#313 - Rabbi Brian Zachary Mayer
Clint  0:00  
Hi, everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 313. recorded on Tuesday, May the fourth 2021. We could probably start right there. My name is Clint Hufft. And normally with me is JP Reynolds, but JP, he's got to do some other stuff. So we have a very special guest. I really am excited about our guest today all the way from Portland, by way of Los Angeles. He is Rabbi Brian Zachary Mayer. Is it Mayor Meyer?


Rabbi Brian
It’s Mayor.


Clint  0:37  
As soon as I said it, I thought I better clear this up. And you are in Portland and you have a kind of a cool business, Religion Outside the Box. Real quickly tell everybody about that.


Rabbi Brian  0:49  
Well, our whole mission is to inspire adults in their spiritual religious lives, regardless of what they believe or how they grew up.


Clint  1:02  
Adults, so do you ever talk?


Rabbi Brian  1:05  
We'll deal with a kid every so often, but I think religion is an adult game. And when we boil it down and try to make it pediatric, we lose most of the goodness of it.


Clint  1:17  
Wow, that's a podcast all by itself.


Rabbi Brian  1:20  
Let's do that later. But today, for your galactic Star Wars Day, we're talking about weddings.


Clint  1:27  
Yeah, we are. In fact, that's how I met you. When you were living down in Los Angeles. I don't know how long ago that was. 


Rabbi Brian
It seems like at least eight years. 


Clint
Yeah. Okay. And every now and then, well, for a while, the first or third Monday of every month, we would get together, a bunch of wedding officiants, and have lunch and shoot the breeze. And that's where I first met you. And that was at like an interesting transition in your life. If the way I understand cuz I interviewed you for a different podcast. So tell me about that point in your life that led to where you are now.


Rabbi Brian  2:09  
So I was doing weddings like normal, clergy folk, but I had this theory, Clint, that God doesn't play teams, God wouldn't discriminate based on religious affiliation. And I thought it was time for me to stop doing the same. Because I was working at a standard brick and mortar, regular, congregational Rabbi job, right? I found that not to fit. And to put that into weddings was back in the day, it was taboo for a rabbi to do a wedding if one of the people in the couple was not Jewish. And I just cared that they liked each other, and they wanted to be married. And that freed me up a lot.


Clint  2:59  
I don't know if you've ever met JP Reynolds, my co host on this, but he has kind of a similar situation where he was a Jesuit priest. And same type of deal with the way he phrases it is that his personal beliefs got a little, the church was a little too conservative for him. And so it sounds to me, there's logical ways to kind of parse that language, but it sounds to me like you went through a similar epiphany. But tell me now about because, I texted you a couple of days ago, and I said, are you still doing weddings? And you're in Portland? Yeah. So tell me a little bit about the wedding process or your wedding life as it exists right now.


Rabbi Brian  3:42  
Well, couples find me kind of, I didn't always think of it kind of like the A Team. Like they didn't know where else to turn. And then they find me in the most bizarre of ways. And often they want to get married slightly before the Sabbath or they want to be married And they want to have a minister and a rabbi. And so when those people find me, I see if I can't be of help.


Clint  4:12  
You said that they're looking for the A Team. And so in my mind, there are four people on the team. And I was just wondering if you're closer to Hannibal or to Mr. T.


Rabbi Brian  4:23  
It depends on the day, man.


Clint  4:24  
Yeah, I guess it would. Yeah. So out of the well, the pandemic is a little wacky, but let's say before the pandemic, when what we call the real world. How many weddings would you do in a calendar year?


Rabbi Brian  4:41  
You know, I used to take all the weddings I could. And then I realized that wasn't working well. And also the weddings where it's two Jews matching each other. Let me give that to somebody else to do. And I do about 12 a year now.


Clint  4:56  
Okay, but most of them are interfaith?


Rabbi Brian  5:00  
They might even do weddings for no Jews at all. So those are not interfaith right? Just people.


Clint  5:05  
Religion Outside the Box and the way you've constructed it. Yeah. It sounds to me like people would gravitate towards you. If they fell into that kind of thinking, that is definitely not along the normal organized religion deal.


Rabbi Brian  5:22  
Often for families where there's Jews involved they want to have a ceremony kind of like a reuben sandwich, which is kosher style, but it ain't kosher. So I give them the reuben sandwich of weddings.


Clint  5:36  
What is a reuben sandwich?


Rabbi Brian  5:38  
It's corned beef, a Russian dressing, Swiss cheese and sauerkraut on rye. It's delicious.


Clint  5:45  
Oh, Holy moly.


Rabbi Brian  5:48  
Yeah. And then a coronary follow shortly thereafter.


Clint  5:51  
The way you described it, my wife is Jewish. And it sounds to me like that would be heaven for her. The way you described it.


Rabbi Brian  6:00  
It's amazing. It's technically not kosher. Due to the cheese with the meat, but Oh, yeah, it's kosher style. And a lot of people want a wedding, they want a rabbi there. And I work with couples, we don't do the wedding That I was taught in rabbinical school. I custom wedding for the couple from the ground up. And if we do Hebrew in it, we do Hebrew in it. But I often say to them, Look, Hey, you got a guy with a hat standing at the front. We've covered the Jewish part. Let's just do the wedding you want and if involves Jewish elements, we do those two.


Clint  6:39  
Now when I think of Jewish elements, I think of wine and seven blessings breaking the glass.


Rabbi Brian  6:47  
yeah, we got a few cool traditions in there.


Clint  6:51  
When you went to rabbinical school, how much time did they spend on wedding ceremonies?


Rabbi Brian  6:56  
Dude, it's a five year postgraduate course


Clint  6:59  
when it is not. Oh, yeah, it is. Okay, I don't know if you're serious or not. Are you serious? Yeah, dude. a five year just on weddings?


Rabbi Brian  7:11  
No, no, no, the whole rabbinical school.


Clint  7:13  
Oh, no, no, I'm sorry, I didn't ask the right question.


Rabbi Brian  7:17  
We had lifecycle classes all the time. I can't tell you though, it was an exact hour amount. But yeah, we talked all about life cycles all the time.


Clint  7:27  
Because there are some who have gone to seminary. And when I asked him about doing weddings, I got the feeling that they didn't really spend a lot of time on it, when they kind of figured that the liturgy is already set. And so just release them into the wild and see what happens.


Rabbi Brian  7:47  
Liberal Judaism has the idea that personal autonomy, that it's up for people to make their own decisions, there's no clearing house or publishing house that tells us exactly what to say. And as time went on, I had more and more post it notes covering up what was officially in my rabbis manual until now, I pretty much just keep the rabbi's manual for the weddings. And it's basically a prop. So it looks like I'm reading from the book, but I'm not.


Clint  8:16  
Oh, no kidding, is that because you're so familiar with what you're doing?


Rabbi Brian  8:21  
I have it all out, I've taken a lot of it and make it for the couple for what fits them. And what fits for me, taking it easy often on God language, sometimes that can be off putting for some people. So figuring out ways of adapting.


Clint  8:39  
Yeah. So when you do this, how much Are you involved with a couple? Do you interview them, have a questionnaire or how does that work?


Rabbi Brian  8:47  
Yeah, I meet with them first. I like how this going because everyone's got their own style. So I meet with them often a phone call and then a zoom. And I get a sense of who they are, what they might want. And then I send them a pretty long proposal of here's what it is, I heard you say, here's what I think we could do together. And because we have the internet, I work with them off of Google Docs. And we put the outline of the ceremony together and figuring out all the pieces there.


Clint  9:19  
I really like that. Yeah, you know what, and you know why? I have to admit, it's because I know about Google Docs, but I've never used Google Docs, except for when a couple and this has only happened maybe twice in all the years that I've been doing this, where they'll get like I send them the way I work is that I have a big collection of stuff. And I send it to everybody, anybody who wants it, whether they hire me or they don’t. And then what I do is I instruct them to just delete everything they don't want. Because it's really big, Brian, it's like over 80 pages long and it's everything that I've ever done. And so I think that If we get rid of all the stuff that they don't want them, what's leftover gives me kind of a real good first step into figuring what they do want. But then my process is very interactive, where the couple actually goes through piece by piece with my guidance, and they figure out exactly what they want. And a couple of times, it's been a Google Doc. But that's your system, right is to do a Google Doc. And then so correct me if I'm wrong, but I heard you say is that you have like a framework, which, to me, means the elements like we're gonna do this, we're gonna do this, and you're gonna use rings, and you're gonna say I do. And then you kind of fill in the blanks.


