedding, so I'm a little confused. On that zoom screen. Were you able to see the guests who were zooming in from around the country?


Clint  6:43  
Yes. Yeah. And the way they did it is they started the zoom feed 15 minutes before we started the ceremony. Gotcha. And so everybody got a chance to log in and see everybody else and say hello, and that kind of stuff. But they didn't see the couple until they came downstairs and then walked to the ceremony site, which was outdoors. And then the iPhones were on cameras, and I told the camera guy, I said, You do whatever you want, anytime you want, wherever you want, I don't care. This is all about you. And we're just going to have a ceremony. So whatever you want to shoot. I talked a little bit to him and to the event planner about well, okay, at first they're going to have me like not centered, though, the groom was really concerned about social distancing. When I talked to him on the phone, or we did a, I think we might have done a zoom thing. Anyway. And so okay, fine, that's fine. I wear a mask all the way up until the ceremony begins. And I take it off, but it turns out, I was at least 12 to 15 feet away from them anyway. Hmm. Yeah. That what happened was it was that time of day, it was around noon. And so there was shade on half of the patio. And so the event planner said, I think we're going to put you in the shade over here. And then they're going to be over there in the sun. But it turned out the timing was perfect, because there was some kind of overhang or tree or something that shaded both of them. Right when we started the ceremony. So from the photographer standpoint, there wasn't that mottled sunshade from if you're looking through tree leaves. It was even, which makes for great photos anyway. And they had a single microphone. As you know, the way I work, they build their own ceremony, they chose to only say I do. That's it. And so they exchanged rings, but nothing was said. And they had two poems, two readings that they wanted me to do with the idea that everybody's watching, so it's not like it's just me and them. There is an actual audience. We've talked about this before, when you're doing zoom. The thing is, is that I didn't have the luxury, I never saw a camera on me. I thought he was going to have one camera that was locked down on where they were going to be standing and I said how close are you going to get? He says I'm going to stay wide just to keep it simple for everybody. I said okay. That means that it was going to be wider than the two of them during the entire ceremony. But then he had a second one that was going to catch them coming down the stairs, kind of like their processional. And then I thought that he said that I'm going to reposition that and turn it on to you because people are going to want to see you. But I never saw that. I never saw that phone turned around on me. And I had to, because it was different and I'm so used to playing to the camera. I had to say to myself, there's no camera on me. Just focus on them. And let's do the ceremony. But it was so sweet. So the groom had both of the rings. And then I said before we started, I was talking to the bride and I always go through this thing with the rings. You know, where are the rings? And then are you wearing your engagement ring right now? Yes. And then I have to kind of shortcut because most brides get all this advice about what they're supposed to do with the ring. You know, put it on the other finger or just put the wedding band on the outside or whatever. And I always go through this, well, here are your options and do whatever you want to do. And I said, when you wear them after today, are you going to wear them as a set on one finger? She said, No, I think I’m going to wear the engagement ring on my right hand. And the wedding band on my left hand. I said, Oh, well, do you want to just put the engagement ring on your right hand right now? And then he'll just put the band on your finger? She said, Yeah, I think I would like that. I said, Well, there you go. If that's the way you're going to live your life, then that's what you should do. That's great. I think it's important to kind of cut through the baloney. Because some people are just so concerned about the rings during the ceremony. Why are you laughing?


JP Reynolds  10:54  
Well, you are right, about the rings. And I always say you want to do what is easiest. I always tell them in the ceremony, you will not recognize the rings, you won't know where they came from, you will not know who bought them. You’ll look at them and think they're lovely. You may even think I bought them for you. Please understand I did not. Do whatever works for you. You go girl. Um, and then, in a moment of reassurance, I oftentimes suggest they speak to the event planner, because I think it's a kind of a girl on girl, woman on woman conversation to have.


Clint  11:50  
It's interesting you say that, because I think that sometimes that's what gets in the way. Because what I say to couples, I mean no disrespect to anybody, but this is going to be disrespectful. What I say to couples is you're going to get all kinds of advice, advice in air quotes, right? And I said people mean well, they really do. But most of the time, they have no idea what they're talking about. They're just telling you what other people have told them. And, so my job is to let you know what all of your options are. So you can choose what feels right for the two of you.


JP Reynolds  12:22  
Right, right. Absolutely.
I was just gonna say I do think there is a, when you're dealing with a really good event planner, there is a different kind of relationship that develops between the couple and the event planner, as opposed to what develops between me and the couple. Right. So, for instance, in terms of choreography for the processional, I will, based on the information they've given me, make my preliminary suggestions. And then I say to them, that this is all up to the event planner, in the sense that everybody has their own style, they're going to make their own suggestions to you. This is just a preliminary, to give you a sense of how it can flow. So there are certain aspects where I defer to the event planner.


Clint  13:25  
Right.


JP Reynolds  13:27  
Yeah. And in terms of the rings, you're right, and I do know what you mean. And I have said that to them, that people are going to get a lot of conflicting information, etc, etc, etc. But with the rings, and the fact that and I don't want to belabor this, because we're kind of spending a lot of time on a smaller aspect of it. But, it indicates how people can lose their mind, in every aspect of the wedding is brides obsess about the rings. And I do ultimately say, what ever is going to be most easy for you. Do that.


Clint 14:09  
Right. So you're not worried about it.


JP Reynolds  14:12  
Just make a decision. Do it. It doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.


Clint  14:19  
I guess what we're both trying to do is comfort them so they can just relax and enjoy their wedding ceremony. What I try to keep saying is don't worry. I'll guide you through everything. The subtext of that is your brain isn't going to be working.


JP Reynolds  14:34  
I say to them, I just need you to get to me. And once you get to me, you don't have to think about anything. Yeah, I said, all you have to do is hold hands and look good for Instagram, and I'll take care of everything.


Clint  14:54  
You say that to them?


JP Reynolds  15:02  
Yeah. Oh heads up. Think you might be a little surprised at what I say to my couples.


Clint  15:05  
Well, I was just thinking that that's our new t shirt. Just hold hands and look good for Instagram.


JP Reynolds  15:11  
That's it. That's it.


Clint  15:17  
Well, because they only said I do. There was a second microphone. And there was nobody else to like, fortunately, the bride had one of those little trains, where it doesn't really need to be straightened or anything, it just kind of it kind of lays and flows is a little bit of a dragging behind. But it's nothing that you know what I mean. So that took all of the heat off of the event planner, she doesn't have to do a veil, there wasn't any of that kind of stuff. However, it turned out the event planner was in charge of the microphone. Normally, when everybody's right in front of me, I just kind of take care of everything. I move a mic when I need to, I do whatever I need to do in this particular scenario, because of social distancing. I didn't have any control over any of that. I had to stay where I was. And so there was a microphone set up. But I had already talked to the to the event planner and said, all they want to say is I do. She says, I know. I said so you know what, we don't even need that microphone there. When we get to that part of the ceremony, I'll just take a second and you just put the microphone there. And then they'll say I do and then we'll pull it right back out. You know, for the photos over there.


JP Reynolds  16:30  
Well, let me ask you in terms of when you were planning the ceremony with them, and they said, they just wanted to do I do. Did you review with them and gently encouraged them to consider saying the vows for each other?


Clint  16:54  
Yes and no. So what happens is I give a bunch of information, I give like a big document that has a bunch of ceremony choices, right? Yeah. And then they send it back to me. And then we kind of go through it. So what I noticed when they sent me, every couple is different. Sometimes they'll just do like a rough draft. And then it's takes a lot of work. But sometimes a couple will just send me a ceremony. And so I looked at it and I wrote back to them. I said just to be clear, it looks like the only thing you're going to say to each other is I do. And the response, return email was That's correct. That's the only thing we feel comfortable with. We're going to exchange love letters at another point during the day. And, that kind of a thing. And I thought, all right, cuz I've done those ceremonies before.


JP Reynolds  17:45  
Well see, that's interesting, because when in my conversation with a couple and remind them that they have four options for doing the vows.


Clint  17:57  
Four.


JP Reynolds  17:59  
Yeah, well, the first is I do, I do. The second is they either repeat a traditional vow after me, or I have them printed on the card and they gift each other with the vow. The third is they write their own personal vows, right? And the fourth is a hybrid where they write personal words, and then conclude those personal words with the traditional vow.


Clint  18:34  
Okay, so I'm hesitating for just a second because I think it depends on the content of their personal vows. What I just heard you say is that maybe you don't always do an I do, but they do personal vows to each other. But I thought in a previous episode, you said, no, we have to make this something, I forget the words you use, but like for real.


JP Reynolds  18:57  
In the personal vows, what I was emphasizing was there has to be, I take you as my husband, I take you as my wife.


Clint  19:03  
Okay, we're on the same page. If that's included in the personal vows, then they've made the commitment and they've said husband and wife and so it's all good. They don't have to do I do.


JP Reynolds  19:14  
Right. But here's the thing. When sometimes people say to me, we just want to do I do. And I will be upfront on this podcast and say I don't like just I do because if a car horn honks outside the SmogShoppe, the I do vanishes. You're at the beach, a seagull goes overhead and squacks, The I do is gone. And I think that if you are doing what you're doing in this marriage, in this wedding ceremony, that no matter how shy you are, I encourage couples to say the vows to each other. Now, I don't force them to do it. But I do take time to review their options with them and explore their level of comfortableness. And I will say that I could probably count on one and a half hands. Number of couples who have only said I do.


Clint  20:24  
Is that seven or eight, I'm just doing the math in my head. It's an odd number.


JP Reynolds  20:28  
Depending on how much where my hand was. But yeah. Well, it's just because I think it is more meaningful and warmer. I have a couple whose wedding is coming up in April and who upfront said to me, we are very shy. I think there was a part of me, that's an introvert. When I was growing up, I was socially awkward, a geek and nerd, pathetic.


Clint  21:15  
You were fine Until you said pathetic.


JP Reynolds  21:17  
I was pathetic. I was pathetic. Somebody say I was still in, but it was pathetic. So I do have great empathy for people who say to me that they're shy, and I coach people who were shy and had to speak. I mean, that's what I do when in the business of confidence. So I will respect that. But this couple in April, they wanted to do just I do. And I spoke to them about this, and and laid out their options. And we explored Why just the I do and I very gently put this other option before them. And they're they're going to say the vows to each other.


Clint  22:08  
Oh, okay.


JP Reynolds  22:11  
Because, there are many versions of the traditional vows. Actually, the simplest version of the traditional vows happens to be the Catholic version. And it's really the only simple thing about the Catholic Church. And that's a professional assessment. But the Catholic vow is, I John take you Mary to be my wife, I promise to be true to you, in good times, and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life. So that's really like two and a half sentences. And my thought is no matter how shy you are, to gift each other with those two, two and a half sentences, I think is a gift.


Clint  23:06  
Oh, I agree. Absolutely. I think we're kind of saying the same thing. I think what you do is you offer them options, which is what obviously, that's what I do. That's the whole process and you offer them options. And then you explore it, you touch on it, you explain what your things are, but then ultimately, you'll go with whatever they want to do.


JP Reynolds  23:27  
Yes, I will respect their vow Choice, right? If they just say we wanted just i do, I do spend time exploring what's behind that I just want to do an I do?


Clint  23:44  
Oh, sure. Yeah. Most of the time, the couple will explain. I bring it to their attention, I noticed that all you're saying is I do. That's all I say. I see what you're doing. I'm just want to bring it to your attention. Is that really what you know? Because sometimes couples will send me something like a first draft or whatever, they're kind of wondering around, they can't see the forest for the trees type of deal. And so when I get that I'll see things that are omitted. Things that they've skipped over, things that are normally in a regular ceremony and my job I think is just to bring it to their attention and say, I noticed that you're only doing this. Did you also want to include this? So I think we do exactly the same. Well, we do similar things towards the same end which is are you sure that's all you want to do?


JP Reynolds  24:32  
I may explore it a little more deeply.


Clint  24:38  
Yeah, I think it sounds like you do.


JP Reynolds  24:39  
Yeah, in that you need to submit a document explaining why you're doing it.


Clint  24:44  
Yes. I'd like a triplicate.


JP
Notarized. 


Clint
That's the upper cross punch that I was waiting for. Oh my goodness gracious. Well, then the caveat for those of you that are curious with the zoom wedding is that when the ceremony was done, then they walked back into the building where the big screen was. And then the video guy brought one of those iPhones around so that now they have their own little box amongst all the zoom boxes. And they got to hear everybody say congratulations, and oh my gosh, and so they had that interaction, because while they were getting married, they couldn't see anybody because it was in another room. But it was really heartwarming. It was really special.


JP Reynolds  25:36  
This guy, this zoom Meister, yeah. He must have pivoted at some point last year, and provides this as a service.


Clint  25:55  
Yeah, I think so. Yeah.


JP Reynolds  25:57  
Right. Because over the last year, most of the people who have, quote, zoomed their wedding did it in, piecemeal, do it yourself fashion, all iPad and iPhones and all that sort of thing. But these folks really went ahead and hired somebody who was able to offer them a true professional zoom wedding.


Clint  26:31  
Right. One of my other podcast is the mitzvah party podcast. And we've been doing it for a few years, and when the pandemic hit, it was similar to what you and I did, we took a little break to kind of figure out what's going on. And then our focus is on the party, as opposed to the ceremony that we do here. This is the party after the bar mitzvah ceremony, we've been focusing on that because my co host owns an entertainment company. And it's been fascinating JP over the last eight months to listen to companies talk about how they not only pivoted, but they kind of like push the envelope in terms of, cuz it's a similar type of deal, we have to have a ceremony with these kids. And then we have the party afterwards. And then how people have been trying to adapt, because a wedding ceremony is a really important deal. But a bar mitzvah is also a really important deal in the life of a family. And so it's the same time and you'd be amazed JP, with all the stuff that's out there, the technology that's been incorporated and Now, another thing, there are virtual spaces where people will go in and they'll have an avatar, and they'll have parties and ceremonies and all this stuff. But it's all virtual online as if you're in a game, right?


JP Reynolds  27:40  
No, it is interesting. It's fascinating to see the progression from, let's say, last March, to this March, because last March, the wedding you just described could not have taken place in the way in which it did.


Clint  27:58  
Right? Because people had to be get up to speed. And yes, there's all the iterations of you know, wait, I can't do anything. Okay, maybe I can do a little bit. Okay. Oh, wait a minute now. Yeah, it's fascinating. And I don't think it's gonna stop. I think that as things start to open back up again, all of the experiences that have been developed, technically and professionally are going to be it's like you said, there's, it's gonna be a new normal, and we don't even know exactly what that is, but I'm really excited to see it. Right.


JP Reynolds  28:31  
Hi, Clint.


Clint  28:32  
So that's it, JP.


JP Reynolds  28:35  
All right. Well, thank you for being your wonderful, funky and immaculate self.


Clint  28:43  
You're welcome. I'm very clean. Oh, there you go, everybody. That's the way this works at the wedding ceremony podcast. And please realize that we welcome you to reach out to us just go to our website, weddingceremonypodcast.com, click on the Email button, do it. I mean, we'd love that when you reach out to us and tell us a story or ask us a question or whatever it is, that's on your mind. That also is where you can listen to our episodes. They're archived chronologically, the most recent one was at the top. My recommendation is that you look us up in the apple podcasts because that way you can subscribe to the podcast and every time we post a new episode, it'll automatically come into your world. And if you would like to leave us a review, that would be wunderbar, which means really good. JP’S books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. The businessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com For all of the things that I do. Thank you again to the incredible musicians that play our theme music the dacapoplayers.com. That's it for this episode of the Wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP We will see you next time.

#302
Clint  0:00  
Hey everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 302, recorded on Tuesday, February the 16th 2021. My name is Clint Hufft. And with me as the gentlemen that can't wait to hear part two, the one and only JP Reynolds.


JP Reynolds  0:21  
You know, you're right. And I think I speak for all of America and lands beyond.


Clint  0:33  
JP is an accomplished author. His books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. Thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com For all of the things that I do. 
JP was referring to the biggest micro wedding in the world. We started last week. I was telling you about that. Yes. And let's do a little recap. So counting the bride and groom, there were 10 people total, family members, bride and groom. And we already talked about how they had a full band, and not just a wedding band, but like an upper level band that has played a lot of different upscale venues and events. They rented out this estate in Montecito, which as JP pointed out last episode, is where Oprah lives. Harry and Megan. A bunch of celebrities live there. I mean, it is gorgeous. Anyway, and this estate was huge. Multiple houses and grounds. and full florist, flowers all along the pathway leading up to where the ceremony took place. Videographer, photographer, and I don't know what else but just everything, everything for 10 people, including the bride and groom. And so now, let me continue.


JP Reynolds  2:32  
Please,


Clint  2:33  
There were five event planners, there was the primary one and four assistants for 10 people and also hair and makeup. Have you noticed that the hair and makeup people kind of have their own dress code? You ever noticed that? That hair and makeup people are artists, and they dress accordingly. And because of the fact that their job is pretty much done before the ceremony begins. They don't really appear in front of the guests, most of the time, right? So this one lovely lady from England, London specifically. I mean really nice. Pink Purple hair, and black jeans with big holes on the knees and some kind of loose sweatshirt. Those of you who are old enough to remember the movie Flashdance where Jennifer Beals wore that sweatshirt where the collar was kind of cut out and it kind of hung over one shoulder.


JP Reynolds  3:45  
I don't remember.


Clint  3:49  
You don't remember?


JP Reynolds  3:50  
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to drag you. But I just wanted to emphasize I don't remember that. Yeah.


Clint  3:58  
The actual cause of your lack of memory is what is amusing. But hey, we'll move on. Okay. Okay. Anyway, I've noticed that over and over again, the hair and makeup people are very clear. In fact, when I was in the nightclub business, we knew that the party started when the local hair salon people walked into the club. They just are of a different breed, and rightfully so. Okay, so all of these people are there to serve. Now, I spoke about this in the last episode, one of the event planner assistants was giving the couple advice. And it was contrary to what I normally have found to be the most effective. And I had to very gently not to interrupt her. Even though my brain was immediately screaming, shut up, shut up, shut up. I had to wait and then say, well, we're actually going to do things just a little bit Different than that. And to her credit, she was really nice. Oh, okay. And then afterwards, just when I went to her and said, you've been working with a lot of non professional officiants, she said, Oh my gosh, she said, it's a nightmare. In fact, there was this one wedding where the couple, just kind of, our friend is going to do it, he doesn't need any coaching. Don't worry about it, it'll all work out great. And then of course, everything went wrong. Everything went wrong. And so I see where you're coming from. And I know, you're just trying to cover your bases and that kind of stuff, but we're gonna be fine. So one of the things that she said was, when they say “I do”, then you'll kiss and walk back up the aisle. And I thought, okay, it's been my experience that when there are Persian, Muslim weddings, that's their sequence, that they finish at the I do. And I think I did a wedding about 10 years ago, and the bride's family was from Colorado, very conservative Christian. And the mother actually sent me a ceremony directly from their hymnal. And this is the ceremony that we want to do. And in that sequence, also, the “I do” was at the end. 
Do you have a specific sequence? I mean, that's a little out of order. For me. I like the “I do" to be first, you know what I mean. But I guess not everybody looks at it that way. Do you have an opinion?


JP Reynolds  6:31  
I am not quite sure that I even understand that sequence. It's so foreign to me.


Clint  6:43  
Which sequence


JP Reynolds  6:45  
Of I do, and then they kiss, and then they walk up the aisle. It's like, I don't get that.


Clint  6:55  
I did a wedding where he was Persian Muslim, and she was Filipino Catholic. That was fascinating. They did it in a nightclub. I mean, the whole thing was fascinating. Anyway, he told me that in his culture, what typically happens is you do the vows between the two of them, and then the ring exchange, and then whatever else honors both of their heritage, but then you get to the end of the ceremony. And it's the I do question. And I asked him first. And he answers right away, I do. Then I turned to the bride, and his whole family and his whole side of the guests, They were ready for what I'm about to explain to you. I look at her and I say, in so many words, would you like to marry this guy? And she says nothing. And then on the Persian side, there's rumblings like, oh, what's going on? And then I asked a second time, and she says nothing. And then that's their cue to just let loose. And it's like 100 hecklers at a Comedy Store, they just unload on the groom. They're yelling stuff, like, she doesn't want to marry you, oh, my God, right? And then I asked a third time, and she says, I do. And then the place erupts, and the celebration begins. And that's that. So I guess that's what this particular wedding planner or event planner assistant had just experienced in regards to that. So I had to say, no, we're gonna do a little different.


