​#318 - Keith Carson
Clint  0:00  
Hi everybody. Welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with the wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 318. recorded on Tuesday, June the eighth 2021. My name is Clint Hufft. And with me is a gentleman that is excited about our special guest the one and only JP Reynolds.


JP Reynolds  0:23  
That's all gonna say. Let's keep moving.


Clint  0:29  
JP is an accomplished author. His books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website, his wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com, for all of the things that I do. Well, I'm not gonna wait any longer. We have a very special guest all the way from Florida. He is Keith Carson, Keith, how are you? 


Keith
I'm doing great. I really appreciate you guys having me on. 


Clint
We're gonna get more out of this than you are. I'll tell you that right now. Okay, so before we started recording, Keith, you explained to us what you did over the last two weeks. Would you mind repeating that for all of the listeners?


Keith Carson  1:17  
Well, yeah, I kind of feel like Superman minus the phone booth, doing a lot of quick changes, but I had one couple that bought a piece of property in the middle of nowhere. And during the ceremony, we were watching for snakes.


Clint  1:39  
And that's the end of this episode. Thanks, everybody.


Keith Carson  1:44  
Yeah, I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. So it was very, very casual. They said just, wear some boots and jeans and I did. And then from that wedding, I came back to civilization dressed in much nicer clothing got better groomed, because as you probably saw from the pictures, I do have longer hair and a beard. That changed nicely, did a same sex wedding. And now I'm facing a themed wedding where Captain white beard will be marrying a pirate couple at a pirate festival. And then that will be followed by me putting on my clerical robe and stole and doing a very formal wedding ceremony. I need a valet.


JP Reynolds  2:42  
Keith, anybody listening is already fascinated and saying to themselves who is this man? And maybe you could give our listeners some context for all of this, where you're located and how you can go from snakes to pirate ships.


Keith Carson  3:09  
You know what that sounds like a good name for a book. So I'm located in the Ocala, Florida area, which is in North Central Florida. I moved up here from Palm Beach County about four years ago. I'm in my sixth year an ordained minister, wedding officiant and I started out actually doing themed weddings that was it. I portray Santa thus the beard I don't have the big belly but I look the part when I get all dressed up. I've married couples as Santa many times. But I would do themed weddings. I married couples as Santa, as a pirate, as a night at Renaissance festivals, as a Western Marshall. You name it. But you know what? It wasn't long before I realized that Most people don't get married in a themed type wedding. More married in a traditional type wedding. So then I started doing those as well. And I have what i have fun doing any type of wedding. No matter what I really do enjoy and love what I do.


Clint  4:23  
Well, it's obvious. The website is your name KeithCarsonWeddings.com. And if you go there, you see, by the way the website’s put together very well. You present yourself very professionally and it tells the story very quickly. And how long have you had that website?


Keith Carson  5:00  
That website I launched late last fall. I have another website. I have one that's weddingsforpirates.com. I had another wedding site but I ended up meeting a woman who not only is a wedding officiant, but she also is a website designer, SEO expert, all of those things and I said, I hit the jackpot. And she redid my site, we worked together on it. And I'm thrilled to death with what she came up with for me.


JP Reynolds  5:46  
I'm fascinated by your story, as you've just told it. But then even more fascinated to know the story behind the story, meaning, what was your journey to becoming an officiant?


Keith Carson  6:08  
Oh, that's actually a good question. So I mentioned that I portray Santa I've been doing Santa for this will be my 16th year. Typically I spend November, most of November, all of December, a little bit of January in New York City as Santa Radio City Music Hall for the Christmas. spectacular. It's a tough job working with ad rockets. But somebody


JP Reynolds  6:38  
from New York, I was born and raised in New York, so I sort of


Keith Carson  6:41  
maybe, there you go. But I actually had someone reach out to me about marrying them as Santa's back in 2015, in Branson, Missouri. Number one, they knew I was Santa. They knew I was Scottish. And they were it actually happened to be the groom was from Scotland, and wanted a traditional Scottish wedding with handfasting and Bagpiper and the whole nine yards. And I became ordained, they paid for all my travel arrangements to Branson. And I did the I did the wedding, it came off. Great. I loved it. And I said I just I just need to do more of this. And that's really how it developed it was if they had never asked me to do it, I probably would never have even considered doing this. Wow.


Clint  7:39  
We found you because of another officiant who I think is part of one of the Facebook groups, Rachel Griffin is the one who reached out to us and said you need to look for Keith. And she thought that you would be interesting. And the one thing that she did say that I thought spoke to well spoke to you and your personality was how much how much you offer other officiants in these Facebook groups, useful advice, suggestion, encouragement, that sort of thing. Do you see feel yourself as a role model? Or do you feel yourself as somebody who is kind of like a teacher?


Keith Carson  8:18  
I do. I've kind of always felt that way. I've leaned in that direction. Because I take pride in what I do. And what Clint what you do and what JP does and what every other wedding officiant does reflects on all of us in some ways. I get tired of hearing the, my cousins, uncles, brothers newspaper boys gardener sister, officiated our wedding and did a horrible job.


Clint  8:57  
Could you repeat that again? Please? Who was that?


Keith Carson  9:10  
So a friend of a friend, let's just go with that. I couldn't repeat that in a million years. 
But I'm on these Facebook groups, you read all the good stories, but you also read the horror stories. I got to seeing a lot of people posting saying, Hey, I just got ordained today and my first wedding is Saturday. What do I need to know? I see a lot of that and it kind of irked me, because I know how much time that I put into preparing for what i did, marketing and website and learning what there is to learn and I'm still learning. I think we all are. 
So I just feel the need to really share, make recommendations. I don't look at other officiants as competition, even if they're in the same area that I'm in, because nobody does what I do, nobody does what you do or what JP does. So I love helping people, give them advice, give them suggestions, tell them where to find information, buy certain things, whatever the case may be. So I spend a lot of time on on Facebook, unfortunately, doling out advice, but it seems to be appreciated. That's how I met Rachel, I believe she's in Georgia. And I've been helping her and others sort of in a maybe in a mentor hood capacity. And I just I enjoy doing it. And I wish somebody was there to do that for me when I started out.


Clint  10:54  
So what is your process? When you get a couple and you have to create a ceremony? Walk us through that? Because everybody's different? Right?


Keith Carson  11:06  
Well, I developed a questionnaire that really identifies everything that they want, and everything they don't want. It includes all kinds of information, including how they want me to dress. Now that's within reason, I give them some options. So in Florida, we have a lot of beach weddings. And it could be nothing more than shorts and a tropical shirt and some flip flops, or it could be a little bit more. So it goes anywhere from that casual all the way up to the clerical robe and stole and anything in between from dress pants and a polo shirt to a sport coat to suit and tie to even what colors they're doing so that we don't clash. I'm known for my, my purple sport coat. And I had a bride that said their colors were purple, and everybody was wearing purple. And she was just over the moon when I showed up that way.
That questionnaire really is designed to identify everything. And I do mean everything they want. And more important, what they don't want, I don't want to be standing up in front of a couple and say something and have this look of death come out of them. Like why are you saying that? So once I do the script, I will send them the draft of it for for approval. Most of the time they leave it as is. Occasionally they'll change one little thing here or there. But I know that they're going to be happy with it. And I always tell them if I don't bring you to tears. I haven't done my job.


Clint  18:57  
Oh my gosh.


JP Reynolds  19:01  
Man after my own heart.


Clint  19:04  
You couldn’t have said anything more perfect to JP.


JP Reynolds  19:09  
Exactly, exactly. But Keith, what you've just described is an approach that is hallmarked by such care and attention to detail that is I think not common in today's world, no matter what the arena might be. And I'm wondering, Did you have any background that oriented you to the power of ritual? It's just very, very moving to hear you say what you just said?


Keith Carson  19:56  
No, I really just think it comes down to and I believe wholeheartedly with you, JP, that it's almost like customer service doesn't exist in most industries. And having run my own businesses, that's very important to me. And I just look at what a wedding ceremony is. I mean, it's one of the most important days in a couple's life. And I want to make sure that it's absolutely perfect and that I exceed their expectations. So I take whatever steps are necessary to make sure that that's what ends up happening.


Clint  20:36  
Well, you mentioned some other businesses, where did you come from? I mean, sounds like kind of a long road to becoming an officiant. So what else have you done?


Keith Carson  20:47  
I started out, initially as a radio DJ in New York City, I moved to Florida. I never had the the intention of going into this profession, but I actually became a police officer for 25 years. 


Clint
Oh, wow, that came out of left field. 


JP
Wow. Okay, let's all just have a moment here. I love it. 


Keith
I'm saying someday I'm going to write a book, I have the title. It's going to be called from “rock'n'roll to pest control”, because that really describes the radio career and the law enforcement career, but I retired young, I retired at 46. I've fallen into a lot of things by accident. I didn't intend on being a police officer. A friend who talked me into taking the test with him and the rest is history. 
The same thing with Santa. At the time, when I started, I'm six one. I was probably about 180 pounds with short, very dark hair, clean shaven, obviously, the natural choice to be Santa. And a week before a major event that I was part of on the planning committee, the Santa Claus bailed, and now what are we going to do? And I just said, I'll do it. And I ended up portraying Santa for about four and a half or five hours at this event, loved every minute of it and never looked back. And the same thing with, like I said, with the officiant story, how I became an officiant. So I think good things happen for a reason.


Clint  22:30  
What about Florida? Now we live in Southern California. And so generally speaking, December, January, February, we don't get that many weddings. But I've heard that in certain climates It's actually kind of flip flopped on the calendar. What's it like in Florida in regards to the busy season and, JP brought up the idea that there's hurricane season. And what does that all like for you where you are, from a professional standpoint?


Keith Carson  23:01  
Well, the area that I'm in, in North Central Florida, we don't get as much effects at all from hurricanes. We have had some stronger winds and such a lot more when I officiated weddings on the southeast coast of Florida when I lived there for a number of years. But I don't know Florida really has a wedding season. A lot hinges on are they going to do an indoor wedding or an outdoor wedding? Obviously. So yeah, I mean, it's hurricane season is something to consider. From June 1 to November 30. In the area that I live in, it can get very cold. Even in the spring, it can be a 20, 30 or 40 degree difference in temperature between night and day. I think most people look at Florida and just say it's ideal to get married there. Any any time of year. Except don't do an outdoor wedding in July or August, unless you want to wear a sponge.


Clint  24:15  
That's excellent. Well, okay, let's tell some stories. We've only got about five minutes left.  So Keith, tell us a story. It sounds to me like you've had besides the fact that you had to look out for snakes. Just tell us something that I don't think any of us has probably experienced.


Keith Carson  24:36  
Oh, that's, that's a good one. The more traditional I hate to use that word, but when you do a lot of themed weddings, that's the only way I can really explain it. What's the traditional weddings go off Great as you'd expected, but the theme weddings are the ones that are a lot of fun. Oftentimes, those are couples that have been married before. They did the big formal wedding The first time and now they're looking for something fun. 
And I did one where I married a couple as Santa. It was an outdoor wedding on Christmas Eve. They were getting married at the end of this dock. And it was just going to be about 10 or so family members who knew nothing about the wedding, they didn't have a clue. They just knew that they were asked to be there. So we came up with this idea, we put the groom at the end of the dock with a fishing pole. With no bait. He just looked like he was fishing. So they went down there. The bride was in getting changed and she was gonna wait. And then I show up dressed is Santa and I walked down to the end of the dock. Now, people give me some questionable like, why is Santa here but not anything out of the ordinary because it's Christmas Eve. And I asked them to gather around and I had started the wedding ceremony with a night before Christmas rewritten. So it was in a city called Lake Wales and it started out towards the night before Christmas, when here on Lake Wales, all the guests, they had gathered having been told some tall tales. And it went on and on and it gave little little hints of what was about to happen. And from my standpoint, it was the greatest thing to watch the guests because they were all going is that they're gonna be until they finally realized that it was going to be a wedding. And then one of one of the bride's children queued the music and she came walking down the dock and they were just big Christmas fans and wanted to get married by by Santa but it was a great, great, great surprise for the family in a real nice Christmas Eve present.


Clint  26:52  
I'm looking at the map right now where Lake Wales is in Florida. And that's that's quite a hike from Ocala.


Keith Carson  26:59  
It is Yeah, I think it took me three hours or so to get there. So yeah, the travel time was a lot longer than the ceremony but it was included in the price and of course was Christmas Eve so I had a sleigh And I could get around.


Clint  27:21  
Very good. Very good.


JP Reynolds  27:23  
The the pirate themed weddings. I'm presuming it just was a, dare I say, logical extension of the Santa's work.


Keith Carson  27:40  
It is and that's where the name white beard came from. I was Santa with a white beard. And that became the captain white beard Who would marry them. I've done so many on ships. And it's just a lot of fun. You can really get creative in the wedding scripts on a lot of these themed weddings much more so than you can on a regular wedding.


Clint  28:10  
Well, we're almost out of time, Keith. And I know that people who are listening to this, there's a possibility that they would want to reach out to you. What's the best way for them to contact you.


Keith Carson  28:19  
They can either call me at 352-541-1332 or email me at Keith@KeithCarsonweddings.com. or message me on Facebook. I'm always happy to to help and lend advice. And I learned probably just as much by talking to people as I do in helping people.


Clint  28:43  
Well, that's brilliant. All right, everybody. That's the way this works at the Wedding Ceremony Podcast. Remember, you can listen to our episodes if you want to, on our website, WeddingCeremonyPodcast.com. all the episodes are archived chronologically. So the most recent one is always at the top. We've added transcripts for the most recent episodes. And you also if you want to can look up the wedding ceremony podcast in the Apple Store. And then you can subscribe, which would be great because every time we post a new episode, it'll automatically come into your world. That also is where if you want to you can leave us a review, because that's how people find new content. And there's a lot of people out there in the wedding world that I think would have a lot of fun listening to the wedding ceremony podcast. We want to thank the incredible musicians that play our theme music the dacapoplayers.com. Remember that JP'S books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. For communications coaching His website is thebusinessofconfidence.com. His wedding website is jprweddings.Com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com for all of the things that I do. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint on behalf of JP and Keith, we will see you next time.

#317
Clint  0:03  
Hey everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 317. recorded on Wednesday, June the second 2021. My name is Clint Hufft. And with me as a gentleman that's been very busy, the one and only JP. Reynolds.


JP Reynolds  0:22  
But I always have time for you, Clint.


Clint  0:29  
Yes, you do. JP is an accomplished author. His books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website, his wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com, for all of the things that I do. Well, last episode, we kind of teased a little bit the concept of couples seem to match the personality of the event planner.
And you've had a week to think about that. Do you find that to be plausible?


JP Reynolds  1:09  
What do you think? I need another week? Well, it does. You know, it makes sense to a degree. Because certainly I know that I am not the right officiant for every couple. And the couples who hire me, there definitely is some alignment with personality, and not just vision of the ceremony. Because I establish a level of comfortableness. And I think people, I think more than anything, people hire me because there's that high level of comfortableness with me. And I think part of the reason why there's a comfortableness level is because there's an alignment of personality. And so I think it would be true for anybody that they hire. But especially the event planner, who is the event planner, and becomes their therapist and their BFF.


Clint  2:31  
Right, right. That's exactly right. Well, I didn't even think of that. Yeah, it does make sense, there has to be some sort of, I guess, a compatibility between the event planner and the couple, they have to understand each other. I saw a presentation from a photographer that has since gone on to become kind of a celebrity in her own right, not as a photographer, but as an expert in marketing and social media and that kind of stuff, Jasmine Star, and I saw her speak, at the beginning of social media, and she embraced it 100%. And she said that she also embraced the concept that she gravitates towards brides that are divas, she said, because I'm a diva. And I'm a diva, and they're divas, and we understand each other. And so that kind of supports what you're talking about, although I think you mentioned also last time that most of your couples come to you by referral from I'm assuming other event planners primarily or other professionals. And so I've always felt that my business model is similar to that. And I've always felt that, that means that the couples, they’ve gone through some filters, they're pre qualified before they get to us, because somebody thinks that we're already a good match. Does that make sense?


JP Reynolds  3:49  
Right. Right. Right.


Clint  3:52  
But I think it's fascinating that when it comes to event planners, and the personalities that a couple, it's just fascinating to me. I mentioned the one that was, well, she looked at the world differently than I do, and seem to be more combative. And here's the quote, one of her couples, completely different mindset than any other couple that I've ever married. Young couple, obviously well to do just based on a lot of different criteria. And I was talking to the groom, and they didn't really interface with me that much. I ended up just kind of creating something for them. And that was fine. They didn't have any interplay. They didn't want to spend any time on the ceremony, nothing like that. But then on the wedding day, there's time to kind of shoot the breeze, the people that you're going through and checking everything. And I've already seen the bride, and I'm talking to the groom, and I said have you seen her? No. Well, she looks spectacular. And he says, Well, she should and here's the quote: I built her from the ground up. 