Rabbi Brian  10:37  
I come up with the outline with them while we talk, while we're working. And I put that outline into the Google Doc. And from that, so that they can see here we're doing circling, here we're doing wine, but I don't have the whole ceremony written out. I got a tip from a dear friend of mine said, Don't show them the whole ceremony. Have it be so that they can be surprised and so they can hear the words for the first time when they're hearing it and they can be there live. And also, I don't want them word smithing what I'm going to say. That limits me too much.


Clint  11:15  
I get it, I understand. But you do have things that are kind of like in, in your bag of tricks, like if they're gonna do.


Rabbi Brian  11:23  
I'll give you an example of one.


Clint  11:24  
Okay, go,


Rabbi Brian  11:25  
I will often ask couples to name qualities that they would want in their marriage. I said, What are some qualities and I help them and we make a list of 7-10 qualities of what it is that they'd like their marriage to be filled with, hope, love, commitment, all different good things. And, I give them the option that instead of using their traditionally, they're the seven blessings that are said or chanted in Hebrew during a wedding ceremony. And traditionally, they're boring as sin, because most people don't understand the Hebrew. And if you do understand the Hebrew, it has nothing to do with the couple. These are boilerplate blessings. So I said, Well, what if we do something kind of different, and we take your list of these qualities that you want in your wedding, and we ask people who you know, who embody some of these qualities to come up like your great aunt Kathy, and have her come up and give you a blessing about commitment. and have your your folks who are who are all about perseverance, have them bless your union with perseverance tonight. I help the family members, and I help everyone on how to write that blessing. But as I say, to the couple, I can do a good wedding, but I can't hold a candle to Aunt Kathy coming up and giving you a blessing and you're going to cry when aunt Kathy comes up.


Clint  12:44  
Oh my gosh, I've never heard of that before. And I love it. That is amazing. It made me think of two things. Number one, it made me think of a candle lighting at a bar mitzvah, where you know, you have special people that will come up and light a candle and that kind of stuff except for you flip the script. And instead of the kid doing a poem for the person, the person comes up and give something to the couple.


Rabbi Brian  13:07  
Amen, brother.


Clint  13:08  
Yeah, I love that. And I also don't


Rabbi Brian  13:11  
know everyone claimed All right.


Clint  13:14  
Cats out of the bag, right? So the other thing that I thought of and this is weird, I wonder why I thought this, but the first thing I thought of is oh my gosh, the ceremony is going to be twice as long as it normally would be.


Rabbi Brian  13:26  
And you know what I say to them about that? I will cut out my parts so that aunt Kathy can get some time. Because it's more important than that Kathy is up there, then you hear me give a homily.


Clint  13:38  
Boy, I tell you, I think that you and I could be really good friends.


Brian  13:42  
I thought we were


Clint  13:45  
We're becoming more and more.


Brian 13:46  
I'm with you.


Clint  13:47  
I have to start more podcasts so I can call you up again. So the other thing that I thought was amazing, is how you incorporated the qualities that the couple imagines their marriage will be because you and I both know that it really is imagination if they're getting married for the first time. It's different for people that are either been married before, or they're renewing their vows. That's a different ballgame. But for people that are getting married for the first time, it really is just, I imagine it's going to be like this. And so the fact that you incorporate those hoped for qualities into the seven blessings is amazing.


Rabbi Brian  14:30  
And then go even further is we have a ketubah which is a Jewish wedding contract. I'll often ask the couple, well, maybe you want to have those people giving you blessings have those people all sign on the ketubah as well.


Clint  14:47  
Oh, wait a minute. So do you have a system of creating a ketubah?


Rabbi Brian  14:52  
Oh, I say to the couple I say I'm gonna send you a whole bunch of links and what it could do but looks like but do you got anyone in your family, any of your friends who have some artistic abilities who can make you something? And I work with them, and I work with their friend and making a ketubah that fits them.


Clint  15:11  
Okay, I need to pause for just a second all of our listeners, if any of you know Rabbi Barry Tuchman, he has gone into the business of making YouTubers. I think it's cool. I didn't know that. Yeah, he's been doing it for a long time, because he got really involved in Photoshop. And so that's his creative outlet is he creates? I know, and so it sounds to me like this is in his wheelhouse. And, and I haven't spoken to Barry for a while.


Rabbi Brian  15:39  
I'm in like, eight years.


Clint  15:41  
Yeah, I know. And so I think if anybody in fact, I think I'll reach out to him after this. Let me make a note of that. And then it would be so cool, because this is right, in his Rabbi Barry highlighted this. Yeah. And yeah, if if I'll tell you what it reminds me of, it reminds me of the couple where he was Jewish, and his family was from England. And the bride was kind of a typical blonde beach girl from Southern California. And he wanted to do a ketubah. And we had a meeting before the wedding day, we had a meeting at a Starbucks or something. And he said, thinking about the ketubah. And I said, well bring me an example of what you want to talk about. And so I looked at it, and it says that you're going to raise the kids as children of Abraham, which I interpreted that as saying, we're going to raise our kids Jewish. And so all I did was say to her, I said, Is that cool with you? And she said, no, no. And I thought, well, then you need to modify the agreement so that you both feel good about it. And now what I'm hearing you say is not only do you modify it, so you both feel good about it, you construct it so that, here's what we just want. Second, you construct it so that the people that are integral to the wedding ceremony itself are integral to the contract that you agree to. Does that make sense?


Rabbi Brian  17:07  
Absolutely. I love that wedding contract, right? The katubah is now a ceremonial contract or a god license. And it doesn't get filed with a Jewish court. It goes on the couple's walls, then it doesn't matter if you've changed all the words of it. I had a couple they just had, they did thumb prints of all their guests who came in all over their ketubah and it made this beautiful balloon out of different colors. People put their names or initials inside their colorful thumb prints on this thing. And that was their ketubah
This image of a balloon made out of thumbprints had their name and the date on it. And that's it. But that was to me, that's a ceremony contract that works. Why not?


Clint  18:00  
This is starting to remind me of the the Unity rituals that involve sand and that kind of stuff. Yeah, and all the different variations of, do we combine wine? Do we combine whatever it is. And this is another example of the innovation I guess that would come with. I just love this, Brian. I think it's awesome. 


Brian
Thanks, man. 


Clint
Did you come up with it all by yourself?


Rabbi Brian  18:26  
Well, it's the Holy Spirit might have had something to do with it. I don't know.


Clint  18:30  
I didn't really.


Rabbi Brian  18:31  
I don't know. I'm in doing it. I'm an artist. And so I adapt.


Clint  18:37  
You remember the first time that you said to them, let's put the qualities that you want in the ceremony? Let's say the first time that happened?


Rabbi Brian  18:45  
Yeah. My wedding. February 1998. My wife and I decided that that's what how we wanted to adapt the seven blessings.


Clint  18:56  
Oh, see? There you go. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. That's right. I don't know where I pulled that out of my it's all good. Do you have any other innovations or things that you've that maybe a couple has requested of you and you had to figure it out or that you offered?


Rabbi Brian  19:18  
Yeah, a lot of things. Like having the couple face each other during the ceremony. I kind of think that's important. 


Clint
But that's kind of the norm isn’t it?


Brian
I see a lot of wedding officiant still have the couple face them. So everyone's just staring at the couple's butts. I think that's just stupid.


Clint  19:35  
I agree. And you know who really hates that? The photographer and the videographer.


Rabbi Brian  19:40  
Yeah, I cannot work on that. I always work with them. And I say to them, Look, our photos are gonna last longer than my ceremony. So let's make them good.


Clint  19:49  
Yeah, I always tell to the couple is that when you first get in front of me, and if you're feeling nervous or whatever, and you just want to look at me or look at whatever is behind me, then that's great, but When you say your vows will make sure you're facing each other. And I tell the photographer that as well. I said, don't worry. At the beginning, I don't know what they're gonna do. But when they say their vows, they're definitely gonna face each other.