JP Reynolds  8:33  
Let me just say that what you've raised, makes for an interesting conversation. Today's not the day we're going to have it because we're focused on Montecito. Yeah, I have some thoughts on that. But let's get back.


Clint  8:53  
There were two dogs that were part of the deal. And they were beautiful golden retrievers. I mean, beautiful. male and a female. And those were essentially the children of the couple. But it turns out, it runs through the bride's family, because the father of the bride was just enamored with these dogs and said that they come from the litter of da da da, and it turns out that a sibling of one of those dogs had had surgery recently. And in part of the recovery process, they had dog painkillers.


JP Reynolds  9:39  
So, okay, may I ask a question?


Clint  9:42  
Yes, please do.


JP Reynolds  9:43  
Yeah. How can you tell us the story with a straight face?
How can you just say what you just said?


Clint  9:55  
It gets better. Oh, listen to the rest of story. So, okay, so the dog that had the surgery was not at the wedding. It was the two dogs that live with the couple right, are golden retrievers. And in my experience, the Golden Retrievers is that they're so people friendly, and they're so mellow and just loving and that kind of stuff. But apparently, that personality description doesn't fit these two dogs, that they're a little hyper. The owners decided to take the pain killers from the other dog and give them to these two dogs to mellow them out. And you know what? It kind of worked. They were relatively cool. 


JP
Who told you this? How did you find this out? 


Clint
The event planner, who was in charge of the dogs, or had to interact whatever, had said, they gave them painkillers to mellow them out.


JP  11:03  
Wow.


Clint  11:05  
I think actually, they didn't say painkillers. I'm saying that. Yeah, they drugged them to mellow them out. And it was like just half a pill. But it was just enough to take off the edge of the jittery, you know?


JP Reynolds  11:19  
Well, I find a half a pill is usually good enough to take off the edge.


Clint  11:22  
Is it really?


JP Reynolds  11:24  
Yeah, yeah. Why? Do you need more than half a pill to take off the edge?


Clint  11:27  
So that's our new t shirt. Half a pill will take off the edge.


JP Reynolds  11:31  
I usually take half a pill before the podcast starts.


Clint  11:38  
Dissolve in the beverage of your choice.


JP 11:40  
Yeah, but continue, please.


Clint  11:44  
So you know those heel protectors that are available to anybody who's wearing a heel and the heel is kind of narrow. And you're going to be walking on grass. And so they have this plastic thing that'll go over the heel to widen the surface. So the heel doesn't sink into the grass. Yeah. I love those things. I think they're very practical. But what I have learned over the years…


JP Reynolds  13:21  
Do they work? Do they work for you?


Clint  13:23  
Well, I have to still stay on my toes. But yeah, yeah. Thank you for asking. I love those. But what I've learned over the over the years is that they come in different sizes because heels are different sizes. Right? Right. The event planner, first time I've ever seen this, the event planner had a bag, like a Ziploc bag full of heel protectors, all different sizes. And I forget who was gonna get it. It wasn't the bride, It was like a mom. A mother of the bride or the bride’s sister. It was the bride’s sister. That's fine. And the event planner just said well let's see. And found the ones. They were kind of like color coordinated and there was a blue and pink and green and they were different sizes. Yeah. And found the right size and I thought, why, there you go. That's the next level. For an event planner who's going to do a wedding to have a bag full of these things instead of telling them or maybe she did say you might want to get heel protectors. You're going to be walking on grass but because it was only 10 people and let's say five of them are women. Then Yeah, I got a bag of heel protectors and let's see what fits you and I thought that was great.


JP Reynolds  14:39  
That is very impressive.


Clint  14:44  
Yes. So how many JPS would we give that?


JP Reynolds  14:49  
I virtual fist bump on that one. Okay, that is that is very, very impressive. I'm gobsmacked.


Clint  15:12  
I don't even want to know what that looks like. So now, there's a thing when you want to give corrective criticism to a person, you do it in a sandwich, you compliment them, then you give them the criticism or the, whatever it is. And then you compliment them again. So that you're not just berating them. Okay, so now I'm going to do that to the event planners. So the event planners


JP Reynolds  15:40  
I thought you were gonna do it to me.


Clint  15:45  
No, you're still gobsmacked. I don’t want to pile on.


JP Reynolds  15:49  
Thank you.


Clint  15:51  
Okay, so the event planner had the bag, but then the other event planner, the ceremony has begun. And obviously, there's no wedding party, right. And the mom is sitting in the front row of the bride, and then the sister is holding on to her eight month old child, so there really isn't, who's gonna. So then I realized what was going on. And the beautiful thing of the long walk for the processional for the bride and her dad was that I was able to just, everybody's looking and I just walked by the musicians. As officiants, we’re looking out to the guests. So on our left is where the musicians were, the guitarist and the trumpet player, and two event planners who are standing over there. I realized the bride had a long train and a long veil. And so I walked over. And I said, it just occurred to me, who's going to take care of the veil and the train? And the event planner says, I will, or I am. So it was pre determined. That's what I got from that response. And I said, Well, she's gonna be on the other side. Would you like to just kind of sneak over to the other side right now? So you're not crossing in front of everybody when the time comes? Oh, oh, okay. And, so we took care of that. What I thought was, and I go through this a lot, where people don't know what they don't know. And she hadn't thought out the whole thing. You know, in terms of, she was busy talking to her fellow assistant, as opposed to, where should I be to accomplish this task? But she crossed over, and it was no big deal. And she was there when I needed her. So that was great. But it's always surprised. It's reminds me of the ceremony I told you about that was actually a vow renewal. And they were going to do a unity candle. But the Unity candle was blocked by all of the chairs. And I said to the event planner, before everything started, I said, How are they going to get there? Because we're talking about people that were in their 60s? how they're going to get to the candle? Oh, should I remove a row chairs? I said, Well, I don't know how else they're gonna get there. So that would probably be good. So it's just like thinking the whole thing through. 
There was a photographer, and an assistant. So the photographer was interesting, nice guy. And I said to him, as I say to almost every photographer, I have no rules, do whatever you want. But here's what's going to happen. Just so you know. And I said, then afterwards, are you going to have the family hang around and do photos with them? Yes. Where would you like them to go, because I can direct them if you'd like me to. And that actually worked. Because he didn't want to do it where the ceremony was going to take place, he wanted to bring them to another part of the lawn. So that worked out good, theoretically. So I also said, if you get what you need of me during the ceremony, that's great. If you want me to pose with them afterwards, that's also great. I don't care, do whatever you want. And he says, okay, and I said, just so you know, I never use those photos of me posing with the couple. I don't, that's not my thing. And between you and me, if I'm going to use a photo for any marketing, or any of that kind of stuff, I want it to be an interactive photo where the couple is having a good experience, not me just standing next to the couple. I don’t get anything from that. Right. So then he said, okay, and I said, so I'll just walk up to you and just ask you, do you need anything from me? And you just tell me. 
Now, most photographers, if they decide they want that photo, then they will immediately get me in there as quickly as they possibly can. And they will say, so that we can get that over with for you, because I know you're busy. Which is very, very considerate. I love that. The opposite happened with this wedding, And this photographer. It was fascinating. Now remember, they've only got 10 people. And so I went up to him after I took care of my paperwork. I went up to him and I said, Do you need anything from me? He said, yeah, we definitely want to get you in there. If you can just hang out for a second. I said, Sure. I'm not in a hurry. Well, it seemed like every combination of photo with 10 people, actually eight guests that they could possibly think of they took. And I actually had to say to him during a little break. Do you mind if I jump in there? After I had waited about 20 minutes? And it was just so different than what I'm used to. And I thought, well, I don't know. It made me wonder, how many weddings has this particular photographer done? Because everybody else was on a different level? And have you ever been through that? Where they want to take a photo of you? But I mean, tell me what your your policy is, in terms of the photo?


JP Reynolds  23:44  
I think the mistake you made was saying that you're not in a hurry. And I've learned never to say that to a photographer.


Clint  23:55  
What do you say?


JP Reynolds  23:57  
First of all, like yourself, I don't do standalone photos with the couple after the ceremony. 


Clint
Oh, you just don't. 


JP
I don't. I don't and I don't like the way I look in photos. I really have a big issue with that. And so I just tell them I'm in the witness relocation program. And I don't need a photo of me standing in the middle with the couple on either side of me.


Clint  24:26  
What if a couple requests it?


JP Reynolds  24:28  
If they request it, I'll do it. Okay, but I can't remember the last time a couple wanted to have a picture with Shrek.


Clint  24:43  
You're way too hard on yourself, JP.


JP Reynolds  24:45  
Well, thank you, but they don’t need a picture of me. Like yourself, I like the pictures during the ceremony. All right. My issue is, if I can't get the license signed before the ceremony, then I need to get it signed immediately after the ceremony. And I want to make sure that typically if it's the best man and maid of honor or two of the attendants who are going to be signing, that they not get hijacked by the photographer for photos. So I do say to the photographer, I need these people now, because I need to get to another engagement.


Clint  25:31  
Oh, okay. Yeah, I try as hard as I can to get the witnesses if witnesses are necessary for the license, because here in California, we also have a confidential. If witnesses are necessary, I'll say I'd like to get that done before the ceremony. But I always say because I don't want to bother anybody after the ceremony,


JP Reynolds  25:52  
I'm the same way. There are times though, when it's not possible. There’s photos, there's emergency, there's whatever.


Clint
Right, and we got to start.


JP
There are times where it's just easier, emotionally for people to do what they're doing before the ceremony and just nab them right after the ceremony. Right. But right after the ceremony, they are mine. I let the event planner know that I need them right after the ceremony. And I no longer twiddle my thumbs for 25 minutes waiting to grab people.


Clint  26:29  
Right? Yeah, communication is everything. You know, if I was going to train, if I had an academy for officiants, at the top of the of the criteria would be communication before any of the other stuff, formalities and, handling the couple and any of that kind of stuff. Communication is everything to a professional officiant, in my opinion.


JP Reynolds  26:52  
Right. Right. And actually, that's true. I'm biased. It's true of anybody. But yes.


Clint  27:00  
Well, that's right. You're an expert, aren't you? Well, la dee da.


JP Reynolds  27:08  
If you want information about me, Clint, you can listen to the introduction.


Clint  27:13  
Oh, that's right. Boy, whoever does that for you does a good job. So that wraps up the biggest micro wedding in the world. And I hope everybody enjoyed that because it took two episodes to lay it all out.


JP Reynolds  27:30  
And I love it. It's a new reality show My Big Fat micro wedding.


Clint  27:36  
Oh my gosh, that'd be awesome. Yeah. Oh, my gosh, my big fat.


JP Reynolds  27:39  
Because micro weddings are here to stay.


Clint  27:44  
I agree. Well, they were here before. They just didn't have the publicity.


JP Reynolds  27:48  
But they didn't have the traction, right or trending the way they are right now.


Clint  27:53  
Right. Right, right. Yeah. But I really do believe and we've talked about how many weddings have been rescheduled. I told you in the last episode, I had one this August that just rescheduled to 2022. And there'll be, because all of those people that want the blowout, they want that big dream wedding because that's what they've always dreamed of. And, so yeah, we have a lot of stuff, a lot of work ahead of us. I know that big light at the end of the tunnel, especially with the vaccines now coming out, and the tunnel is getting shorter and shorter. So I'm pretty excited about all of that.


JP Reynolds  28:28  
All right, JP. Alright, Clint. Well, I'm going to go and see if I can track down Flashdance and see what that sweatshirt looks like that they're talking about.


Clint  28:39  
If you only took half a pill before the episode, that means that half a pill is waiting for you.


JP Reynolds  28:45  
Oh, thank you, Daddy.


Clint  28:48  
All right, everybody. That's the way this works. Sorta every week, we try to tell you new stories and discuss different things about the wedding ceremony and everything is attached to it. You can listen to all of the episodes a couple of different ways. Number one, go to our website. It's weddingceremonypodcast.com, and all of them are right there laid out chronologically, which means the most recent one is at the top. We also have added transcripts of the episodes and the conversations. And there's a big button there that says email us and if you want to tell us a story or anything else that you would like us to know, then click on that Email button. I check it every single day. And we're certainly going to get back to you as quickly as we possibly can. Remember that the other way that you can listen to the episodes is through the Apple podcast or any of the apps on your mobile devices that access the Apple podcast store. Just look up wedding ceremony podcast, and we'll pop right up and then click on the subscribe button. And then every time we post a new episode, it'll automatically come into your podcast world which is great. We also want to remind you that JP’S books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. As previously discussed during this episode of the podcast, JP is an expert in communications. Thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com for all of the things that I do. Thank you again to the incredible musicians that play our theme music. Dacapoplayers.com. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP We will see you next time.

#301
Clint  0:00  
Hey everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 301, recorded on Tuesday, February the ninth 2021. My name is Clint Hufft. And with me is a gentleman that well, we lived up to the promise. There is an episode after 300. He is JP Reynolds.


JP Reynolds  0:25  
Yes, Happy. Happy episode there to 300.


Clint  0:31  
Yes, exactly. JP is accomplished author. His books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website, his wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is Reverendclint.com or ClintHufft.com for all of the things that I do. 
I teased this in the last episode about one of our listeners, Zita Christian, who is in Manchester, Connecticut. And she's an officiant. And she wrote us this wonderful email on January 26. She said, every December Dave Jackson from the School of podcasting, asks his listeners for their favorite podcast. The compilation of answers is always his last episode of the year. And then they gave us a link to the episode. And I guess I'll put that, yeah, I guess I can do that. I put that in the notes, show notes. So she said, if you go to minute 44, or in that area, you'll hear my contribution. And so I did. And then I sent you the link and told you exactly where she came in. And she talked about the wedding ceremony podcast. And it was so sweet and moving and complimentary.


JP Reynolds  2:13  
I listened to it. It's like, Oh, that's what we do.


Clint  2:25  
Thanks for clearing that up.


JP Reynolds  2:26  
yes. Now I know what I've been doing for three hundred episodes.


Clint  2:32  
Oh my gosh. And what triggered her or at least motivated her was she was listening to Episode 299. And when I talked about Ron's lovely bunch of coconuts. So anyway, thank you, Zita. It meant the world to us. And I Oh my God. That was manna from heaven, a wonderful little pearl that came out of nowhere. So that's very cool. 
I noticed that your website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com. But obviously, we're both interfaith and we marry people from all over and you don't have any kind of a title in front of yours. 
We have a great friend in San Diego, Bethel Nathan, who is an officiant. And her website is Ceremonies by Bethel. And so what did you think about when you decided to create the name for your website? I mean, because now I'm beginning to think maybe I need to rebrand because maybe Reverend The title is too limiting. What do you think?


JP Reynolds  3:54  
Wow. An interesting question.
My website has been JPR weddings I think almost from the very first incarnation of my website. And, it's now been so long since I chose that that name for the website. I must admit, it's a little vague boy, I did that. Um, I think in terms of my brand, it's the JP is Joseph Patrick. Named after my father. My mother hated both names. She wanted to name me Ronald. Thank God She didn't have her way. Ronald Reynolds, no. And from the day I was born, I was known as JP so I knew That JP would have to be in the name. And at the time, my business website was JPR communications. Oh, so I liked the idea of balancing that with JPR communications JPR weddings. I then had an email from somebody who claimed that their business was JPR communications, and they asked to change the name. And that's when I changed it to the business of confidence, which I liked much more than JPR communications actually. When I was a priest, Catholic priests oftentimes had the title of Father, which I actually was never comfortable with, because it's like, well, I'm not your father, and not your mother. I was a Reverend. When I left ministry, as a priest, I wanted to very much make sure that people knew that I was no longer functioning as a priest. And that while I was a Reverend, the expanse of my ceremonies went beyond religious ceremonies. And when I was a priest, I had always asked people to simply call me JP, so I never really stood on on a title. And that is a meandering explanation.


Clint  6:50  
No, that's what I was looking for. I wanted to hear that. By the way, on a side note, every time your mother makes an appearance in our podcast, I just start laughing. 
Okay, I'm gonna change the subject here for a second. There's a city in northern Nevada. It's called Reno. And the motto of Reno is “the biggest little city in the world”. I did a micro wedding this last Saturday. I was not in Reno, but oh, no, you'll see where I'm going.


JP Reynolds  7:37  
Don’t mind me. Just keep talking.


Clint  7:38  
No, it's okay. And I totally get that. All right. So I think I did the biggest micro wedding in the world. That's where I was going with this. Okay, I have no idea how Reno decided that that's what they were going to call themselves. But I'm going to explain this to you. And you will see why I think it was the biggest micro wedding in the world. Okay. Okay. There were only 10 people that were actually like, participants. Yeah, there was at least twice that many in terms of support staff. But there were 10 people, and that includes the bride and groom. So there was the bride and groom, there was her mom and dad, there was his mom, and I think an uncle and a brother. And then her sister, the sister’s six month old baby and the sister's husband. That's it, right? But they rented out this estate. And anybody who's been to Southern California and his meandered up towards Santa Barbara, there's an area called Montecito, which is just gorgeous. And so we had talked a few episodes ago about people that will do an Airbnb, but it'll be like a bigger home for like a day, for an event or whatever. So that's what I was expecting. I was expecting something like that. So I get to the property and there's a gate and there's this person there and so you have to make sure you are who you say you are and then there's this long driveway and then there's a place to park but, I immediately realized, okay, I'm in a different world right now. Really, it was the kind of house that you only see in movies and television. And it's kind of like okay, I don't know where that is, but it certainly isn't anywhere near where I live. And I almost expected people to start talking in British accents. And maybe there was a dragon just over the hill.


JP Reynolds  9:35  
You know, I think Prince Harry lives in Montecito.


Clint  9:39  
Oh, no kidding. Yeah. Oh, see, now the plot thickens. Because here's the deal. Whoever lives there. So there let me explain the the grounds. There was the main house which looked like a big house. Then there was a second house which apparently the in-laws lived in, and again, a big house. There was a conservatory which they had Because of the pandemic converted into a gym, so there was a bunch of exercise equipment in there. That's also where the bride did hair and makeup. And then there's a pool house. Then there's the garage, which looks like it could have fit six cars in there. You know how it had four doors. And then the driveway and everything was that kind of paving stone. And there was even a little creek where in order to get to the back house where I guess, so that's another house, which is where the service staff, I guess if they had live in people, you went over a little bridge in order to get to that area. That's where I ended up parking. And they had a pool, they had a full tennis court. You know, it was just that and then the grounds, had multi levels where if you're going to go to the next level, you have to walk up these stone steps and everything looked like it was built like a long time ago. And it was just gorgeous, magnificent. Amazing, huh. 
They hired a band, a full band. And the leader of the band is this guy that's got a great voice. He wears like a white dinner jacket, everybody else is in black suits. And he plays the trumpet and sings. I had met him a couple years ago at some networking thing. And he's like, not just a band, he's like a legit guy that plays major events and clubs. And, you get the feeling that he's from another era. Yeah, and hipster kind of Michael Buble kind of a feeling. Plus he plays the trumpet. So he was gonna play the trumpet and the band was maybe like a five or six piece band for 10 people. And he was gonna play trumpet for the processional music. And I recognize him, walked up and said, Oh, my gosh, I can't believe that I get to actually work with you. Because, we hit it off a couple years ago at this thing. Alright, so 10 people, and not just a wedding band, but a full legit, this guy is a pro, a couple of levels above.


JP Reynolds  12:07  
I just want to clarify this couple lived at this estate, or were they renting it?


Clint  12:22  
They just rented it. Okay. And to make it even more staggering for me, you have to understand I'm filtering all of this. I'm telling you exactly what I was feeling. The event planner, I said this place is amazing. She said, they actually live here. The people that own it, we never saw them. But they only rent it out once a year for a wedding. And then twice a year for fundraisers. Oh, once a year for a wedding. And somehow this couple got it. Wow. And wow. Well, now I've brought up the event planner. Okay, so to answer your question, the couple lives down in Orange County. So for those of you not familiar with Southern California, that's about 100 miles between Santa Montecito and Newport Beach. So there was five event planners, there was the event planner and four assistanys for 10 people.