JP
Oh, oh, oh, 


Clint
I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do. I remember to this day, just in my head alarm bells are going off. Something was screaming inside me. I didn't know what to do, like, all I could do was just be quiet. And I did say to myself, just do the ceremony. Just do the ceremony. It's gonna be fine. Now, having said that everybody was really nice. But, man, what a unique mentality for both sides of that couple.


JP Reynolds  5:51  
Yeah, I have I have other words than the word unique.


Clint  5:54  
Yeah. Yes. And it was with that event planner that also had kind of unique personality. And then I started paying attention to it. And there are some event planners that are gracious and loving, and their couples seem to carry that vibe. There are others that are incredibly hip, almost like a jet set type of deal. And the couple's carry that vibe. I don't know, I just I see a common thread that runs through there. Does that make sense?


JP Reynolds  6:27  
Right, right. Well, a really good event planner, an event planner, who has a sense of self and personal and professional identity will not want to work with every couple. I don't want to work with every couple. Right? Because I know that I'm not the right person for every couple. And I don't want to expend the effort in becoming somebody that I'm not so as to make a quick buck with a couple.


Clint  7:09  
Right. I think we do what we do, besides the fact that we get paid to do it. We do what we do, because we're not we're getting rich off of this. We do what we do, because we like it so much. And if you change the dynamics of what we like, then doesn't it make sense that we're not going to have the same?


JP Reynolds  7:31  
Right. And that's true for anybody who works for themselves. If you work for yourself, the whole benefit for working with yourself is that you get to work with the people that you want to work with. And I've known some fabulous event planners who have fired couples, they've just fired their client and it's just this isn't working out. And I give them great credit for that. And I think that's a very respectful thing to do for the client and for themselves.


Clint  8:08  
Now, something else happened this last weekend, I did a wedding at a really fancy place. I don't remember ever being there before. It was like a private golf course, like a country club type of deal. And everybody was really nice. And the event planner, we've worked together before and there's just this air of familiarity and everything was just really nice. Do you ever find that when you're hanging with groomsmen? That sometimes the stuff that they say not only to each other, but definitely to the groom veers into the not politically correct, perhaps inappropriate and maybe a few other words that could describe something that you wouldn't repeat.


JP Reynolds  8:52  
Which is why i'm not sure that I would say that I hang with the groom and the groomsmen. I make myself known, I check base I will for reassurance. If the groom wants to engage me in conversation, I'm always happy to do that. But when I see that there's a boys club atmosphere. I will remove myself. But having said that, let me directly answer your question. Since I have this annoying habit of not directly answering people's question and say yes, Clint, I have noticed that.


Clint  9:44  
Well, sometimes it just happens because you're taking care of your job. You're you know, going over certain things and whatever. Right this last weekend there was this one groomsmen and Okay, don't get me wrong. Everybody was really nice to me. But this one guy, some of the stuff he said to the groom, and I thought it was kind of like, Well, I think there's an East Coast saying that says he was busting his B’S. And, it really felt like that this is not new. The guy was relentless. And yeah. And it wasn't that it was like a constant chatter. It would just be that there might be a couple of the comments from the other guys. But then he would come in with this zinger. And I could tell by the response from everybody, the groom would just lower his head and shake it with a little grin on his face like that, that's what he gets.


JP Reynolds  10:46  
Did you have a chance to know what the relationship was between the groom and this particular groomsmen? Were they related?


Clint  10:52  
No, they were not.


JP Reynolds  11:08  
You know, it also speaks to the fact that it is not uncommon for people to invite people in their wedding party because they feel they're obligated to invite them to be in the wedding party, not because they want them in the wedding party. And that was the beauty of a micro wedding. It got rid of all of that drama. It's like there's no wedding party. So there was no politically incorrect banter, because it was nobody to banter with. People do not change their personality because somebody is getting married.


Clint  12:02  
Well, you know how the couple says when you ask the question about the parents, do it again, do the thing that you always ask about the parents.


JP Reynolds  12:13  
Well, I always say your parents, alive, deceased together, not together, talking, not talking, or any combination thereof?


Clint  12:21  
Right. And the response that I get from a lot of couples who are dealing with divorced parents is well, they're divorced, but they'll be civil. Right? You hear that a lot. Right? So that tells me that people are willing to modify their behavior, depending upon the circumstances, but you always have the feeling that there's a breaking point. And thank goodness, we leave. We don't hang around for the reception. 
Well, there was a moment that was fascinating. So I walk in with the groom. That's the way they choreograph this, I walk in with the groom from the side, and then the bridesmaids are escorted by the groomsmen up the aisle. But before they came in, the parents come in. Now the bride's parents are still married. So the mom comes in, she's escorted, she sits down and then the dad is going to escort the bride. They're the last ones in the processional. Okay, so the groom's parents come in, they're divorced. They're both remarried. I didn't see any open animosity while I'm getting ready, just say hi to everybody, and congratulations and stuff like that, prior to the ceremony. 
But here's what happened. So the mom walks in with her husband. And they sit down in the front row, and the mom has the first seat in the front row, and then her husband sits next to her. Then the dad walks in with his wife. And he brings her over to her chair, looks at his son and says, should I hug you? And then he just came over and he hugged his son. It was really sweet. And then he goes to his chair and I very quietly, because the rest of the they're going to change the music and the wedding party is about to come in. And they've got a long walk across some grass and stuff. I had a moment and I just very quietly said to the groom, do you want to hug your mom? I really want to know the backstory on this. But anyway, he looks at his mom, his mom looks at him. The dad just hugged him and is now sitting down. And the groom says to me, no, I've hugged her enough. And the mom says, that's okay. I know where you are. And she didn't get out of her chair. He didn't make a move towards her. That was it. No, I've hugged her enough. Yeah, I know where you are. Right after the father had hugged him, and I thought, Oh my gosh, JP Where are you what I need you?


JP Reynolds  15:04  
Well, see because I've learned not to ask that question to anybody.


Clint  15:12  
Well, sometimes they want to do it but they're afraid that they're not allowed to do it because of protocol or whatever, and I just figured, well, If the officiant says it, then that kind of releases them, you know? Right. Right. And I've said it very quietly.


JP Reynolds  15:31  
Well, I on Saturday, I had a bride do something that I have always wanted a bride to do. 


Clint
Zipline? 


JP
All the years I've officiated a wedding. I have never had a bride do this.


Clint  15:52  
Okay. I'm fired up. 


JP Reynolds  15:58  
Okay. I will admit, I love the Sound of Music. That movie. Yeah. My favorite piece of music from the sound of music is Edelweiss.


Clint  16:15  
Oh, yes, of course.


JP Reynolds  16:17  
And I actually gave my grandmother a music box one time with the Edelweiss music. And, I say that just so as people know, I can be desperately sentimental and romantic. And I always thought it would be a beautiful piece of instrumental music for a bride to process into. And finally, on Saturday, the bride processed to Edelweiss.


Clint  16:50  
And what I love about what you're telling me is that you probably had no idea and all of a sudden you hear the music.


JP Reynolds  16:59  
I had established a lovely, fun rapport with this couple. But we're not old drinking buddies. And I thought, My God, I'm gonna start crying. Here it is. I sent a memo to my nieces and my goddaughter is this is the piece of music, you'll be processing down the aisle to when you get married. I just want to give you a heads up that one part, you don't have to worry about wanting to do your wedding, you will be walking down the aisle to Edelweiss. It was an exquisitely beautiful, magical piece of music. And it was in a lovely hotel venue and it's in a secluded garden on the grounds and it was just magical.


Clint  17:49  
Was it played with live musicians? Or was it a recording?


JP Reynolds  17:52  
It was a recording. 


Clint
Was it instrumental? Or were there vocals or just instrumental? 


JP
Not not the lyrics? Oh, man, the lyrics would make it a little weird. Music, that's all I want. It was just the music. So it's like, Alright, I can check something off my bucket list.


Clint  18:14  
See, that's a perfect example of why we keep doing this podcast. Because as long as you have been officiating wedding ceremonies, there was this secret desire I'm guessing it was secret. We've never talked about it before. The Secret desire for you to hear that song as a bride walks up the aisle. And out of the clear blue it happens after all these years. I'm empathizing the emotions that you must have felt that's just so cool. That's so cool.


JP Reynolds  18:46  
No, it was just it was exquisite. It was expressing. Then, at that same wedding, I had a moment with the father of the groom, and I have to say, he was one of the most memorable and one of the most gracious fathers I have ever encountered in all of my years of officiating. Wow. And I'll tell you why. Thank you for asking. Yeah. 
I was sitting off to the side before the ceremony, as I often do, and just collecting my thoughts and observing people as they were starting to arrive and taking in the energy. And this man in a tuxedo with a boutonnière probably in his 60s walks up to me and he simply stands. I was seated and he simply stands in front of me, and he doesn't say anything, and it's fleetingly awkward, because it's like, dude, I really am not sure who you are. I presume you donated DNA to somebody here, but I don't know exactly who you are. So I stood up, and I extended my hand. I said, I am JP. I'm going to officiate the ceremony. And he hands me his cell phone without saying a word. He hands me his cell phone, like you would hand somebody a business card. And I look down at the phone and the screen has writing on it. And I read it in large print. It says, this is just stabbing in the heart. It says “I have Parkinson's. My voice is garbled. My face is paralyzed. Thank you for coming. I am smiling on the inside.”


Clint  21:25  
Oh my gosh. Holy moly.


JP Reynolds  21:31  
And I hand him the phone back and in a very garbled low voice. He says “thank you”. And I shook his hand with both hands. I said it's an honor to be here. And then I remembered the groom had told me that that his father has Parkinson's. And it had not affected his walking. But it did his vocal abilities. Very poignant.


Clint  22:06  
Yes, absolutely.


JP Reynolds  22:09  
And that he made it a point to come to me. And want me to know that, that despite what his face may look like, in the ceremony that he was smiling, like, Wow. Wow.


Clint  22:24  
Do you think that that was going to be his go to for everybody he met that he didn't know?


JP Reynolds  22:31  
You're saying I'm not special?


Clint  22:33  
Oh, you're very special, JP.


JP Reynolds  22:36  
Well, just by the way he came over and everything and because it was the timing everything he knew that I was the officiant. Because he would have seen me speaking earlier to his wife. And the way I was interacting with the groom and so yeah, I presumed I think there's a 90% chance that that he knew that I wasn't a guest he didn't recognize


Clint  23:16  
that is so. So cool. Wow, that must have meant the world to his son too, you know?


JP Reynolds  23:24  
Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Well, we need to end on that note. So long farewell. Auf Wiedersehen, good night. 


Clint
Adieu, adieu, to you and you and you. De de de de de, de de de de de. 


JP
Someday, America's Got Talent.


Clint  23:49  
All right, everybody. That's the way this works at the wedding ceremony podcast. Remember, if you have a story or something that you would like to share with us, go to our website, WeddingCeremonyPodcast.com and click on the email us button, and you can share whatever is on your mind with us or tell us a story or lead us down a particular path that will bring rewards to everybody who listens to the podcast. That also is where you can listen to our episodes. They're all archived chronologically, the most recent one is at the top. You can also go to the Apple Store and Stitcher and find us and then you can subscribe to the podcast, which is great. That way every time we post a new episode, it automatically come into your world. That also, if you want, you can leave us a review. Reviews are one of the ways that people find new content and our audience continues to grow. And in no small measure to the way that people are spreading the word about the podcast which by the way, thank you very much. Remember that JP'S books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. For communications coaching His website is thebusinessofconfidence.com. His wedding website is jprweddings.Com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com for all of the things that I do. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP We will see you next time. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP We will see you next time.

#316
Clint  0:02  
Hi, everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with those wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 316, recorded on Tuesday, May the 25th 2021. My name is Clint Hufft. And with me is a gentleman that Oh, if you could listen to what we say to each other when we're not recording the one and only JP Reynolds.


JP Reynolds  0:25  
Don't talk.


Clint  0:30  
Oh, man. Okay, we'll discuss that in a second. Right now what we're not what we talked about, but just the idea. JP is an accomplished author. His books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website, his wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com, for all of the things that I do.  Speaking of which, I'm guessing you have a contact form on your website. Yes or no?


JP Reynolds  1:06  
My website is very clear how you can contact me.


Clint  1:16  
Yeah. Okay. So I read something that said, well, a contact form should have a couple of things on it. And I thought, Well, okay, fine. I pay into a service Weebly, and I designed my own websites and make up that what you will, but the contact form has, what's your name? What's your email address? What's the date of the event? What kind of event? Are you having whether it's a baby or a funeral? Or a wedding? And, where is it? And what time of day, so and then if they fill that out, then I get an email that says, somebody filled out your contact form. This morning, I got an email. No, I got a contact form email. And I looked through it and I look at the date and I do everything that I normally do. And then you have to do like a double take, because you're gonna get into just autopilot. And, we live in Los Angeles, or at least the Los Angeles area. And this wedding is taking place in October in Connecticut. So I all I did was send back an email, my regular email where I have some things if you would like free resources. Just to be clear, I'm in Los Angeles, do you want me to go to Connecticut? Or no, I think the way I phrased it was, do you want to bring me to Connecticut? So I have a feeling that there was a Google search, and God bless the internet. But somehow I came across this person's radar. And so I'm just leaving that this is Episode One of the Am I going to Connecticut saga. And then whenever I get feedback from that, I will I will update you on that. Whether she would fly 3000 miles.


JP Reynolds  3:08  
Yes, Connecticut in the fall. Very lovely.


Clint  3:11  
Oh my gosh, don't get me wrong. I want to go. I really want to go. But oh my gosh.


JP Reynolds  3:21  
Well, you know, that's interesting. Now about the form. I don't have a form like that. And I realized as I was listening to you that 99.5% of my weddings are directly from referrals. Right. Yeah, I don't really have a lot of people who find me that way. 
Okay. I did a wedding this weekend. And just a few details from the wedding. And first of all, here in the States at this point in time, there is so much pain and outrage and fear regarding the harassment and the physical violence Against Asian, South Pacific community. And there's just such a heightened suspicion of the other, whoever the other might be, from your perspective. And the wedding on Saturday was so exquisitely beautiful for a number of reasons. One of which was the fact that the groom was Korean American. And the bride was Afghan, a very, very, very unique combination. Yeah, and just to see these two, three distinct cultural groups coming together with ease, and joy, and a spirit of fun, was just exquisite. And it was just experientially and visually just a beautiful moment. And, before the ceremony, I sat off to the side, which I often do before the ceremony, just to soak in the sight, that just visual sight of who was there, and it was just lovely, in a very old fashioned way of saying it was lovely. It's lovely.


Clint  6:50  
Sometimes in a situation like that, you'll see traditional clothing.


JP Reynolds  6:57  
There's no traditional clothing. No, people were dressed to the nines in western wear. So that this was not a pageant, but it's just the faces. I do know what you mean, I've had that experience. Also, where mothers or grandmothers especially would be wearing traditional garb or whatever but life doesn't have to be complicated. And love in all of its glory makes life very simple. And certainly that is a truth bordering on a cliche. That is in short supply right now.


Clint  7:44  
Did you hear other languages, did you hear them talking in Korean? And is it Arabic?


JP Reynolds  7:48  
Afghani? Yes.


Clint  7:52  
Yeah, it's really cool. I love that cosmopolitan feel. I've explained what we do to other people from the standpoint of where we talk about multicultural, interfaith, that sort of thing. I'll say Nowadays, people from all over the world can find and fall in love with each other. And, then, if we're lucky, they decided to get married in front of us, and how we can help them. And sometimes, if you found this, that some couples want to incorporate some of their heritage, or honor their families or their cultures or whatever. And then there are other couples that say, No, that's a powder keg, we don't want to go near it. Let's just keep it as as straightforward as possible. Let's not include any of the traditions. It's kind of like one or the other. Do you feel it?


JP Reynolds  8:44  
I guess, yes. And for this couple, earlier in the week, they had an Afghani wedding celebration. Oh, okay. And so the celebration over the weekend was purely the western celebration, right? Yeah. Yeah.


Clint  9:11  
Yeah, that's interesting. Wait, they had a wedding celebration. So did you end up signing the marriage license? 


JP
Yes. 


Clint
Okay. Yes. Did you talk about to the couple about that? Because sometimes when they say we're going to have a service in the Catholic Church, before we have the wedding, the outdoor wedding or whatever, I'll say, well, you want to ask the question of the marriage license to make sure that whatever is important to you and or your families, that we make sure that nothing slips through the cracks, and we don't have an embarrassing moment, especially from a legal standpoint. Do you have that conversation?


JP Reynolds  9:49  
Oh, always. Yeah.


Clint  9:51  
Yeah, there was one couple a long time ago. We were going along, planning the wedding and so on and so forth. And then the day of the wedding, they said very quietly, they were at some fancy Country Club. And they pulled me aside and they said, surprise, today now is going to be a renewal of vows. This morning, we went to our Catholic Church, and we got married. And we want you to tell everybody that.


JP Reynolds  10:16  
Oh, interesting.