Rabbi Brian  20:09  
I'll give you one more is for most couples, unless they're real introverts. For most couples, at some point in the ceremony, I will say, Alright, stop, I need you to look turn around, look at the people who are here. I need you to look at all these people's faces. I want you to look at all these people who love you, all these people who support you, who honor you. And give them a chance to look at the people who are there. It seems like a goofy innovation to add, but it's really meaningful.


Clint  20:41  
I'm glad that you preface that with unless they're real introverts.


Rabbi Brian  20:44  
Yeah, of course, this is all customized. Clint, it's got to be customized. Because I'm marrying the couple. I'm not just doing a cookie cutter.


Clint  20:53  
Oh, man, you're preaching to the choir right now. There have been maybe a few times where I just offered to the couple, when I ask the I do question I actually come around and stand in the aisle.


Rabbi Brian  21:05  
I do the same thing with the we do?


Clint  21:08  
No, what I do is, I'll ask the couple the question of basically, do you want to marry this person? I do. But because it's a direct question from me to them, then having them answer my question, but letting everybody see their face. Because to me, that's the pivotal moment where the transition is really happening, they're actually getting married, but only a few times have they thought that was a cool idea. I'm getting more people who will say we hate being the center of attention. And so I like what you said at the beginning about making sure that they're comfortable with whatever you gonna do.


Rabbi Brian  21:45  
If they don't want to read their vows aloud, I got options for that, got to have options for everything.


Clint  21:51  
What do you do?


Rabbi Brian  21:53  
I give them the heart horror movie option. I say like, horror movie is a terrible analogy, but it always works. In a horror movie, they never show the most horrible thing, because they know you're going to imagine something worse. Oh, yeah, I'm going to ask you guys to whisper your vows to each other and ask the music to play. And all of us aren't going to hear what you're saying. We're just going to see your faces. And just like in a horror movie, where you're imagining something more horrible, everyone's going to be looking at your faces and imagining you're saying more beautiful things then you probably are.


Clint  22:28  
Oh my gosh, that's the Golden Nugget I was looking for. Because on a few occasions, the couple has said to me, when we say our vows, We don't want that to be over the sound system. Right. So what I say to the guests is they're going to exchange their vows. And they're going to do it just between them. So let's all give them this moment of intimacy. But the thing that you just added on that one little flavor that I had never thought of was let's fill it with music. Yeah, yeah, that's a key thing.


Rabbi Brian  22:59  
And it makes them go longer to that music does that if the music is playing, it makes a couple say a few extra things to each other. Because they have a chance to talk to each other now.


Clint  23:09  
And they're not they don't write it down. They just kind of talk to each other.


Rabbi Brian  23:12  
No, no, I haven't write it down. But they can go off script now.


Clint  23:15  
Okay, okay.


Rabbi Brian  23:16  
They don't have to they're free. They don't they know that the music is covering them.


Clint  23:22  
If they're getting professionally videotaped, and one of them is miked up, it's kind of cool. That could be on the on the video, right?


Rabbi Brian  23:30  
And they don't remember about that. That's a good point. I didn't even think of that. I've never had a couple say yeah, but the videographer is going to hear me. I've never heard anyone say that.


Clint  23:39  
They don't know what they don't know. And sometimes I have to say, when the videographer is putting a microphone on the groom, I'll say, Don't worry, that goes straight to the video. No one's ever going to hear anything through that microphone. Great. But I love the intimacy of what you do suggest that.


Rabbi Brian  23:59  
Again, it depends on the couple, by the point we're talking about the vows, I've already had some meetings with them, I already have a sense of who they are. And I can say, Hey, listen, the Vows are coming. Look, you don't have to say them out loud. Often I'll give him a halfway thing. I'll say, let's do it this way. Let's pretend like you're gonna say the vows to each other. But at the last minute, we can switch up and nobody will know that you're just reading them silently to each other. So it depends. It depends on who the couple is.


Clint  24:31  
Fantastic. Well, we're out of time, because I know you have Something in about nine minutes. So if you don't mind, Rabbi Brian, tell everybody if they want to reach out to you how they can do that.


Rabbi Brian  24:42  
ROTB.ORG. You can find me there. There's Some free things available, for the price of giving me your email address. There's some pretty cool resources.


Clint  24:57  
That's religion outside The box. That's what that stands for. And I am on his email list and I love the things that you send out. And also you do a kind of a zoom service at eight o'clock pacific time, every Saturday morning.


Rabbi Brian  25:12  
That also through the newsletter, the newsletter funnels you to all the other ROTB magic.


Clint  25:18  
Brilliant. This has been fantastic. I have a feeling that you have more stories to tell. So we'll bring you back at some time in the future.


Rabbi Brian  25:25  
Thank you, Clint. It's a pleasure. And thank you for making time for me this morning.


Clint  25:29  
All right, let me tell everybody else about what we're doing. That is if you want to see all of our episodes, you can go to weddingceremonypodcast.com and you can see that they're all archived chronologically. So the most recent episode is always at the top. That's also where you can email us. You can give comments, you can ask questions, you can tell stories through the Email button. And then if you would want to subscribe, that's great. Just go to the Apple store or Stitcher click on the subscribe button. That's also where you can leave a review if you'd like to. That's one of the ways people find us. Thank you again to our incredible musicians that play the theme music the dacapoplayers.com. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of Rabbi Brian, we will see you next time.

#311
Clint  0:01  
Hi, everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 311, recorded on Monday, April the 19th 2021. My name is Clint Hufft. And with me as the gentlemen that
okay, I can't even get into it. JP Reynolds.


JP Reynolds  0:26  
Good morning. Good morning. Another week. It’s nice to be with you.


Clint  0:31  
Oh, thank you. Thank you for the compliment, because it's nice to be with you, too. JP is an accomplished author. His books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle Store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com, for all the things that I do. 
Right off the bat, JP, we should say thank you, to Jamie and Heather, who hosts the Union Podcast available in the Apple Store. And wherever else you can find podcasts, the Union Podcast because they interviewed you and I and the episode just went live a few days ago. And it was just so much fun.


JP Reynolds  1:27  
It was it was a lot of fun. And I know that you and I were delighted to be one of their first guests on their podcast, because their podcast is new. And they are excited and delighted. And it was it was great. It was great.


Clint  1:53  
It was a lot of fun. And it was funny is that we can't help ourselves. We started launching into stories and telling stories and that kind of stuff. And then when it was all done, we had to explain to them that we were just scratching the surface, we were just scratching the surface of the surface.


JP Reynolds  2:10  
If I recall, one of them said to us, oh, we were concerned if you guys would have any stories. Like, ah.


Clint  2:25  
I did a wedding on Friday. And it's at a venue that I had never been to before. And here in Southern California, there are certain areas that are up in the hills and getting there is not necessarily like a straight shot, then so this was one of those. It was the top of a hill. And it was a little unsettling. Because even though my GPS was telling me where to go and where to turn and that kind of stuff. It just seemed like it took forever. I always had that trepidation with using GPS or Apple Maps that they're sending me someplace I don't want to go.


JP Reynolds  3:11  
Because they're just messing with you.


Clint  3:14  
Yes, exactly. Yes. Someone has a satellite of me driving up and down these mountain roads. And they're just laughing their heads off. Oh, look at all fancy, Reverend Clint. Oh. Well, let's see how you handle this. Mr. Big shot. 
It turned out to be incredible. It was a home. And I don't know it makes me think about that kind of an investment where, you and I have done ceremonies at some beautiful houses and not just airbnbs but houses that it looks as though they have registered themselves with event professionals as a specific location that, you can have your event here and that kind of stuff. But the difference with this was number one, we had to take our shoes off if we went inside the house. The ceremony was outside and they had rented porta potties, that sort of thing. So the only thing that was available in the house was the bridal suite, which was a little room just off the entrance to the house, had to take the shoes off, and everything else was cordoned off. You could look and see the living room and I don't know if I could see the kitchen But anyway, you could see those things but you weren't allowed to go anywhere except to the entryway and that first room and that was it. But having said that, it was gorgeous. I mean the view of the entire, from the top of the mountain and you could see all of the canyon and it was beautiful and we were very lucky because normally when you get into a situation like that it can get pretty windy, but it was not. And like the other place that we've been With the name Stone in it, because that's what it was. It was Stone, something. It had a helipad. And that's where the ceremony took place. And I'm thinking to myself, it's just a different world to live, to be able to say, oh, and of course, my house has a helipad.