JP Reynolds  13:31  
Whoa,


Clint  13:33  
yeah. And I just kept thinking to myself, okay, I know that what I'm about to say, you can identify with completely because we have a list of things that we have thought in our heads that we can never say out loud. And when it comes to a wedding because I know there's a whole other world Oh, no, no, you're gonna like this. So when I really got the lay of the land and understood and I looked around to all the people and everything that was going on. Oh and the flowers. It was full flowers. In fact, there was a long path for the processional. That came from an upper terrace and down along this lawn that had one of those. You've seen him at resorts where they'll have like a fountain. That is a real long oval. Yeah, yeah. So they had one of those at this house. Anyway, and that's not the pool, because when I was walking back to my car, I walked by the pool. Yeah, this is just the fountain on the upper terrace or whatever they would call it outside the conservatory in front of the main house. Yeah, so she's gonna walk all along this long oval pond, fountain thingy. Hmm. And the florist took flowers, not roses, but some thing like on a stem maybe. I really don't know what they were anyway, they were white. And there was a bunch of them, let's say that clusters about four flowers wide. And on both sides of the pathway that the couple was gonna walk up to get to me. And the end, it looked like it was about 50 yards. That means they hired a florist, to do all of that, plus we were in front of an archway. And then, of course, there were flowers for where they were going to have dinner. And it was just amazing. And then I'll get to that in a second. So the phrase that went through my head that I really wanted to ask the father of the bride was, How much money do you actually have?


JP 16:05  
A legitimate question.


Clint  16:08  
Yes. Now, I was told a while ago, this one particular client that I talked about the wedding and and that, you're just in a different world, and you walk up and it looks like a castle. And I was told by the assistant who contacted me, this guy's a billionaire. Okay, great. But in this particular wedding that I did just a few days ago, I had no idea. I don't have any idea what they did. You know what? Actually now that I think about, I did say to the event planner, do you have any idea what what the dad does? She said, one of the greatest phrases I've ever heard in my life. She said, I think he's in storage.


JP  16:48  
In storage?


Clint  16:52  
Yes. Oh, my gosh, I can't wait to tell my kids. I don't know what plans you have for your life. But from this point forward, you're going into storage. That's fabulous. It reminds me of the movie The Graduate. Yeah. The guy said plastics.


JP Reynolds  17:05  
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.


Clint  17:07  
okay. So all of that was there. Now It's time to talk to the people that set up the sound system. It's a full sound system. The microphone sounded great. It was one of those where it kind of was omnidirectional.


JP Reynolds  17:22  
Oh, okay. So now, because it's only eight people. Right? And it's outdoors, but it's a sheltered outdoors. So you wanted a microphone, even given that limited number of people?


Clint  17:48  
Oh, the one thing I didn't say to set this whole thing up was the event planner contacted me two weeks ago. And so actually, about 10 days ago, 10 days before the wedding. They were gonna get married at some resort down closer to where they live. But obviously, that was out of the question. And so they decided to do this thing. And then, the event planner, very casually said, I think they're gonna have their big wedding in Italy next year. And I'm thinking sure they are. They are, of course they are. 
And so when I showed up, everything was already there. I didn't have a conversation with anybody about the setup, or the microphone, or any of that kind of stuff. Other than when I got there. They said, What do you want to work with? And it's interesting how everybody wants to default to a lapel mic. Right. And that is not my favorite. Right? Yeah. Anyway, so I said, well, they wrote personal vows. And so it'd be kind of easy if I just had a mic that I could turn towards them. And so that's what we did. But here's the thing: as a surprise to the bride and groom. You know, sometimes people will hire doves to fly at the end of the ceremony? Yeah, yeah. And then the timing of that, especially if it's a surprise to the bride and groom. The timing of that is you either do it at the kiss, or you do it when at the very end when you present them, right. And I did one time over the years, I thought, let's try the kiss. And that was a mistake, because you want the couple to be completely focused on each other. And instead, there's birds flying around, which is kind of shocking, if you don't expect it. Right. And so most of the time, I'll suggest, okay, do it at the end. Let them kiss and don't do it Then.


JP Reynolds  19:37  
You have to understand, I'm from New York. Yeah. And we have a lot of pigeons. So people like to have romantic trysts in Central Park and pigeons are flying around. Yeah.


Clint  19:51  
One day we'll talk about the pigeons in New York. Yeah. Okay. So they had cannons with rose petals in them. That was going to be their pigeon release, it was going to be the explosion of flower petals. At the particular moment near the end of the ceremony,


JP Reynolds  20:10  
Were these hand held like, quote hand cannons?


Clint  20:14  
No, they were not. And that ended up being a very important thing. No, they were tubes, metal tubes on brackets on the ground, behind. I don't know what they were behind, but the bride and groom couldn't see them as they were walking up. And then once the ceremony begins, they're not looking at anything. So they wouldn't have seen it. And it was off to the side a little bit. It was like on the outside of the Oh, and the guests Were sitting in benches, not chairs. So it's like pews. And there was only two of them in each row. So yeah, anyway, and so that was out there. So the question before the ceremony begins, number one, it's a surprise to the bride and groom. They don't know anything about the flower cannons. I said, Great. And then a guy comes walking up. And the event planner says, and this is so and so who's with the sound people and they also brought the flower cannons. Great. So I explained who I am. And I said, What's the plan? I always like to let people go first. I don't want to start imposing my will on anybody if they've already figured it out. So what's the plan? Well, actually, what do you think? Which was very nice. I said not the kiss, don't do it at the kiss. Because if they don't know what's coming, it'll freak them out. Because it's a cannon. Right? And so just wait, don’t do it with kiss. Wait until they're facing everybody. And I say here they are Mr. Mrs. Okay, and I said that about three or four times, not the kiss. Just for clarification, not to be a jerk, just for clarification. So not at the kiss. And because it was obvious to me that this guy was not one of those dove people that have been to 5 billion weddings. This was an audio visual guy. And so I was really kind of explaining the lay of the land. Right? Okay. We get to the end of the ceremony. And I say By the power vested in me Baba, bah, I pronounce you united in marriage. Flower cannon know before the kiss, they hadn't kissed and boom. And I have that surreal moment of, oh my gosh, I gotta finish this thing. So then while the flowers are kind of settling down in the air, I said, Would you like to kiss? And then I got out of the shot. So they kiss. And you know what? That might have been a brilliant photo, because they kissed while the rose petals were falling down to the ground. I don't know. I'm really curious to see that. And then they turn and they started walking away and I did the final here they are Mr. And Mrs. While they're walking away. I had told the musicians your cue is when the cannons go off, your cue to start the music. The recessional is when the cannons go off. So they did what I told them. Right. But everything was too soon. And so I don't even know if anybody heard me say what their names, the Mr. and Mrs. Right? 
I don't really don't care about stuff like that. I really honestly don't. Every now and then a DJ or musician will screw up the queue or whatever, fine. 
Then the guy comes over to me. And I said who's gonna push the button on the cannons? He said there is no button. I said how do you make them go off? He says I plug it in. Because he said when I send electricity to the cannons they will explode. He said electricity. What does that mean? I'm just gonna plug it in. Okay, well, then, again, here's the cue. I even said, they're gonna turn they're going to face everybody. I'm going to say I present to you for the first time Mr. And Mrs. And when I get to Mrs. Plug it in. Because then when I say their last name, the timing will be perfect. And off the cannon will go. Well, when I said united in marriage, he freaked out, because it was his first rodeo. And then I walked over to him and he said, was that too soon? I said yeah, but I don't care. Look at them. They're really happy. All right, because that's the way I think that kind of thing should be handled. If he already acknowledged that he screwed up the que. I'm not gonna hammer him.


JP Reynolds  24:36  
Yeah, listen, at the end of the ceremony. There's so much joy and there's so much excitement. Nobody is paying attention to the steps. It's a celebration of joy and euphoria.


Clint  25:00  
When I emcee things, sometimes participants will get kind of freaked out over something that was or was not supposed to happen. And, I just say, listen, the audience has no idea what's supposed to happen. They're just gonna sit down and entertain us. And we just kind of roll out whatever it is right?


JP Reynolds  25:18  
All of it is arbitrary. You and this guy figured it out right before the ceremony, right? You could have picked any sequence of events, right?


Clint  25:28  
And the guests, all eight of them would have no idea, right? There was a guy that I worked with when I was a DJ, and did a ton of bar and Bat Mitzvahs. And, we work as a team. I had a ton of experience before I went into that world of social events and weddings and bar mitzvahs and things. I actually worked in the corporate world, and I was a event or an entertainment coordinator. And so I had all this experience. I joined this company that has a lot of DJs and MCs, and they do a ton of business. And I got paired with this guy, who was the number one guy in the mitzvah world. And I was curious as to why I was paired with him. Because I was brand new to this world, I had never done a Bar Mitzvah before. It turns out that they figured that I had enough maturity to deal with this guy, because he was a prima donna. So the reason I'm really kind to people when they screw up is because this guy was the opposite. If we're doing a thing, and there's like a sequence of things that he wants to do, if for some reason I don't hit the cue exactly on the word that is the cue. Literally, this happened more than once. He's on the microphone, and people are dancing, and he stops what he's doing to come over to me off the microphone, of course, and say, you just ruined the whole party. Oh, and I, because of my experience, I looked at him and said, Get back to work. What are you doing? Then it turns out there were other DJs that told me that he had done the exact same thing to them. You just ruined the whole party, because of something that was not exactly perfect. And I thought, you know what, because of the power that we have as officiants I'm never gonna do that to anybody ever. If something gets screwed up, I'm just gonna say well, okay, because I figure I'm not gonna hammer him. I just don't i don't have that mindset. Does that make sense?


JP Reynolds  27:35  
Oh, yes perfectly. I totally agree with you. Yeah.


Clint  27:41  
Okay, there's one more thing. We're almost at a time. Maybe I should have phase two. Yeah,
I think I'll do that. I’ll do part two. That's okay. Okay, go ahead. No, no, we're gonna do part two. So, Episode 300, the second episode after the next episode, after 300. Then we'll talk about part two of this wedding that I did, because there's more. Okay. Yeah, the biggest micro wedding in the world.


JP Reynolds  28:09  
I have to say, when you introduced it that way, I thought, Oh, Clint’s exaggerating. But you actually we're not exaggerating. I would agree with you. It's like the biggest micro wedding ever.


Clint  28:30  
Oh, my gosh, I have so much more to tell you. It was amazing. I remember getting in the car. And on my way home. I call my wife to say, I'm coming home. She was how was the wedding? I said there's so much I can't tell you right now. And I said I also will confess to you I cannot wait until Tuesday when I get to talk to JP Yeah. Yep. All right, everybody. That's the way this works for the wedding ceremony podcast. We tell stories that because we're still in the thick of it, JP and I, and we know that you are as well, we would love for you to tell us your stories. And thank you again to Zita and I saw that we have a new email from Ron in Australia who sent us the coconuts. And so if you would like to contact us, just go to our website weddingceremonypodcast.com and click on the “email us” button, and then it will come right to us. I check it every single day. And tell us a story or ask us a question or whatever you want to do. It's all good. That also is where you can listen to our episodes. They are all on that website. They're archived chronologically, so that means the most recent one is at the top. My suggestion is that you get to the Apple podcast or any of the apps that access that and that way you can subscribe. Look up wedding ceremony podcast, click on the subscribe button. And then every time we post a new episode, it'll automatically come into your world. And if you would like to leave us a review, That would be awesome, because that's how people discover new content. Want to remind you again that JP'S books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. For communications coaching thebusinessofconfidence.com. Wedding website is Jprweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClin.com, at least for today. I really am seriously thinking of changing that. And also ClintHufft.com, For all of the things that I do. Thank you again to the incredible musicians that play our theme music the dacapoplayers.com. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP We will see you next time.

#300
Clint  0:01  
Hey everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 300. Let me repeat that 300, recorded on Tuesday, February the second 2021. That's a lot of two's man. My name is Clint Hufft. And with me is the chuckling gentlemen that we all know and love. JP Reynolds.


JP  0:28  
Well, Clint, Clint Clint. Happy Anniversary.


Clint  0:31  
Thank you. It the word tricentennial? Is that what we are?


JP Reynolds  0:46  
I go with so many things. Um, and you can check our gift shop to find out what we are the 


Clint
Curio shop. 


JP
Yes, and curio shop. Yes, life was certainly different 300 episodes ago.


Clint  1:03  
Oh my gracious. I remember the very first episode. Oh wait, before I launch into that, JP is an accomplished author. His books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website. his wedding website is JP our weddings.com. Mine is Reverendclint.com or ClintHufft.com For all of the things that I do.
I remember the very first episode. And it was obvious to me that when we started talking, this had been on your mind for a long time, way before podcasting was even a glimmer in your eye. I remember clear as day thinking, Oh, boy, he really needs to get this off his chest. And it was emotional blackmail. I remember that clearest thing that you started talking you like, went off on how couples are being emotionally manipulated and I thought well, alright, then here we go.


JP Reynolds  2:08  
It's Oh, yeah. Well, you know, 300 episodes later, I would say that that is and remains one of the important areas to be aware of when planning your wedding. Yes, emotional blackmail. Oftentimes exerted by parents. Yeah. Yeah. Well, nothing's changed in 300 episodes. I still think parents emotionally blackmail their children and unhealthy couples engage in emotional blackmail with each other. If you really love me, you will?


Clint  3:07  
Yeah. Yeah. It's fascinating. Sometimes I have to remind people that there is the day after the wedding day. You know what I mean? Because all of this intense focus on the wedding and the wedding ceremony and the wedding day and the planning and everything that goes into it, and then all of the emotional components that are byproducts of that whole process. And sometimes over the long, more than two decades that I've been doing this is to say, just remember, there's the day after, and the day after that, and the day after that. So, just kind of keep it in mind.


JP Reynolds  3:47  
And I think that is one of the benefits of micro weddings. It strips away a lot of the psychodrama and a micro wedding becomes much more a special day, in a lifetime of days. And that's interesting, because now I'm thinking, I think there's probably less emotional drama in the era of micro weddings.


Clint  4:26  
Because it's a different type of emotional drama, because people that are so frustrated that they wanted the big wedding, I guess that's what I see. Well, or, it's like, you know how they say that when a couple fights about the toothpaste tube, that the fight really isn't about the toothpaste tube, it's about whatever they've been harboring leading up to that. So that's the way it feels that all of the whatever people are going through because of the pandemic and everything associated with that and whatever they feel politically and all of that and then they decide To get married, and what it feels and tell me if you think, I've experienced this, that a micro wedding is almost like an oasis in the middle of all this stress.


JP Reynolds  5:11  
Oh, yes. Yes. I've always said that a wedding is an oasis in its ideal state. However, in the midst of a pandemic, I think these micro weddings are definitely a moment of Oasis relief. Yeah. Yeah, interesting.


Clint  5:43  
The other thing that I want to thank you for, because as we share ideas and tell stories, and that sort of thing, and I think I can speak on behalf of our audience, our listeners, that we've learned so much. It's fascinating. When we first started, we wondered how long we were going to do this, because Are we going to run out of stories? And then what we discovered is that because we're both still doing the job, and because weddings are, as you have so eloquently said, wackadoo, that we keep learning almost every single episode of How do I handle this? And what if this comes up, and here's the way I handle this, and that has been one of the wonderful side benefits for me personally, I mean, as long as I've been doing this in as many weddings and of all different sizes that I've done, the fact that every time we start talking to each other, we end up learning more, which betters our ability to practice our craft, is just one of the great blessings of 300 episodes. So once again, I want to thank you for being my partner with that.


JP Reynolds  6:53  
Well, thank you, Clint for for being mine. And that's a really interesting, and I think, critical dimension, mid dimension to being a professional to have that support system in place where a professional can learn through through reflection with another person and through listening to their experiences and stories. And I mean, technically speaking, I've been doing this even longer than yourself in my original capacity. Yeah. It is interesting that after all of this time, I am still in awe of the the power of ritual and ceremony, and still learning to honor and harness the power of ritual and ceremony.


Clint  8:25  
There's a question I don't think I've ever asked you.


JP Reynolds  8:29  
The answer's no.


Clint  8:32  
Probably so. So thank you, and good night. Now, what occurs to me. We mentioned in the last episode that that conversation we had in Starbucks, and you said we should have a podcast. And I don't think I ever asked you. Why do you want to have a podcast? Was it a marketing thing? or What was your original impulse for starting a podcast?


JP Reynolds  9:03  
Right. See, what has been consistent is over the years who have loved asking me questions that require me, every member If you still don't understand there is no memory here. There may be entertainment in the moment, but there's really not much to long term memory. I would say a magazine that I read faithfully and I have read, I can say from issue number one, I've read from issue number one is the magazine Fast Company.


Clint  9:46  
I love that magazine.


JP Reynolds  9:48  
And I suspect that prior to our putting this podcast together, I suspect that Fast Company was previewing the arrival of podcasting as an emerging medium for professionals. And I did see it as a way to distinguish ourselves in a marketplace filled with wonderfully competent and engaging officiants. Because when we started this podcast, Oh, God, I feel so old, but when we started this podcast, podcasts in general were just emerging. And particularly in the wedding industry, there weren't a lot of wedding podcasts devoted to any aspect of the wedding industry. And now, you could have a streaming service devoted to podcasts with a wedding theme.


Clint  11:26  
Oh, yeah, absolutely. You could, you could have its own channel. Absolutely. There's so much content out there.


JP Reynolds  11:33  
But when we were doing it. It was a way to really distinguish yourself and the reality is, we had a gimmick. And I say that in the most professional meaning of the word gimmick, in that you and I always said we were a fraternity of two, in that you officiated a bachelor/Bachelorette wedding, and I officiated a Survivor wedding. And at that time, we were the only officiants to have officiated a wedding That was on network TV.


Clint  12:27  
Oh, that's right.


JP Reynolds  12:30  
Well, there you go. Now they don't need us because the hosts of the show officiate the weddings. Back then, even back then, that notion of a Survivor wedding or Bachelor/Bachelorette wedding was a really big sweeps week to do. We both appeared on some form of sweeps week on TV.


Clint  13:01  
Well, no, I wasn't. The sweeps months are February, June, September, and November.


JP Reynolds  13:13  
Oh my God, I was in the wrong fraternity.


Clint  13:23  
Mine was December the 10th. That's when it went. That's when it was. Yeah, something like that.


JP Reynolds  13:31  
All right. The point is, it was primetime. And it was a big to do, right. And on network television. Right. And now, all of these will let you know you can't duplicate that kind of excitement anymore.


Clint  13:47  
No, the first is always the most exciting. Absolutely.


JP Reynolds  13:50  
Yeah. Yeah. Very lucky. So in terms of the podcast. What I'm saying here is that you and I had this gimmick. And again, that's not a derogatory term. But I mean, we both have the distinction of this experience, and it's was something that I thought should be leaned into.


Clint  14:21  
Yeah, and it's been rare where we've actually referenced those experiences.


JP Reynolds  14:29  
Well, I'm pleased that we've been able to hold when TV was black and white.


Clint  14:33  
Yes. Yes, absolutely. So what I'm curious about now is how you felt the evolution of the podcast where we started. And then I remember what a big deal it was for Episode 100. And I also remember, there are certain kind of like, signature things that our listeners have really hung their hat on. And the biggest one is weather, and more specifically, your reaction to the weather. I always like calling that back, because it was so much fun. How you expressed your frustration with people that insist on getting married in the weather.


JP Reynolds  15:38  
Yes, nothing's changed.


Clint  15:40  
Yes. But, what has stuck, that we've gotten some feedback on, is arches. I didn't know they would be that sticky. I didn't think that it would resonate that strongly. But your opinion of arches, apparently, really made an impact on our listeners.


JP Reynolds  15:59  
I still have strong opinions.
I am like the Michelin Man of arches. It's a four star arch. That is a once I get that arch of one star


Clint  16:18  
JP’S ratings. Wait a minute, we're onto something there. How many JPS Does that get? I guess three JPS?


JP Reynolds  16:26  
Oh, yeah, yeah, no, I still have issues about arches. Yes. And that's why I love but I can't describe this for you. Because I know you have stood in front of it. I've said now that instead of the arch, they have this circular design, right? And they put flowers around it. And so you're standing in front of like a swirly structure that I like so much more than an arch.


Clint  16:56  
Well, whatever doesn't get blown over. That's like, number one for me. Something that's secure.


JP Reynolds  17:04  
High five on that? Yes, yeah.


Clint  17:06  
I don't care what it looks like. That's why for a really short window, it just kind of came in and out of fat very quickly, was the flowers that were just on the ground. You know, you just kind of sat or stood in a semi circle of flower arrangement that were on the ground. And when I first saw that, I thought, Oh, please let this continue. Because it was pretty. Any of the photos that were above the knees of the participants didn't see any of the flowers on the ground. That was the only kind of like, drawback on that. But I thought oh my gosh, that makes so much sense. And that's so practical. But that brings me to, I'm working on some projects now on how to in regards to weddings and things. And I think I told you the story of a wedding that was supposed to be outside in a beautiful resort, but then it was raining really hard. So they brought it inside. And they were in this like Wait,


JP Reynolds  17:58  
Why did they go inside just because was raining? Wimps.