Clint  10:17  
Yeah. Yeah, it was. Yeah, this is near the beginning of my career. Since then, I've learned a number of things that would call into question. Okay. Did you really get legally married? Are you just telling me that, they're embarrassed because you think your friends aren't going to take this seriously, because I'm not a priest. And they know you're Catholic. And, what's really going on? And, I've only learned that since then, I just kind of took a leap of faith and did the ceremony and went went on, you know what I mean?


JP Reynolds  10:49  
Right. I think I've shared this before. But my philosophy is that it's not about competing ceremonies. It's not about what is the real ceremony? And what is the fake ceremony? I always say to couples, your celebration begins. For instance, let's say, you're going to be married in the Catholic Church. And you're going to have a small Catholic wedding the weekend before your big blowout celebration that I will officiate. And I say to them, your wedding celebration begins in the church, with your priest, and the immediate members of your family. And culminates, a week later, at whatever venue in the presence of essentially all of your family and friends. So for me, it's not even over with the renewal of vows which we have met. It’s a continuous celebration that begins in one particular manner, and culminates in another.


Clint  12:17  
That brings into question the word celebration, as opposed to a ceremony.


JP Reynolds  12:25  
Well, the ceremony is part of the celebration. The ceremony is a celebration, but the celebration extends beyond the ceremony.


Clint  12:38  
I explained to people that in my opinion, there's four kinds of weddings. There's the wedding of your heart, which, you wouldn't be talking to me if you hadn't already done that. You’ve already committed to each other and you really want to get married. So in your hearts, that's already kind of done. And then there's the social wedding, which is usually what involves you and me, where they invite a bunch of people, and they put on neat clothes. And they publicly say, they want to be married to each other. Then there's a legal wedding, which is the license. And then for some people, there's a religious, cultural and traditional weddings. I try to explain that each is its own separate thing. They can happen on the same day, like we can sign the license on the same day, or they can include cultural traditional rituals within the ceremony. But it starts with each one being its own separate thing. And the reason I explained it like that is to differentiate the marriage license from everything else. Because the way I usually talk to couples is I'll open the conversation with what do you want for your ceremony? What do you not want? And we talked about the ceremony and everything, that kind of stuff, wherever the conversation goes, but then I make a real clean break. And I'll say we should talk about the marriage license. Because I think that's a real important part of our job. Does that make sense?


JP Reynolds  13:54  
Yes, yes. And, again, I think it's an issue of we talked about the same thing, but in different ways. What is the marriage? Well, it's about a license. It's very non romantic. It's a legal document, you get a driver's license, you have a dog license, you have a marriage license, and it's okay. Now, if you have the license, and now that someone, perhaps myself will sign that license, and now that you are legally married, and you get all of the legal benefits of that document. Now, the question is, how do you want to celebrate the reality that is captured by the essence of that legal document and that's then when we have the conversation that celebration of what that document in it creates, begins can begin in a church setting and can culminate in a in a large public venue with 200 people. I always want to emphasize that it's No, no, none of the components are competing against each other. Right? It's all integrated, and that I urge the couple to look at it as a seamless celebration. 
I think I've shared before my goddaughter, Meredith, back in December of 2019, she and her now husband Cole, got their marriage license, came to my apartment, said sign it. took them out to sushi to celebrate. And they wanted to get married in that way, because she needed his health insurance, right? They were supposed to get married last May, or actually this coming weekend, they were supposed to get married Memorial Day weekend last year. And that was cancelled. But on that Memorial Day weekend, we had a micro wedding, we’re on the beach, it was just Meredith and Cole and their parents and siblings. And that's where they shared, gifted each other with their personal vows. 
In November, we're all going up to Santa Barbara. And they're having a 200 person celebration, at which point they will reaffirm their vows in front of all of their family. And so for me, as I said to them, your celebration of the life that you have created and promised to continue to create that celebration began in my dining room, and culminates in Santa Barbara.


Clint  17:03  
Yeah, and in between, there's a marriage. They’re living together, they're married. And so that's one of the things that I love about when there's space like that, from the first part of the celebration to when. And I'm just really happy for you, that you get to be engaged in this type of thing, you get to interact with this thing. And all three of its iterations and the different vibrations. It's kind of like everything you get all the good stuff because you already have a good relationship with the bride and probably by now her husband and of course the families and that kind of stuff. Because you are her Godfather, but the other thing is now you get to share your professional expertise to guide them through what is coming up to three unique ceremonies, and you carry with your own emotional content. I'm really happy for you. I just think it's just so cool that this opportunity has come to you.


JP Reynolds  18:09  
Yes, yes. And this weekend, have officiated the wedding of Merideth’s cousin.


Clint  18:17  
Oh, that's cool.


JP Reynolds  18:19  
I'm just plowing through the family. So it's actually her cousin by marriage, but be that as it may, so. Yes. I mean, my deepest philosophy is that a wedding celebrates what already exists. I don't believe in people who can't wait until our life starts together. But no, your life started that fateful day when you exchanged glances. And you're saying to family and friends come celebrate the great good that we have found in each other and bear witness as we pledge to continue to create a life giving life. And that's what the marriage is. And that's what that marriage license gives people legal benefits to that to that reality.


Clint  19:38  
I tell couples that whatever government entity issues the marriage license, they don't think it's romantic. You've already said that and I agree wholeheartedly. I say they think it's a business contract, which it is. The couple's going to go in into a financial partnership called state of matrimony. 
Switching gears a little bit. I have a wedding coming up this week. And I'm going to a place that I don't know if I've ever been before. And I'm working with a planner that I haven't worked with for quite a while. And the couple hasn't been as interactive with me as other couples usually are. And I'm really curious as to what's going to happen. Now the reason I bring that up is Do you find that couples? And we've only got about five minutes to parse this, but do you find the couples sometimes reflect the personality of the event planner?


JP Reynolds  20:30  
Oh, what a fascinating question.


Clint  20:36  
Should we table that?


JP Reynolds  20:37  
Oh, I think that's one of the top five intriguing questions you've asked. Over the last 25 years, we've been doing this podcast.


Clint  20:52  
Wait a minute. With that in mind. I think maybe we'll table this Until the next episode. Yeah, but I will give you a little background on it. 


JP
Interesting. 


Clint
Yeah, a long time ago, I would say at least 15 years ago, there was an event planner that had a certain attitude. It was fascinating. And there was somebody who wanted to learn that I was training as an officiant. And I said, Why don't you come along? And, just kind of watch from afar and just kind of feel what's going on? Yeah. And the event planner saw this person, again, from afar, and said, Who's that, and I said, Oh, it's an apprentice. I don't like that at my weddings. And then I started to kind of connect the dots like, and her couples have a unique vibe to them, that follows her unique vibe. I only worked with her a few more times, for a number of different reasons. Not that I rejected her at all, but it's just the point that, things happen. And, I noticed when I went back to my memory of the couples that I had worked with that came from that particular planner, I thought, okay, there's a thing here, I need to start paying attention to this. And I started thinking, and I started just being aware of it, how when you notice a particular car on the road, next thing you know, you see a lot of them, because you're aware of it, I started to become aware of the personality of the the couples, compared to the personality of the event planner. And I started to see like a pattern. So, that's where I'm gonna leave this. And we'll bring that up in the next episode. It's kind of fun, I think. Any last words?


JP Reynolds  22:43  
And I want to quickly Okay, so now we're in it, I want to very quickly recommend some reading to our listeners. Oh, if you were on LinkedIn, I urge everybody to go to the LinkedIn page of one of our listeners, a woman officiant named Zita Christian, like the religion Christians Zita Christian, and she has a look, it's still her latest post. I have a LinkedIn profile, in which she describes how she created certain rituals for a couple who met in Italy. And it's a wonderfully written blog post. And it gives us insight into how she creates ritual. And it's just delightful. And I want to give a shout out to see them. And highly recommend. Highly recommended.


Clint  23:55  
Oh, that's very cool. Yeah, maybe we could arrange a conversation with her at some point. Yeah, that'd be fun. All right, everybody. That's the way this works at the Wedding Ceremony Podcast. Remember, you can listen to our episodes if you want to, on our website, wedding ceremonypodcast.com. All the episodes are archived chronologically. So the most recent one is always at the top. We've added transcripts for the most recent episodes. And you also if you want to can look up the wedding ceremony podcast in the Apple Store. And then you can subscribe, which would be great because every time we post a new episode, it'll automatically come into your world. That also is where if you want to you can leave us a review, because that's how people find new content. And there's a lot of people out there in the wedding world that I think would have a lot of fun listening to the wedding ceremony podcast. We want to thank the incredible musicians that play our theme music the dacapoplayers.com. Remember that JP'S books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. For communications coaching His website is thebusinessofconfidence.com. His wedding website is jprweddings.Com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com for all of the things that I do. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP We will see you next time. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP We will see you next time.

#315
Clint  0:12  
Hey everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 315 recorded on Tuesday, May the eighth 2021. My name is Clint Hufft and with me as a gentleman that, Well, there's a gap in our memories, but we'll figure it out. The one and only JP Reynolds.


JP Reynolds  0:36  
You are very optimistic, Clint.


Clint  0:39  
The figuring out part? JP is an accomplished author. His books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website, his wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com, for all of the things that I do. 
I talk about the gap. It's because last week, I had a wedding on Thursday and a wedding on Friday. But then that was it for the weekend for me, but then you had one on Sunday, I guess. And I did the first full wedding that I've done in a long time. On Friday.


JP Reynolds  1:21  
Yeah. Beautiful. How many guests?


Clint  1:24  
I would say about 100.


JP Reynolds  1:27  
Yeah.


Clint  1:28  
Yeah. And I know that you've done a bunch of them. I mean, since the beginning of the year, but I say a bunch. Like what four?


JP Reynolds  1:35  
Well, a few Yeah, yeah.


Clint  1:38  
And then the one prior to that was a really sweet story. The couple met in the Navy. They're both currently still in the Navy. He's from like, Louisiana. And I don't remember where she grew up. But I don't know if this has ever happened to you. I zoomed with them a few months ago, in order to get to know you and that kind of stuff. She was stationed at Port Hueneme. But he was stationed in Guam. And I immediately thought of you because did you do time in Guam?


JP Reynolds  2:34  
Okay, Clint, you may wanna. I Did hard time in Guam. I lived on an island 700 miles south of Guam. 


Clint
Oh, okay. 


JP
I know Guam, because that's where we would go. That was the main hub of everything.


Clint  3:02  
Well, that's where he was stationed when we did the zoom. Wow. Yeah, there was a big time difference. I think he was up really late or something like that. We figured it out. Yeah. But here's the thing that was, it was a little embarrassing for me. Because when she's on zoom, her hair is pulled back. She's Navy proper, and all that kind of stuff. And he had a beard. Then on Thursday, she shows up first at this really cool little venue. It's like one of those spaces that is not very big, probably the maximum capacity would be about 100 people. But for this wedding, there was only 10 maybe. And, it's just kind of neat that these spaces exist. The event planner that I worked with seem to specialize in these small, intimate weddings. She discovers these really cool spaces that are like a blank canvas and you can do whatever you need to do in there, usually anyway. 
So she shows up beautiful white dress. I'm talking to her going over the normal things. He hasn't shown up yet. And out of the clear blue. I remembered that we had a zoom call, because I started to ask her questions. And then I realized, Oh, we've already had a conversation, haven't we? And she said, and with that look in her eyes. That's kind of like yes. And in my head, I'm kicking myself and my wife says you need to start taking notes. Do you do that? Do you take notes with your conversation? 


JP Reynolds  4:42  
I do. Yeah. See, after every zoom call. I have a template that they fill out and I have a section on for notes and When I spoke to them, what was the energy? What was the tone? If there was anything particular about how they first met that I would want to mention in the ceremony? Any notes? So yeah. And they do. Let me say, I find it to be very helpful later on.


Clint 5:24  
Do you look at those when you go to the wedding? Or is that your review?


JP Reynolds  5:27  
I review it the night before.


Clint  5:31  
Yeah, that probably would be smart for me to like, get my act together and do that, jiminy Christmas. I mean, it turned out great. But that was just an awkward moment for me.


JP Reynolds  5:42  
Well, I have it now. So I get no credit for this, that when I show up, I am able to recognize the bride or the groom. I now go to the event planner, and I say, I'm an utter ditz. I only zoomed with this couple. I need you to like, not introduce me to the groom. But I'd love if you could just walk me over to the group. Because there are times where you look and off to the side, it's like four guys standing together. And they all have the same haircut or the whatever. And as you say, the guy could be scruffy on zoom. And of course, clean cut during the search for the wedding, whatever. 


Clint  6:46  
I cut myself a little slack on that, because obviously everybody looks different on their wedding day. You know what I mean?


JP Reynolds  6:53  
I cut myself slack. But I've learned that I want to just for the sake of smoothness, right?
It's just something I do. Yeah, I will.


Clint  7:08  
If I really don't know, fortunately, the trend nowadays is the groom differentiates themselves, like with a different colored jacket or with a different color boutonniere or, and sometimes just the interaction. Yeah, where you can kind of figure out who's the Alpha Dog here? Who's getting the most whatever, right. And you can also tell, maybe it's a process of elimination, because the groomsmen that are just acting loopy, they're not getting married that day, you know? So, yeah, I look at that kind of stuff.


JP Reynolds  7:38  
So I especially got tripped up when, when the groom had a twin brother.


Clint  7:48  
Oh, no, seriously.


JP Reynolds  7:53  
I was like, I need more than a boutonniere here.


Clint  7:59  
Oh, my gosh, my dad was an identical twin. And he would tell us stories about what they would do when they were kids, and how they would take each other's classes and all kinds of stuff. In fact, I saw it firsthand, because my uncle who lives in Missouri came out here for their 50th birthday. And my dad loved to bowl. And he sent my uncle in there on bowling night. And I got to watch it. Because everybody was saying hi to my uncle who didn't have a clue as to who anybody was. But you could tell for them It was like turning back the clock and all the shenanigans they did when they were younger. So I would imagine your identical twins are kind of used to that confusion, right?


JP Reynolds  8:43  
That's great. That's great.


Clint  8:45  
I'll have the event planner, like I needed to find the mother or the father of the bride. And, really relevant, important people that are going to be involved in the ceremony in some capacity, that really seriously, get lost in the crowd. And so it's very easy for me to say is the so and so here? Yeah. Can you just point them out? 
The event planner on Friday started to walk me over there. And I said, No, no, no, you don't have to walk me over. Just point him out, I can figure it out from there. Right? And then I always say what's your dad's name? Because usually that person is going to be involved in a conversation like a social setting. And it's my job to walk up look like the officiant and say that person's name. So that there's an air of formality and we got to talk about some stuff. But I hate the idea of walking into a cluster of people that could all be a dad and not having a clue, that drives me crazy. Right. Thank you for your support on that JP.


JP Reynolds  10:00  
The wedding I did on Sunday was for a couple it was their fourth effort to get married.


Clint  10:15  
Wow.


JP Reynolds  10:17  
They had they had to cancel, postpone their wedding three times prior. And they both went to school. In Hawaii, they grew up for periods of time in Hawaii. They met in Hawaii. And I think the bride's family still lives in Hawaii. And so originally they were going to get married in Hawaii. And then because of travel restrictions, etc, etc. They they had postponed and anyway they It was a very micro wedding where it ended up being the couple and the bride's parents and the bride's brother. And I forget the groom's parents were not able to attract level to the wedding. So it was the most micro of micro weddings. And they rented this gorgeous, gorgeous home in the hills of what's known here in Southern California is Topanga Canyon. Yeah. And but as luck would follow them that morning, in a particular section of Topanga Canyon, there was a brush fire. Oh, no. And so one of the main arteries was closed to all traffic. Fortunately, their Airbnb was located was about on the freeway 10 minutes north. But in the background, you would see the fire helicopters. Jumping water on the brush fire.


Clint  12:26  
You could see that while you were doing the ceremony?


JP Reynolds  12:29  
Yes, yes, it was it was just, it's like we all had this sense of surrender to the universe. But I give them high props. They hired an event planner. Even though they knew they were only going to have three to four guests. Because the bride said, on my wedding day, I do not even want to look for ice cubes.


Clint  12:57  
Perfect. I love that.


JP Reynolds  12:58  
And, she she got an event planner, who typically is doing more elaborate and more traditional sized weddings. And it was really just a wonderful day. And it was just wow, how pre eminently sensible and civilized and it was so gracious, just so gracious and was no anxiety is just very lovely. Just exquisite.


Clint  13:47  
I love it When a couple figures out something that we learned over the years is a better way to go. You know, where a couple just has instincts. I try to tell every single couple, listen, all we want is for the two of you to just be like floating around on your wedding day and everything just magically happens. And you don't have to think about anything. But it's rare that you come across somebody who takes the initiative to make that happen. I love that.