JP Reynolds  5:22  
Now, was this a micro wedding?


Clint  5:26  
Yes, it was. I don't know what the limit for micro is. If you had a cap it would you say less than 20? What would you say?


JP 5:34  
Yeah.


Clint  5:36  
Yeah. There was a moment with the Lost Children of JPS weddings. It was awesome. There was a little girl.


JP Reynolds  5:48  
Dangerous on that, though. Okay.


Clint  5:54  
So there were three bridesmaids and three groomsmen, but they sat in the front row, the parents and that kind of stuff. And the mother of the bride. There was some logistical things here with the house. Again, I never worked there before, but the way the bride made her entrance, she had to come down some steps to get to the helipad, and then walk up the center aisle. When I heard that, because we zoomed a couple of weeks ago, I said, you might want to think about not having to carry your bouquet as you're coming down the steps because she was coming down all by herself. And I said, you want stability, you don't want to worry about dealing with the stairs, especially because you have to lift the front of your dress so that the toe of your shoe doesn't get caught in the hem of the dress. And then you go tumbling down the stairs, that's not a good way to start your wedding ceremony. 
So I said, how about if you just have the bouquet waiting for you, when you get to the bottom of the stairs? That way one hand can hang on to the railing or whatever, you have to keep yourself safe and feeling secure. And then the other hand can lift the front of the dress, so that when you come down, you still look gorgeous and beautiful, but you're not worried about anything. And, then when you get to the bottom of the stairs, somebody can hand you the flowers. And, so the event planner was all in on that. And so one of her people was kind of hiding behind a wall. And then when the bride got to the bottom of the stairs, she reached out with the bouquet and that was that. 
And then the bride's mother was waiting at the aisle in the back to escort her up. But the flower girl decided she wanted to stand next to the mom. The flower girl had a basket of flower petals, but didn't think of herself as being the flower petal distributor. She just stayed next to the mom, and didn't do the flower girl responsibilities. And so I couldn't tell if the flower girl, she was about five, I couldn't tell if she was scared to come up the aisle or if she wanted to be there When the bride arrived. I didn't know what was going on. So her mother was one of the bridesmaids. And I said, that's your daughter, right? And she said yeah, I said, you can go get her so she can come up the aisle. 
Okay, so she gets up, she goes down there. And they have a brief discussion as one does with any five year old. And, then they come up the aisle and then she begins to distribute the, I love that look on the kid's face when they realize when they start doing their job. And that wonder of delight and pride and all that. And that's what happened. But I realized I was kind of like I had to make things happen on the fly. That was one of them. 
The other one was the groom walks up the aisle, and then stands next to me. And then his parents escort each other up the aisle. And then they're about to go to their chair and sit down. And I said, you can go to them and hug them if you want. And then he did. And it was a neat moment, because as you know, a lot of people are just scared to do the wrong thing. And if somebody has some authority, like an event planner, or anybody says, and then you stand there, they think to themselves, that is all I'm allowed to do, is stand here, right? And so to have somebody like the officiant, no, we got a second, you can go hug your parents. That's all right. Right? It just kind of every single one of those little moments loosens everything up, all the tension that might be building in terms of people that think of formalities or they're A types or whatever. it loosens all of that up so that the ceremony then has more of a, I don't know, it's just more relaxed. Maybe there's a better word, but does that make sense?


JP Reynolds  9:57  
Oh, it does. And that's why I say To the groom and to the bride, before the ceremony, I urge them to go with the flow. And I always say, for instance, with the groom, I say, bride, escorts stop at the first row says, I'll tap you on the shoulder, you'll go over. So, you can shake hands, hug, kiss, whatever you want to do with those people, that's fine with me. Thank you just come back to me. And they laugh. And but it's true. I don't care what you do with these people. But you'll feel comfortable doing it. And so, yes, whenever I can, I encourage a couple to go with the flow. I say that also to readers. I say after the reading, if you want to hug the couple, just go with your instincts, go with your instincts. And I remind people that the only person who can make a mistake is me. And I will never acknowledge it publicly.


Clint  11:18  
That you made a mistake?


JP Reynolds  11:19  
yeah. Nobody will know.


Clint  11:22  
Well, I did make a mistake. And it was very public. There was no way around it. And it was amazing to me that it happened. I can't recall it ever happening before in the years and all of the weddings that I've ever done. And as you know, I have the ceremony printed out in front of me. Yeah. And there's a lot of reasons why I do that. But one of the great safety nets for me is that the the names of the bride and groom are on the entire thing.


JP  11:50  
No, no, no. Yeah,
Tell somebody on another podcast,
another podcast and tell them Oh, oh.


Clint  12:03  
Are you gonna have nightmares over this?


JP Reynolds  12:05  
Oh, this could very well be the number one nightmare that I have. But okay, I got it. I got a rum and coke. Go ahead.


Clint  12:17  
Okay, I believe you. So let's move on. So here's the thing. If there's any way that I can help the people that are listening to this, not do what I did, then, there is some saving grace. No, we get all the way to the end. And I'm right there. I'm right there with everything. I know their names. I'm not really worried about it. The ceremony is flowing. It's beautiful. Everything is just great. At the very end, they kiss. And I say, may I present to you for the very first time. And I have no idea. But the wrong name for the groom jumped into my head. In fact, you know what, I don't even think it jumped into my head. It just came out of my mouth. And, they looked at me and said, No. It's da da. I said, Oh my gosh, you're right. That was just wrong. And I started all over again. I said, I now present to you for that because I knew that the video guy would have the clean edit right now present to you. And I said, I did it Right. And nobody said anything about it. But it was oh my god,


JP Reynolds  13:39  
I have to reach my digitalis. I just I yes. But thank God. Okay, here's the thing. Let's just all hold hands have a moment of Zen. The good thing is that it happened at the end of the ceremony. So everybody knew you knew who these people were. If you if it happened at the beginning, people would think Ah, this idiot he doesn't even know who he's marrying.


Clint  14:09  
Right and we hear stories like that.


JP Reynolds  14:11  
Yeah. So it's better that you've established a rapport with the couple, with the guests. Everybody knows you're fabulous, lovely, man. Boom, boom, boom. And so they know it was a brain freeze. I one time, it wasn't when I was pronouncing them. But in the ceremony, I went to say the groom's name. And I totally blanked like nothing came into my mind.


Clint 14:37  
Oh my gosh,


JP Reynolds  14:40  
But it was okay because it was in the course of me speaking to the couple, and I had said the bride's name, and then I went to say the groom's name and so I was able to kind of cover it up. But it was like this moment of I had said his name earlier in the ceremony, but it was just this. This brain freeze, but I will say that this my Ah, yes. Okay, that's it. No more talking Yes. No, and I think singing.


Clint  15:18  
I said a name that had the first consonant of it.


JP Reynolds  15:20  
I know I like it. That's the tricky part, right? Yes, yes. And Melissa versus Michelle.


Clint  15:25  
I don't know. I don't know where it came from. I have no idea where it came from. I wasn't thinking about that name. I wasn't I don't know. I have no idea where it came from.