Clint  18:06  
I know, there's more to that story. So what I want to focus on here, though, is that they had about oh my gosh, they had at least 200 guests. And they brought it into, not a ballroom. But like a really big meeting room that had glass windows because this was near the ocean that looked out. And then there was a terrace outside. And so they had a double door that opened up. And the way they figured it out is that they arrange the chairs in like a semi circle. So everybody was kind of facing the double doors. And the idea is that the couple would come out with me because there was an overhang so that we weren't directly in the rain, except for Mr. officiant here, the back of me just got soaked because the wind was blowing anyway, never mind that. So what I did when I first got there, we get there early, we check everything. I went immediately to the side of the chair arrangement on the various sides. And I sat down and I looked and I said, because the planner was there, I said, if we're outside, a third of the people who have been invited to observe this are not going to be able to see the couple. I mean, come here. Look. And I said, so here's the question. The question is, what's the most important thing to the bride? The guest experience or the photos? And I kid you not JP I didn't even get to the period of that sentence. And the planner said, photos. And I said, Well, okay, then that's that. And so the people that can't see, they're just going to have to hopefully stay quiet. Because the other thing that I've noticed with live events is that if people can't see and can't hear, then they think it's okay to start talking. And then that just kind of ripples through everybody else and it becomes awkward. Gotta be annoying. Which is why I think, if you're going to start planning a wedding, then especially the ceremony, everybody has to see and they have to hear or else they just don't feel like you care about them. And, then they don't care about you. And, it just turns into a potential nightmare. But what's most important though, the photos or the guests lets you know that’s square one, right? Especially in the area era of social media, right.


JP Reynolds  20:28  
Which, again, is why I love micro weddings.


Clint  20:31  
Absolutely.


JP Reynolds  20:32  
Because everybody can see a micro wedding. Yep.


Clint  20:37  
The other thing I like about those really small weddings is sometimes when you go to the beach, or something like that, there isn't like a formal setup. You know, with elopements and micro weddings. Sometimes they wanted to be just in the environment. But they didn't have a specific setup. You know how normally when there's an arch or structure, we know where we're going to stand and we know where people are watching. But sometimes when you're in that open area, you really kind of are free forming everything. And I love turning to the photographer and say, okay, just set us up the way you want. So that you get what you need. Because it's all kind of freeform. So we might as well make sure it's right for you. Because you know, the photos are what they're going to have the day after and the day after. I like being able to look at a professional, like a photographer or a videographer and say just put us where you need us.


JP Reynolds  21:34  
And I know that they're very grateful that we have that attitude. Yeah.


Clint  21:41  
Oh my gosh, yes. I have gotten to the point where I can't go on any social media, YouTube or any of that kind of stuff and and observe wedding fails. It breaks my heart. I just can't do it. I skip over all of that stuff. Like, are you confessing this?


JP Reynolds  22:08  
I've never expected anything in the last 300 episodes. So I want to give you a hug, bro. Otherwise, I'm sitting here and if I'm not in the picture. I'm not interested.


Clint  22:35  
That's going on the T shirt. If I'm not in the picture, I'm not interested.


JP Reynolds  22:38  
It's like, yeah, I mean, I have five God children. And I have two nieces. And it's like, when they were little, you're a parent. And so, parents always talk about, you'll be having all these cute little baby. I never noticed any cute little baby. It's like, I have seven cute babies in my life. And I really don't care. I don't and nobody's baby is as cute as one of my seven babies, God children or nieces. And people would say, that's so cold hearted of me. But it's like, No, I've got the seven cutest babies around and let me baby sit and go to the Grove and show off the kid and pretend it's mine.
And this part of the conversation is so emblematic of 300 episodes. This is what Fast Company had in mind 300 episodes ago, advocated that people should podcast.


Clint  23:55  
Well, remember, there's the 300 podcast, and then there's a podcast after that.


JP Reynolds  24:01  
Yeah, yes, right. Fair enough. Well said.


Clint  24:07  
All right, everybody. There you go. That's the way this works. We were thinking of calling it the wedding ceremony podcast, or “we're completely off the rails” podcast. But we decided to stick with wedding ceremony, it seemed more explanatory. If you want to reach out to us, we really like that, go to our website, weddingceremonypodcast.com and click on the email us button. And next episode, we have a big thank you to give to one of our listeners. But I wanted to save it until 301 and give it that kind of its own moment in the spotlight. So there's a teaser for the next episode. Also, on that website is all of our podcast episodes. They're all arranged chronologically, the most recent one is at the top or you can listen in the Apple podcast or any of your mobile apps that access the Apple podcast or just go to weddingceremonypodcasts.com. Click on the subscribe button and then every time we post a new episode it automatically come into your world which is awesome. Remember that JP’S books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. For communications coaching thebusinessofconfidence.com. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is Reverendclint.com or ClintHufft.com for all of the things that I do. And we also want to give a shout out to the incredible musicians that have been playing our theme music from the very very beginning The Dacapoplayers.com. That's it for Episode Number 300 of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP, We will see you next time.

#299
Clint  0:00  
Hey everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 299, recorded on Tuesday, January the 26th 2021. My name is Clint Hufft. And with me is a gentleman that well, I told him it was going to be a surprise, but we're just glad to have him back the one and only JP Reynolds.


JP Reynolds  0:23  
Well, Clint, Happy New Year. Happy New Year to you. Happy New Year to everyone who is gathered around the fireplace. And I am stunned to hear you say the number 299.


Clint  0:44  
I know. And with that in mind. Oh wait before I tell you, before I do the big reveal, I would like to acknowledge that JP is an accomplished author. His books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is Jprweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com. Or ClintHufft.com For all of the things that I do. It is Episode 299 JP. And I don't know if you remember way back when we approached Episode 100.


I said okay, let's pretend that you do. And we got a great gift from one of our wonderful listeners. Ron in Australia. Yeah. And he gave us the mug with the famous JP quote, I think I'm gonna mess this up. Do you remember what the quote was?


JP Reynolds  1:48  
Do you mean, “no happy occasion is happy unless someone is miserable”?


Clint  1:52  
That is the one in quotation marks with your beautiful picture right on there. And I couldn't believe it when they arrived. And that was just a great gift. Well, along those lines, while you were gallivanting around with the woodland forest creatures, in December, we had a guest, it was Wendy Dahl.


JP 2:13  
Oh, sure.


Clint  2:15  
I haven't talked to Wendy and in a while on the podcast. But she told a great story.
She did a wedding. She's kind of specialized as an event planner. She does a lot of South Asian weddings. And so this one was a part Hindu culture. And so that's a big deal. They takes like a whole week to do everything that they have on their docket. But it had been raining that week. And the wedding was in Huntington Beach, it had been raining and raining and raining and raining. And then the morning of the actual wedding ceremony, the mother of the Hindu family came to Wendy and said, Here is a coconut. I need you to go to the highest point in the resort and offer a prayer with this coconut as an offering. Because and here's the quote that everybody resonated with, “your God and my god are the same God”. I know, right? So many people resonated with that. And so she went up there, somebody from the hotel went with her and she went up there and set the coconut down and the hotel person said, Okay, let's go. And Wendy said no, no, no, I gotta pray. What? Oh, I gotta pray. And the mom even told her exactly what to say. Please grace us with clear skies, blue skies. And, everything else that would be appropriate with no mention at all about rain. None. Just, we hope for blue skies and that kind of thing. Well, wouldn't you know it? About a half hour before the ceremony supposed to begin the clouds parted and the rain stopped. And it was just a beautiful, beautiful sky for their ceremony. And then when a ceremony was concluded, and they were done with photos, they went back for the reception and, the clouds opened up and it started pouring again. But that story really resonated with a bunch of our listeners. And so Ron, who wanted to commemorate two things number one, the beauty of that story, but also the fact that our next episode, number 300. He sent us coconuts.


JP  4:36  
Oh, Ron.


Clint  4:37  
I kid you not I didn't know what to expect. He asked for my mailing address.I gave it to him and then I didn't know what's gonna happen. I got a box, a box with coconuts. Now these are not the brown coconuts that we see sometimes. These are what they call young Thai coconuts. Yeah, so they're white on the outside and then the coconut is on the inside and he sent three of them. One for you. One for me and one for Wendy.


JP Reynolds  5:05  
Oh, Ron,


Clint  5:07  
I know. I know. It's amazing.


JP Reynolds  5:11  
Because you know I lived in in the South Pacific and every day I'd have the students climb a coconut tree with their machetes and just lop off coconuts. And we'd sit and sip coconuts and talk about class. So, it drives me nuts here in the States, when you see coconut water in boxes. You know, in the super? Oh, Ron, Ron, you have outdone yourself.


Clint  5:50  
I agree. Wow. Fascinating. And for those who have never tried to open this type of a coconut, you gotta go to YouTube. And because there's a whole process. 


JP Reynolds  6:03  
Well, I have my machete, I can show you.


Clint  6:08  
Why am I happy and scared all at the same time? Why?


JP Reynolds  6:12  
Feeling I like to generate weekly for 300 weeks.


Clint  6:20  
Well, more and more weddings are being moved away from the spring of 2021. And into the fall of 2021. And same thing that happened to you the last time you and I spoke. I had a wedding that just moved to 2022. And, so it goes but yet, I had a couple more inquiries for elopements. In fact, I have a zoom call today with a couple that's going to get married in a few weeks. And thank goodness, you know what I mean?


JP Reynolds  6:51  
Right. It's very interesting. So the early part of this year, everybody has migrated in one fashion or another either later in the year to next year. May is a month that is very much in flux. There are some couples who are decided to remain in May, some of them have hightailed it out of May. I just met with a couple who just adamantly are set on getting married in May. And they said to me, we may have 115 people, or we may have five people. But we are getting married on this date.


Clint  7:46  
Right. Right. And there you go. That's the lay of the land right there. Yeah, we don't know how many people. It is very encouraging that the vaccines are starting to roll out. And it's my understanding, there's two companies that have vaccines, and another one is going to come on board at the end of this month, which is just like in a week. Right. So it just seems like that's going to be the key component, that's going to be the one that will provide us with a tipping point of how many people are going to be allowed to gather.


JP Reynolds  8:20  
But right. And here yesterday, Apparently the rules have changed here in California. A lot of the stay at home restriction has been lifted, as far as I know, here in LA. So again, that changes part of the landscape in terms of what is and is not possible.


Clint  8:50  
Oh, there's something else that we need to acknowledge. We got notification. Wait, you're the one who sent it to me, right, about the how we got a positive review in wedding wire. When they were somebody was looking for relationship advice.


JP Reynolds  9:07  
I don't know if it was wedding wire. No, but somebody somewhere listed us in the top 10 podcasts that do relationship advice, right. And we were listed in that top 10 list. Because even though we are ceremony focused, so often we talk about family relationships and dynamics within the context of ceremony.


Clint  9:51  
Right and I just want to be right upfront with everybody that the person who recommended our podcast was very specific and rightfully so on saying that JP Reynolds is a communications expert. And the advice on the podcast is wonderful. And I'm paraphrasing. But definitely, definitely, I chose the right partner for my podcast. Because, credit where credit is due, as far as I'm concerned, in regards to you being acknowledged for the wisdom that you've imparted. And that was funny, because when you sent me that email saying, hey, people really do listen. I thought that was.


JP Reynolds  10:39  
Thank you, Clint. So I think we mutually chose each other.


Clint  10:45  
You were the one that actually said to me, I'd been thinking about doing a podcast just because I have a background in radio, and I'm thinking, this should be right up my alley. And then about once a year, you and I would get together at a Starbucks and shoot the breeze. And I remember clear as day exactly where we were, the Starbucks that we were sitting in when you said, we should do a podcast. And I thought, there you go, that was the sign from the heavens that I needed. And there you go. At that point, what was your idea of the podcast? I mean, what what did you think this what we're doing, but we've been doing? This is what you had in mind?


JP Reynolds  11:24  
I was drunk that day. And I didn't really know. It was like noon, is just started getting a head start on the networking event. No, I? Well, I suppose we're jumpstarting our little 300th trip down memory lane. However, as with so many good ideas, there's usually no way to predict what will be the manifestation of that idea what what it will actually look like and feel like and sound like as it as it continues to morph. So I don't think either of us really had a clear sense of what what was going to be. What I do find interesting is, since we first started the podcast,
how there's been a proliferation of podcasting. And now there are podcasters podcasting about how to do a podcast. And as a matter of fact, I think for anybody who belongs to the wedding organization, WIPA, I think they're next speaker is going to be talking on how to start a podcast and how if you are in the wedding industry, in any capacity, you should be podcasting.


Clint  13:15  
When I speak at the wedding MBA, which is a big wedding business conference, normally held in Las Vegas, in October or November, and this year, it was scheduled for November. But of course, we couldn't meet. And so credit to the wedding MBA people, they pivoted really well to have all the content online. And the thing that was great about it is that all of it all of the sessions and all the presenters had to do. I don't know, what would you call it anyway, it was all digitally available on demand. All the sessions, a lot of us did zoom things, and slideshows and that sort of stuff. But it was all there. And it was all available on demand all the way through the end of the year through the end of December. And they give me the assignment of what they'd like me to speak on, depending upon what they think I'm best suited and this year it was how to how to start a podcast. And yeah, so that presentation was about 20 minutes. And the first thing I tell people is that because I agree with you, podcasting is a lot of fun. There's a learning curve, that's kind of annoying. But but once you get past that and you understand kind of how to get it up into the podcast world. Then it's just great. It's so much fun. I've enjoyed every single episode that you and I have done and I now am affiliated with, I produce six podcasts. And I just love every single second of it. But the first thing that I said when in my course was don't do this to make money from the podcast. You can use it as a marketing tool. As a way to kind of further your brand. But don't get in thinking that you're going to sell ads and make a ton of money. And once you've gotten that into your mindset, then yeah, absolutely. And if anybody out there is thinking of doing a podcast, and they just would like to, if they run up against any confusion or whatever, they're more than willing to reach out to us, and we'll give you all the contact information at the end of this episode. And I'll help you any way I can. Because I love it. I think it's great.


JP Reynolds  15:28  
That's wonderful.


Clint  15:33  
So with the new year, have you set any goals in regards to officiating and things like that? Is there anything that I don't know? How do you approach a new year? Do you set resolutions or goals? Or what do you do?


JP Reynolds  15:49  
Oh, what a great question. What a great question. The simple answer is no. I have never been a resolution kind of person. And if for reasons that I just don’t have the energy to explain right now. It's interesting, because for my communications consulting work, I have a monthly newsletter. And I'm always torn as to what to write about in the January issue of the newsletter, because so many folks who have newsletters talk about about resolution. And rather than looking forward in terms of the resolution, I like to use the beginning of a new year to look back and reflect on what surprised me. What did I learn? And what am I grateful for?


Clint  17:10  
Did you learn that from somebody else? Because I just heard somebody, Tim Ferriss, who's a prolific writer and has a huge podcast, he says almost exactly the same thing, that it's an assessment of the previous year, and then of course, you plan for the coming year, but it's that assessment that he says is the most productive for him. So did you learn that from something?


JP Reynolds  17:36  
I can assure you, very little is original on the face of the earth today, everything is a reinvention of what what has been. I don't have a one source. I had no doubt that I came to that over time from the influence of different individuals. One of them may have been Tim Ferriss, because he's one of my gurus.


Clint  18:10  
Oh, that's so good to hear that. I've been following him for a long time. Yeah. We never talked about that.


JP Reynolds  18:25  
I certainly, in that notion of gratitude, that notion of reflecting on what you've learned, what surprised you, that also has its roots in my seminary, Jesuit background.
So, it's certainly rooted in spiritual practices and applies very neatly to the realm of the non spiritual.


Clint  19:05  
Right.


JP Reynolds  19:07  
Yeah. So for me I will say when I look back on last year, I will say what I said before, what most surprised me, and therefore, what I am grateful for, was the surprise of the power of micro weddings. And I for the longest time, I had a hard time understanding the concept of an elopement. It just didn't make sense to me for a couple to elope unless there was family political reasons, and I was apprehensive that these micro weddings were going to be a diminished version of what I had become used to in officiating weddings. And I have fallen in love with micro weddings. I am moved by the power of the intimacy. And ironically, I think I'm gonna have a hard time going back to the larger type of wedding.


Clint  20:37  
Well, it's just gonna be a different vibe, I guess.


JP Reynolds  20:40  
Yeah. Oh, that's what is very interesting, is different, each has its own energy each has, in some respects, its own purpose, its own experience. And that's why I think for those couples who have opted to go with either the elopement or with the micro wedding, and have decided that later in the year, next year, they're going to have the originally envisioned large celebration. I've emphasized within that it's not real wedding versus fake wedding. It's your celebration begins with the intimacy of this gathering, and culminates, however many months later in that larger celebration, right.


Clint  21:38  
Right. I think, we're almost out of time, But what I've discovered is that if a couple has already had a wedding ceremony of some type, when they finally do get in front of large gathering of people, large being subjective, but that there's a gravity to it, because they actually have been married for a while, and to renew their vows, so to speak, in that context. I just keep re emphasizing to couples that want to take that route, that it's gonna have more power, believe it or not, right, then because, you understand exactly what you're committing to at least up to that point.


JP  22:15  
Right.


Clint  22:16  
Yeah, I hope so. I've been wanting to generate that with my couples for as long as I've been doing this. I told you the story, that you can't stand, the couple that they’re real estate agents, and they wanted to just have a wedding to show off the house. But the underlying vibe is very much what we're talking about right now, the underlying vibe was if you were just the two of you, what would you say? And that's what we want to bring to the to the ceremony, because what I've been aware of with some of the work that I'm doing now, that will be released to the world at a future date, is the idea that even if you're goofing around, even if you have a celebrity officiant or if you want to do a bunch of fun things during the ceremony, when it gets to that moment where you actually are saying I do or you do look at each other and say, I want to marry you, then the gravity of that can’t help But take hold. And I think that's the beauty of what the micro weddings have brought to us is being able to kind of have that gravity through the entire experience. And I've always said that my favorite weddings are the ones where it's just me and the couple. That beauty is so remarkable. That's when I really feel blessed. I like all the weddings that I do, most of them, I would say 99% of them. But those really intimate ones. Yeah, we've been very blessed. It's a huge silver lining to the cloud That is the pandemic. I mean, as far as I'm concerned.


JP Reynolds  23:43  
Yeah. Yeah, right. I'm gonna get my machete.


Clint  23:52  
You don't even have any coconuts, Do you?


JP Reynolds  23:53  
Get those coconuts ready. Daddy's coming.


Clint  24:00  
Do you have a name for your machete? Have you given your machete a name?


JP Reynolds  24:04  
You know what, we’ve run out of time.


Clint  24:08  
Okay, there you go. All right, everybody. That's the way this works. Remember, if you have a desire to reach out to us and tell us a story or ask us a question, you can go to our website, it's weddingceremonypodcast.com, and click on the Email button and and then we'll just we'll set up a dialogue. And we love that we love that a lot. That also is where you can listen to all of our episodes. They're archived. chronologically, the most recent one is at the top, or do yourself a big favor. Just go to the Apple podcast or any of the apps that are in your mobile devices that access that store and look us up wedding ceremony podcast and click on the subscribe button and then every time we post a new episode, it'll automatically come into your world. Easy peasy. Remember, the JP’S books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon for communications coaching that website is thebusinessofconfidence.com. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine Is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com for all of the things that I do, thank you very much to the incredible musicians that are still playing our theme music that a capo players da ca p o players.com. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP We will see you next time.

#298
Clint  0:01  
Hey everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 298, recorded on Monday, December 14 2020. My name is Clint Hufft. And with me is a gentleman that has been out gallivanting the world And finally he's back, the one and only JP Reynolds.


JP  0:25  
Hello, Clint.


Clint  0:32  
Oh, my goodness is so good to hear your voice. JP is an accomplished author. His books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. That website is thebusinessofconfidence.com. His wedding website is Jprweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com, For all the things that I do. JP, You and I have had a couple of weddings since the last time you and I spoke. But do you have anything you'd like to begin with?


JP Reynolds  1:17  
I was supposed to have a wedding this past Saturday, a micro, And because restaurants are shut down here in Southern California. The wedding was canceled.