JP Reynolds  14:15  
Yeah. That's great. And this was almost like a small compound, where there were two modern designed houses situated on the property. And the groom got ready in one of the houses and bride and her family were in the other house. And so they didn't see each other until the beginning of the ceremony. And they had been together 12 years. Wow. Yeah. Well, they would have been married in their 10th or 11th. You're right on according to plan, right?


Clint  15:09  
Well, it's interesting, isn't it, the way the world works? Because they were gonna get married in Hawaii And due to circumstances, they ended up with you. And they're probably way better for it. In my opinion.


JP Reynolds  15:21  
Well, thank you. Yes. You bow before the universe. Yeah, absolutely. The universe.


Clint  15:38  
Yes. On Friday, I got to do the love box again, the love capsule. I don't know what you call it. You call it the wine box? What do you call it?


JP Reynolds  15:47  
Well, it is a bottle of wine.


Clint  15:50  
Yes, it does. It's the box.


JP Reynolds  15:53  
I call it the wine box ritual. Yeah.


Clint  15:55  
So when I first came across it, it was called the love capsule. And it’s a box, and it's got a bottle of wine. And two love letters from the couple to each other. And then what I usually say, that they want me to say in conjunction with the box is that the letters were written, neither of them have read the letters, and the bottle of wine, and they're going to close the box, and they're not going to open the box unless their marriage becomes troubled. And they need to kind of reset. And then they take the letters, and they separate and they read privately what the other person wrote on the wedding day. So they can rekindle that feeling of you know why they got married, stuff like that, and then come together and share a bottle of wine. 
But if, the language says, if you don't need to open the box, then on your fifth year anniversary, and I've heard different variations of that fifth year, 15th year, five year, 10th year, whatever, that you open the box and you share, and then you read the letters anyway. 
What was great about it is I don't like the couple to have to touch anything unless they absolutely, positively have to. I want the guests to all be included in what we're doing. So I opened up the box. And I explained item by item, what we're doing, I pulled out the letters first. And I showed them to the guests. And I explained what they were, I put them back in the box. And I said and they're supposed to share. And then I kind of winked at the guests and reached back and pulled out the bottle of wine. And the reaction was fantastic. It was everybody in the audience was like, Oh, yeah, they're going to share a big bottle of wine. And that went way better than I thought it would. But I think the fact that I tried to put the guests, kind of like, bring them on board as if they were part of the deal? I think I made a big difference. Right?


JP Reynolds  17:53  
Right. Well, that always does. Yeah, yeah, I will admit, I don't use the wine box ritual, with the idea of the couple reading the letters. Originally, it's like after your first argument, or if there's trouble or whatever, I simply, the couple agree that they're not going to reopen the box until their first wedding anniversary. And in terms of what they put into the box, there's different options depending on how they want to punch up the emotional overtones of it. So the traditional thing is they write letters to each other. Sometimes couples simply say, we're putting our all into our personal vows. And so instead of writing in additional letter, they'll put into the box, the personal vows that they've said to each other.


Clint  19:03  
Okay.


JP Reynolds  19:06  
I've had couples invite the members of their wedding party to write them a note slash letter. And then at the rehearsal, the notes from the bride's attendants are bundled up and tied, so too with the other person's own attendants, their bundle, and then the best man or woman the maid of honor. In the ceremony, they place those two bundles into the white box, and then a couple add their vows or their letters and then the bottle of wine. I've also had other times where it's the parents of the couple write letters. And then the parents come up. And they put the letters into the box. And the couple adds their letters and the one.


Clint  20:10  
The first thing I thought of is that box is going to have to be bigger.


JP Reynolds  20:15  
I love it. Let me give you a virtual hug. You would be there with the hammer and so on. There are many sizes to the box. Yes. I do tell them that you want to make sure the box is big enough for whatever it is that you're putting in. Yes, yes. I've had grooms as a gift, hand make the box.


Clint  20:49  
Yeah. Or a relative that's into that sort of thing.


JP Reynolds  20:53  
Yeah, somebody like yourself?


Clint  20:56  
You don't want to turn me loose on that? No, no. That'd be like the wood shop project in high school where it's supposed to be a box, but it ends up as an ashtray. That's where I would go. Okay.


JP Reynolds  21:08  
All right. So the point of all of this is, is that as I always say to couples, it's like the sand ritual without the sand, and you've got a bottle of wine to look forward to at the end of it. But there's many different ways to play up. I've also had it where the box is displayed as guests arrive, everybody writes a little note, tosses it into the box. So that then a year from now, when the couple reopen the box, they'll have the notes from their guests, plus their letters to each other plus the public one.


Clint  21:51  
See, I think that changes the significance of the box. Yeah, like that, that I have in my choices that I give to every couple. That's interesting. I wonder if I need to add an addendum.


JP Reynolds  22:06  
I don't do the whole thing about when you have an argument, because my thought is you're having an argument, you want to take the bottle of wine, you want to smash it against the wall. You're gonna be so mad. It's like, Oh, yeah, okay. You wrote this five months ago? Yeah. Obviously, you didn't mean it. If you're having an argument, go see a therapist, I make it much more of a time capsule rather than a here's something when you're having a hard time. I mean, obviously, they can open the box anytime they want.


Clint  22:48  
JP, I don't know what the listeners feel. But you took a dark turn there. We’re smashed in it. And you can hear the theme music from the rumble on West Side Story.


JP Reynolds  23:01  
Oh, yeah. I just like it. Oh, yeah, I say you're gonna keep the eye and then I always say the guests. I say the couple know that when you reopen this box, tumbling out of it. It's all of our loving joy for the two of you. I like that. And then I look at the guests. And I say and when you visit them. Make sure the box is still closed.


Clint  23:28  
Oh, look at you.


JP Reynolds  23:31  
Yeah, see, I'm not all darkness.


Clint  23:33  
So let's not smash the wine bottle today. Let's not do that.


JP Reynolds  23:40  
All right, I get a little Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf.


Clint  23:47  
Oh, man, we're gonna end on that note, that's just too good. All right, everybody. That's the way this works at the wedding ceremony podcast. Remember, you can listen to our episodes if you want to, on our website, wedding ceremony, podcast calm. all the episodes are archived chronologically. So the most recent one is always at the top. We've added transcripts for the most recent episodes. And you also if you want to can look up the wedding ceremony podcast in the Apple Store. And then you can subscribe, which would be great because every time we post a new episode, it'll automatically come into your world. That also is where if you want to you can leave us a review, because that's how people find new content. And there's a lot of people out there in the wedding world that I think would have a lot of fun listening to the wedding ceremony podcast. We want to thank the incredible musicians that play our theme music the dacapoplayers.com. Remember that JP'S books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. For communications coaching His website is thebusinessofconfidence.com. His wedding website is jprweddings.Com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com for all of the things that I do. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP We will see you next time.
​

#313 - Rabbi Brian Zachary Mayer
Clint  0:00  
Hi, everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 313. recorded on Tuesday, May the fourth 2021. We could probably start right there. My name is Clint Hufft. And normally with me is JP Reynolds, but JP, he's got to do some other stuff. So we have a very special guest. I really am excited about our guest today all the way from Portland, by way of Los Angeles. He is Rabbi Brian Zachary Mayer. Is it Mayor Meyer?


Rabbi Brian
It’s Mayor.


Clint  0:37  
As soon as I said it, I thought I better clear this up. And you are in Portland and you have a kind of a cool business, Religion Outside the Box. Real quickly tell everybody about that.


Rabbi Brian  0:49  
Well, our whole mission is to inspire adults in their spiritual religious lives, regardless of what they believe or how they grew up.


Clint  1:02  
Adults, so do you ever talk?


Rabbi Brian  1:05  
We'll deal with a kid every so often, but I think religion is an adult game. And when we boil it down and try to make it pediatric, we lose most of the goodness of it.


Clint  1:17  
Wow, that's a podcast all by itself.


Rabbi Brian  1:20  
Let's do that later. But today, for your galactic Star Wars Day, we're talking about weddings.


Clint  1:27  
Yeah, we are. In fact, that's how I met you. When you were living down in Los Angeles. I don't know how long ago that was. 


Rabbi Brian
It seems like at least eight years. 


Clint
Yeah. Okay. And every now and then, well, for a while, the first or third Monday of every month, we would get together, a bunch of wedding officiants, and have lunch and shoot the breeze. And that's where I first met you. And that was at like an interesting transition in your life. If the way I understand cuz I interviewed you for a different podcast. So tell me about that point in your life that led to where you are now.


Rabbi Brian  2:09  
So I was doing weddings like normal, clergy folk, but I had this theory, Clint, that God doesn't play teams, God wouldn't discriminate based on religious affiliation. And I thought it was time for me to stop doing the same. Because I was working at a standard brick and mortar, regular, congregational Rabbi job, right? I found that not to fit. And to put that into weddings was back in the day, it was taboo for a rabbi to do a wedding if one of the people in the couple was not Jewish. And I just cared that they liked each other, and they wanted to be married. And that freed me up a lot.


Clint  2:59  
I don't know if you've ever met JP Reynolds, my co host on this, but he has kind of a similar situation where he was a Jesuit priest. And same type of deal with the way he phrases it is that his personal beliefs got a little, the church was a little too conservative for him. And so it sounds to me, there's logical ways to kind of parse that language, but it sounds to me like you went through a similar epiphany. But tell me now about because, I texted you a couple of days ago, and I said, are you still doing weddings? And you're in Portland? Yeah. So tell me a little bit about the wedding process or your wedding life as it exists right now.


Rabbi Brian  3:42  
Well, couples find me kind of, I didn't always think of it kind of like the A Team. Like they didn't know where else to turn. And then they find me in the most bizarre of ways. And often they want to get married slightly before the Sabbath or they want to be married And they want to have a minister and a rabbi. And so when those people find me, I see if I can't be of help.


Clint  4:12  
You said that they're looking for the A Team. And so in my mind, there are four people on the team. And I was just wondering if you're closer to Hannibal or to Mr. T.


Rabbi Brian  4:23  
It depends on the day, man.


Clint  4:24  
Yeah, I guess it would. Yeah. So out of the well, the pandemic is a little wacky, but let's say before the pandemic, when what we call the real world. How many weddings would you do in a calendar year?


Rabbi Brian  4:41  
You know, I used to take all the weddings I could. And then I realized that wasn't working well. And also the weddings where it's two Jews matching each other. Let me give that to somebody else to do. And I do about 12 a year now.


Clint  4:56  
Okay, but most of them are interfaith?


Rabbi Brian  5:00  
They might even do weddings for no Jews at all. So those are not interfaith right? Just people.


Clint  5:05  
Religion Outside the Box and the way you've constructed it. Yeah. It sounds to me like people would gravitate towards you. If they fell into that kind of thinking, that is definitely not along the normal organized religion deal.


Rabbi Brian  5:22  
Often for families where there's Jews involved they want to have a ceremony kind of like a reuben sandwich, which is kosher style, but it ain't kosher. So I give them the reuben sandwich of weddings.


Clint  5:36  
What is a reuben sandwich?


Rabbi Brian  5:38  
It's corned beef, a Russian dressing, Swiss cheese and sauerkraut on rye. It's delicious.


Clint  5:45  
Oh, Holy moly.


Rabbi Brian  5:48  
Yeah. And then a coronary follow shortly thereafter.


Clint  5:51  
The way you described it, my wife is Jewish. And it sounds to me like that would be heaven for her. The way you described it.


Rabbi Brian  6:00  
It's amazing. It's technically not kosher. Due to the cheese with the meat, but Oh, yeah, it's kosher style. And a lot of people want a wedding, they want a rabbi there. And I work with couples, we don't do the wedding That I was taught in rabbinical school. I custom wedding for the couple from the ground up. And if we do Hebrew in it, we do Hebrew in it. But I often say to them, Look, Hey, you got a guy with a hat standing at the front. We've covered the Jewish part. Let's just do the wedding you want and if involves Jewish elements, we do those two.


Clint  6:39  
Now when I think of Jewish elements, I think of wine and seven blessings breaking the glass.


Rabbi Brian  6:47  
yeah, we got a few cool traditions in there.


Clint  6:51  
When you went to rabbinical school, how much time did they spend on wedding ceremonies?


Rabbi Brian  6:56  
Dude, it's a five year postgraduate course


Clint  6:59  
when it is not. Oh, yeah, it is. Okay, I don't know if you're serious or not. Are you serious? Yeah, dude. a five year just on weddings?


Rabbi Brian  7:11  
No, no, no, the whole rabbinical school.


Clint  7:13  
Oh, no, no, I'm sorry, I didn't ask the right question.


Rabbi Brian  7:17  
We had lifecycle classes all the time. I can't tell you though, it was an exact hour amount. But yeah, we talked all about life cycles all the time.


Clint  7:27  
Because there are some who have gone to seminary. And when I asked him about doing weddings, I got the feeling that they didn't really spend a lot of time on it, when they kind of figured that the liturgy is already set. And so just release them into the wild and see what happens.


Rabbi Brian  7:47  
Liberal Judaism has the idea that personal autonomy, that it's up for people to make their own decisions, there's no clearing house or publishing house that tells us exactly what to say. And as time went on, I had more and more post it notes covering up what was officially in my rabbis manual until now, I pretty much just keep the rabbi's manual for the weddings. And it's basically a prop. So it looks like I'm reading from the book, but I'm not.


Clint  8:16  
Oh, no kidding, is that because you're so familiar with what you're doing?


Rabbi Brian  8:21  
I have it all out, I've taken a lot of it and make it for the couple for what fits them. And what fits for me, taking it easy often on God language, sometimes that can be off putting for some people. So figuring out ways of adapting.


Clint  8:39  
Yeah. So when you do this, how much Are you involved with a couple? Do you interview them, have a questionnaire or how does that work?


Rabbi Brian  8:47  
Yeah, I meet with them first. I like how this going because everyone's got their own style. So I meet with them often a phone call and then a zoom. And I get a sense of who they are, what they might want. And then I send them a pretty long proposal of here's what it is, I heard you say, here's what I think we could do together. And because we have the internet, I work with them off of Google Docs. And we put the outline of the ceremony together and figuring out all the pieces there.


Clint  9:19  
I really like that. Yeah, you know what, and you know why? I have to admit, it's because I know about Google Docs, but I've never used Google Docs, except for when a couple and this has only happened maybe twice in all the years that I've been doing this, where they'll get like I send them the way I work is that I have a big collection of stuff. And I send it to everybody, anybody who wants it, whether they hire me or they don’t. And then what I do is I instruct them to just delete everything they don't want. Because it's really big, Brian, it's like over 80 pages long and it's everything that I've ever done. And so I think that If we get rid of all the stuff that they don't want them, what's leftover gives me kind of a real good first step into figuring what they do want. But then my process is very interactive, where the couple actually goes through piece by piece with my guidance, and they figure out exactly what they want. And a couple of times, it's been a Google Doc. But that's your system, right is to do a Google Doc. And then so correct me if I'm wrong, but I heard you say is that you have like a framework, which, to me, means the elements like we're gonna do this, we're gonna do this, and you're gonna use rings, and you're gonna say I do. And then you kind of fill in the blanks.


Rabbi Brian  10:37  
I come up with the outline with them while we talk, while we're working. And I put that outline into the Google Doc. And from that, so that they can see here we're doing circling, here we're doing wine, but I don't have the whole ceremony written out. I got a tip from a dear friend of mine said, Don't show them the whole ceremony. Have it be so that they can be surprised and so they can hear the words for the first time when they're hearing it and they can be there live. And also, I don't want them word smithing what I'm going to say. That limits me too much.


Clint  11:15  
I get it, I understand. But you do have things that are kind of like in, in your bag of tricks, like if they're gonna do.


Rabbi Brian  11:23  
I'll give you an example of one.


Clint  11:24  
Okay, go,


Rabbi Brian  11:25  
I will often ask couples to name qualities that they would want in their marriage. I said, What are some qualities and I help them and we make a list of 7-10 qualities of what it is that they'd like their marriage to be filled with, hope, love, commitment, all different good things. And, I give them the option that instead of using their traditionally, they're the seven blessings that are said or chanted in Hebrew during a wedding ceremony. And traditionally, they're boring as sin, because most people don't understand the Hebrew. And if you do understand the Hebrew, it has nothing to do with the couple. These are boilerplate blessings. So I said, Well, what if we do something kind of different, and we take your list of these qualities that you want in your wedding, and we ask people who you know, who embody some of these qualities to come up like your great aunt Kathy, and have her come up and give you a blessing about commitment. and have your your folks who are who are all about perseverance, have them bless your union with perseverance tonight. I help the family members, and I help everyone on how to write that blessing. But as I say, to the couple, I can do a good wedding, but I can't hold a candle to Aunt Kathy coming up and giving you a blessing and you're going to cry when aunt Kathy comes up.


Clint  12:44  
Oh my gosh, I've never heard of that before. And I love it. That is amazing. It made me think of two things. Number one, it made me think of a candle lighting at a bar mitzvah, where you know, you have special people that will come up and light a candle and that kind of stuff except for you flip the script. And instead of the kid doing a poem for the person, the person comes up and give something to the couple.