JP Reynolds  15:36  
We're human. Man. Well, I had an interesting experience on Friday. Because you may recall that last week at the end of our podcast, I said, Well, I have a wedding on Friday. Right? Yes. And then it turned out I didn't have a wedding on Friday. So I guess Yes. 
Oh, what happened was, I had it was micro, micro micro. Yeah. Under 10. In in yet another canyon up Topanga way. 
I had reached out to the couple the week before, just to reconfirm time and details. They were working with an event planner. I began the email by saying, Wow, hard to believe we're in countdown mode, just want to confirm, and I had some questions, right? Email me back within 24 hours. She said, so and so's gonna send you a timeline. And they go, Oh, of course she will. Because I worked with this event planner before and she's wonderful and fabulous, etc, etc. So, Thursday comes in, there is no timeline. And I thought, Oh, I guess it's just micro and she knows I've been in contact with the bride, and there's really no need. And then Friday came along, and it was gonna be later in the afternoon. And I just had this nagging sense that it's like, wow, this just is odd that she hasn't sent me a timeline. And then I thought, I should touch base with her just to give her the heads up of when I'm going to be arriving and whatever. And there was no need for me to send her like the ceremony, the outline, because there's just nothing to rehearse and all that good stuff. So I send the text, it's like, hey, just wanna let you know, I'll be there at five looking forward to see you. She immediately texts back and says, you know, the wedding's Not today?


Clint  18:05  
Oh, man. Oh my gosh, my heart just jumped.


JP Reynolds  18:09  
Oh, I got so the Friday was April 16. Right? The wedding is May 16.


Clint  18:19  
Well, at least you weren't late.


JP Reynolds  18:21  
Well, but and here's what's interesting. In my contract, I put down April 16. Oh, wow. And the couple signed off on the contract, the event planner had received a copy of the contract. And no one caught it. And again, it just reminds all of us that you can check and double check and triple check. And they will always be that one thing that slips by.


Clint  18:56  
Well, the other thing it says is that nobody really reads. I mean, nobody really reads a contract.


JP Reynolds  19:02  
Right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's I mean, I do have a couple sometimes you do read? And, but but for the most part, I think you're right. 


Clint  19:12  
I said nobody reads the contract. I don't think anybody reads anything. Because I would say at least 20 times over the last 10 years. I'll put a limit on that as well, at least 20 times over the last 10 years. I get a reply email that starts with hi Cliff. My name is all over my email. You know what I mean? Right. Where does that come from? And I think that's because it has happened a lot. There's got to be some scientific explanation for it. I have no idea what it is. But it does tell me that people don't really read stuff. You know, their brain just starts going and they kind of ride it.


JP Reynolds  19:58  
I do want to point out I have a blog. That I update almost every week. I would like to think that people read it but other than people in Russia and China who leave comments,


Clint  20:12  
is that true?


JP Reynolds  20:14  
Well, they leave comment because it's spam. The robots Yeah, yeah. Great. Oh my gosh, no, it's not great.


Clint  20:25  
Come on your fans are computers but still.


JP Reynolds  20:33  
Anyway, and it was interesting because Friday It was like, Oh, I said, Well, I wasn't really wasn't in the mood to go up this canyon. And I asked her about where the airbnb is located. And of course, it is like yourself, because I will now admit, I will man up and say, like you, I do worry that the GPS is sending me to a ravine where a mass murderer lives and not the airbnb where the ceremony is taking place.


Clint  21:12  
I just think I'm gonna end up in Wyoming.


JP Reynolds  21:14  
Yes, yeah, but sure enough, next May, may 16. I will be traipsing through the canyons looking for this. You know, she said she's gonna have to put balloons throughout the roadway.


Clint  21:28  
Oh, thank goodness. Yes. Absolutely. Oh, my God. Send her a thank you for me just for the balloon idea. Oh my gosh. That is such a lifesaver. emotionally.


JP Reynolds  21:38  
Yeah. Yeah, man. Oh, man. Yeah. So. So there you have it


Clint  21:46  
There we go. Well, JP.


JP Reynolds  21:50  
It's been a while since we have both scared each other in a podcast.


Clint  21:56  
I'm okay. If we don't do it again for another while I'm okay with that.


JP Reynolds  22:01  
I promise you I will do my part to not scare you.


Clint  22:07  
Like likewise, I'm sure. All right, everybody. That's the way this works at the wedding ceremony podcast. I would imagine you all have stories similar that you know, and if you want to share them with us, that's fine. You can go to our website, weddingceremonypodcast.com and click on the email us button and you can ask us a question, share a story, whatever you want to do, just email us and I check it every day. That also is where you can listen to our episodes if you'd like they're archived. They're archived chronologically, the most recent one is at the top. You can also subscribe to the podcast. To do that you have to go to the Apple store or Stitcher or any of the apps that access those two libraries and just wedding ceremony podcast and click on the subscribe button and every time we post a new episode, it'll automatically come into your podcast world. Remember the JP’S books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle Store and Amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com, for all the things that I do. Thank you again to the incredible musicians that play our theme music, the DacapoPlayers.com. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP We will see you next time.

#310
Clint  0:00  
Hey everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 310, recorded on Tuesday, April the 13th 2021. My name is Clint Hufft. And with me is a gentleman that did a wedding, And we don't know what's going to happen next. The one and only JP Reynolds. Whoa.


JP  0:23  
Hey there, Clint.


Clint  0:25  
Hey there JP. JP is an accomplished author. His books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle Store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com, for all the things that I do. JP, it looks like we're coming to the end of the shutdown. It looks like weddings are starting to be scheduled and that huge light at the end of the tunnel is a lot closer. I'll tell you that.


JP Reynolds  1:09  
Ah, yes. Yes. Did you want to think about that? I don't know, if it's a light of life, or like that's seductive and leading into dangerous territory.


Clint  1:29  
A siren Call?


JP Reynolds  1:29  
Well, it's very interesting. In the last weeks, in the last month, there have been any number of articles written in newspapers and websites and news reports of people having a certain reluctance, if not fear, if not anxiety of resuming a, quote, normal life, as you rightly say, there's definitely clear movement of emerging out of the unpredictable mess of last year. And I find myself having a roller coaster of emotions. In these last weeks, when I've done various types of sized weddings, of reaction, and this weekend, let me say, and it's not to be obnoxious, I am vaccinated, and I am fully vaccinated. But having said that, I did a wedding this weekend outdoors, fabulous venue here in Southern California, 85 people. And the venue kept the number of guests at 100. So they couldn't have gotten over 100 guests. And it was for the most part, the guests were more friends than family. So there were a lot of folks in their 20s and 30s. And so interesting to see all of the vendors, myself included, were walking around with masks. And the guests I would say 50/50 in terms of masks, and the seating arrangement was back to 2019 seating design. 
They're just wandering around looking at people and thinking, Okay, just a show of hands, folks, how many of you are riddled with disease?


Clint  4:11  
Show of hands.


JP Reynolds  4:12  
Yes. Show of hands. How many of you are vaccinated? How many of you plan on at some point in time getting vaccinated? I find myself being hyper aware of people's medical conditions.


Clint  4:36  
Well, it's the time we live in.


JP Reynolds  4:38  
Oh, yeah. Asking that question. How are you? It's like, No, I want to know what your temperature is, your pulse. And do you have any x ray documentation? It's like, No, I want a detailed answer. And it's also interesting having emerged from a period of time where the only weddings I officiated were elopement and micro, right to now be moving back into full blown production weddings. So what does all of this mean? I have no idea because I'm just speaking off the top of my head, which is so unusual for me. And I would just say that when we talk about old, there's the light at the end of the tunnel, oh, we're getting back to quote normal. It's not a straight line process. That, it's an emotional experience. It's going to play out differently for each of us. And there's a lot to process. And I'm surprised at that. I had not anticipated that.


Clint  6:05  
Well, that's fascinating. I mean, I understand what you're saying. But I guess I'm struck with the concept that I, Clint, am an extremely simple human being. And JP, you, have more depth to your intellectual process. I'm just thinking, Oh, boy, I get to do another wedding. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. You know what I mean?


JP Reynolds  6:33  
All right. You know what? I trust you, let me give you a hug. Let me give you a hug. I can take your mask off. I'll give you a hug. I know that That's what makes us the award winning internationally popular podcast that we are.


Clint  6:53  
That's just funny that you said that out loud. Oh, my gosh, that's funny.


JP Reynolds  7:02  
All right. Well, thank you, folks. Yeah, I think that's a great assessment. And I say fist bump.