Clint  1:32  
Oh, not postponed or rescheduled, just canceled?


JP Reynolds  1:38  
Oh, well, I'm sorry. It was it was postponed to next December.


Clint  1:49  
December like a year from now. Next December?


JP Reynolds  1:51  
Yeah. I have couples who they're now postponing for the third time. And I have couples who have now postponed the third time where the fourth time, and they have now decided to simply postpone to 2022.


Clint  2:16  
Wow.


JP Reynolds  2:18  
The emails are so charming. It's like hello JP. Do to the COVID we've decided to postpone until May 2022. Would you be available? It's like, whatever you want to do in 2022 is fine with me. I am wide open. Let me get my pencil. Let me get a post it note. I hope I don't lose it.


Clint  2:52  
2022 that sounds like such a faraway planet.


JP Reynolds  2:57  
I have four weddings on the books. And they were targeted for 2020. And I met the couple. I met these couples in 2019.


Clint  3:12  
Oh my gosh. Did I hear that Right? You just said that You've already got Four Weddings for 2022?.


JP Reynolds  3:19  
Correct. Couples who I met in 2019.
Yeah, I get that which means I will have been in communication with these couples for like, three years. I just zoomed with a couple who I met in 2019, we'll be doing this service in 2022. I feel like went to school together.


Clint  3:48  
Right. Well, I have a story to tell you. Are you ready?


JP  3:54  
I'm always ready.


Clint  3:57  
So I'm doing a small wedding. Oh, by the way, maybe you've already experienced this, but I went to this house. And it was one of those houses in like a regular neighborhood type of deal. But as I'm about to explain to you what this house was, perhaps the neighborhood wasn't that regular. So it's a single story house. And then I walk in and the garage is open and there's obviously catering people in there doing their thing. This is a small wedding, maybe 15 people, 20 at the most. So I go back along the side. You know how they have the walk along beside the house. I go back there and there's an open area and a pool and a second house. And then I keep walking and run into the catering person that I know and she says right back there. And sure enough, I see chairs set up in this backyard. The back. So this house went about three times farther back than I thought when I first approached the house. That was the first thing.


JP Reynolds  5:01  
This house was located here in what we call the valley. Yes.


Clint  5:10  
Yes, it was. And I'm trying to remember exactly where it was, but I can't right now.


JP Reynolds  5:16  
Clint, here in what we call the valley, that's very common from this district looks like a simple, regular house. And then you just keep going for miles.


Clint  5:30  
I loved it. It was almost like a Harry Potter thing where you walk into the tent, and it's a five bedroom house type of deal. And so that was the first thing. Second thing was it turns out it was an Airbnb, that they had found this house, I forget exactly where they're from, but they're not from around here. And they found this house and they did the Airbnb for this house for the wedding. And then all of a sudden, it was like my eyes opened up to the possibilities of Airbnb because I've never used it and, I always just figured it was just somebody's guest home or whatever. But here was this big, big thing that was available to them. And it was perfect. It was awesome. So beautiful. Right?


JP Reynolds  6:18  
Right. So here's the thing I want to tell you. I’ve done a few Airbnb weddings.


Clint  6:20  
You've done a few. A few Airbnb weddings.


JP Reynolds  6:25  
Airbnb weddings. Yeah, right, right. Yeah.


Clint  6:29  
Yeah, this was I think I probably have too but nothing of this size. I didn't even know that that was a thing. But it was really cool. Okay, so here's the deal that really made me think of you. So I'm saying hi to everybody. And I'm in the backyard on the patio of the second building, the second house. And the best man walks out. And I look at him. And I immediately say, are you alright? How are you feeling? Because he was drenched in sweat, drenched in sweat. Nobody else was but this guy was. And it was not a hot day. It was a lovely day, the temperature was lovely. Everything was great. Except for this guy. Something was going on. And he says yeah, I'm just really nervous. Okay, well, don't feel obligated and relax. I mean, just take care of yourself. What do you feel like? He says, Well, I’m feeling nauseous right now. I said, Well, do whatever you need to do, don't worry about it, do it. This is about 40 minutes before the ceremony start. 
So then I talked to, who did I talk to? I think the groom, the next person I talked to was the groom. And I said, your best man is not feeling Tip Top. He says, Yeah, he suffers from severe anxiety. And I said to the groom, Well, I told him, don't worry about it. Just take care of yourself. And we'll just kind of see how it plays out. And we'll adjust accordingly. And he said, What do you think I should do? I said, Well, I wouldn't force him to do it. Because, number one, he may vomit. Number two, if he doesn't, everybody is looking at him from 10 feet away, you look at them, and you realize this guy is not happy. I mean, just to be drenched in sweat was something that I had never seen before in that kind of a scenario. And I said, if he walks out there, no one's going to be paying attention to you and your bride. No one. They're all going to be focused on this guy, wondering whether or not he's going to survive. And he also is already really embarrassed, and already really anxious. And so in my opinion, he should be relieved of that responsibility and let them just be a guest. That's the first thing. Second thing is you probably have I mean, it's a simple thing to have somebody stand up there with you. I mean, I don't think that that shouldn't be getting in the way of the success of the ceremony.


JP Reynolds  9:12  
Let me ask, was there a wedding party?


Clint  9:17  
Was it just best man, maid of honor. Apparently that was a thing for the groom. I realize that part of my personality quirks is that sometimes I don't feel the emotional magnitude of a scenario. I don't know. There's just something about me. Maybe there's a plus to that, maybe. But anyway, the point is, in my head, I'm thinking, this is not that big of a deal. Just pick somebody else. Maybe they'll hold the rings, maybe they won't, I don't care, but at least the photos will be balanced and let's just let This poor guy off the hook. But it meant so much to the groom that he called over his mother and explained to his mother and wanted his mother's advice. Who do you think I should choose to stand up with me?


JP Reynolds  10:13  
I know, I can't stay on the podcast. You know how I feel about grooms who ask mothers for advice, minutes before they get married, but go ahead.


Clint  10:30  
Well, apparently, there was already tension in the family. And I didn't go into that. I didn't go deep into that. But he said that he wanted to make the right choice. He didn't want somebody to feel offended. Like, for instance, this person or his sister, or whatever it was, and And finally, the mom kind of echoed what I said, well, what I said to him before he called his mother over, I said, right now, first instinct, who would you ask? And he said, so and so. And I said, Great, then that's probably who you should go with. But he wanted to talk over with his mom, and then laid out the options and I could see on her face, she was thinking the same thing I was thinking, let's make it simple. Let's just make it happy. Let's just get this over with. And, he ended up choosing the person that was his first instinct, not related at all, just a friend. And everything was great. Everything worked out great. And you could tell the relief on the former best man, because when he came to sit down. I said, you don't have to do a thing. Just be there and watch and relax, and it'll all be great. And you don't have to think about it ever again. So it went really well. And the second thing was there was a zoom audience. So I think perhaps that played into his anxiety that he felt that the world was watching. I don't know. This is not anything new to the groom.


JP Reynolds  12:02  
He said that. Well, it's interesting, because it's interesting in a number of respects. I presumed then that the best man was not the brother or relative of the groom.


Clint  12:19  
That's correct. Yeah.


JP Reynolds  12:21  
Yeah. I mean, you handled it in your typical cold, calculating way, and it worked accord my heartless, soulless, heartless, soulless way, and, props to you, bro. My concern would have been for the state being faced of the original best man. And what I would have done is everything that you did, and then emphasized that he would still sign the license.


Clint  13:14  
It turned out they had a confidential. So no witness.


JP Reynolds  13:19  
Right. Here's the thing, Clint. I wasn't kidding When I talked about being a little nervous about turning to the mother for advice. My instinct would have been to ask if the bride would be okay with both the best man and maid of honor sitting down. Oh, that was that they would both process down the aisle best man, maid of honor. And then both of them take their seat. And then, with the rings, the best man or the maid of honor could have presented the rings and call it a day. Again, all's well, that ends well, which is the only important thing and there's many ways in which it can all end well. My instinct, though, would would be to go first to the bride rather than the mother of the groom.


Clint  14:21  
Oh, that was the groom's call.


JP Reynolds  14:24  
I would have suggested to him that we go to the bride.


Clint  14:28  
Hmm. Okay. Well, in this case they didn't want to see each other until she walked up the aisle.


JP Reynolds  14:35  
I would have asked him if I could see the bride.


Clint  14:37  
Yeah, to bring her into the conversation. Yeah. Yeah. That's interesting. Why would you do that? Because it was his choice for the best man. Oh, are you saying to suggest that they both sit down?


JP Reynolds  14:49  
No, no, no. I just think that in terms of what are we going to do? It's, here's what I suggest. If you like them both walking down the aisle And sitting down. If you like that idea, Mr. Groom, I will go to the bride, and let her know that this is an option. And if she signs off on it, then we would do it that way.


Clint  15:17  
Okay, I get that, I understand that. And I think that I was not the messenger, I think that the event planner, who actually she had been an assistant event planner for a lot of different events, big and small. But this was her first solo, take charge event. And so I think that she was the one who, once the decision was made, she went to the bride. Just so you're not surprised. Here's the situation. I'm pretty sure, although I didn't talk to the bride about it, I'm pretty sure that the bride was very well aware of the the best man's anxiety situation.


JP Reynolds  15:56  
I was laughing because it's like, event planner goes to the bride, your fiance is very nervous. And so we've decided that so and so will stand up there for him.


Clint 16:13  
Groom by proxy,


JP Reynolds  16:15  
Groom by proxy. But all of this once again, is a reminder. Although the people who should be reminded are not listening to this podcast, but it is a reminder that nobody at any point in time should do anything in a wedding that they're not comfortable doing. And it's a reminder of how couples need to be aware of and sensitive to the emotional comfortableness of key players. And as an officiant, that is something that I explore with people.


Clint  16:55  
In the initial conversation?


JP Reynolds  16:58  
I don't know if they would have shared this in an initial conversation. But I tried to explore levels of comfortableness.


Clint  17:11  
I had a FaceTime conversation with this couple, and I explained my situation, all that kind of stuff. But the best man, that was a complete surprise. And nobody said when I was walking up, nobody said, we have a thing with the best man. And so it was when I saw him that I immediately kind of assessed the situation and said, Okay, let's go with Plan B.


JP Reynolds  17:34  
Again, it just is a reminder, no matter how many questions we ask in an initial interview, there is still one more question that we could ask. Hey, the list just keeps growing. And this is a great story and a great reminder. And it's something for you and I and anyone listening who wants to keep it in mind. To be aware of in conversations.


Clint  18:06  
I've been through anxiety. What I mean is I've dealt with weddings where somebody, a participant had anxiety. This is the first time it was the best man. I've done groom. I've done a bride, and you modify according to that. But it's that whole thing that we don't know what we don't know.


JP Reynolds  18:25  
Exactly.


Clint  18:26  
And actually, what I love about this story is well, of course everything turned out all right. What I love about this story is after all the weddings that I've done, and all the years that I've been doing this and all the stories that you and I have shared, this was a first for me. Right. And how great is this business?


JP Reynolds  18:47  
Clint, I salute you. But at the end of 2020, a year filled with firsts, yet another first. I've never had nervous specimen. And all I've had to do is like slap them and they snap to. But this is a fellow who a slap wouldn't have been enough.


Clint  19:15  
Oh, no, no, no, no.


JP Reynolds  19:17  
Yeah. Yeah. I feel for the for the guy. I feel for the guy.


Clint  19:22  
Yeah, and for me, it was gratifying. From an empathetic standpoint, how relieved he was when the ceremony began. Right? You know, because he didn't have to process, he just kind of quietly went to his chair and the other thing that was very heartwarming was that everybody was supportive of him. Everybody. There wasn't a single person that said, what's the deal, pull it together. None of them. They all just, not physically embraced him but embraced him and with the idea that don't worry, everything's gonna be fine. Take care of yourself. We love you and that sort of thing.


JP Reynolds  20:02  
Would you like to tell us the guy's full name and where he lives?


Clint  20:06  
Yes, I would love to do that.


JP 20:11  
Oh,


Clint  20:12  
I don't remember the name of any best man that I've ever worked with. Do you? One guy, one guy I remember. And that's only because he had a little celebrity.


JP Reynolds  20:24  
And the same with myself. Yes. I can remember one guy because of some celebrity.


Clint  20:31  
Okay, two guys. Right. That's it. Yeah, that's it. They just and and I, maid of honor. No, I can't I don't remember anybody's name.


JP Reynolds  20:42  
I do like to remember a maid of honor. A specific one? I have very much so. And she is more than just a little celebrity. She's a major celebrity. I'm not gonna say who she is. But it was like, Yeah, yeah, it's like omg. Wow. Oh, yeah.
Let me hold the bouquet for your celebrity. That's okay. I'll do it.


Clint  21:10  
You didn't know until you showed up?


JP Reynolds  21:12  
I was aware, I was aware. I was told by the event planner, because this was like, a really big celebrity who was the maid of honor. And it was very sweet. It she was the sister of the bride. So the maid of honor was the sister of the bride. Yeah. And it was just very lovely to see her being a sister. And, nothing more than just the beauty of being a sister on that day.


Clint  21:47  
There was one time where the one of the bridesmaids paid for the event planner. And, this was not a cheap event planner. And, we had a really nice location. I knew that that person was going to be there. But I went into the room with a conscious decision and I had actually met this person before in a completely unrelated scenario, friend of a friend type of deal. I made the conscious decision that when I walk into the bridal suite, I am not going to give that person any attention or energy at all. I'm not going to say, Hey, remember when we, none, zero. Because I thought I don't want to diminish how special the bride feels. And I know she's already kind of sensitive to that, as anybody would be. And so that was the deal. But the two best men, I had no idea till I showed up. Oh, wow. Hey, look at that. So there you go.


JP Reynolds  22:49  
Right. Right. Right.


Clint  22:50  
Well, it's time to announce that we're taking our annual break over the holidays in the new year, and we will resume in January at some point. So all of our faithful listeners, we wish you the best of the holiday season, and a very Happy New Year. And it seems like like we can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel. That's what it feels like.


JP Reynolds  23:20  
Is that what that is? I thought it was a lightning bug.


Clint  23:28  
Well, I could be wrong, but there's always hope.


JP Reynolds  23:30  
All right, keep walking, keep walking. Keep walking right behind you.


Clint  23:35  
All right, everybody, we do wish you the best of the best. Remember, if you want to get in contact with us, it's really easy to do. I'll be checking the email every day all the way through the holidays and the break. Just go to weddingceremonypodcast.com and click on the email us button. And then you can ask us a question or tell us a story or whatever you want to do. That is also where you can listen to our episodes if you want. They're all archived on there chronologically, the most recent one is at the top. And if you really want to make it easy on yourself if you have not already subscribed to then go to the Apple Store and click on the subscribe button once you found the wedding ceremony podcast. And then that way every time we post a new episode, it'll automatically come into your world. Remember that JP’S books are in the Amazon store and the Kindle store in Amazon. For communications coaching thebusinessofconfidence.com. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com for all of the things that I do. Thank you again to the incredible musicians that play our theme music DaCaPoplayers.com. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP We will see you next time.

#297 - Christopher Shelley
Clint  0:00  
Hey everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 297. That's right, those of you who are math whizzes, three more until 300, recorded on Wednesday, December the ninth 2020. My name is Clint Hufft. And normally with me is the one and only JP Reynolds. But JP is out looking for reindeer and the Lost Children of weddings. Today we have who I think is one of the most entertaining guests we've ever had on the podcast, all the way from New York, the one and only Christopher Shelley. Christopher, how are you?


Christopher Shelley  0:47  
Oh, Clint, it's so great to hear your voice and great to be with you today. And I hope JP can find those lost children and then put them on their own island. So they never come back.


Clint  0:59  
When we were texting back and forth, and he said something about the Lost Children of weddings. And I said I think they were in the woods looking for your cabin made of sweets. Yeah. And then we just kind of went on. Just so you know, JP’S books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. So you can certainly look those up. 
Chris, you've got your own book that has been published. And that is actually why you were on our show the first time. So tell everybody about that.


Christopher Shelley  1:30  
My book is called Best. Ceremony. Ever. It's all about how to make wedding ceremonies unique and personal and funny. And it tries to dispel some of the myths and assumptions that are out there about wedding ceremonies. So people understand that they can be anything you want them to be. And the book is written with an audience of officiants in mind, but also brides and grooms as well. So they can see how they can work with their officiant. So better than ever, I highly recommend it.


Clint  2:03  
Yeah, and the title has the periods in between each word.


Christopher Shelley  2:06  
But you have to imagine like a teenage girls saying it in terms of Oh my god, that was like the best ceremony ever.


Clint  2:15  
Then your background is fascinating. It really is fascinating. I'm at your website, it's IlluminatingCeremonies.com. That's a lot of consonants, illuminating ceremonies plural.com. And if you go to the about Chris, then you'll see just how you're very clever. I just want to say that right up front. As a writer, you are very clever. And your writing background is very impressive. You got an MFA in creative writing from New York University, you got a BFA in acting from Boston University. I don't know, it's just amazing. But you did say something just now that I think is fascinating. And that is the idea that people have expectations in regards to wedding ceremonies. So I think when I first started a long time ago, there were a lot of expectations, mostly from women of a certain age, just kind of expected things to be a certain way, what are the kind of things that you've come across that you thought, Jiminy Christmas, we don't do that anymore?


Christopher Shelley  3:20  
One thing that that always shocks me is that people assume the bride and the groom and the officiant are going to be arranged up at the altar space in a specific way. It often surprises me when they'll send me details about their parents are, where their parents are going to sit. And they'll tell me, oh, we're gonna have our parents sit on opposite sides than they normally would. So they have a better view of their child. And I have to explain to them, that the way I arranged the bride and groom up there, everyone can see them no matter where they're sitting the entire time. So they're assuming that they're gonna stand up there, maybe with their backs to the audience, or just turned just enough so that only one side of the guests can see them, or something. Um, so that's one thing, I just I don't understand why people think that but in these days, where we need to be a little more distant from each other, generally speaking, the way I arrange a couple up there with me is sort of in a talk show format. Whereas like, as you're looking at it, you'll see the bride and groom kind of standing together on the left, let's say, and me the officiant over on the right, like where the talk show desk would be that kind of thing. So this way, everyone there can see the bride and groom, I can be a little bit apart from them. So I'm not spraying aerosols all over them as I'm speaking. And, I think the reason people assume it's going to be the old setup of me in the middle, the two of them kind of staring at me, because it used to be that you go get married and the priest or whomever would be kind of lecturing you, speaking to you about marriage and all these things, and it's all about the couple focusing in On the priest or officiant, or whoever it was, whereas now with people who are officiants, and trained celebrants, we're sharing the story of the bride and groom much more openly than in old days. We're really kind of all together in that because we've, the way I work, I write the story with the couple. So the three of us are really presenting their story to the guests. So it's not just me up there lecturing them, it's them as together with me explaining why they're getting married, why they fell in love all these important things. So that's something I have to break through pretty often. When another thing, the part of the end where you present them, Mr. Mrs. So and so sure. At the end, I've been officiating for maybe nine years now. And I've done that only a handful of times. And part of it's because a few times early on, couples told me they did not want to be presented as Mr. Mrs. So and so I think this has a lot to do the women not wanting to be known as just her husband's last name, that kind of thing. And so I kind of got away from it. And now and then people will especially request it. But most of the time, I kind of forget about it, to be honest with you. I'll finish the ceremony with them kissing and that's it. So that's something.


Clint  6:22  
Wow, that's interesting. I know exactly what you're talking about. Because, to me, that whole concept of let's not diminish the importance of the female of the bride. You know what I mean? It all started with what JP said long time ago, he doesn't say who gives this woman he says who presents this woman. Yeah. And I thought that kind of like, opened up my awareness to wait a minute, we can take a closer look at the entire ceremony. At the end of the ceremony, I let the couples know what all of their options are. And if they want to end at the kiss, that's cool. Most of them want to be officially presented. But I say it can be Mr. And Mrs. Him and you, Mr. And Mrs. Him, Mr. Mrs. Last name, you and him as husband and wife or anything else that you want. And I think that that's been appreciated. And I'm always surprised. You know, the Bible verse that nobody really it's kind of like for for verboten in regards to it says something about the wife has to be subservient to the man. It's in Ephesians. I just it's kind of like one of those things that people just don't do it anymore. It's not politically correct anymore. Right. And I was really surprised when a young couple about 10 years ago, a young couple chose that. The bride was communicating with the bride in terms of constructing the ceremony. And I said, Really? Whose choice was that, thinking She would say it was his choice, or the parents choice or whatever? Yeah. And she said, Oh, mine, Absolutely. And then I thought, Okay, I need to learn something here, something else is going on here. And then it turns out that if you if you read further into that particular passage, it talks about, it's kind of like, tit for tat. It's kind of like, it's okay, but the the husband has responsibilities, and he has to treasure her and that so it was very illuminating. But that was the last time I mean, at least 10 years ago that I've written read that path.