Rabbi Brian  13:07  
Amen, brother.


Clint  13:08  
Yeah, I love that. And I also don't


Rabbi Brian  13:11  
know everyone claimed All right.


Clint  13:14  
Cats out of the bag, right? So the other thing that I thought of and this is weird, I wonder why I thought this, but the first thing I thought of is oh my gosh, the ceremony is going to be twice as long as it normally would be.


Rabbi Brian  13:26  
And you know what I say to them about that? I will cut out my parts so that aunt Kathy can get some time. Because it's more important than that Kathy is up there, then you hear me give a homily.


Clint  13:38  
Boy, I tell you, I think that you and I could be really good friends.


Brian  13:42  
I thought we were


Clint  13:45  
We're becoming more and more.


Brian 13:46  
I'm with you.


Clint  13:47  
I have to start more podcasts so I can call you up again. So the other thing that I thought was amazing, is how you incorporated the qualities that the couple imagines their marriage will be because you and I both know that it really is imagination if they're getting married for the first time. It's different for people that are either been married before, or they're renewing their vows. That's a different ballgame. But for people that are getting married for the first time, it really is just, I imagine it's going to be like this. And so the fact that you incorporate those hoped for qualities into the seven blessings is amazing.


Rabbi Brian  14:30  
And then go even further is we have a ketubah which is a Jewish wedding contract. I'll often ask the couple, well, maybe you want to have those people giving you blessings have those people all sign on the ketubah as well.


Clint  14:47  
Oh, wait a minute. So do you have a system of creating a ketubah?


Rabbi Brian  14:52  
Oh, I say to the couple I say I'm gonna send you a whole bunch of links and what it could do but looks like but do you got anyone in your family, any of your friends who have some artistic abilities who can make you something? And I work with them, and I work with their friend and making a ketubah that fits them.


Clint  15:11  
Okay, I need to pause for just a second all of our listeners, if any of you know Rabbi Barry Tuchman, he has gone into the business of making YouTubers. I think it's cool. I didn't know that. Yeah, he's been doing it for a long time, because he got really involved in Photoshop. And so that's his creative outlet is he creates? I know, and so it sounds to me like this is in his wheelhouse. And, and I haven't spoken to Barry for a while.


Rabbi Brian  15:39  
I'm in like, eight years.


Clint  15:41  
Yeah, I know. And so I think if anybody in fact, I think I'll reach out to him after this. Let me make a note of that. And then it would be so cool, because this is right, in his Rabbi Barry highlighted this. Yeah. And yeah, if if I'll tell you what it reminds me of, it reminds me of the couple where he was Jewish, and his family was from England. And the bride was kind of a typical blonde beach girl from Southern California. And he wanted to do a ketubah. And we had a meeting before the wedding day, we had a meeting at a Starbucks or something. And he said, thinking about the ketubah. And I said, well bring me an example of what you want to talk about. And so I looked at it, and it says that you're going to raise the kids as children of Abraham, which I interpreted that as saying, we're going to raise our kids Jewish. And so all I did was say to her, I said, Is that cool with you? And she said, no, no. And I thought, well, then you need to modify the agreement so that you both feel good about it. And now what I'm hearing you say is not only do you modify it, so you both feel good about it, you construct it so that, here's what we just want. Second, you construct it so that the people that are integral to the wedding ceremony itself are integral to the contract that you agree to. Does that make sense?


Rabbi Brian  17:07  
Absolutely. I love that wedding contract, right? The katubah is now a ceremonial contract or a god license. And it doesn't get filed with a Jewish court. It goes on the couple's walls, then it doesn't matter if you've changed all the words of it. I had a couple they just had, they did thumb prints of all their guests who came in all over their ketubah and it made this beautiful balloon out of different colors. People put their names or initials inside their colorful thumb prints on this thing. And that was their ketubah
This image of a balloon made out of thumbprints had their name and the date on it. And that's it. But that was to me, that's a ceremony contract that works. Why not?


Clint  18:00  
This is starting to remind me of the the Unity rituals that involve sand and that kind of stuff. Yeah, and all the different variations of, do we combine wine? Do we combine whatever it is. And this is another example of the innovation I guess that would come with. I just love this, Brian. I think it's awesome. 


Brian
Thanks, man. 


Clint
Did you come up with it all by yourself?


Rabbi Brian  18:26  
Well, it's the Holy Spirit might have had something to do with it. I don't know.


Clint  18:30  
I didn't really.


Rabbi Brian  18:31  
I don't know. I'm in doing it. I'm an artist. And so I adapt.


Clint  18:37  
You remember the first time that you said to them, let's put the qualities that you want in the ceremony? Let's say the first time that happened?


Rabbi Brian  18:45  
Yeah. My wedding. February 1998. My wife and I decided that that's what how we wanted to adapt the seven blessings.


Clint  18:56  
Oh, see? There you go. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. That's right. I don't know where I pulled that out of my it's all good. Do you have any other innovations or things that you've that maybe a couple has requested of you and you had to figure it out or that you offered?


Rabbi Brian  19:18  
Yeah, a lot of things. Like having the couple face each other during the ceremony. I kind of think that's important. 


Clint
But that's kind of the norm isn’t it?


Brian
I see a lot of wedding officiant still have the couple face them. So everyone's just staring at the couple's butts. I think that's just stupid.


Clint  19:35  
I agree. And you know who really hates that? The photographer and the videographer.


Rabbi Brian  19:40  
Yeah, I cannot work on that. I always work with them. And I say to them, Look, our photos are gonna last longer than my ceremony. So let's make them good.


Clint  19:49  
Yeah, I always tell to the couple is that when you first get in front of me, and if you're feeling nervous or whatever, and you just want to look at me or look at whatever is behind me, then that's great, but When you say your vows will make sure you're facing each other. And I tell the photographer that as well. I said, don't worry. At the beginning, I don't know what they're gonna do. But when they say their vows, they're definitely gonna face each other.


Rabbi Brian  20:09  
I'll give you one more is for most couples, unless they're real introverts. For most couples, at some point in the ceremony, I will say, Alright, stop, I need you to look turn around, look at the people who are here. I need you to look at all these people's faces. I want you to look at all these people who love you, all these people who support you, who honor you. And give them a chance to look at the people who are there. It seems like a goofy innovation to add, but it's really meaningful.


Clint  20:41  
I'm glad that you preface that with unless they're real introverts.


Rabbi Brian  20:44  
Yeah, of course, this is all customized. Clint, it's got to be customized. Because I'm marrying the couple. I'm not just doing a cookie cutter.


Clint  20:53  
Oh, man, you're preaching to the choir right now. There have been maybe a few times where I just offered to the couple, when I ask the I do question I actually come around and stand in the aisle.


Rabbi Brian  21:05  
I do the same thing with the we do?


Clint  21:08  
No, what I do is, I'll ask the couple the question of basically, do you want to marry this person? I do. But because it's a direct question from me to them, then having them answer my question, but letting everybody see their face. Because to me, that's the pivotal moment where the transition is really happening, they're actually getting married, but only a few times have they thought that was a cool idea. I'm getting more people who will say we hate being the center of attention. And so I like what you said at the beginning about making sure that they're comfortable with whatever you gonna do.


Rabbi Brian  21:45  
If they don't want to read their vows aloud, I got options for that, got to have options for everything.


Clint  21:51  
What do you do?


Rabbi Brian  21:53  
I give them the heart horror movie option. I say like, horror movie is a terrible analogy, but it always works. In a horror movie, they never show the most horrible thing, because they know you're going to imagine something worse. Oh, yeah, I'm going to ask you guys to whisper your vows to each other and ask the music to play. And all of us aren't going to hear what you're saying. We're just going to see your faces. And just like in a horror movie, where you're imagining something more horrible, everyone's going to be looking at your faces and imagining you're saying more beautiful things then you probably are.


Clint  22:28  
Oh my gosh, that's the Golden Nugget I was looking for. Because on a few occasions, the couple has said to me, when we say our vows, We don't want that to be over the sound system. Right. So what I say to the guests is they're going to exchange their vows. And they're going to do it just between them. So let's all give them this moment of intimacy. But the thing that you just added on that one little flavor that I had never thought of was let's fill it with music. Yeah, yeah, that's a key thing.


Rabbi Brian  22:59  
And it makes them go longer to that music does that if the music is playing, it makes a couple say a few extra things to each other. Because they have a chance to talk to each other now.


Clint  23:09  
And they're not they don't write it down. They just kind of talk to each other.


Rabbi Brian  23:12  
No, no, I haven't write it down. But they can go off script now.


Clint  23:15  
Okay, okay.


Rabbi Brian  23:16  
They don't have to they're free. They don't they know that the music is covering them.


Clint  23:22  
If they're getting professionally videotaped, and one of them is miked up, it's kind of cool. That could be on the on the video, right?


Rabbi Brian  23:30  
And they don't remember about that. That's a good point. I didn't even think of that. I've never had a couple say yeah, but the videographer is going to hear me. I've never heard anyone say that.


Clint  23:39  
They don't know what they don't know. And sometimes I have to say, when the videographer is putting a microphone on the groom, I'll say, Don't worry, that goes straight to the video. No one's ever going to hear anything through that microphone. Great. But I love the intimacy of what you do suggest that.


Rabbi Brian  23:59  
Again, it depends on the couple, by the point we're talking about the vows, I've already had some meetings with them, I already have a sense of who they are. And I can say, Hey, listen, the Vows are coming. Look, you don't have to say them out loud. Often I'll give him a halfway thing. I'll say, let's do it this way. Let's pretend like you're gonna say the vows to each other. But at the last minute, we can switch up and nobody will know that you're just reading them silently to each other. So it depends. It depends on who the couple is.


Clint  24:31  
Fantastic. Well, we're out of time, because I know you have Something in about nine minutes. So if you don't mind, Rabbi Brian, tell everybody if they want to reach out to you how they can do that.


Rabbi Brian  24:42  
ROTB.ORG. You can find me there. There's Some free things available, for the price of giving me your email address. There's some pretty cool resources.


Clint  24:57  
That's religion outside The box. That's what that stands for. And I am on his email list and I love the things that you send out. And also you do a kind of a zoom service at eight o'clock pacific time, every Saturday morning.


Rabbi Brian  25:12  
That also through the newsletter, the newsletter funnels you to all the other ROTB magic.


Clint  25:18  
Brilliant. This has been fantastic. I have a feeling that you have more stories to tell. So we'll bring you back at some time in the future.


Rabbi Brian  25:25  
Thank you, Clint. It's a pleasure. And thank you for making time for me this morning.


Clint  25:29  
All right, let me tell everybody else about what we're doing. That is if you want to see all of our episodes, you can go to weddingceremonypodcast.com and you can see that they're all archived chronologically. So the most recent episode is always at the top. That's also where you can email us. You can give comments, you can ask questions, you can tell stories through the Email button. And then if you would want to subscribe, that's great. Just go to the Apple store or Stitcher click on the subscribe button. That's also where you can leave a review if you'd like to. That's one of the ways people find us. Thank you again to our incredible musicians that play the theme music the dacapoplayers.com. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of Rabbi Brian, we will see you next time.

#311
Clint  0:01  
Hi, everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 311, recorded on Monday, April the 19th 2021. My name is Clint Hufft. And with me as the gentlemen that
okay, I can't even get into it. JP Reynolds.


JP Reynolds  0:26  
Good morning. Good morning. Another week. It’s nice to be with you.


Clint  0:31  
Oh, thank you. Thank you for the compliment, because it's nice to be with you, too. JP is an accomplished author. His books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle Store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com, for all the things that I do. 
Right off the bat, JP, we should say thank you, to Jamie and Heather, who hosts the Union Podcast available in the Apple Store. And wherever else you can find podcasts, the Union Podcast because they interviewed you and I and the episode just went live a few days ago. And it was just so much fun.


JP Reynolds  1:27  
It was it was a lot of fun. And I know that you and I were delighted to be one of their first guests on their podcast, because their podcast is new. And they are excited and delighted. And it was it was great. It was great.


Clint  1:53  
It was a lot of fun. And it was funny is that we can't help ourselves. We started launching into stories and telling stories and that kind of stuff. And then when it was all done, we had to explain to them that we were just scratching the surface, we were just scratching the surface of the surface.


JP Reynolds  2:10  
If I recall, one of them said to us, oh, we were concerned if you guys would have any stories. Like, ah.


Clint  2:25  
I did a wedding on Friday. And it's at a venue that I had never been to before. And here in Southern California, there are certain areas that are up in the hills and getting there is not necessarily like a straight shot, then so this was one of those. It was the top of a hill. And it was a little unsettling. Because even though my GPS was telling me where to go and where to turn and that kind of stuff. It just seemed like it took forever. I always had that trepidation with using GPS or Apple Maps that they're sending me someplace I don't want to go.


JP Reynolds  3:11  
Because they're just messing with you.


Clint  3:14  
Yes, exactly. Yes. Someone has a satellite of me driving up and down these mountain roads. And they're just laughing their heads off. Oh, look at all fancy, Reverend Clint. Oh. Well, let's see how you handle this. Mr. Big shot. 
It turned out to be incredible. It was a home. And I don't know it makes me think about that kind of an investment where, you and I have done ceremonies at some beautiful houses and not just airbnbs but houses that it looks as though they have registered themselves with event professionals as a specific location that, you can have your event here and that kind of stuff. But the difference with this was number one, we had to take our shoes off if we went inside the house. The ceremony was outside and they had rented porta potties, that sort of thing. So the only thing that was available in the house was the bridal suite, which was a little room just off the entrance to the house, had to take the shoes off, and everything else was cordoned off. You could look and see the living room and I don't know if I could see the kitchen But anyway, you could see those things but you weren't allowed to go anywhere except to the entryway and that first room and that was it. But having said that, it was gorgeous. I mean the view of the entire, from the top of the mountain and you could see all of the canyon and it was beautiful and we were very lucky because normally when you get into a situation like that it can get pretty windy, but it was not. And like the other place that we've been With the name Stone in it, because that's what it was. It was Stone, something. It had a helipad. And that's where the ceremony took place. And I'm thinking to myself, it's just a different world to live, to be able to say, oh, and of course, my house has a helipad.


JP Reynolds  5:22  
Now, was this a micro wedding?


Clint  5:26  
Yes, it was. I don't know what the limit for micro is. If you had a cap it would you say less than 20? What would you say?


JP 5:34  
Yeah.


Clint  5:36  
Yeah. There was a moment with the Lost Children of JPS weddings. It was awesome. There was a little girl.


JP Reynolds  5:48  
Dangerous on that, though. Okay.


Clint  5:54  
So there were three bridesmaids and three groomsmen, but they sat in the front row, the parents and that kind of stuff. And the mother of the bride. There was some logistical things here with the house. Again, I never worked there before, but the way the bride made her entrance, she had to come down some steps to get to the helipad, and then walk up the center aisle. When I heard that, because we zoomed a couple of weeks ago, I said, you might want to think about not having to carry your bouquet as you're coming down the steps because she was coming down all by herself. And I said, you want stability, you don't want to worry about dealing with the stairs, especially because you have to lift the front of your dress so that the toe of your shoe doesn't get caught in the hem of the dress. And then you go tumbling down the stairs, that's not a good way to start your wedding ceremony. 
So I said, how about if you just have the bouquet waiting for you, when you get to the bottom of the stairs? That way one hand can hang on to the railing or whatever, you have to keep yourself safe and feeling secure. And then the other hand can lift the front of the dress, so that when you come down, you still look gorgeous and beautiful, but you're not worried about anything. And, then when you get to the bottom of the stairs, somebody can hand you the flowers. And, so the event planner was all in on that. And so one of her people was kind of hiding behind a wall. And then when the bride got to the bottom of the stairs, she reached out with the bouquet and that was that. 
And then the bride's mother was waiting at the aisle in the back to escort her up. But the flower girl decided she wanted to stand next to the mom. The flower girl had a basket of flower petals, but didn't think of herself as being the flower petal distributor. She just stayed next to the mom, and didn't do the flower girl responsibilities. And so I couldn't tell if the flower girl, she was about five, I couldn't tell if she was scared to come up the aisle or if she wanted to be there When the bride arrived. I didn't know what was going on. So her mother was one of the bridesmaids. And I said, that's your daughter, right? And she said yeah, I said, you can go get her so she can come up the aisle. 
Okay, so she gets up, she goes down there. And they have a brief discussion as one does with any five year old. And, then they come up the aisle and then she begins to distribute the, I love that look on the kid's face when they realize when they start doing their job. And that wonder of delight and pride and all that. And that's what happened. But I realized I was kind of like I had to make things happen on the fly. That was one of them. 
The other one was the groom walks up the aisle, and then stands next to me. And then his parents escort each other up the aisle. And then they're about to go to their chair and sit down. And I said, you can go to them and hug them if you want. And then he did. And it was a neat moment, because as you know, a lot of people are just scared to do the wrong thing. And if somebody has some authority, like an event planner, or anybody says, and then you stand there, they think to themselves, that is all I'm allowed to do, is stand here, right? And so to have somebody like the officiant, no, we got a second, you can go hug your parents. That's all right. Right? It just kind of every single one of those little moments loosens everything up, all the tension that might be building in terms of people that think of formalities or they're A types or whatever. it loosens all of that up so that the ceremony then has more of a, I don't know, it's just more relaxed. Maybe there's a better word, but does that make sense?