Clint  7:25  
So it's interesting, the way you describe the seating arrangement. Everybody is visualizing just chairs on this side, chairs on that side, center aisle. And that's that. I wonder, in terms of moving forward, it's almost like for a long time, most of the weddings have that kind of seating arrangement, then every now and then you would get something in the round or, just something else that would be different, because couples are trying to look for something that's going to be more of a personal expression or they just want to have different photos, I guess. But I wonder if moving forward, we're gonna have more of what seems to be traditional, almost emotionally safe for the clients that No, no, this is what we want to do. We're not going to goof around with any of the other seating arrangements or any of that kind of stuff. Let's just go with what's been tried and tested and find that kind of like, emotional stability. It'll be interesting to see moving forward, how that all plays out. You know what I mean?


JP Reynolds  8:26  
Oh, I think yes, it will be interesting. And I do think that people are hell bent on resuming photos that resemble on instagram. 2019.


Clint  8:43  
Oh, that's interesting.


JP Reynolds  8:44  
I think it is. It is. We postponed our wedding a year, year and a half, two years. We want our photos to look the way that we wanted them to look a year or two years ago, and that is traditional photos. Traditional arrangements, traditional tradition. Right.


Clint  9:20  
So did you find what was the vibe for the wedding that you did? What I heard you say is that it was less than 100 people or 100 people that sort of thing? Yeah.


JP Reynolds  9:30  
It was. So also what's interesting is, this is a couple who booked me in late summer 2019.


Clint  9:44  
Oh, man.


JP Reynolds  9:46  
And I have, as I'm sure you have, a number of clients who it's like, did we go to kindergarten together? It's like, when did we meet? Is that Starbucks even still open? Aren’t you grandparents by now? Thank God I take good notes and write them up in my files because I do find myself having to fall in love with a couple again.


Clint  10:34  
Ah that's so nice.


JP Reynolds  10:37  
You know, it's because there was all of that energy and momentum and laughter and good vibe and I love you, you love me, thank you for inviting me rah rah rah, and then we just float away, and you get the email. Okay, we're postponing till this day, are you still available? Yes, good, stay safe. And then suddenly, it's like, oh, what I find like next month also, I'll be getting some of those weddings and
wait, it was a sunny day in August of 2019 When I first laid eyes on you. You look a little different.


Clint  11:23  
You know, I've told you that I don't really want to work that hard. And now that one of the the annoying things about the pandemic and all the rescheduling? And then all that kind of stuff is, exactly a kind of a different version of what you're talking about. Because if people will reach out to me and say, Okay, we're ready to move forward, we've changed the date. And here's the date and da da da. And I have to look at my paperwork and think, Okay, what was the original thing? And what is it now and it gets really confusing. It takes a lot more, I guess, focus and concentration to keep everything straight? Because of Okay, wait a minute. Oh, that was those people. And we were originally going to go here on this date. But now we're gonna go there on that date. And but it's still those people. And I wonder if they're still working with the same event professionals and, you know what I mean?


JP Reynolds  12:11  
So in order to have the emotional connection with a couple. It is in some respects, having to kick start it over again. And this was a couple. It was fascinating. This was a couple who hired me without seeing, meeting with me. My favorite kind of shopper and we'd like to hire you. I said, we'll meet. No, just send us the contract. And they really were low key. No fuss, no muss. Lovely. Just so cool. I mean, I blushed from their email, it's like, no, we're just so happy that you're part of our team and blah, blah, blah. And so I never really spent a lot of time with them to begin with. And when I arrived, Oh, it was so warm and effusive and greeting me. And the wedding was a little bit delayed. And I just sat under a tree and listened to the string quartet.


Clint  13:26  
Oh, man. There are certain parts of our life and our job that is just spectacular. You know, to have a moment where you can appreciate the brilliance of another artist and be able to sit in the shade and do all that. That's fantastic.


JP Reynolds  13:44  
The other thing, every time the server came by with champagne I was good man. I'll take another.


Clint  13:50  
So it's a very happy ceremony. So the other thing that is interesting is if they were originally scheduled to get married maybe a year ago, over a year ago, whatever it was, yeah. And then my process as you know, we're very collaborative. And now Do they even have the same mindset in regards to what they want in their ceremony?


JP Reynolds  14:14  
This couple did. It'll be interesting to see as each of the couples now steps forward.


Clint  14:27  
Right. I tell couples that there's kind of a mental process as we're building the ceremony. Like if they're really ahead of schedule, like if they're eager beavers and they jump on it right away, and they're not going to get married for at least another 10 months or so. What I tell them is okay, just set the ceremony aside. Don't even deal with it for at least a month. Because then when you look at it again, it's going to be with what I call fresh eyes. And because who knows what your mindset is after a month of planning. And where you are and your relationship and da da da, maybe you have a different way of expressing yourself, you know what I mean? 


JP
Right. 


Clint
And now that they've had this much time, I'm really curious as I begin to, okay, is that we establish the connection and send them. Okay, here's where we are right now, here's the draft that we have on the table right now, just so you can see what it is. And, the response that I get of there are other edits that they'll make that they probably would not have made 10 months ago, which, I don't know, I like that process. I really like the whole thing, how it evolves, it has its own organic presence, the ceremony. I really liked that.


JP  15:41  
Right.


Clint  15:43  
And then I looked at my calendar, and I was surprised at all the postponements that are now coming due. I mean, May has a bunch of stuff going on, So it'll be interesting how this podcast evolves over the next two months, everybody gets back into the maelstrom, so to speak. Right? Because you've already kind of dealt with that. I mean, you told us about a 200 plus wedding, where all the vendors looked at each other and said, what are we doing?


JP Reynolds  16:17  
Yeah, exactly. Well, also, what's interesting is so on Sunday, a very dear friend of mine, had a birthday and she just had dinner, where it's just Stephanie and her husband, Ray, and their two daughters, and one of their daughters, Meredith, this is my god daughter, and her husband, Cole and myself. So we were like our own pod and went over to their home for dinner. And these people are family laughing and being obnoxious and rollicking, good time. And Meredith and Cole had a micro wedding last May. 


Clint
Right, I remember. 


JP
And they're going to have a big wedding in November. And so, Meredith and Cole were, like sparring back and forth at one point. And I said, this is very interesting. I said, because, a lot of these points you'll want to consider and review in preparation for your vows in November. I said, Now that you've been together for a year, you can re evaluate what is it that you really are prepared to vow to each other. And everybody laughed. But then later, I thought that, there's some truth to that, in that if you had a micro wedding last year. And you're going to have a big blowout celebration later this year. And you can call it your public ceremony or your affirmation of vows, or whatever you want to call it. And you're going to be offering vows in front of a large gathering. How does the past year, year and a half impact The words you use in your vows to each other?


Clint  18:28  
Legitimate point? Absolutely. I think that's really powerful, isn't it? Oh, yeah, I tell couples that are doing vow renewals, or whatever the case may be That fits into that kind of mold of, we have a bunch of life under our belts. And whether it's two scenarios, one is if they're doing a renewal of vows, then obviously they know each other and they have a different gravity to the commitments that they're about to make. The other thing is if they've already been married before, to somebody else. And then if you choose to now get married, again, to this person, you have a completely different set of criteria and motivations going into the commitments that you're about to make. 


JP
Yeah, yeah, that's true. That's a good point. 


Clint
But I still, there's a gravity to it. As we spend all these years with all of these couples, there's a charm, there's a different flavor to each couple, depending upon their circumstances. And on rare occasions, is there like only a superficial kind of deal and those are the ones that you and I have talked about. But the other ones where there's a couple with their eyes big and they don't really know what they're getting into, but they're going in with all their hearts and that sort of thing. And then there's the other couples that want something a little more intimate, and each one carries its own gravitas so to speak and how you've spoken many times of the privilege that we have to bear witness to this crossing over, this milestone in these people's lives. 
And I agree 100% and I'm just kind of marveling at the how each one has its own specific life and content.


JP Reynolds  20:25  
Right. Oh, right. Right. Right. Absolutely, to what you just said. And I think what makes it this interesting in its own particular way, is the fact that the virtually every couple who will be having the big blowout wedding a year after the micro wedding, had not anticipated having two ceremonies. Oh, right. You know, so a vow renewal, there's more of a planning or consciousness involved in it, here. It happened without anybody anticipating that the vow renewal would happen so quickly. And so this will be a generation of couples marked by the pandemic. And 25 years from now, it will be retrospectives in the New York Times and great articles, you and I will probably not be posting them on our Facebook pages. But 25 years from now, a lot of articles on what was it like to be married in the pandemic? And it affects everything?