Christopher Shelley  8:27  
It's pretty common for me when people reach out to me originally, they stress very clearly, we do not want a religious ceremony. Oh, yeah. Like assuming that I will just inflict some kind of religious stuff on them just because of what my job is.


Clint  8:41  
I like the word inflict, inflict the pain.


Christopher Shelley  8:45  
Inflict, the pain? Yeah. I tell them, I'm not a religious person at all, unless you count New England sports teams, which I don't even think that's really a religion. And then they relax. And they're like, okay. I explained that I focus on the couple and I go through the process of the questionnaire and working with them and letting them know that they're gonna know every word I'm going to say before the day comes.


Clint  9:09  
Have you turned down a request for something that was overly religious or really religious?


Christopher Shelley  9:16  
Well, I have tiptoed around such requests now and then someone will ask me to mention God a few times without any specificity. Other times they want me to read a prayer or read something from the Bible. And me, I don't even have a Bible. You know, I'm thinking, Well, why don't you tell me what you want to hear? But it's their day, so I want to do whatever I can, but I explained to them that the best thing to do, if you'd like a Bible verse read, or if you want some religious aspects read, why don't you have someone from your family, to whom that's really important, come up, and do it. Because for me, and I explained, I'm nondenominational. I'm kind of a diplomat Amongst the religions, this wouldn't be as genuine as it would be from someone who's very passionate about that faith. And it's a good way to involve people from their family.


Clint  10:11  
Well said, I like that. That's Well said. Yeah. Well, tell me a story, Chris.


Christopher Shelley  10:18  
I will tell you the story, Clint. But first before I do, and before I forget, I want to congratulate you and JP, for being so huge in Italy. Before we started recording, I looked up how to say, wedding ceremony podcast in Italian. Now, Guess how you say wedding ceremony podcast in Italian? And imagine me moving my hands. Okay. podcast, de ceremonia de matrimonio. You know, and as soon as I heard that you were so huge in Italy. I pictured all these Italians at Cafes arguing with each other over stuff that you and JP talked about. No, the wine is the best unity ritual. No, it is the blessing of the rings and getting into it passionately like that's all the time. They don't even show soccer games. It's just like, they're all listening to you two.


Clint  11:14  
Oh, my gosh, that's funny and scary all at the same time. Oh, my gosh.


Christopher Shelley  11:19  
Hey, Clint. So back in the spring, no, not spring back in the summer. I think I wrote to you and JP and I said, I've got a crazy wedding coming up. COVID-19 had sort of changed the plans for this couple that we're going to get married in Los Angeles or some California somewhere. Then they moved to New York, and even brought their wedding planner with them all the way to New York. And a friend of theirs. The friend who introduced them, lives in Dumbo in Brooklyn, JP will know where this is. It's right near the Manhattan Bridge between Brooklyn Bridge and Manhattan Bridge. And this woman has a rooftop apartment with a kind of outdoor wraparound deck, if you will. Beautiful views of Manhattan. Beautiful views of the bridge, and lovely kind of wood paneling on the floors. So they did their wedding there. They got a tent in case it rained. And they arranged this tent. And with a DJ and everything in this on this rooftop. And it was August and it was very hot. But that was fine. And it didn't rain. That was great. The problem was on the Manhattan Bridge, there's a train line, I forget which train line that goes from Manhattan to Brooklyn, and it's outdoors on this bridge, obviously. And when it goes by, you can't hear yourself talk to the person next to you. It's so loud. So if there are no trains, it's a perfect venue. It's quiet, it's lovely. It's iconic. But when the train goes by, it is the worst place to do a wedding you've ever imagined. So what happened? as I'm going through the ceremony, I had a microphone, even though if there were no train there, you would not need a microphone. It was such a small little space. But I had a microphone because of the train. So the DJ tried to monitor the microphone volume as I was doing the ceremony. Because if it was on full blast, while the trains weren't going by, I would be much too loud, it would be very uncomfortable for everyone. But then when the train did go by, I really needed full volume. But since the trains go in two different directions, and the rhythms are hard to follow, the DJ would try to go up at the wrong time and down at the wrong time. And I ended up feeling like I was either screaming or not talking loudly enough. And then I would project more myself. And he turned the volume down and the train would come. It was just the hardest ceremony I've ever done.


Clint  13:56  
How frequently do the trains come by?


Christopher Shelley  13:58  
every three minutes or so?


Clint  14:01  
Oh my god,


Christopher Shelley  14:02  
maybe you'll have a five minute gap if you're lucky.


Clint  14:05  
And do they? Are they in motion? Or is the station nearby? So the train just kind of sits there.


Christopher Shelley  14:11  
They just keep going and going going. So at least there's no like squealing of brakes usually, right? They're just going through going and going. And the ceremony ended and I wasn't even sure what I'd done. You know, you've written this thing together, we've taken pains to make it really good. And then it was just drowned out. But this is the kind of thing that happens. It's not always the the rainstorm that dampens the proceedings. It's not always the wind. It's not always the crying baby in the first row. Sometimes it's the train that's about 100 yards away.


Clint  14:47  
To ask you about creating the story with a couple. What does the story consist of? Is it their history or what's the approach?


Christopher Shelley  14:58  
I talked about when people meet. You know how Movies talk about the meet cute. Yeah, kind of interesting where the couple comes together in the first place. I like to talk about how that happened. I like to say something interesting and funny about it that maybe they've never thought of about that meeting and how random it is. I talked about the early days, generally, just kind of a montage of things that they experienced together. And then I usually transfer pretty quickly into how they started realizing they're in love with each other. And how they knew and what that felt like. If there's any obstacle they had to get through or climb over. I like to talk about that. Because, as you know, a good story has a good obstacle to it that they overcome, whether that's living in different countries, or working full time and going to school full time, or not having time together, or a sickness in the family, whatever it is, but talk about what they've gone through to be together. 
I always love talking about the proposal, since that's the part where usually, let's just say it's a man and a woman getting married, usually the man has this big plan. And usually that plan does not really happen the way he thinks it's going to. Meanwhile, the woman only knows what did happen. And so the contrast between those stories is a neat thing. And I like to tie that into their relationship and have that lead into the very ending. I'll just say something like, and at some point in the proposal, Jim asked Judy, to marry him. A lifetime waited for them on the other side of that question, a lifetime of traveling and cooking and whatever they do together. And at some point, Judy said, Yes, the best Yes, that he'd ever heard. And here we are. And then it kind of goes into the more formal parts of the ceremony.


Clint  16:54  
So the question is, that popped into my head is, it sounds to me like you work with a couple and every single one of those stories is unique to the couple, obviously. Yeah. But I think you just talked about the transition into the rest of the ceremony, the commitments, the I do, that kind of stuff, is that pretty much locked in for you? That the real creative part, and the part that's different for every ceremony? Is the story or is there any variation to the rest of the ceremony.


Christopher Shelley  17:21  
I always look for opportunities to personalize the book ends around that love story as well, if I can. The early parts of the ceremony when I'm welcoming people, and talking about where everyone's from, and how we got here, that is often a little bit different as well, depending on where people have traveled from, it's certainly different these days, when travel is a huge issue. For people, there's often a zoom contingent, that I'll have to acknowledge. And that's a whole other topic. And then the ending part of the rings and the vows, that's always a little different to I least I tried to make it different. I have kind of stock language I use for a lot of weddings, but I try to tweak it for them if possible. And I always try to add in some final thoughts. And I do a section at the end called wedding zen, where I just get them to focus on that specific moment in every single detail of the moment, which I makeup on the spot, depending on what's going on. So those people on the on the rooftop, I asked him to speak of the sound of the train crashing into Manhattan. And then I pronounced them husband wife, and then I forget to present them. But I tried to make it unique for them in as many spots as I can so that it helps to make it fresh for me. So if I know I'm trying something different for this couple, I've got to really pay attention. I can't put it on autopilot. I've got to really pay attention. Remember, hey, we're doing something different in this line, in this part, in this whatever.


Clint  18:56  
I agree with that. I think that's one of the benefits of doing this kind of work. I always feel a little bit sad or Yeah, I guess that's the right word for the officiants that have a set ceremony that they do every single time. Because I like it when something comes out of the blue and I have to really concentrate because there's a word that's different, or a phrase that's been omitted, or whatever it is. I really liked that. I'm glad you said that out loud. It makes it really more enjoyable for us because as you've already said, Every ceremony has its own nuances, which makes it unique. I love that.


Christopher Shelley  19:33  
I experiment a lot with elopements where, for example, a couple maybe only contacted me a couple weeks ahead of their wedding, their budgets pretty low. They just want to get married, just do a little elopement. I have a kind of standard kind of thing I say that I barely even use my book for anymore. And if they do want to kind of up and pay me a little more money. I'll write something really brief that's personal and throw that in there. But for these elopements where it's kind of Same old thing-ish, I've been challenging myself to not even look at my book at all, to kind of do the whole thing off the top of my head. And that forces me to say the things I need to say, in the moment much more clearly and in a kind of fresh way, than if I was trying to look at my book and remember every word that I plotted out, if that makes sense, it makes total sense. Yeah, absolutely. positional aspect forces me to pay attention. And it forces me to be really genuine in that moment. And it's really powerful, Clint, because you realize that we are not just doing a job. These people are looking to us to kind of guide them across this threshold, not to get corny about it, but it's a huge moment in their lives. And for us to have that responsibility and honor is really cool. I mean, that gets me going. I don't care if I've been working for them for two weeks or two years or whatever. It's just great to be up there with them.


Clint  20:57  
At the very beginning of the the episode you were talking about how you arrange people, the couple and yourself. Yeah, you mentioned though, that it was because of the pandemic.


Christopher Shelley  21:09  
It's not really. Okay. I was using that to make it more sellable. If you want me to mention a little bit more about that arrangement. Yeah. Because oftentimes, it's one more thing people assume is that brides can be over here on the side of the stage. Guys can be over there. And officiants can be in the middle. Right. That's what people expect. And so I've been the celebrant way, like I went to the celebrant Foundation, and we're kind of trained to do what I described earlier, which is have a couple together to the side, and you're off to the other side, and you're presenting your story to the guests. That's a hard sell for some people in non pandemic times, because they have that image in their head. So clearly where it's supposed to look like air quotes. But then once I meet with them in person or something, I'll explain why I do that. One of the reasons I tell them is Look, I'm speaking to your guests more than I'm speaking to you. And if I'm standing right here, I'm basically projecting and you'll feel like I'm yelling right through your heads, which is very awkward. I tell them like, imagine if you went to hear someone give a speech or a TED talk, and two people were standing in front of the speaker the whole time. Like, it just doesn't make any sense. But yes, so I have been blatantly using the pandemic as a way to sell that setup on people. But it's true this way. I'm not speaking to them and not spraying aerosols on them, you know,


Clint  22:43  
Before I became an officiant, I was a video editor, and I edited a ton of wedding ceremonies. And there was one guy that did something that I thought was really cool. I mean, I think it has to be done. Yep. In terms of how it's implemented, it has to be thought out really well, because you're talking about an entire ceremony and the different sections of the ceremony. But what this guy did that I've offered to some couples as an option, is that when they get to the I do question, then at that moment, the officiant comes down and stands in the aisle. So the couple is facing the officiant, because at that moment, they're answering a question that the officiant is asking on behalf of, I guess the government is Do you really want to enter into this legal arrangement? You know, the I do question. And so what he did was he went into the aisles so that the couple would turn and face him to answer the question, but also everybody would see their faces when they answered that question. Yeah. And I didn't think it was appropriate for every couple because every couple has their own kind of degree of being comfortable in front of a crowd, and some are more shy and whatever. But a few have chosen that. And it's kind of this really cool moment that connects. I know that there are some officiants, who will insist that the couple look at the guests before the ceremony begins. And with good intentions, of course, but I think there are some couples that that would be like a horrendous moment of a no, no, no, I hate being the center of attention. And that kind of a thing. Do you ever come across that in terms of the personalities of the couple?


Christopher Shelley  24:20  
Like they're too shy?


Clint  24:23  
On both ends of the spectrum, they can be either too shy or they want to perform? You know what I mean?


Christopher Shelley  24:29  
Yeah, sometimes they're wonderful and you can see their faces the whole time. They're kind of interacting with their guests even when they don't need to. They’re smiling and people are waving or even talking sometimes. But the ones who are very particular, Brides, tell me that I only want my good shot, my good side showing.
And I'll I'll elbow the groom and say, oh, but both of your sides are perfect. That right groom? No. I haven't. I've been blessed with a lot of pretty outgoing couples who are on board with the way I'm doing their ceremony. And if they've hired me, chances are, they're kind of like me. And they want their officiant to match their personality. So I haven't really had ones where my couples are incredibly shy. The thing about the officiant going into the aisle is interesting, if that really is the only time that the couple is facing the guests. It's great to have that moment. But I'm thinking of pragmatic things like, does the officiant have a handheld mic? Does he have a lapel? Or does he have to drag like a mic stand down over them? Little things like that can be kind of weird. And then there's like video, people who are sometimes set in a certain spot, does that mess them up? But that's an interesting concept. But I love the idea of playing around with that kind of configuration, because people just don't think you can do anything except what they visualize in their heads.


Clint  26:06  
So let me ask you a question about what triggered you just now, it was really cool, because I think the same way, in terms of logistics, as soon as somebody says, we're going to do this, I'm thinking, Okay, what do you need to be able to do that? and What could possibly go wrong with that? And, I'm wondering if that's because of your acting background, where if you're going to go on stage, you're aware of all of the different moving parts, in order to make that production available to the audience. I have had that background and I carry that sensibility into my job as an officiant, not that I'm Mr. bossy pants, but just I want to pay attention to make sure nothing slips through the cracks. Do you think that your acting background has informed that attitude?


Christopher Shelley  26:53  
Oh, my God, of course. Absolutely. It informs so much of what I do up there. Talking about the choreography in the blocking, I still even think in terms of stage right, stage left, and I have to catch myself to explain. Oh, I mean, audience left, audience right, for people who don't think that way. But yeah, in terms of setting up a nice Tableau for people to see if there's a unity ritual, or someone going into the aisle to ask the I do questions. Yeah, I'm already thinking, how would this look as best as it can? What do we need to do? Is there anything we're forgetting here, other props? What are the the sight lines, because, every single space we go to is different. It's not like it's all this uniform rows of chairs. Sometimes you're working in the round. Sometimes you're on a hill, there's always these things to think about. Sometimes there's grass, and part of the grass is wet and muddy. And part of it's not. You have to look at every single thing. But no, I thank my lucky stars I went to theater school so long ago. And in terms of sort of directing the ceremony, in terms of delivering it, being loud enough being clear, pacing the whole thing out? Well, I think of it every single time, every time I'm working, I think back to theater school, and think, I'm finally making use of my BFA 20 something years later.


Clint  28:22  
Because you have these the unique stories written down for every couple, sight reading is a huge, huge tool that I've found really beneficial. Sight reading is where you're able to look down at the text and then get your eyes up into the audience or to the couple, and your mind can still see the written word, so you're able to recite it, but it's a way to not be stuck in the page. I see photos, a lot of photos of officiants and couples. And, it's a real pivotal moment. But the officiant is is disconnected because they're down in the page as opposed to being up and with everybody else. Does that make sense?


Christopher Shelley  29:01  
Absolutely. I go through my ceremony several times before the wedding day. So I have that muscle memory of what I'm going to be saying. So I know I can look up at certain points. And I'm really comfortable about where the next line is going to be. And I'll use one hand to hold the book and one hand to sort of move my finger along with the page. So if I am looking up, when I look back down, I know that my finger is going to be where I need to read next to kind of thing, but it makes it much more genuine for the guests and the bridal party and everyone if you don't have to be buried in that book, if you're looking at them, and you're just talking as if you're kind of making this up off the top of your head. And that's a really tricky thing too, Clint, is you can't try to recreate your last rehearsal back at the apartment. You have to be reading this thing as if it's the first time you've ever said it. And it's just something genuine that you're thinking of because then people buy in to it, you know? Yeah, I'm a big old ham up there. I use my body. I get into things. I do voices. I try to make what's invisible, visible for people in the storytelling. I do every trick I ever learned to try to make it more interesting for everyone.


Clint  30:16  
Okay, at a future episode, Chris, we're gonna have to dive into the voices that you use during the ceremony. Don't do it now. That's the teaser. That's the teaser for the next time we have you on the episode. Oh my gosh, that'd be so great. Well, we've run out of time, Chris. So tell everybody how they can get in touch with you.


Christopher Shelley  30:32  
My website is illuminatingceremonies.com. That's illuminatingceremonies.com. And there's a form on the front page where you can fill out some information and email it to me, and I will email you back as soon as I can. You can call me at 718-222-0110 Is it okay to give out phone numbers? Oh, yeah, absolutely. 718-220-110. If I don't recognize your number, I probably won't answer the phone. But I will call you back if you leave me a voicemail. And good point. Other writing I do. ChristopherShelleywrites.com, where I have information about how I help couples write their vows, or edit their vows. And for the humor writing I do which has pretty much nothing to do with weddings.


Clint  31:19  
But I want to make sure that people understand how to spell your name for Christopher Shelley writes, it's a CH ri s t o p h ER and Shelley has two E's and it's a sh e Ll e y. Christopher Shelly rights.com. All right, everybody. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and On behalf of Chris, We will see you next time.

#295
Clint  0:00  
Hey everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 295, recorded on Tuesday, November the 17th 2020. My name is Clint Hufft. And with me is a gentleman that, oh my gosh, we're internationally famous, the one and only JP Reynolds.


JP Reynolds  0:25  
There's so much I want to say.


Clint  0:30  
Okay, JP is an accomplished author. His books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. He is a communications expert, thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is Jprweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or Clinthufft.com For all the things that I do. Now, when I say internationally famous, we got an email, and it's awesome. This is so great. It's from somebody named Carlos with a company called pod status. And the email says, “Hello, how's it going? Hope all is well. I have some cool information that might interest you. Your podcast, wedding ceremony podcast, has good performance in some rankings last 30 days.” And here it is. Here's the deal breaker. This is so awesome. Position 98 in the category personal journals, Italy. I don't know who those other 97 people imposters are in Italy. I don't even know how to say imposters in Italian.


JP Reynolds  1:46  
That's because of, I will come clean, It's because of my connections at the Vatican.


Clint  1:52  
Oh, really? I knew it. I knew that would come in handy One day.


JP Reynolds  1:57  
Pope Francis listens to the podcast. I have it on good word.


Clint  2:03  
Good word. Yeah. Can we dive into that a little bit? 


JP
No. 


Clint
Well, you can imagine how thrilling This was when I opened this email. And I said to myself, I don't care if it is a bot. We're number 98. In Italy.


JP Reynolds  2:24  
Okay, if you are in Italy, and you are listening to us, we embrace you. And send us some pizza.


Clint  2:36  
Yes. Or as you said before we hit the record button. Prove it. Oh, so good. Okay, JP, you said you had maybe something you'd like to chat about?