JP Reynolds  9:57  
Oh, it does. And that's why I say To the groom and to the bride, before the ceremony, I urge them to go with the flow. And I always say, for instance, with the groom, I say, bride, escorts stop at the first row says, I'll tap you on the shoulder, you'll go over. So, you can shake hands, hug, kiss, whatever you want to do with those people, that's fine with me. Thank you just come back to me. And they laugh. And but it's true. I don't care what you do with these people. But you'll feel comfortable doing it. And so, yes, whenever I can, I encourage a couple to go with the flow. I say that also to readers. I say after the reading, if you want to hug the couple, just go with your instincts, go with your instincts. And I remind people that the only person who can make a mistake is me. And I will never acknowledge it publicly.


Clint  11:18  
That you made a mistake?


JP Reynolds  11:19  
yeah. Nobody will know.


Clint  11:22  
Well, I did make a mistake. And it was very public. There was no way around it. And it was amazing to me that it happened. I can't recall it ever happening before in the years and all of the weddings that I've ever done. And as you know, I have the ceremony printed out in front of me. Yeah. And there's a lot of reasons why I do that. But one of the great safety nets for me is that the the names of the bride and groom are on the entire thing.


JP  11:50  
No, no, no. Yeah,
Tell somebody on another podcast,
another podcast and tell them Oh, oh.


Clint  12:03  
Are you gonna have nightmares over this?


JP Reynolds  12:05  
Oh, this could very well be the number one nightmare that I have. But okay, I got it. I got a rum and coke. Go ahead.


Clint  12:17  
Okay, I believe you. So let's move on. So here's the thing. If there's any way that I can help the people that are listening to this, not do what I did, then, there is some saving grace. No, we get all the way to the end. And I'm right there. I'm right there with everything. I know their names. I'm not really worried about it. The ceremony is flowing. It's beautiful. Everything is just great. At the very end, they kiss. And I say, may I present to you for the very first time. And I have no idea. But the wrong name for the groom jumped into my head. In fact, you know what, I don't even think it jumped into my head. It just came out of my mouth. And, they looked at me and said, No. It's da da. I said, Oh my gosh, you're right. That was just wrong. And I started all over again. I said, I now present to you for that because I knew that the video guy would have the clean edit right now present to you. And I said, I did it Right. And nobody said anything about it. But it was oh my god,


JP Reynolds  13:39  
I have to reach my digitalis. I just I yes. But thank God. Okay, here's the thing. Let's just all hold hands have a moment of Zen. The good thing is that it happened at the end of the ceremony. So everybody knew you knew who these people were. If you if it happened at the beginning, people would think Ah, this idiot he doesn't even know who he's marrying.


Clint  14:09  
Right and we hear stories like that.


JP Reynolds  14:11  
Yeah. So it's better that you've established a rapport with the couple, with the guests. Everybody knows you're fabulous, lovely, man. Boom, boom, boom. And so they know it was a brain freeze. I one time, it wasn't when I was pronouncing them. But in the ceremony, I went to say the groom's name. And I totally blanked like nothing came into my mind.


Clint 14:37  
Oh my gosh,


JP Reynolds  14:40  
But it was okay because it was in the course of me speaking to the couple, and I had said the bride's name, and then I went to say the groom's name and so I was able to kind of cover it up. But it was like this moment of I had said his name earlier in the ceremony, but it was just this. This brain freeze, but I will say that this my Ah, yes. Okay, that's it. No more talking Yes. No, and I think singing.


Clint  15:18  
I said a name that had the first consonant of it.


JP Reynolds  15:20  
I know I like it. That's the tricky part, right? Yes, yes. And Melissa versus Michelle.


Clint  15:25  
I don't know. I don't know where it came from. I have no idea where it came from. I wasn't thinking about that name. I wasn't I don't know. I have no idea where it came from.


JP Reynolds  15:36  
We're human. Man. Well, I had an interesting experience on Friday. Because you may recall that last week at the end of our podcast, I said, Well, I have a wedding on Friday. Right? Yes. And then it turned out I didn't have a wedding on Friday. So I guess Yes. 
Oh, what happened was, I had it was micro, micro micro. Yeah. Under 10. In in yet another canyon up Topanga way. 
I had reached out to the couple the week before, just to reconfirm time and details. They were working with an event planner. I began the email by saying, Wow, hard to believe we're in countdown mode, just want to confirm, and I had some questions, right? Email me back within 24 hours. She said, so and so's gonna send you a timeline. And they go, Oh, of course she will. Because I worked with this event planner before and she's wonderful and fabulous, etc, etc. So, Thursday comes in, there is no timeline. And I thought, Oh, I guess it's just micro and she knows I've been in contact with the bride, and there's really no need. And then Friday came along, and it was gonna be later in the afternoon. And I just had this nagging sense that it's like, wow, this just is odd that she hasn't sent me a timeline. And then I thought, I should touch base with her just to give her the heads up of when I'm going to be arriving and whatever. And there was no need for me to send her like the ceremony, the outline, because there's just nothing to rehearse and all that good stuff. So I send the text, it's like, hey, just wanna let you know, I'll be there at five looking forward to see you. She immediately texts back and says, you know, the wedding's Not today?


Clint  18:05  
Oh, man. Oh my gosh, my heart just jumped.


JP Reynolds  18:09  
Oh, I got so the Friday was April 16. Right? The wedding is May 16.


Clint  18:19  
Well, at least you weren't late.


JP Reynolds  18:21  
Well, but and here's what's interesting. In my contract, I put down April 16. Oh, wow. And the couple signed off on the contract, the event planner had received a copy of the contract. And no one caught it. And again, it just reminds all of us that you can check and double check and triple check. And they will always be that one thing that slips by.


Clint  18:56  
Well, the other thing it says is that nobody really reads. I mean, nobody really reads a contract.


JP Reynolds  19:02  
Right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's I mean, I do have a couple sometimes you do read? And, but but for the most part, I think you're right. 


Clint  19:12  
I said nobody reads the contract. I don't think anybody reads anything. Because I would say at least 20 times over the last 10 years. I'll put a limit on that as well, at least 20 times over the last 10 years. I get a reply email that starts with hi Cliff. My name is all over my email. You know what I mean? Right. Where does that come from? And I think that's because it has happened a lot. There's got to be some scientific explanation for it. I have no idea what it is. But it does tell me that people don't really read stuff. You know, their brain just starts going and they kind of ride it.


JP Reynolds  19:58  
I do want to point out I have a blog. That I update almost every week. I would like to think that people read it but other than people in Russia and China who leave comments,


Clint  20:12  
is that true?


JP Reynolds  20:14  
Well, they leave comment because it's spam. The robots Yeah, yeah. Great. Oh my gosh, no, it's not great.


Clint  20:25  
Come on your fans are computers but still.


JP Reynolds  20:33  
Anyway, and it was interesting because Friday It was like, Oh, I said, Well, I wasn't really wasn't in the mood to go up this canyon. And I asked her about where the airbnb is located. And of course, it is like yourself, because I will now admit, I will man up and say, like you, I do worry that the GPS is sending me to a ravine where a mass murderer lives and not the airbnb where the ceremony is taking place.


Clint  21:12  
I just think I'm gonna end up in Wyoming.


JP Reynolds  21:14  
Yes, yeah, but sure enough, next May, may 16. I will be traipsing through the canyons looking for this. You know, she said she's gonna have to put balloons throughout the roadway.


Clint  21:28  
Oh, thank goodness. Yes. Absolutely. Oh, my God. Send her a thank you for me just for the balloon idea. Oh my gosh. That is such a lifesaver. emotionally.


JP Reynolds  21:38  
Yeah. Yeah, man. Oh, man. Yeah. So. So there you have it


Clint  21:46  
There we go. Well, JP.


JP Reynolds  21:50  
It's been a while since we have both scared each other in a podcast.


Clint  21:56  
I'm okay. If we don't do it again for another while I'm okay with that.


JP Reynolds  22:01  
I promise you I will do my part to not scare you.


Clint  22:07  
Like likewise, I'm sure. All right, everybody. That's the way this works at the wedding ceremony podcast. I would imagine you all have stories similar that you know, and if you want to share them with us, that's fine. You can go to our website, weddingceremonypodcast.com and click on the email us button and you can ask us a question, share a story, whatever you want to do, just email us and I check it every day. That also is where you can listen to our episodes if you'd like they're archived. They're archived chronologically, the most recent one is at the top. You can also subscribe to the podcast. To do that you have to go to the Apple store or Stitcher or any of the apps that access those two libraries and just wedding ceremony podcast and click on the subscribe button and every time we post a new episode, it'll automatically come into your podcast world. Remember the JP’S books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle Store and Amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com, for all the things that I do. Thank you again to the incredible musicians that play our theme music, the DacapoPlayers.com. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP We will see you next time.

#310
Clint  0:00  
Hey everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 310, recorded on Tuesday, April the 13th 2021. My name is Clint Hufft. And with me is a gentleman that did a wedding, And we don't know what's going to happen next. The one and only JP Reynolds. Whoa.


JP  0:23  
Hey there, Clint.


Clint  0:25  
Hey there JP. JP is an accomplished author. His books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle Store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com, for all the things that I do. JP, it looks like we're coming to the end of the shutdown. It looks like weddings are starting to be scheduled and that huge light at the end of the tunnel is a lot closer. I'll tell you that.


JP Reynolds  1:09  
Ah, yes. Yes. Did you want to think about that? I don't know, if it's a light of life, or like that's seductive and leading into dangerous territory.


Clint  1:29  
A siren Call?


JP Reynolds  1:29  
Well, it's very interesting. In the last weeks, in the last month, there have been any number of articles written in newspapers and websites and news reports of people having a certain reluctance, if not fear, if not anxiety of resuming a, quote, normal life, as you rightly say, there's definitely clear movement of emerging out of the unpredictable mess of last year. And I find myself having a roller coaster of emotions. In these last weeks, when I've done various types of sized weddings, of reaction, and this weekend, let me say, and it's not to be obnoxious, I am vaccinated, and I am fully vaccinated. But having said that, I did a wedding this weekend outdoors, fabulous venue here in Southern California, 85 people. And the venue kept the number of guests at 100. So they couldn't have gotten over 100 guests. And it was for the most part, the guests were more friends than family. So there were a lot of folks in their 20s and 30s. And so interesting to see all of the vendors, myself included, were walking around with masks. And the guests I would say 50/50 in terms of masks, and the seating arrangement was back to 2019 seating design. 
They're just wandering around looking at people and thinking, Okay, just a show of hands, folks, how many of you are riddled with disease?


Clint  4:11  
Show of hands.


JP Reynolds  4:12  
Yes. Show of hands. How many of you are vaccinated? How many of you plan on at some point in time getting vaccinated? I find myself being hyper aware of people's medical conditions.


Clint  4:36  
Well, it's the time we live in.


JP Reynolds  4:38  
Oh, yeah. Asking that question. How are you? It's like, No, I want to know what your temperature is, your pulse. And do you have any x ray documentation? It's like, No, I want a detailed answer. And it's also interesting having emerged from a period of time where the only weddings I officiated were elopement and micro, right to now be moving back into full blown production weddings. So what does all of this mean? I have no idea because I'm just speaking off the top of my head, which is so unusual for me. And I would just say that when we talk about old, there's the light at the end of the tunnel, oh, we're getting back to quote normal. It's not a straight line process. That, it's an emotional experience. It's going to play out differently for each of us. And there's a lot to process. And I'm surprised at that. I had not anticipated that.


Clint  6:05  
Well, that's fascinating. I mean, I understand what you're saying. But I guess I'm struck with the concept that I, Clint, am an extremely simple human being. And JP, you, have more depth to your intellectual process. I'm just thinking, Oh, boy, I get to do another wedding. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. You know what I mean?


JP Reynolds  6:33  
All right. You know what? I trust you, let me give you a hug. Let me give you a hug. I can take your mask off. I'll give you a hug. I know that That's what makes us the award winning internationally popular podcast that we are.


Clint  6:53  
That's just funny that you said that out loud. Oh, my gosh, that's funny.


JP Reynolds  7:02  
All right. Well, thank you, folks. Yeah, I think that's a great assessment. And I say fist bump.


Clint  7:25  
So it's interesting, the way you describe the seating arrangement. Everybody is visualizing just chairs on this side, chairs on that side, center aisle. And that's that. I wonder, in terms of moving forward, it's almost like for a long time, most of the weddings have that kind of seating arrangement, then every now and then you would get something in the round or, just something else that would be different, because couples are trying to look for something that's going to be more of a personal expression or they just want to have different photos, I guess. But I wonder if moving forward, we're gonna have more of what seems to be traditional, almost emotionally safe for the clients that No, no, this is what we want to do. We're not going to goof around with any of the other seating arrangements or any of that kind of stuff. Let's just go with what's been tried and tested and find that kind of like, emotional stability. It'll be interesting to see moving forward, how that all plays out. You know what I mean?


JP Reynolds  8:26  
Oh, I think yes, it will be interesting. And I do think that people are hell bent on resuming photos that resemble on instagram. 2019.


Clint  8:43  
Oh, that's interesting.


JP Reynolds  8:44  
I think it is. It is. We postponed our wedding a year, year and a half, two years. We want our photos to look the way that we wanted them to look a year or two years ago, and that is traditional photos. Traditional arrangements, traditional tradition. Right.


Clint  9:20  
So did you find what was the vibe for the wedding that you did? What I heard you say is that it was less than 100 people or 100 people that sort of thing? Yeah.


JP Reynolds  9:30  
It was. So also what's interesting is, this is a couple who booked me in late summer 2019.


Clint  9:44  
Oh, man.


JP Reynolds  9:46  
And I have, as I'm sure you have, a number of clients who it's like, did we go to kindergarten together? It's like, when did we meet? Is that Starbucks even still open? Aren’t you grandparents by now? Thank God I take good notes and write them up in my files because I do find myself having to fall in love with a couple again.


Clint  10:34  
Ah that's so nice.


JP Reynolds  10:37  
You know, it's because there was all of that energy and momentum and laughter and good vibe and I love you, you love me, thank you for inviting me rah rah rah, and then we just float away, and you get the email. Okay, we're postponing till this day, are you still available? Yes, good, stay safe. And then suddenly, it's like, oh, what I find like next month also, I'll be getting some of those weddings and
wait, it was a sunny day in August of 2019 When I first laid eyes on you. You look a little different.


Clint  11:23  
You know, I've told you that I don't really want to work that hard. And now that one of the the annoying things about the pandemic and all the rescheduling? And then all that kind of stuff is, exactly a kind of a different version of what you're talking about. Because if people will reach out to me and say, Okay, we're ready to move forward, we've changed the date. And here's the date and da da da. And I have to look at my paperwork and think, Okay, what was the original thing? And what is it now and it gets really confusing. It takes a lot more, I guess, focus and concentration to keep everything straight? Because of Okay, wait a minute. Oh, that was those people. And we were originally going to go here on this date. But now we're gonna go there on that date. And but it's still those people. And I wonder if they're still working with the same event professionals and, you know what I mean?


JP Reynolds  12:11  
So in order to have the emotional connection with a couple. It is in some respects, having to kick start it over again. And this was a couple. It was fascinating. This was a couple who hired me without seeing, meeting with me. My favorite kind of shopper and we'd like to hire you. I said, we'll meet. No, just send us the contract. And they really were low key. No fuss, no muss. Lovely. Just so cool. I mean, I blushed from their email, it's like, no, we're just so happy that you're part of our team and blah, blah, blah. And so I never really spent a lot of time with them to begin with. And when I arrived, Oh, it was so warm and effusive and greeting me. And the wedding was a little bit delayed. And I just sat under a tree and listened to the string quartet.


Clint  13:26  
Oh, man. There are certain parts of our life and our job that is just spectacular. You know, to have a moment where you can appreciate the brilliance of another artist and be able to sit in the shade and do all that. That's fantastic.


JP Reynolds  13:44  
The other thing, every time the server came by with champagne I was good man. I'll take another.


Clint  13:50  
So it's a very happy ceremony. So the other thing that is interesting is if they were originally scheduled to get married maybe a year ago, over a year ago, whatever it was, yeah. And then my process as you know, we're very collaborative. And now Do they even have the same mindset in regards to what they want in their ceremony?


JP Reynolds  14:14  
This couple did. It'll be interesting to see as each of the couples now steps forward.