Clint  21:48  
Yeah, in a way. I mean, it's been rough for a year, it's been rough. But on the other hand, there are silver linings to the cloud. And it is amazing that, the perspective that we have in our own lives to be able to say, Yeah, and I was there. And so, all the other milestones in history. We marveled at our parents who had to live through the depression, World War Two, and, we have our own big struggles that we've had to kind of deal with. It's almost it's weird, because it's upon you before you have time to even prepare for it. It's like, right. I remember that. Well, JP, I think we'll have more stories to tell. Because I have a wedding on Friday.


JP Reynolds  22:34  
I have a wedding on Friday, also. Oh, I hope the couple didn't book both of us.


Clint  22:43  
That would be great. Oh, I'm sorry, we were almost out of time. But I did a reality TV wedding where I showed up, And it was not one of the best shows. It was one of the shows that just want to create trouble. And I kind of got hooked into it. And I had a long conversation with a couple before, the day before. And I show up and there's another officiant, and he's got that look on his face. Like what are you doing here?


JP  23:06  
Yeah.


Clint  23:07  
I ended up just saying fine, it's yours today. You can do it, and I walked away. But yeah, that would be funny if both of us showed up. Oh my gosh. Wouldn't that be fun to tag team? That would be so much fun. Oh, my gracious. Oh, well, we'll put it out there in the universe and see what happens. Yeah. All right, everybody. That's the way this works. The wedding ceremony podcast, we really welcome your comments and your questions and your stories. All you have to do is go to weddingceremonypodcast.com and click on the email us button and that's how you can communicate with us. That's also where you can listen to all of our episodes. They're, archived chronologically, so the most recent one is going to be at the top. But if you really want to make your life easy, then find us in the Apple podcast store or Stitcher or anybody else that accesses those two libraries and then subscribe, look up wedding ceremony podcast, click on the subscribe button. Every time we post a new episode, it automatically come into your world. And if you want to, you can leave us a review because good reviews are how people find us. And remember that JP’S books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle Store and Amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com, for all the things that I do. Thank you again to the incredible musicians that play our theme music, the DacapoPlayers.com. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP, We will see you next time.

#308 - Carly Miller
Clint  0:00  
Hey everybody welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast we talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 308 recorded on Tuesday March the 30th 2021. My name is Clint Hufft and with me is a gentleman that's excited about our special guest, the one and only JP Reynolds.


JP Reynolds  0:18  
I am very excited to begin our conversation with Carly. yes yes yes yes


Clint  0:26  
I will introduce Carly in just one second. I just want to remind everybody that JP is an accomplished author. His books are in the amazon store and in the kindle store in amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is reverendclint.com or clinthufft.com for all the things that I do. I mentioned our special guest there is no reason to hold back any longer all the way from North Carolina, she is Carly Miller. Carly, how are you?


Carly Miller  1:01  
I'm great, how are y’all.


Clint  1:02  
Oh life is fantastic.


JP Reynolds  1:03  
Now that you're with us we're great.


Clint  1:07  
Carly, you were referred to us because you are an officiant in North Carolina. So just tell us a little bit about what you do in that capacity where you are.


Carly Miller  1:20  
Absolutely yeah. So I am a wedding officiant. My business name is Magical Weddings by Carly so you can find me there, instagram, facebook, google and I am a member of the LGBTQIA+ community so I'm really excited about serving serving couples that are in the community with me and also educating my fellow wedding pros about how to better better serve them. I'm also a big big geek nerd. I like Disney. I'm a Hufflepuff. I like doing fun themed wedding ceremonies. I've got a halloween batman ceremony coming up this year that I'm super excited about so those are really my main passions and I just I love having fun with my with my queer geeky nerdy folks.


JP Reynolds  2:10  
Well, I just am fascinated with your story because you majored in biology as an undergraduate yes?


Carly  2:22  
Yes.


JP Reynolds  2:23  
And then were you at Duke for your undergraduate work?


Carly Miller  2:27  
I was actually at UNC Chapel Hill. Everyone hates me here because I went to both UNC chapel hill and Duke and so there's lots of tension there during basketball season but I don't pick a side.


JP Reynolds  2:42  
I love that. So you majored in biology and then you went on for a master's in theological studies. 


Carly
I did yeah.


JP
I’m just fascinated by the combination and what brought you into theological studies and had you thought about officiating when you began your studies?


Carly Miller  3:14  
I majored in biology at UNC chapel hill and I minor in Native American studies and Jewish studies and I was really intrigued by the Jewish studies. That was a minor I think I actually added my senior year. I took a class that was like one of the general ed requirements of like world diversity or something, I can't remember exactly what it was, but I just absolutely loved it. I spent a little time after I graduated trying to find a job doing stuff in biology because I also really love that. I'm really passionate about that and it is just super competitive here in the Raleigh durham chapel hill triangle areas is sort of like the the center of like science with major research institutes and so it was just really hard. I couldn't get into anything without having a master's degree. So I was like well I started thinking about a master's degree and I was really torn between pursuing the Jewish studies more and biology more and so ultimately I decided that I wanted to go for the masters of theological studies because I just really really love the Hebrew bible, old testament Judaism. things like that. I am not Jewish. I consider myself interfaith, multi-faith. I really love all religions and spiritualities and get a lot of good learning about them. I’d had experience taking sort of free community, open to community classes at Duke divinity school and it had a really good experience. They're very, Well, they're fairly progressive and in terms of being accepting of science and LGBT people for the most part. And so my initial plan was to go on to get a doctorate and teach Hebrew Bible Old Testament. But after I got into school, I was super disappointed and burnt out with the academic competitive kind of cut throat, work yourself to death kind of competition type environment that was there. And also, despite, saying that they're very LGBT friendly and black friendly, that my peers, I'm a white person but my peers of color were treated not super great. And LGBT people are not treated super great there. And so I was just, it was really disappointing because I thought it was a really, really liberal school. But you know, all those old Duke money's coming from old white is sysadmin. So the school doesn't want to do anything too radical to upset their donors, which I should maybe not be saying this, but what are they going to do to me?
Then I was like, well, crap. I'm like, yeah, I'm almost done with this degree. I don't know what I'm gonna do with it. I am a more multi-faith kind of person. So I didn't really want to, like start a church or be in a church. And then I attended my little brother's wedding, and it was so beautiful. I love him. I love my sister in law, all my family friends, this is pre COVID. And just seeing the love of, not just the romantic love but the family and friends and community and everybody just coming together. It was just such a lovely day. And I've always liked weddings for that reason. 
I started talking to some of my friends about like, Whoa, what do you think about me like being a wedding officiant because most of my friends are in the LGBT community, or they're kind of weird, geeky, nerdy, like kind of offbeat, either not religious or sort of have their own personal beliefs that don't necessarily align with anything. And I looked around at what officiants in the area we're doing, and I didn't see anybody, but most of the officients I saw were like, very geared towards heterosexual couples, and they're like, but we'll also do gay weddings. And so I wanted to switch that around and be like I want to do all the gay, queer, trans weddings. And I'll also do straight weddings. And it's been really, really good. I feel really blessed to be able to do what I do. I get a lot of LGBT couples that say, picking out an officiant was like the hardest or most stressful part and they were really worried about it and worried about trying to find someone that would respect them and, use their pronouns correctly and then they found me and they were super happy. I love working with them. I haven't looked back. I thought I was like, oh, let's try and see if there's interest. And there's been a lot of interest and a lot of need and in the community that I'm really happy to fill.


JP Reynolds  8:25  
I have to say. And I I don't think I've ever said this to a guest before. I love the photos on your website.


Carly Miller  8:37  
Oh, good.


JP Reynolds  8:39  
I hate the way I look in photos. I shouldn't say but I we all, well, Clint is very photogenic. But we all try to find photos where we look happy, where we look, the day is joyful. I have to say you radiate in all of your photos.