JP Reynolds  2:53  
That's correct. So in the last month or so after like eight months of not doing any weddings. In the last four to five weeks. I've been doing micro weddings from the micro micro size to the large micro size. And there is one in particular that I've not had a chance to share with you. This was a couple of weeks ago.This was about two weekends ago, Clint. You may recall we had like real weather. That we had rain that weekend. All right. Well, I was doing micros, I was microing that weekend. So, these were all couples who were already on the books at various points during the year. And as they stumbled towards the end of the year just decided, we've got to get married. No matter what we're going to do next year or in 2022. We're getting married. So I already had a relationship with these various couples. But on this particular Saturday, two Saturdays ago, I was outside of LA for for a wedding That originally is going to be like 150 hundred and 175 people. They cut it down to about 70 people. Very lovely resort with an event planner whose work I really enjoy and marvel at. And it was overcast, driving down, raindrops falling on the car, it was just a little surrealistic. I mean, I've not done a wedding in eight months. And finally, when I'm doing something of a sizable number, it was the rain. And for anybody who has listened to any number of our podcasts knows how you and I feel about rain, or in particular how I feel about rain. So, get to the venue. And she's done such a wonderful job. It's on a terrace. And I should point out that for the venue, all events, corporate, wedding, everything must be held outdoors, there is nothing can take place inside. So the idea is the ceremony is on the terrace, and then the reception will be on another portico patio type thing that would have ceiling covering, but open sides. So for the ceremony aspect, the event planner, had erected a tent that had a clear roof to it. And it was four open sides to this tent. And I was standing out obviously, where you normally stand. And that's where there was floral decor, and all that good stuff. And it was flush against a wall. I looked and I thought, it's a little nippy, there'll be rain. But we've got ourselves a tent. Okay, so now that I've set that up. Prior to the ceremony, there are 2, 3 things I want to say about this, that remind me of why we love weddings, right? So brides of the ceremony, know we have a holding area, had never met the couple in person, before everything was done by zoom. Because when they first met me, they were out of state. 
All right. So I'm introduced to the parents and all that good stuff. And some time goes by and just standing around. And at one point I like hear the groom talking to the bride's mother and father. And he's reviewing with them. What's going to happen in the procession, like father's gonna walk the bride down the aisle, they're going to stop at the first row. And then the mother is going to take a step over and join them. And I'm going to ask who presents this woman and the parents together, we're going to say a word or two, lovely little touch, and then the groom will come over and give them a hug and all that sort of thing. He's describing this to the bride's parents. And I thought, Oh, I might as well go over here, because it's like, this is my show. I go over and I said, You are spot on. I said, but you know what? You don't have to worry about anything. I'll guide you through it. Just enjoy. 
The mother says to me, Oh, thank you. She says That's very kind of you. But I do have a question. She's just now what am I supposed to say we do? Or I do? And I said, Oh, you can say whatever you want. I mean, technically it's we do, you'll say it together. But it's fine. Oh, no, because I really want to say I do. That's fine. That works. She says okay, then the husband says, No, we're going to say we do.
I just want to say I loved 20 minutes before the start of the ceremony. These parents aren't like getting into an argument about I do versus we do. And finally, I just looked at them and I said, You know what, it really doesn't matter. I said, I realized we just met. And you're going to have to trust me. I said, because in approximately 15 minutes time, you are going to lose your mind. You will not recognize your daughter when she comes down the aisle, you will not know I from we, when I asked that question, the two of you are going to stare at me. And you will have no words. So just enjoy it. It's that exquisite moment.


Clint  10:33  
Well, you handled that really well. Because while you were telling me when you said, either way, and then the interplay between the father and the mother, I thought to myself, Oh, I am so happy for JP, he is in hog heaven right now, being a part of this conversation. This is just right up your alley. It's so great.


JP Reynolds  10:53  
It's fabulous. Fabulous. But she had actually reached out to me a couple of times by email since she was giving me payment and everything. And I said I just have to tell you how much I love this conversation. It because this is only a conversation that the mother could have. This is a true mother of the bride conversation. Just fabulous. Fabulous. No father, the bride, we care about it versus wait, just the exquisiteness of detail. 
So then we move on to the ceremony and and there we all are under the tent and it's getting darker, cooler and and it's now time for the vows and the groom delivers his vows just so, Oh, so heartfelt, so exquisite. And then I dramatically hand the bride her vow book. And she begins the vows. And I think she got into like, three sentences. And out of nowhere, it started to rain. Oh, and it was just pellets, pellets on the plastic tarp that was was shielding everybody. But it was just pelting and loud. And people laughed for a moment. And we had a good sound system. She was holding the mic, and she just plowed through. And I was just like, this is dramatic. And we're covered. And of course, what I didn't realize was that we all were covered by the tarp. Except one person. Oh, no. Yes. And however it was where I was standing. I thought I was standing underneath some floral decor. And I guess I was but that decor was not covered by the tarp. And so the rain just started to it was like being in a bathroom shower. And then suddenly, it was like somebody took a bucket. And just like God did on me. Yes, yes. Yes, yes. And there's nothing to do because there is no place indoors that we could even if we wanted it as an option that we could go to. We just was just no option, because pandemic regulations.


Clint  14:05  
You talk a lot about maintaining social distance and, being safe and that kind of stuff. In my mind's eye, the way I envision what you're describing, you're kind of stuck, because you don't want to move closer. You know what I mean? Did it feel like that?


JP Reynolds  14:18  
Well, in that moment, you're thinking more rain than COVID. But I did motions. And it was tricky because she's in the middle of the vows. And they were beautiful vows. So they instinctively moved a little bit further into the aisle. And I moved a little bit but it still wasn't enough. And I just looked at everybody and I said, folks, don't worry, we only have 45 minutes left to the ceremony.


And yeah, a got them laughing and the bride continued. And it was like by God we are plowing through, and we still had the rings and the blessing and I have never. I mean, truly drenched. Part of why I'm telling this because it's in our ongoing series of rain stories. But then when we went into air afterwards, when I went back to where they were holding up. And the parents, a couple other people said, Wow, he said, you just were just unflappable. You just plug on, you just be the captain of the ship, you brought us home. And I realized, I really hadn't thought of it that way, or I wasn't conscious of that in the moment. But it made me realize, again, what does it means to be an officiant? It's not simply officiating the ceremony. What does it mean to officiate? It's not simply the words that you're saying. It's that you are there to be the rock and the guide, and you aren't captain of the ship, and it is as Officiant as your job to bring these people from point A to point z.


Clint  16:45  
I agree. And you know, quite honestly, they were lucky that they had you. I mean, really, that's the way I feel about that stuff. Would you describe these things and you? And then you explain how you decided to handle this situation? I always think that couples and the families are so lucky that they had you. The thing about the mom, I have to admit, I don't really understand certain dynamics between like a mother and a daughter. 
Now, I did a wedding. And I got called two days before the wedding. Today's Tuesday. So just a few days ago. I got called on Thursday. Apparently the officiant that was scheduled, became ill and took a covid test. But they weren't going to get the results until after the wedding day. And they thought, okay, we better go to plan B. We better find another officiant. And so when the event planner called me, I said what's their emotional connection to the other officiant? I ended up talking to the bride about a half hour later. And she said no, we had hired somebody because we wanted a professional. And I said, Okay, because I would have felt bad if like a personal friend or a family member or whatever. I wanted to be sensitive to that situation. But here's the moment that really struck me when it becomes that dynamic between, like you were talking about, a mother of the bride and that sort of thing. 
So, we're lined up, there's only about 25 people there all spaced and we’re at a golf course and it’s beautiful, like terrace that overlooks the course. It just stunning. And I do what I always do, which is I go check with the bride because the couple did not show up until pretty close to start time. And I did get a chance to meet the groom. But then I met the bride for the first time face to face. She looked great, and we were off to the side. Nobody could see us and her dad, she said something about her dad had to go check on something. And so he walked away. And I just started to shoot the breeze. And she mentioned that she just had a conversation with her mom, and she's a little rattled. I say what happened or something along the lines of and she just started to talk about Oh, my mom. And she didn't go into detail. And I will admit the first person I thought of was you JP. But I had to make a call. I had to in my mind. I'm thinking I am really curious. I really want to know what happened. I want to know what the mom said. Apparently the bride thought that it was inappropriate and apparently this is something that the two of them have been through 5 billion times. It's just that this is her wedding day. And so I thought I really want to know but then I looked at the bride and I could tell on her face. She really wanted to put that behind her. She wanted to compartmentalize and not Think about that, because she's about to walk up the aisle and get married. And I thought, Okay, I need to shut up. I need to make this all go away. Let's redirect. And so I just I did what you do to a five year old, I, you know, they're upset about something and you redirect them, you start taking their attention over on something else. So I just started talking about something else that was going to happen in the wedding. And, I could see the relief of the bride in regards to Oh, thank you for giving me something else to think about. Because I don't want to think about what just happened. And that was hard. Because normally I would let people vent. But we literally were two minutes away from walking down the aisle. And so I thought, okay, now's not the time, and I have to put what I want aside. And, everything worked out great. But what is that dynamic? between a mother and a daughter, I don't understand.


JP Reynolds  20:58  
You’ve got a wife,


Clint  21:00  
I have a wife And I have a daughter.


JP Reynolds  21:01  
You can go into a zoom Breakout Room afterwards. And you're gonna talk to those two?


Clint  21:11  
Well, now, they're best friends. The teenage years are rough. Yeah, but now my daughter's 21. And now she is my wife's champion. She like, oh, god forbid that I do anything, or say anything that she thinks isn't worthy of my mom or of her mom, my wife. Because she comes to her defense and they laugh. So I really I don't get it. I don't understand. I'm really happy that the two of them are going through this phase. But that thing with the bride and her mom, boy.
And you know what I'm talking about right?


JP Reynolds  21:54  
Oh, yeah. I love it. It's like to two guys sitting at the bar. Having a beer. shooting the breeze? I'm loving it. Yeah, man.


Clint  22:18  
Oh, my gracious.
Yeah, I think I agree. Listener, if you are expecting another episode next week? Well, I'm sorry. But in America, it's Thanksgiving week.


JP Reynolds  22:34  
But in America not in Italy.


Clint  22:36  
They're thankful for number 98 every day. And so we're gonna take the week off next week and we will see you in December. And that's it. Remember JP’S books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. For communications coaching that website is thebusinessofconfidence.com. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com for all the things that I do. All of our episodes are archived on our website. It's weddingceremonypodcast.com, the most recent one is at the top. That also is where the Email button is. And that way you can send us a note. ask us a question. Tell us a story. We love that. Thank you again to Christopher out in New York for telling us some of the stories. I think that's awesome that we will bring up in a later episode. You can subscribe to our podcast if you want that makes it so much easier. Just go to the Apple podcast store, look up wedding ceremony podcast, click on subscribe. And every time we put a new episode into the podcast world, it'll automatically come to you and it's also where you can leave us a review if you'd like to. That's one of the ways that people discover us. Thank you again to the amazing thank you again to the incredible musicians that play our theme music that Dacapoplayers.com. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and I'll be half of JP. We will see you next time.

#293
Clint  0:00  
Hey everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 293, recorded on Tuesday, November 3, 2020. My name is Clint Hufft. And with me is the one and only JP Reynolds.


JP Reynolds  0:18  
It's good to be with you, Clint.


Clint  0:22  
And it is good to be with you as well. JP, do you think you really are the one and only JP Reynolds?


JP Reynolds  0:30  
Oh, you know, that is so funny that you should ask that question. Because, number one, I had a JP Reynolds on LinkedIn look me up. Okay. And it turns out, he's like a musician. And number two, I'm doing a wedding this weekend. And the groom's name is JP. 


Clint
Oh, no kidding. 


JP
So I know, I'm not the only JP Reynolds,


Clint  0:56  
It probably stands for other names than what yours does? I'm guessing.


JP Reynolds  1:02  
Um, yes. And I forget what his names are. But when you are JP, you don't deal with names. The JP’S just deal with the initials.


Clint  1:16  
You know how you the guy on LinkedIn reached out to you because he is also JP Reynolds, right? Yeah. So, many years ago. I mean, a long time ago, when I was more involved in the entertainment industry, I had a stage name. It was my middle name. So my stage name was Clint Richards. And I had that for a long time. One day, here's what I did. I looked up in the phonebook, this tells you how long ago it was, I looked up in the phonebook just to see if there were any other Clint Richards because my legal name is obviously Clint Hufft.


JP Reynolds  1:51  
Right. Allegedly, allegedly.


Clint  1:54  
Yeah. Go with that under the pretense of the podcast. So as long as I'm in my bunker, I think I'm safe. I found one nearby, and I called the number and a woman answered the phone. And I said, Hi, is Clint Richards there? And she says, he doesn't live here! And she hung up the phone. And so I thought, Okay, wait a minute, something is not right. And so I called her back. And I said, before you hang up, my name is also Clint Richards. And she says, Oh, my gosh, it is? I said, Yeah, that's my stage name. And I'm in the nightclub business. And I do all these other things. And I just wanted to say if anybody is calling looking for me, it's because they only know me by that name. And here's my my number if you want forward it. And she almost started crying. She said, Oh, my gosh, thank you so much. We've been getting these calls from these women, and it's just breaking my heart. Why do they want to talk to my boyfriend? I don't understand.


JP  2:54  
Haha.


Clint  2:58  
And so I made the world a little happier that day.


JP Reynolds  3:04  
Oh, Clint. I know. But as a New Yorker, I think you alleviated her pain, but I still think the guy was cheating on her.


Clint  3:17  
Oh, well, I had to, what do you call it? I kick the dust off my shoes. And I washed my hands of the situation and went on with my life. I've done what I was supposed to do.


JP Reynolds  3:29  
Clint Richards. Yes.


Clint  3:31  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it kind of had a nice little roll to it, because it was my middle name. And it was easy to for me to remember.


JP Reynolds  3:38  
I am just sitting here like rocking back and forth because there's so much I want to say and I'm not gonna say any of it. I'm just gonna be a polite podcast host.


Clint  3:56  
I can see in the future when we are not recording and perhaps a beverage is shared. That we will have that conversation.


JP Reynolds  4:04  
You know it. I will not forget this Clint.


Clint  4:09  
What have I done?


JP 4:10  
Mm hmm.


Clint  4:13  
I should acknowledge that today is election day here in the United States of America. And so by the time I post this something will have happened. And hopefully something will have happened and then maybe if it's relevant in a future episode, we'll give everybody an update but I have a feeling it's such a big deal, The entire world is paying attention to this. The calendar also tells me that this last weekend was Halloween and it was one of those rare times where Halloween was on a Saturday. I did not have a wedding. And you told me before we started recording that you also did not have a wedding on Halloween.


JP Reynolds  4:56  
I have only in all of the years of officiating weddings. I only had one wedding on Halloween.


Clint  5:06  
Did they dress up like in costume and stuff?


JP Reynolds  5:09  
They did.


Clint  5:10  
Oh, did you have fun?


JP Reynolds  5:13  
It was in a nice venue. It was here in LA and it was at a kind of a happening hotel. And the two things that I remember about the wedding was one sweet couple. The groom. His family was Italian American. I will respectfully say in the most stereotypical of ways. His mother was a widow. And he was the only son. And he had three or four sisters. And he was the youngest. So he was treated as the prince, the Crown Prince of the family. Yes. And the phrase, mama's boy was invented to describe the relationship this young man had with his mother. I am not sure that I have ever seen a mother look more unhappy at a wedding than this woman.


Clint  6:30  
Oh, no.


JP Reynolds  6:32  
Because this hussy was taking her boy away from her. 


Clint
Oh my gosh, it's a real thing. You saw? 


JP
Oh, yes. Oh, yes. And they did share with me that there was a lot of tension. Because the mother did not want him to ever get married. Except to her. And it was a costume and all the guests were asked to wear costume. And they did and they really, like people invested time and money in their costumes. This was a real costume affair. And the mother dressed like Mary Todd Lincoln, because she was all dressed in black like the widow's weeds. You know, you heard that. And I could not look at her in the ceremony. I could not look at her in the ceremony. It was just like, Okay, ma'am. This is a wedding. This is not a funeral. But that was a very unhappy mother. And she would have been unhappy no matter what female was standing next to her, bro.


Clint  7:45  
Yeah, that's the feeling I'm getting based on what you've said, Oh my gosh.


JP Reynolds  7:49  
Now the bride and groom dressed in costume as a bride and groom.


Clint  7:59  
Excuse me, that's cheating. That's not fair.


JP Reynolds  8:03  
But the other thing why this wedding is actually near and dear to my heart is because this is the wedding where the rings were presented by the bride's cousin. So I would now ask for the presentation of the rings and music started and the bride's cousin appeared in the back of the room. It was held indoors at a ballroom. She appeared at the back of the ballroom and proceeded down the aisle doing a belly dance with a sword balanced on her head.


Clint  8:47  
Oh, yes. That was the Halloween wedding. Oh, my gracious.


JP Reynolds  8:53  
Yes, yes.


Clint  8:54  
Yes. With a sword balanced on her head. A belly dance. Oh, my gracious.


JP Reynolds  9:01  
So every Halloween this couple they do pop into my head. I have no idea what happened to them or to the mother or to the belly dancer. But ever since that wedding, whenever I meet with a couple is always a little part of my heart to thinks maybe today I'm speaking with a couple who will top the belly dancer. But it's never happened. No one has ever topped a belly dancer.


Clint  9:36  
The bar is too high. It's too high. JP what can they do? So on Saturday night, Halloween night. Things were a little subdued around the house. And it's about well, I want to say nine o'clock at night and I get a call from my sister. This does not happen on a regular basis. She is an officiant up in Reno, Nevada. And she has a very different type of business in that she doesn't do a lot of them. But what she does is very eclectic. She also has been participatory in Burning Man for many years, and has married a lot of people at Burning Man. And a number of years ago, we had her on the on the podcast. And I asked her about some of those weddings. And that was entertaining. So she calls me and I said, Hello, and the first thing she says to me is, what would you do If the only light you had to read the ceremony was a tiki torch? What would you do? And, the full moon. Because not only was it Halloween, there was a full moon out. It was a blue moon. And I'm sorry, for those of you not familiar with that term. It was the second full moon of the month. And so she said the only thing I had in terms of light was the full moon and a tiki torch. I said, How did it go? She said, Well, we got through it. But it was rough. And in fact, they didn't tell her This is the only light we're going to have. And people were dressed up in costume and that kind of stuff. But then they spring it on her at the last second. And this is the the deal. And so she had to reposition the torch and just that kind of stuff. That seems to happen to her a lot where she shows up And then they'll say Oh, and by the way we’ve added that. And it's something that doesn't seem to work fluidly with the ceremony. But, she saw her way through it. And then by coincidence, I talked to an event planner that I know, and she worked last Saturday for a wedding, a Halloween wedding and they went all out. They dressed in costume. The backdrop was lots of spiderwebs. But the backdrop also said “till death”.


JP Reynolds  12:18  
In the age of COVID.


Clint  12:20  
Yes. Oh, that's Yeah. And that cake was a bloody cake. I haven't seen an image of it. That's just the way she described it. It was a bloody cake. The coasters for the drinks were skulls. And they had a dessert bar setup. And all of the desert was in containers that were also skulls. And the wedding was outdoors. But it was it was all in in terms of the Halloween thing. And you know what? I applaud that couple. If they say we want to get married on Halloween, and oh my gosh, look at this. It's gonna be on a Saturday. Oh, my gosh. And then they went all in. I think that's awesome.


JP Reynolds  13:08  
Right. I think that is I think there should be a law that says if you're getting married on Halloween, it has to be costume.


Clint  13:20  
There should be a law?


JP Reynolds  13:22  
Yeah, that says, if you want to get married on Halloween, you have to wear a costume. And it's like, you're doing it on Halloween. You got to go all in.


Clint  13:31  
Okay, yeah, but your couple with the belly dancer, they decided to dress as a bride and a groom. I still think that that's just cheating. If they made everybody else get a costume.


JP Reynolds  13:41  
Oh, what do you know, somebody is a stickler. Technicality there. They were in costume.


Clint  13:53  
I just imagine the people that say it's a costume party. Oh my gosh, I don't have a costume. What are we going to do? And then they have to go and try to figure out a costume and maybe they spent money to buy a costume or whatever it is.


JP Reynolds  14:06  
These people did. These were really good looking costumes. Yeah, I mean, people spent a lot. It was clear that people spend a lot of time and money and thought on how they were going to show up for this.


Clint  14:25  
Was the couple just regular bride and groom or were they some themed bride and groom?


JP Reynolds  14:30  
No, they um they were just sweet. Regular bride and groom. I mean, I don't think they were in the entertainment industry. It was not a reality show wedding. It was just a couple who liked halloween, they they got married at like I called In a four star venue, so it was it was all elegant surroundings. Okay?


Clint  15:10  
I guess. You know what it could be that they were thinking to themselves we're going to be looking at these pictures for the rest of our lives and we want to look at them as where we got married and not as a costume party. Now the reason this is interesting to me is because the very first wedding I ever officiated, the very first one, the couple dressed up as if it was the Victorian age. So she had ringlets in her hair and she had the big like, fluffy dress thingy. And then he wore the old kind of tuxedo with an ascot and they asked me if I would wear a robe and a barristers wig. You know, the white wig? And I said, Sure. And, that's what we did.


JP Reynolds  16:00  
We still have that. Wait, I think. I mean, I've seen you at networking events where in that wig?


Clint  16:07  
Well, sure. I want to get my money's worth.