Clint  14:27  
Right. I tell couples that there's kind of a mental process as we're building the ceremony. Like if they're really ahead of schedule, like if they're eager beavers and they jump on it right away, and they're not going to get married for at least another 10 months or so. What I tell them is okay, just set the ceremony aside. Don't even deal with it for at least a month. Because then when you look at it again, it's going to be with what I call fresh eyes. And because who knows what your mindset is after a month of planning. And where you are and your relationship and da da da, maybe you have a different way of expressing yourself, you know what I mean? 


JP
Right. 


Clint
And now that they've had this much time, I'm really curious as I begin to, okay, is that we establish the connection and send them. Okay, here's where we are right now, here's the draft that we have on the table right now, just so you can see what it is. And, the response that I get of there are other edits that they'll make that they probably would not have made 10 months ago, which, I don't know, I like that process. I really like the whole thing, how it evolves, it has its own organic presence, the ceremony. I really liked that.


JP  15:41  
Right.


Clint  15:43  
And then I looked at my calendar, and I was surprised at all the postponements that are now coming due. I mean, May has a bunch of stuff going on, So it'll be interesting how this podcast evolves over the next two months, everybody gets back into the maelstrom, so to speak. Right? Because you've already kind of dealt with that. I mean, you told us about a 200 plus wedding, where all the vendors looked at each other and said, what are we doing?


JP Reynolds  16:17  
Yeah, exactly. Well, also, what's interesting is so on Sunday, a very dear friend of mine, had a birthday and she just had dinner, where it's just Stephanie and her husband, Ray, and their two daughters, and one of their daughters, Meredith, this is my god daughter, and her husband, Cole and myself. So we were like our own pod and went over to their home for dinner. And these people are family laughing and being obnoxious and rollicking, good time. And Meredith and Cole had a micro wedding last May. 


Clint
Right, I remember. 


JP
And they're going to have a big wedding in November. And so, Meredith and Cole were, like sparring back and forth at one point. And I said, this is very interesting. I said, because, a lot of these points you'll want to consider and review in preparation for your vows in November. I said, Now that you've been together for a year, you can re evaluate what is it that you really are prepared to vow to each other. And everybody laughed. But then later, I thought that, there's some truth to that, in that if you had a micro wedding last year. And you're going to have a big blowout celebration later this year. And you can call it your public ceremony or your affirmation of vows, or whatever you want to call it. And you're going to be offering vows in front of a large gathering. How does the past year, year and a half impact The words you use in your vows to each other?


Clint  18:28  
Legitimate point? Absolutely. I think that's really powerful, isn't it? Oh, yeah, I tell couples that are doing vow renewals, or whatever the case may be That fits into that kind of mold of, we have a bunch of life under our belts. And whether it's two scenarios, one is if they're doing a renewal of vows, then obviously they know each other and they have a different gravity to the commitments that they're about to make. The other thing is if they've already been married before, to somebody else. And then if you choose to now get married, again, to this person, you have a completely different set of criteria and motivations going into the commitments that you're about to make. 


JP
Yeah, yeah, that's true. That's a good point. 


Clint
But I still, there's a gravity to it. As we spend all these years with all of these couples, there's a charm, there's a different flavor to each couple, depending upon their circumstances. And on rare occasions, is there like only a superficial kind of deal and those are the ones that you and I have talked about. But the other ones where there's a couple with their eyes big and they don't really know what they're getting into, but they're going in with all their hearts and that sort of thing. And then there's the other couples that want something a little more intimate, and each one carries its own gravitas so to speak and how you've spoken many times of the privilege that we have to bear witness to this crossing over, this milestone in these people's lives. 
And I agree 100% and I'm just kind of marveling at the how each one has its own specific life and content.


JP Reynolds  20:25  
Right. Oh, right. Right. Right. Absolutely, to what you just said. And I think what makes it this interesting in its own particular way, is the fact that the virtually every couple who will be having the big blowout wedding a year after the micro wedding, had not anticipated having two ceremonies. Oh, right. You know, so a vow renewal, there's more of a planning or consciousness involved in it, here. It happened without anybody anticipating that the vow renewal would happen so quickly. And so this will be a generation of couples marked by the pandemic. And 25 years from now, it will be retrospectives in the New York Times and great articles, you and I will probably not be posting them on our Facebook pages. But 25 years from now, a lot of articles on what was it like to be married in the pandemic? And it affects everything?


Clint  21:48  
Yeah, in a way. I mean, it's been rough for a year, it's been rough. But on the other hand, there are silver linings to the cloud. And it is amazing that, the perspective that we have in our own lives to be able to say, Yeah, and I was there. And so, all the other milestones in history. We marveled at our parents who had to live through the depression, World War Two, and, we have our own big struggles that we've had to kind of deal with. It's almost it's weird, because it's upon you before you have time to even prepare for it. It's like, right. I remember that. Well, JP, I think we'll have more stories to tell. Because I have a wedding on Friday.


JP Reynolds  22:34  
I have a wedding on Friday, also. Oh, I hope the couple didn't book both of us.


Clint  22:43  
That would be great. Oh, I'm sorry, we were almost out of time. But I did a reality TV wedding where I showed up, And it was not one of the best shows. It was one of the shows that just want to create trouble. And I kind of got hooked into it. And I had a long conversation with a couple before, the day before. And I show up and there's another officiant, and he's got that look on his face. Like what are you doing here?


JP  23:06  
Yeah.


Clint  23:07  
I ended up just saying fine, it's yours today. You can do it, and I walked away. But yeah, that would be funny if both of us showed up. Oh my gosh. Wouldn't that be fun to tag team? That would be so much fun. Oh, my gracious. Oh, well, we'll put it out there in the universe and see what happens. Yeah. All right, everybody. That's the way this works. The wedding ceremony podcast, we really welcome your comments and your questions and your stories. All you have to do is go to weddingceremonypodcast.com and click on the email us button and that's how you can communicate with us. That's also where you can listen to all of our episodes. They're, archived chronologically, so the most recent one is going to be at the top. But if you really want to make your life easy, then find us in the Apple podcast store or Stitcher or anybody else that accesses those two libraries and then subscribe, look up wedding ceremony podcast, click on the subscribe button. Every time we post a new episode, it automatically come into your world. And if you want to, you can leave us a review because good reviews are how people find us. And remember that JP’S books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle Store and Amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com, for all the things that I do. Thank you again to the incredible musicians that play our theme music, the DacapoPlayers.com. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP, We will see you next time.

#308 - Carly Miller
Clint  0:00  
Hey everybody welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast we talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 308 recorded on Tuesday March the 30th 2021. My name is Clint Hufft and with me is a gentleman that's excited about our special guest, the one and only JP Reynolds.


JP Reynolds  0:18  
I am very excited to begin our conversation with Carly. yes yes yes yes


Clint  0:26  
I will introduce Carly in just one second. I just want to remind everybody that JP is an accomplished author. His books are in the amazon store and in the kindle store in amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is reverendclint.com or clinthufft.com for all the things that I do. I mentioned our special guest there is no reason to hold back any longer all the way from North Carolina, she is Carly Miller. Carly, how are you?


Carly Miller  1:01  
I'm great, how are y’all.


Clint  1:02  
Oh life is fantastic.


JP Reynolds  1:03  
Now that you're with us we're great.


Clint  1:07  
Carly, you were referred to us because you are an officiant in North Carolina. So just tell us a little bit about what you do in that capacity where you are.


Carly Miller  1:20  
Absolutely yeah. So I am a wedding officiant. My business name is Magical Weddings by Carly so you can find me there, instagram, facebook, google and I am a member of the LGBTQIA+ community so I'm really excited about serving serving couples that are in the community with me and also educating my fellow wedding pros about how to better better serve them. I'm also a big big geek nerd. I like Disney. I'm a Hufflepuff. I like doing fun themed wedding ceremonies. I've got a halloween batman ceremony coming up this year that I'm super excited about so those are really my main passions and I just I love having fun with my with my queer geeky nerdy folks.


JP Reynolds  2:10  
Well, I just am fascinated with your story because you majored in biology as an undergraduate yes?


Carly  2:22  
Yes.


JP Reynolds  2:23  
And then were you at Duke for your undergraduate work?


Carly Miller  2:27  
I was actually at UNC Chapel Hill. Everyone hates me here because I went to both UNC chapel hill and Duke and so there's lots of tension there during basketball season but I don't pick a side.


JP Reynolds  2:42  
I love that. So you majored in biology and then you went on for a master's in theological studies. 


Carly
I did yeah.


JP
I’m just fascinated by the combination and what brought you into theological studies and had you thought about officiating when you began your studies?


Carly Miller  3:14  
I majored in biology at UNC chapel hill and I minor in Native American studies and Jewish studies and I was really intrigued by the Jewish studies. That was a minor I think I actually added my senior year. I took a class that was like one of the general ed requirements of like world diversity or something, I can't remember exactly what it was, but I just absolutely loved it. I spent a little time after I graduated trying to find a job doing stuff in biology because I also really love that. I'm really passionate about that and it is just super competitive here in the Raleigh durham chapel hill triangle areas is sort of like the the center of like science with major research institutes and so it was just really hard. I couldn't get into anything without having a master's degree. So I was like well I started thinking about a master's degree and I was really torn between pursuing the Jewish studies more and biology more and so ultimately I decided that I wanted to go for the masters of theological studies because I just really really love the Hebrew bible, old testament Judaism. things like that. I am not Jewish. I consider myself interfaith, multi-faith. I really love all religions and spiritualities and get a lot of good learning about them. I’d had experience taking sort of free community, open to community classes at Duke divinity school and it had a really good experience. They're very, Well, they're fairly progressive and in terms of being accepting of science and LGBT people for the most part. And so my initial plan was to go on to get a doctorate and teach Hebrew Bible Old Testament. But after I got into school, I was super disappointed and burnt out with the academic competitive kind of cut throat, work yourself to death kind of competition type environment that was there. And also, despite, saying that they're very LGBT friendly and black friendly, that my peers, I'm a white person but my peers of color were treated not super great. And LGBT people are not treated super great there. And so I was just, it was really disappointing because I thought it was a really, really liberal school. But you know, all those old Duke money's coming from old white is sysadmin. So the school doesn't want to do anything too radical to upset their donors, which I should maybe not be saying this, but what are they going to do to me?
Then I was like, well, crap. I'm like, yeah, I'm almost done with this degree. I don't know what I'm gonna do with it. I am a more multi-faith kind of person. So I didn't really want to, like start a church or be in a church. And then I attended my little brother's wedding, and it was so beautiful. I love him. I love my sister in law, all my family friends, this is pre COVID. And just seeing the love of, not just the romantic love but the family and friends and community and everybody just coming together. It was just such a lovely day. And I've always liked weddings for that reason. 
I started talking to some of my friends about like, Whoa, what do you think about me like being a wedding officiant because most of my friends are in the LGBT community, or they're kind of weird, geeky, nerdy, like kind of offbeat, either not religious or sort of have their own personal beliefs that don't necessarily align with anything. And I looked around at what officiants in the area we're doing, and I didn't see anybody, but most of the officients I saw were like, very geared towards heterosexual couples, and they're like, but we'll also do gay weddings. And so I wanted to switch that around and be like I want to do all the gay, queer, trans weddings. And I'll also do straight weddings. And it's been really, really good. I feel really blessed to be able to do what I do. I get a lot of LGBT couples that say, picking out an officiant was like the hardest or most stressful part and they were really worried about it and worried about trying to find someone that would respect them and, use their pronouns correctly and then they found me and they were super happy. I love working with them. I haven't looked back. I thought I was like, oh, let's try and see if there's interest. And there's been a lot of interest and a lot of need and in the community that I'm really happy to fill.


JP Reynolds  8:25  
I have to say. And I I don't think I've ever said this to a guest before. I love the photos on your website.


Carly Miller  8:37  
Oh, good.


JP Reynolds  8:39  
I hate the way I look in photos. I shouldn't say but I we all, well, Clint is very photogenic. But we all try to find photos where we look happy, where we look, the day is joyful. I have to say you radiate in all of your photos.


Carly Miller  9:01  
Thank you so much. I really do. I feel like I don't necessarily believe in like a singular purpose or destiny. But, I feel like this is something I was meant to do and I just absolutely love it. And I love my couples, like each couple I get. I'm like how are they just as amazing as the other couple? Like when I started I was a little worried about bridezillas and such, but everybody has been so wonderful and I really love them all so much and I'm so grateful to have been able to work with them.


Clint  9:35  
I'm guessing that is kind of like a two way street, that the fact that you're so open and loving to them considering what other things they may have experienced in their lifetime, right? The fact that they find you not just loving but accepting and giving and everything else that we've just experienced so far, just the short time you've been on this podcast, that it's got to affect the way they treat you.


Carly Miller  9:59  
Yeah, Probably so, because it's really hard, especially in North Carolina, I'm in a pretty liberal bubble, the RaleighDurham Chapel Hill area tends to be more liberal than the rest of the state and more rural areas. Even around here every few months, I see something in the news that some sort of venue or wedding planner, somebody has, like publicly stated that they're not going to serve LGBT couples. And people think like, especially people who have grown up in Durham their whole life, they're like, Well, of course, we serve LGBT couples. And I'm like, Well, you can't really take that for granted. Because I see multiple times a year that people in this area, and not to even mention outside of this area, There are tons of people that are like, we adhere like Christian values, which just drives me crazy, because I've actually done lots of Christian LGBT weddings, because that's what the couple wanted. I don't suggest any religious ceremonies or anything, but the couples that, straight or LGBT will come to me and want a religious ceremony. I'm super happy to do that. 
But yeah, it's hard. I've talked to a lot of vendors around here that I'm like, you should either have pictures of same sex couples in your social media, or on your website, or have some sort of statement that says, like, are open to all couples, including the LGBT community, because it's really hard when couples are trying to find someone they don't want to have to ask, are you going to serve serve a same sex couple? And have the risk of the answer being No, because that's just so so horrible, especially if you've grown up in a rural area, or even not so rural, where I mean, they're a church, there are plenty of churches around here that don't believe in same sex couples, or they say that it's okay to be gay, but like, they don't want you to get married, or all sorts of yucky stuff like that.


Clint  12:21  
I would imagine that you're so upfront about the LGBTQ services that I'm looking at, like JP, I'm looking at the photos on your website. And even the straight couples, I don't even know if that's the correct term. But they all seem just really happy. And I would imagine the fact that you stayed up front, how open you are, and everybody that you want to serve really connects to those couples that in their own way, are having trouble finding compatibility amongst other officiants or other wedding services? Does that make sense?


Carly Miller  12:56  
Yeah, absolutely. And like, even just some of the couples that you look at that might appear like a straight couple to you, a lot of couples come to me and say, we're a man and a woman getting married, but we both identify as bisexual. And that's really important to us. And we want to include something about like, sometimes they like the marriage equality reading has some really pretty passages in it, like from the Supreme Court, or, they want to somehow include or reference to the fact that they have a queer identity, even though it looks like a straight marriage from from the outside. So yeah, and also a lot of folks will say, we're so glad we found you, because, my brother is gay, or my cousin is gay, and they're going to be in the wedding party, and we don't want anybody that's gonna treat them badly on our wedding day. And so it may be, even the straight couples have people in their lives that are important to them. And that just equality in general is important to them, even if they don't have a direct relative like me. Their values align with mine. I think that helps me attract really awesome couples, they are all the best. I tell people that all the time that every couple I marry is the best.


JP Reynolds  14:17  
So currently, when Clint and I have talked about how we each have similar yet different process for getting to know a couple and helping them tailor a ceremony to the individual couple in front of us. Could you tell us a little bit about how you would go about getting to know the couple, do you have a process for putting together the ceremony, all that good stuff?