JP Reynolds  16:14  
You know what, okay, for those listening, it’s just dopey JP here. I've not seen this man in a wig. I could use a wig, not Clint.


Clint  16:21  
I was gonna say, people give me a little bit more respect. With that. Let me tell you. I was trying to think of if there was something else that in that wedding, no, I think that was it, I think, and they didn't expect anybody else to dress up. That was just their gig. And then the wedding party and that kind of stuff. That was a long, long time ago. And I never talked to them, and asked them why, where did this come from? However, there was something that was really cool. And I'm so glad that happened to my very first wedding. Where I said to them, is there anything you want to do, and I will not surprise you. So there's not going to be any surprises. We're going to have it all figured out before we start. And they liked that approach. And then, as we're about to walk out, the music plays for the groomsmen entrance. I said, here we go. And then groom said, wait. And he remembered something at the last second and he wrote it down. And then that was going to be something that he was going to do for her. So we get to that part of the ceremony. And I looked at her and I said, he has a surprise for you. Or no, we have a surprise for you. And she looked at me with that panic look in her face, I guess she was one of those people that really didn't like surprises. But then I turned the mic, I just pointed the mic towards him. And he read this thing that they had both discovered in some fantasy novel, you know, like Lord of the Rings, or one of those type of deals that the both of them really loved. And they shared it with each other. And it was this thing where two people fall in love and one of them professes his love to the other character. And he remembered it. And he wrote it down by memory. And at that moment, he said that to her. And it was awesome and hit her like a ton of bricks and tears and it was fantastic. And I thought okay, everybody gets an opportunity to do that if they want to from now on. It was so cool.


JP Reynolds  18:24  
Oh, that's lovely. Yeah, that's lovely.


Clint  18:27  
Well, oh, and I guess I should mention the one time that I dressed up like Elvis.
Now, I know there are some officiants where dressing up as like their gig. But that was the only time.


JP Reynolds  18:47  
Were you in Vegas. Where were you for that wedding?


Clint  18:50  
No, no, I was in Southern California. And coincidentally enough, the groom from my very first wedding, owned an entertainment company, a DJ, and he called me and said my couple is looking for an officiant who will do it like Elvis, who will dress up like Elvis. And he said the first person I thought of was you. So obviously this is like, really early in my career as an officiant. And I said, Sure, I'll do it. And I said they have to pay for everything but I'll do it. Absolutely. And here's what I discovered. We're almost out of time but let me share this. What I discovered is another thing that has influenced me ever since I did it sounding like Elvis and I think I may have said maybe an Elvis joke or something that Elvis would say. And then when we got to the vows, the ring exchange and the vows, then I noticed there was a complete shift in the energy in the room, because it was light hearted and it was fun and all that kind of stuff. But then when we got to that actual moment, Now we're actually getting married, everything changed. And it got serious and it got romantic and it got intense. And I thought this is really important. Because people can want to have fun and perhaps do something quirky for their wedding. But because we're human beings when we get to the nitty gritty, it's for real and honest. Right? Does that make sense?


JP Reynolds  20:27  
Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.


Clint  20:31  
Yeah, I never forgot that. And I tell people if they're thinking about doing something quirky or out of the ordinary, just be aware that when you get to that moment, it's going to get real. So just don't be surprised. You can have all the fun you want. But when it gets down to, will you and I do and I take you, that changes the whole gig. So, just be prepared for that.


JP Reynolds  20:57  
Well, I think once again, words of wisdom from Clint Richards.


Clint 21:05  
Look me up.


JP Reynolds  21:09  
Now listen, folks may have tuned in today hoping or expecting us to be talking to a special guest. Our special guest had a last minute hiccup and wasn't able to join us. And so hopefully, next week, or very soon, thereafter, we will have our special guest.


Clint  21:36  
Yes, absolutely. And yeah. I'm just really excited. I really am. And I you know, hiccups happen. So, it was good that in a way that we got to talk about Halloween, in Halloween.


JP Reynolds  21:51  
No, no, no Clint. I think it was good that it worked out so that we could learn. Clint Hufft is related to Clint Richards.


Clint  22:03  
Yeah.


JP Reynolds  22:04  
Yeah, Halloween stories were just a nice little bonus. The heart of this episode Is the Clint Richards reveal.


Clint  22:18  
Oh, I’m a little nervous about that. That good drink We're gonna share. I'm a little nervous about that.


JP Reynolds  22:24  
Yes. You know what? He had been with me for 300 episodes. And he thought, Oh, why not? Why not as we approach 300? Come clean. My criminal background.


Clint  22:50  
Oh, man. Oh, man. Well, it'll be interesting to see what comments we get on this episode. Oh, my goodness. 
All right, then everybody. Normally, I say that's the way this works. But it doesn't always work like this. But if you want to reach out to us, you absolutely can go to our website, weddingceremonypodcast.com and click on “email us”. I check it every day. And you can tell us a story. You can make a comment or bring up something that you want us to talk about whatever you want to do. It's all good there. You can also listen to our episodes there because they're right there on the landing page. Archived chronologically and the most recent one is at the top. If you want to make it even simpler, then go to the Apple podcast store and subscribe. Look up wedding ceremony podcast and click the subscribe button. And then every time we post a new episode, it'll automatically come into your podcast world. You can also leave us a review if you want to. That's totally cool. That's how people find us. Remember, the JP’S books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. For communications coaching His website is thebusinessofconfidence.com. His wedding website is Jprweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com for all the things that I do. I do not own Clint richards.com so don't even try. We want to thank the incredible musicians that play our theme music dacapoplayers.com. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf a JP, We'll see you next time.

#292
Clint  0:00  
Hey everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 292, recorded on Tuesday, October the 27th. My name is Clint Hufft. And with me is a gentleman that has no idea what I'm about to say the one and only JP Reynolds.


JP Reynolds  0:22  
You know, you're right. I don't.


Clint  0:27  
Well, you do you do know what I'm about to say. JP is an accomplished author, his books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle Store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. Thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com, for all of the things that I do.
JP, I host, six podcasts.


JP Reynolds  0:59  
Wow.


Clint  1:01  
I know. And so I love every single one of them. And the reason I bring that up is I just finished editing one of the final episodes for this year for the wedding MBA conference, which, little plug here, will begin online on November the 10th. It's all digital, it's all on demand. And so weddingmba.com if you want to get in on that. 
I did a wedding about I don't know, not that long ago. And it was frustrating. And I know that you know what I'm about to describe. It's frustrating because this is a wedding that was scheduled for a while ago. And then it got rescheduled, and then it got rescheduled, again, into like a micro wedding at a really nice place. Now, where it was originally scheduled, was nice. But where it ended up was really nice. And it was on a Tuesday. And so that was part of the deal. The venue is probably having a real hard time filling their their dates and getting customers in and so they probably did some kind of wheeling and dealing and said, if it's on a Tuesday, then come on in. And so it was lovely. Everything was lovely, except for one thing that just kind of kept nagging at me after the ceremony. Hmm. So I'm in contact with them for the original date. And, my process, you know, we build the ceremony together. And so right as we were about to get into that process, they began to realize that they might have to reschedule. And so I was looking at my emails, I have to go back and track and make sure I follow the thread of communication. And the bottom line is when we got to the Tuesday, a little while ago, we hadn't actually met or communicated like verbally in a really long time. Right. And, I showed up, and I, okay, this is gonna sound a little weird, but I felt like I was not really important. You know how there have been times where you walk into a room. You ever walk into a room and the bride starts crying? Because she sees you and she realizes it's real. It's about to happen. Does that ever happen to you?


JP Reynolds  3:37  
Ah, not. Not, not when? Not when she sees me. I'll get her to cry Later. I do like the idea.
God love you can walk into a room, a woman looks at you and burst into tears. Yes. And I love that your interpretation is she's happy to see you.


Clint  4:08  
Oh, no, I'm really clear that she tears not because she's happy to see me. Although that might be a part of it. She burst into tears because oh my gosh, this is really happening and all that stuff that has been welling up inside her since the moment that she said yes. On the elopement, not the elopement but the engagement. What do you call it, proposal. Yeah, on the proposal, all of that's been welling up and everything that she's been going through to plan this thing and everybody that's been interacting with her.


JP Reynolds  4:42  
I'm giving you a hard time i i'm not sure that I've seen. I've made women cry when I walked into the room, bride or men for that matter, but there has been that reaction of Okay, JP’s here, this is getting real now. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yes.


Clint  5:07  
Well, this didn't feel like that. Okay, it was bizarre, quite honestly, to be quite frank, part of what we do is pretty much an ego stroke. I mean, we have this wonderful job where people keep telling us, it's not going to happen without you. And, then they all are deferential to us as officiants.  And it's very rare when it just seems like, we're just not that big of a deal. So, here's the thing, they acknowledged me, okay, the officiant is here. And, I started going through my checklist of making sure that we all know what's about to happen, and that sort of thing. So I want to do the checklist with the bride. But the bride is not really paying attention to me. Now I have this thing, that if I need to make sure you understand what I'm saying, you're absorbing what I'm trying to tell you, I will wait until I have your complete attention. So this particular bride was just kind of like, I mean, there was one time where I was going to talk to her about the rings. And she literally walked away from me, because she had to go in front of a mirror to do the veil or something. They'd already seen each other, they just got done with all their photos. Yeah. And now we're in the bridal suite. And, I just need to knock this stuff out. You know what I mean? I don't have to be Mr. bossy pants. But this is kind of important stuff. So that everybody feels comfortable. And the fact that she actually walked away from me. And then there was another time where I'm about to say something, and I see. And she turns her head to somebody else. You know, as if I wasn't even talking. Somebody else says, Susie, I forget her first name, Susie. And then she turns away from me. And I thought, Man, this is a struggle. What the heck, I'm not the one getting married here. Don't you want this to go Well? You know what I mean? Have you ever had any semblance, or any like fraction of that feeling when you're trying to finalize stuff before the ceremony?


JP Reynolds  7:22  
Well, this is actually interesting.


Clint  7:31  
292 episodes, it's the first time you've actually said to me, this is actually interesting.


JP Reynolds  7:38  
I knew if I waited long enough to get to a podcast, but I thought it was interesting.


Clint  7:43  
I finally come up to you.


JP Reynolds  7:46  
See, all good things for those who wait. Before we went on the air, we did our usual do you have something? Do you have something? And you said I have a tidbit. And I said, Well, we know what tidbits oftentimes morph into. And this is a little tidbit that's morphing into something interesting. And I think first of all, you've identified a real phenomenon regarding the fact that so many in the majority of our weddings have migrated to next year. And in the last couple of months, since roughly the middle of July. I think you and I and I'm presuming other officiants listening, have been getting these random calls from couples where it's, we're going micro, we're getting married this year. We're just exhausted. We got to do it. And I find for myself and I will admit that I take pride in being preeminently on top of things professionally, but there is a strong ditzy streak in my personality. And I will admit I was supposed to see you in May and I supposed to see you in July. Who are you again? So I have been making extra effort to make sure that I zoom with all of these couples, before I do my micro wedding. Because I need to reconnect with them. There's been articles written anecdotal evidence COVID is just messing with our sense of time and place and then add the fact that we have a roster of clients that keep shuffling from from month to month, venue to venue. I shoot them an email and I say, we can just hop on the zoom for 10 minutes, it would be great in which to review and reconfirm the ceremony because I need to make that connection. So I think you've identified an important phenomenon, then, in terms of arriving at the ceremony site, and not having people start to cry when they see me. Um, I think, yeah, there are some couples who do make a focused three or four minutes to talk with me. Okay. I'm very much aware that it's utter chaos before the ceremony. And my concern is that I speak to at least one of the two people, either the bride or the groom, in an ideal situation, they did the first look, both of them at the same time to give them a quick rundown. I don't go into a lot of detail because they're out of their minds. And I simply reassure them, I will guide you through everything. And I just need you to get up there, look at each other, hold hands, I will guide you through it all. However, I always want to figure out which of the two people is more in their right mind when I arrive. And can I have a few moments to take them aside and say, Look, I don't expect you to remember anything that I'm about to tell you. But I want to just verbally say to you, that this is what's going to happen for the vows or for the rings or for the roses for the whatever. I think more times than not, we are able to do that. And then there are those circumstances where you just described and I've come to realize that for some people, I am the hired help. I am the hired help. And they're going to pay me an agreed upon fee. And they're going to be polite. And they will not remember my name next week.


Clint  12:51  
That's a weird feeling, though, isn't it?


JP
I've come to de-weirdize It.


Clint  13:05  
is there a hyphen in that?


JP Reynolds  13:06  
I think it may be two. D weird eyes it. Um, I used to think it was weird. And then I realized I can be more invested in this than they are. And there's also the reality not everybody puts the same as we know, we've talked about this. Not every couple puts the same premium upon the ceremony as other couples, right? For some couples, it's simply, okay, we got to do the ceremony in order to get to the party.


Clint 13:41  
Right.


JP Reynolds  13:43  
The other thing I also realize is, in terms of a cool reception to me, I don't know what the morning was like, I don't know who they had an argument with whether it was with each other, with a mother with a father. I don't know what that was a snafu with the event planner. And the reality is of what we do, there are some couples that we fall madly in love with. You know, it's just Can I move into your basement? I love you, I want to share with you every night. And then there are other couples where it's, I don't want to say it's transactional because I never want to be transactional. But it’s I don't need to live in your basement. Right. And that's what this sounds like that there was a couple who they hired you. You were there to do a function. They trusted you. Now leave us alone. Just do what you have to do. And we'll take your lead.


Clint  14:47  
It wasn't quite to that point. But it was a little disconcerting. Now there is another element to this that I haven't revealed yet. Here it comes.


JP  14:55  
Oh yes.


Clint  14:58  
Yes. The maid or matron, the matron of honor? Yes, is how they found me. And she is an event planner that I've worked with before. So whenever an event planner refers us to, I mean, it was a sister that was getting married. I always take that as a big compliment. You trust me enough for your sister. Thank you. That's really cool. But, I also got this kind of like lack of investment. How can I put this? It was a simple wedding. And so, there wasn't that many people there. And and so from that standpoint, it was simple. I think maybe they afterwards they weren't going to stay at the resort, they were going to go to some restaurant or something. And so all of it from an event planner standpoint, I can see where this is so easy. It's no big deal, don't worry, it's all right. And, I guess it was kind of like and Clint will take care of you. So don't worry about that. ButI had to push just a little bit, I had to provide a little bit more, you know when you try to get people to pay attention to you by concentrating harder on them, something like that. Yeah, so I had to do that, even with the maid of honor the matron of honor, just to kind of talk over everything. Because sometimes the event planner, I cut them a lot of slack, because I don't know who they've worked with before. But sometimes the event planner will try to take care of everything, even as it goes into the logistics of the wedding ceremony that I'm personally responsible for. And I found over the years that there are certain things that are, they're just handled better. I've been through this a million times, if I just arrange this with the wedding party or arrange this with the parents, then it all works out really well. And everybody has a better experience. But they've been told by the event planner, that it's going to go a different way. And I know you've been through that. All right. Yeah. And so what I say is very quietly, I say, well, we're going to change that just a little bit. And then I tell them what we're actually going to do. Right, like 1.1% of the time. No, I didn't say that right. Point 1% of the time, then I'll get a little pushback, like the dad is like, well, that's not what we rehearsed. And I don't want to change it. And I'll say, okay, that's fine. But, I that I felt this kind of a scenario in this little micro wedding, where it seemed as though the sister who is a very good event planner, had told everybody what was going to happen before I even got there to explain what was going to happen. And so I had to just kind of tweak a few things. I wasn't used to that. I'm used to people who refer me and they understand my rhythms and they know that when I show up, I literally am going to take care of everything that I'm in contact with. Unless it, like you say, unless it's like choreography or something like that, but it was just a little disconcerting. 
The end. 
I have something else I need to bring up. Are you ready?


JP Reynolds  18:40  
For the second podcast? I'll say I'm ready. I know you're in a delicate mood today.


Clint  18:53  
Okay, we got an email from one of our listeners, Peter. Oh, Peter, I'm so sorry. I'm gonna try to say your name. Please forgive me. Boruchowitz, yeah, he's in New York. And I think that we were talking about, I think you had a zoom wedding. And then a couple was, I was 


JP
I did not complete. The wedding did not. I had a couple friends in New York, who inquired about the zoom wedding. Okay, place. Yeah.


Clint  19:22  
Well, Peter thought it was important that we clear that up, because he does 5 billion weddings in New York. And so he said, the question was whether an officiant needs to be in New York to perform an online wedding, because it's online. Do you have to physically be in New York? And he says the answer is unambiguously Yes. Published in the regional emergency executive order signed by Governor Cuomo, the governor of New York way back in April 18. Let's see. I guess it read the whole the requirements were subsequently affirmed. Okay. Blah, blah, blah. The officiant Couple of the witnesses not located in New York State during the ceremony, video conference, the marriage is not valid. So he talked about an officiant, who lives in Connecticut, and works a lot in New York, that if they're doing an online wedding, that officiant will cross the state border, to be standing in New York State. So that everything is legal. So that answers that question that if you're going to do an online wedding, everybody has to physically be in.


JP Reynolds  20:25  
Thank you, Peter, for clarifying I. I found it so fascinating. Because, Oh, perfect purpose of zoom, is that you have to be near the people you're zooming with, right? And it's like, okay, New York, I didn't realize you were so anal on it. It's like, I know that there's something a little complicated about how you all have to be in New York, like whenever I think it should simply be you have to have a New York accent. And it doesn't matter where you


Clint  21:04  
See, now you have a monopoly on the industry though, California. 


JP
Yes, I do. Yes. Hello. Yeah. 


Clint
Peter just says there's one more thing where some couples he does, he marries a bunch of couples that actually live in New Jersey. And he says that he's had several couples from New Jersey drive across the bridge, or through the tunnel with the witness, and get married in their car to make sure they're legally inside the state of New York.


JP Reynolds  21:30  
Right. And that, by the way, for people who are not familiar with New York, that notion of driving through the tunnel or driving across the bridge, that is iconic, and many a person who lives in New Jersey and who works in New York has spent a significant portion of their life in a tunnel and on a bridge.


Clint  22:00  
you mean because of traffic? Yeah. Okay. Well, thank you, Peter. And I'm glad we cleared that up.


JP Reynolds  22:05  
Already. Clint.


Clint  22:07  
Alright, JP, I think that's it for this episode of The What do we call this podcast?


JP Reynolds  22:14  
Well, I think it's group therapy for you. Clint, I see you, I recognize you, I validate you, bro, I give you a virtual hug. Thank you. Like the couple. I'm turning my head and like paying attention to what you're saying.


Clint  22:40  
But don't take it personally. The thing that was finally interesting isn't interesting anymore.


JP Reynolds  22:47  
Yeah, it was kind of interesting. But yeah, whatever.


Clint  22:52  
And the moments gone and scene.
All right. Now I want to give everybody a heads up, we have a special guest next week. And that's all I'm going to tell you. We have a special guest next week, we're both pretty excited about this. And so mark your calendars. I don't even know if you can mark your calendars because it's whenever I post the episode, but generally speaking, it's going to be around Tuesday of next week. And and we're very excited that this person has decided to join us. She's an accomplished author, and she's created something that is really, really cool. And so that will be next week.


JP Reynolds  23:30  
Hopefully she won't have something better come up. And then she'll just blow us off.


Clint  23:38  
Turn and talk to somebody else. Yes,


JP  23:40  
yes.


Clint  23:42  
Walk away while I'm still talking. All right, everybody. That's the way this works. Remember, you can reach out to us the same way that Peter did, all you have to do is go to our website, weddingceremonypodcast.com and click on the email us button. Tell us a story. ask us a question, clarify something the way Peter did, it's all good. And that's how you do that. And you will also notice it on the very same landing page are all of our episodes. They're all archived chronologically, the most recent one was at the top. And we also have added a page where we start putting up the transcripts of our conversations, which is scary and exciting all at the same time. And, and that's the way that works. We also suggest you go to the Apple podcast store or any of the apps on your mobile devices that access that library and subscribe to the wedding ceremony podcast and that way every time I post a new episode, it'll automatically come into your world. That's also where you can leave us a review if you would like to. That's one of the ways people find us. Remember the JP’S books are in the Amazon store and the Kindle Store in Amazon. For communications coaching thebusinessofconfidence.com. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. And mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com for all the things that I do. Thank you again to the Incredible musicians that play our theme music that DacapoPlayers.com. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP We will see you next time.