Carly Miller  14:51  
Yeah, sure. So definitely, I wanted to not get through this podcast without saying whatever you do, whoever you are, if you're a florist, if you're a caterer, officiant, photographer. Ask what your couple’s pronouns are, at some point, like whether it's in your little contact form, or if you have some sort of info sheet that they fill out, because unfortunately, every wedding that I've worked with that's had a trans person in it has had someone to miss gender than like, it might have just been the florist dropping off the flowers that were like, congrats, ladies. And they meant it in the best way possible. But I'm like, oh, only one of those people identifies as a woman and the other one is non binary and uses they then pronouns and doesn't identify as a lady. And so it's really hard. But then as I'm trying to get ready for the ceremony, I'm like, do I run out? Like I overhear this? And I'm like, do I run over and correct the florist? Or do it like that? They're leaving? And like, do we have this whole conversation about it? And I think people in general are pretty good with gay and lesbian couples, but not as good with trans couples. And it's just really easy to ask pronouns. So that's like my number one thing is at some point in either your intake form or contact form or something, just have a little box for pronouns, you can have it like right after name, like name, pronoun, wedding date, any other How did you find me any other comments like that? And then, so that's the main thing I wanted to say. And then I also always offer free consultations and sort of getting to know the couple and getting to know if they have any sort of religious, spiritual, cultural beliefs or traditions that they want to incorporate. I offer up lots of examples of if they say no, that they don't really have anything in particular, I tried to mention the possibility of doing a unity ceremony of some kind, like a tree planting, or handfasting, or sand blending or something. And it's really funny, because I feel like couples are super divided on those. They're either like, that's the cheesiest thing I've ever heard. Or they're like, I love it so much. Can we do like three different ones? So I'm always a little hesitant to ask, because people, I'm very strong opinions about those things. But I think that they're fun. But I understand that every couple is different. And so I never make any assumptions, whether it's a straight couple or an LGBT couple, I always ask, is someone walking you down the aisle? Are you gonna walk down the aisle together or separate or by yourselves or like, I try not to make any assumptions about what, like, if they have a dad, or if the dad’s still living or maybe a straight couple, or a same sex couple might want to walk in together rather than someone like giving them away. And oftentimes, they haven't thought about a lot of these things. And so sometimes they're like, I'll have you know, I'll have to get back to you about that. So just kind of make some notes to follow up with them on seeing what they thought, and I just tried to give lots of different options, especially if people are like, Oh, I don't know how to walk in and I'm like, well, there's so many really, really tons of options. And then sometimes people, I've noticed that a lot of same sex couples don't want to exchange rings, for whatever reason, either they don't like rings as a piece of jewelry, or they have commitment rings from like, before gay marriage was legal, if it's an older couple that's been together a long time, and they just don't want to exchange like new rings. And that's something I wasn't expecting. So now I asked couples like, are you exchanging rings? Because oftentimes, the answer is we'd rather not exchange rings. And, so sometimes I'll offer a you could exchange like if they're a Crafty Crafty couple or something and like, you could maybe exchange a little gift or something instead, or I just cut it out if you know if that's what they want. And then always ask if there's any particular geeky nerdy interest like Disney or Batman, or Harry Potter or whatever. And if so far, I have already been educated on all of the things that people want to include. There was a couple who wanted a video game themed ceremony and I'm not as fluent in video games, but I have tons of video gamer friends, so I just messaged all of them. And we're like, do you have any ideas about like, cool video game stuff I could add to the wedding. And they I played more video games as a child and they actually one of their games is one of the games they really liked this one I'd played as a child and so I incorporated that and they just they loved it. And I had a really fun time, as well.


Clint  19:58  
I've been doing this for A long time, a really long time. And I'm taking notes. You're teaching me right now.


Carly 20:05  
This is great. So glad.
I love what I do. And like I said, I know I definitely attract kind of, I use the word weird with the most loving, like, because I consider myself kind of a weird person. And so my couples are kinda weird too and I really love that. And so, whenever anybody's like, Oh, is it too weird if our vows are like video game themed? And I'm like, No, absolutely not. That's amazing. I love it. Or somebody's like, we really want you to talk about dinosaurs a lot in the ceremony. Awesome. That's, like, super happy to see that. Like, as long as it's something I know something about. I did my first pagan ceremony last year. And that was not something I really knew anything about at all. But I was like, happy. I bought some books, read some books about it, saw what it meant to them because, just like any religion, you can be kind of loosely affiliated with it, or real serious about it. And they were kind of somewhere in the middle. And so I love learning like that's why I've got my, biology, Native American Studies, Divinity School, degree. I love learning about stuff. So anytime a couple comes to me with something that I don't know anything about, I'm like, Great. I'll read a book on it. I'll Google it. I'll read some articles. I just have a great time with it.


Clint  21:33  
You know, I feel so happy for the area that you serve. So lucky that they have you. I almost have a little bit sad that the rest of the country doesn't have access to you yet. Because you're spectacular.


Carly  21:47  
Oh, thank you so much. I really, really love what I do. And I'm glad to be able to share.


JP Reynolds  21:49  
Well, it comes through. And I also love how you have embraced your as you put on your website, the nerd. Yeah, I must admit, when I read it, I was like, Oh, wow. Because it's sprinkled throughout your website and it's just something so engaging, and, heartwarming.


Carly Miller  22:31  
I mean, it's been really important in my life. I love going to like little local Comic Cons. I haven't been to like the big one in California, but I love dressing up. I love cosplaying. I find that community to be super welcoming, and very intriguing and supportive of one another. And it also overlaps a lot with the LGBT community. And so yeah, it's something that I really love. And it's maybe a little bit weird, but there's so many people that are into it. And so my people find me and I'm glad that they do.


Clint  23:11  
Well, we're almost out of time. And I would imagine there's gonna be people, especially after listening to this conversation, who will want to reach out to you Carly. What's the best way for them to do that?


Carly Miller  23:21  
Yeah, sure. So my Instagram is magical weddings by Carly. And you can find me there on Facebook as well. My website is www.CarlyJaneMiller.com. And there's a contact form on there. My email is also Carly@CarlyJaneMiller.com and I'm super happy. I'm really trying to get into more LGBT education for wedding professionals. I've run a few clubhouse rooms so I'm also on clubhouse set at magical weddings. I don't think it has by Carly because I think that was too many characters but magical weddings on clubhouse and so definitely if you have any questions about about serving the LGBT community, especially trans clients, then I am more than happy to answer them.


Clint  24:13  
Brilliant. Anything else JP?


JP Reynolds  24:16  
Just quickly, last question in 25 words or less. Who is the Harry Potter character that you want to cosplay officiate in or with?


Carly Miller  24:31  
So, I'm a Hufflepuff and I have like full Hufflepuff robes, the socks, all the stuff and I would love to wear that sometime. It's really just me, the character is me going to Hogwarts as me.


JP Reynolds  24:48  
The word has been put out.


Carly  24:49  
Yes. Excellent.


Clint  24:52  
Well, there you go, everybody. That's the way it works here at the wedding ceremony podcast. We are so so appreciative that Carly has been with us today and I have a feeling that it will not be the last time. I think we're going to get a round two in the future. Well everybody you can hear all of our episodes on our website WeddingCeremonyPodcast.com and they're arranged chronologically, the most recent one is at the top. That's also where you can send us an email let us know who you want us to talk to, what you would like us to talk about, or tell us a story. Any way you want to communicate with us it's all awesome. We also want to remind you that JP’s books are in the amazon store and in the kindle store in amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is reverendclint.com or clinthufft.com for all the things that I do. Thank you again to the incredible musicians that play our theme music the DacapoPlayers.com. Remember if you want to make your life simple then find the wedding ceremony podcast in the apple store or in stitcher and subscribe and then that way every time we post a new episode it'll automatically come into your world. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP and Carly, we will see you next time.

#307
Clint  0:01  
Hey everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 307. recorded on Tuesday, March 23 2021. My name is Clint Hufft. And with me is a gentleman that just gave me great news. He has a little something he wants to share with us, the one and only JP Reynolds.


JP  0:24  
Hey there.


Clint  0:28  
You're you're being coy.


JP Reynolds  0:30  
Who, me?


Clint  0:35  
JP is an accomplished author. His books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website, his wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com For all of the things that I do. Before we launch into what you're going to share, I want to give kind of like a little acknowledgement. One of our listeners reached out who also went to the wedding MBA conference this last fall, which actually was all online, it was all digital and zoom, and you know, all that kind of stuff. And my session was how to start a podcast. And she reached out to me and said that she took the course, she signed up for the conference and took the course online, because she and her friends are thinking of starting a podcast. And then she was wondering if there was any access to the slides, because normally the conference will share the presenter slides online as part of the package that you buy, but I guess it got lost in the translation there. So for anybody that's curious about that, I put it up on my ClintHufft.com website. If you open the tab that says wedding MBA, then you'll see a couple of files from my presentations that you can download. They’re PDF files, and they're just all the slides from my presentation. So there you go.


JP  2:23  
Cool, cool. Cool.


Clint  2:25  
All right, JP.


JP Reynolds  2:30  
I officiated a wedding on Sunday.


Clint  2:33  
Yes.


JP Reynolds  2:35  
And just a couple little bits and pieces that I want to share. Okay. So to begin with hindsight, initially I thought it was going to be a micro wedding. Then I talked with the couple and realized, Oh, it was probably going to be an old fashioned 100, 120 person wedding. Which for us would be, in the old days, would say that's a normal size wedding. Yeah. Well, it ended up being a wedding with 250 Plus. 


Clint
Holy moly. Oh, my gracious. 


JP
Now, let me quickly say everything was outdoors, ceremony, reception. But 250 people, I'm not sure that I saw 250 people in the last year.


Clint  3:40  
Exactly.


JP Reynolds  3:41  
Yeah, I think it was just visually and viscerally. A bit overwhelming. And I was surprised at kind of my, like gut feeling to seeing everybody and a number of the vendors I have enjoyed working with previously. And everybody again, was saying how they felt rusty with such a big gathering most of the vendors said that they had been doing micro seem to be back as a team with 250 plus people like wow, that's crazy. Wow. And, there's an article I read just last week that talked about the adjustments, so many of us are gonna have to make as we re enter a, quote normal life.


Clint  4:57  
Now, just to be clear, we are not In one of the states that has “opened up”, we are in California


JP Reynolds  5:05  
Interesting. Thank you for saying that. Because originally, they booked a venue in Los Angeles County. But LA would not allow even outdoors gathering of 250 people, right? So everything migrated down to Orange County, which does allow that kind of size gap.


Clint  5:31  
Man Oh man, were you at all nervous just because of having a year of pandemic and all of the rules and all that kind of stuff?


JP Reynolds  5:42  
Because I have issues that make me hyper aware and sensitive to all of this, and I've not been vaccinated yet. My appointment is not for another couple of weeks. However, it was a beautiful venue, right? I didn't even know existed. And I was very comfortable with the size of the outdoors. It sounds like I really have phobias. That sounds so pathetic. I'm so embarrassed I said that. But it was size wise, It was very comfortable. Yeah. Yeah. So that's the first thing I wanted to say. So now we've got 250 seats, and we've got the runway and the guy was very sweet. Delightful couple. And the ceremony begins. And we've got the processional. And you've got the groomsmen and the bridesmaids. And then we have children.


Clint  7:03  
Oh my,


JP Reynolds  7:04  
We have ring bearers and flower girls. And I almost called you from where I was standing in the ceremony.


Clint  7:17  
You mean like to FaceTime me to show me?


JP Reynolds  7:19  
Okay? Like folks, I just need to talk to point for a moment. Because after a year of lockdown, God love us all. The Lost Children of weddings have reappeared. It's like, you’re back. You're back. Who says we can't go back in time?
Here they were. About six children.


Clint  7:54  
Oh, man,


JP Reynolds  7:56  
Wandering around, looking around. And God forbid that some grown up would sweep these children up. Nope. Nope. Nope. We got the camera. We got the phones out. We got the pictures. We like the laughing, the giggling and children just milling about and it's like even in the lowest landed children thing just starting to reopen. Was lovely.


Clint  8:29  
You got the whole magila. You got the whole enchilada. That's crazy.


JP Reynolds  8:33  
Oh, now I got this crazy but then I have the stab me in the heart beautiful. So as we've said time and time again. We'll continue to say always an honor to stand before a couple and witness their vows. This was especially poignant the entire wedding because last week as so many corners of our country were rocked again with the shooting of six people in Atlanta and not just six people but the fears and the reality of bias and racism against Asians and Asian Americans. And just the pain of that experience. And then to officiate this wedding, both the bride and the groom and their families are Vietnamese. And so it was this and the vast majority of guests were Asian predominantly. Vietnamese, and so to be celebrating, to be officiating a wedding for an Asian community at the end of a week, whose horror I can't even begin to imagine in terms of how it impacted the people sitting there. Very moving, very poignant experience, because to see joy, to see love, to see family, to seek community. You bow before the sacredness of it, and just the horror of the past week. So, that’s the poignant context. So now it's time for the vows. And the couple have been together for seven years, they have a daughter, and the groom was just very eloquent. Very sweet vows. And then it was time for the bride to gift him with her vows. And in a sweet gesture, she invited their daughter I think, who was four years old, to come up and join her and stand by her as she gave her vows to the father of her child, to her now husband. And the first line. Just, oh, I just get goosebumps even recalling her offering. And the first line was okay, it was: “when I was in high school as an immigrant, I never felt I belonged. I never felt at home. And then I met you.” And there were some gasps in the audience and certainly, like, stabbed me in the heart. stabbed me in the heart beautiful. Um, and it was perhaps, not perhaps, it was one of the most beautiful lines ever heard.


Clint  12:47  
There's a reading that talks about You are my home. And the fact that she shared that and the fact that so many people in their guest collection Could I probably identify with that. I'm guessing based on the way you've described it.


JP Reynolds  13:53  
Well, yeah, I mean it I have to say, if there had not been a mass shooting, if there had not been in the last year, a rise in the horror of Asian racism and harassment, violence. I'm not sure that I would have gotten goosebumps with the line. Because I actually heard that line of your my home. You're my apartment. You're my condo. So I've heard that sentiment, which should begin, at the end of this week, to begin by saying as an immigrant, I never felt at home. Well, then I met you like, wow, wow. Wow. This should be heard from sea to shining sea. So it was very, very poignant. Though let's just remember it's a wedding I did so, of course, poignancy is pouring it. It doesn't last, because now we have to go back to the last moment that I would share with the ceremony. A couple walks down the aisle, as they're walking down the aisle, Everybody starts to leave. Just leave like, by the time the last bride, groomsmen and bridesmaids were walking down the aisle, I would say it was only a third of the people left in their seats.


Clint  15:48  
Oh, my gracious.


JP Reynolds  15:50  
So what I loved was normally it's like, waiting to that last couple from the wedding party, down the aisle. And now I will say part of it was it was a nippy, nippy day. It might have been the first Sunday of spring, it was chilly. So I think people wanted to find a heater and find a drink. And warm up. Okay, but visually, it was a bit jarring to see the wedding party processing and everybody leaving their rows by the side. And that is the story of my first wedding on the first Sunday in the year 2021.


Clint  16:51  
So I'm guessing, this seems like an obvious question, but they didn't do any spreading of the chairs social distancing, like they was just the old normal. Everybody together one center aisle.


JP Reynolds  17:04  
Yeah. The chairs were in regulation formation. However, when people arrived, they were given a quick COVID check.


Clint  17:23  
Oh, no kidding. Yeah. You mean like just a temperature type deal?


JP Reynolds  17:31  
You know, I don't know what that means. The event planner told me that they were doing COVID checks.


Clint  17:43  
I remember the only time that I've ever been a part of that may be going to the gym, which where we live, Now the gyms just opened back up. And then as you walk in, they have like one of those forehead temperature gun type of deals. And so they do that to everybody. And, then there's kind of like a, are you feeling any symptoms? Where else did I have that? I think it's kind of like the standard thing. Now, when I donated blood, or we went for a checkup, I think one of my family members went for a checkup at the hospital. And they have somebody out front before you can go into the building. They'll say, can we take your temperature? And did you feel any symptoms? And, that kind of stuff. So I'm just guessing that there was that protocol, something along those lines? Well, everybody's talking about the big light at the end of the tunnel. You know, it sounds to me that what you just experienced. While it does make me a little nervous. It's also very encouraging. I mean, if it happened 40 miles away from where I live, then it just sounds to me like I don't know. There's so many good signs.


JP  19:00  
It's getting closer to where you live Clint. Yes. Block after block.


Clint  19:04  
Oh, man, I think when it finally gets to my house, I'm gonna have snacks.


JP Reynolds  19:12  
Fair enough. Yeah. So big takeaway, folks. The Lost Children of weddings have returned. All restrictions have been lifted. They're free to roam.


Clint  19:29  
Outside of this podcast. Have you published anything anywhere that talks about the Lost Children of weddings?


JP Reynolds  19:40  
We just hold hands and have a zen moment and just reflect on that. Two grown professional men. Hey, dude, bro. Anyway, you right? Take this up the grant research grant MIT, Harvard. No, no.


Clint  20:10  
Okay, fair enough. We'll keep it right here nice and tidy and safe.


JP Reynolds  20:16  
Right? There you have it.


Clint  20:18  
Hey, there you have it. And by the way, everybody if you have anything that you would like us to talk about, or we want to say thank you, because we have something that could happen over the next two episodes. That's very exciting, a very special guest. And if we can arrange it, and I can't tell you anything else about it other than that, and the way you can reach out to us and offer a suggestion for a guest, or even something that you would like us to talk about, then go to our website, weddingceremonypodcast.com, and just click on the “email us” button, and then it'll come right to us. I check it every day. And that also is where you can listen to our episodes if you'd like to. They're arranged chronologically, the most recent one is at the top. We've started putting transcripts of our episodes on that website as well. If you want to make your life really simple, then just subscribe to the podcast. We are in the Apple Store and in Stitcher and any of the apps that you have in your mobile devices that access the Apple store you can find us, just search for wedding ceremony podcast. We’re the only one, it'll pop right up, click on the subscribe button. Every time we post a new episode, it'll automatically come into your world. Remember the JP’S books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website, his wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com For all of the things that I do. Thank you again to the incredible musicians that play our theme music the dacapoplayers.com. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP We will see you next time.