Carly Miller  9:01  
Thank you so much. I really do. I feel like I don't necessarily believe in like a singular purpose or destiny. But, I feel like this is something I was meant to do and I just absolutely love it. And I love my couples, like each couple I get. I'm like how are they just as amazing as the other couple? Like when I started I was a little worried about bridezillas and such, but everybody has been so wonderful and I really love them all so much and I'm so grateful to have been able to work with them.


Clint  9:35  
I'm guessing that is kind of like a two way street, that the fact that you're so open and loving to them considering what other things they may have experienced in their lifetime, right? The fact that they find you not just loving but accepting and giving and everything else that we've just experienced so far, just the short time you've been on this podcast, that it's got to affect the way they treat you.


Carly Miller  9:59  
Yeah, Probably so, because it's really hard, especially in North Carolina, I'm in a pretty liberal bubble, the RaleighDurham Chapel Hill area tends to be more liberal than the rest of the state and more rural areas. Even around here every few months, I see something in the news that some sort of venue or wedding planner, somebody has, like publicly stated that they're not going to serve LGBT couples. And people think like, especially people who have grown up in Durham their whole life, they're like, Well, of course, we serve LGBT couples. And I'm like, Well, you can't really take that for granted. Because I see multiple times a year that people in this area, and not to even mention outside of this area, There are tons of people that are like, we adhere like Christian values, which just drives me crazy, because I've actually done lots of Christian LGBT weddings, because that's what the couple wanted. I don't suggest any religious ceremonies or anything, but the couples that, straight or LGBT will come to me and want a religious ceremony. I'm super happy to do that. 
But yeah, it's hard. I've talked to a lot of vendors around here that I'm like, you should either have pictures of same sex couples in your social media, or on your website, or have some sort of statement that says, like, are open to all couples, including the LGBT community, because it's really hard when couples are trying to find someone they don't want to have to ask, are you going to serve serve a same sex couple? And have the risk of the answer being No, because that's just so so horrible, especially if you've grown up in a rural area, or even not so rural, where I mean, they're a church, there are plenty of churches around here that don't believe in same sex couples, or they say that it's okay to be gay, but like, they don't want you to get married, or all sorts of yucky stuff like that.


Clint  12:21  
I would imagine that you're so upfront about the LGBTQ services that I'm looking at, like JP, I'm looking at the photos on your website. And even the straight couples, I don't even know if that's the correct term. But they all seem just really happy. And I would imagine the fact that you stayed up front, how open you are, and everybody that you want to serve really connects to those couples that in their own way, are having trouble finding compatibility amongst other officiants or other wedding services? Does that make sense?


Carly Miller  12:56  
Yeah, absolutely. And like, even just some of the couples that you look at that might appear like a straight couple to you, a lot of couples come to me and say, we're a man and a woman getting married, but we both identify as bisexual. And that's really important to us. And we want to include something about like, sometimes they like the marriage equality reading has some really pretty passages in it, like from the Supreme Court, or, they want to somehow include or reference to the fact that they have a queer identity, even though it looks like a straight marriage from from the outside. So yeah, and also a lot of folks will say, we're so glad we found you, because, my brother is gay, or my cousin is gay, and they're going to be in the wedding party, and we don't want anybody that's gonna treat them badly on our wedding day. And so it may be, even the straight couples have people in their lives that are important to them. And that just equality in general is important to them, even if they don't have a direct relative like me. Their values align with mine. I think that helps me attract really awesome couples, they are all the best. I tell people that all the time that every couple I marry is the best.


JP Reynolds  14:17  
So currently, when Clint and I have talked about how we each have similar yet different process for getting to know a couple and helping them tailor a ceremony to the individual couple in front of us. Could you tell us a little bit about how you would go about getting to know the couple, do you have a process for putting together the ceremony, all that good stuff?


Carly Miller  14:51  
Yeah, sure. So definitely, I wanted to not get through this podcast without saying whatever you do, whoever you are, if you're a florist, if you're a caterer, officiant, photographer. Ask what your couple’s pronouns are, at some point, like whether it's in your little contact form, or if you have some sort of info sheet that they fill out, because unfortunately, every wedding that I've worked with that's had a trans person in it has had someone to miss gender than like, it might have just been the florist dropping off the flowers that were like, congrats, ladies. And they meant it in the best way possible. But I'm like, oh, only one of those people identifies as a woman and the other one is non binary and uses they then pronouns and doesn't identify as a lady. And so it's really hard. But then as I'm trying to get ready for the ceremony, I'm like, do I run out? Like I overhear this? And I'm like, do I run over and correct the florist? Or do it like that? They're leaving? And like, do we have this whole conversation about it? And I think people in general are pretty good with gay and lesbian couples, but not as good with trans couples. And it's just really easy to ask pronouns. So that's like my number one thing is at some point in either your intake form or contact form or something, just have a little box for pronouns, you can have it like right after name, like name, pronoun, wedding date, any other How did you find me any other comments like that? And then, so that's the main thing I wanted to say. And then I also always offer free consultations and sort of getting to know the couple and getting to know if they have any sort of religious, spiritual, cultural beliefs or traditions that they want to incorporate. I offer up lots of examples of if they say no, that they don't really have anything in particular, I tried to mention the possibility of doing a unity ceremony of some kind, like a tree planting, or handfasting, or sand blending or something. And it's really funny, because I feel like couples are super divided on those. They're either like, that's the cheesiest thing I've ever heard. Or they're like, I love it so much. Can we do like three different ones? So I'm always a little hesitant to ask, because people, I'm very strong opinions about those things. But I think that they're fun. But I understand that every couple is different. And so I never make any assumptions, whether it's a straight couple or an LGBT couple, I always ask, is someone walking you down the aisle? Are you gonna walk down the aisle together or separate or by yourselves or like, I try not to make any assumptions about what, like, if they have a dad, or if the dad’s still living or maybe a straight couple, or a same sex couple might want to walk in together rather than someone like giving them away. And oftentimes, they haven't thought about a lot of these things. And so sometimes they're like, I'll have you know, I'll have to get back to you about that. So just kind of make some notes to follow up with them on seeing what they thought, and I just tried to give lots of different options, especially if people are like, Oh, I don't know how to walk in and I'm like, well, there's so many really, really tons of options. And then sometimes people, I've noticed that a lot of same sex couples don't want to exchange rings, for whatever reason, either they don't like rings as a piece of jewelry, or they have commitment rings from like, before gay marriage was legal, if it's an older couple that's been together a long time, and they just don't want to exchange like new rings. And that's something I wasn't expecting. So now I asked couples like, are you exchanging rings? Because oftentimes, the answer is we'd rather not exchange rings. And, so sometimes I'll offer a you could exchange like if they're a Crafty Crafty couple or something and like, you could maybe exchange a little gift or something instead, or I just cut it out if you know if that's what they want. And then always ask if there's any particular geeky nerdy interest like Disney or Batman, or Harry Potter or whatever. And if so far, I have already been educated on all of the things that people want to include. There was a couple who wanted a video game themed ceremony and I'm not as fluent in video games, but I have tons of video gamer friends, so I just messaged all of them. And we're like, do you have any ideas about like, cool video game stuff I could add to the wedding. And they I played more video games as a child and they actually one of their games is one of the games they really liked this one I'd played as a child and so I incorporated that and they just they loved it. And I had a really fun time, as well.


Clint  19:58  
I've been doing this for A long time, a really long time. And I'm taking notes. You're teaching me right now.


Carly 20:05  
This is great. So glad.
I love what I do. And like I said, I know I definitely attract kind of, I use the word weird with the most loving, like, because I consider myself kind of a weird person. And so my couples are kinda weird too and I really love that. And so, whenever anybody's like, Oh, is it too weird if our vows are like video game themed? And I'm like, No, absolutely not. That's amazing. I love it. Or somebody's like, we really want you to talk about dinosaurs a lot in the ceremony. Awesome. That's, like, super happy to see that. Like, as long as it's something I know something about. I did my first pagan ceremony last year. And that was not something I really knew anything about at all. But I was like, happy. I bought some books, read some books about it, saw what it meant to them because, just like any religion, you can be kind of loosely affiliated with it, or real serious about it. And they were kind of somewhere in the middle. And so I love learning like that's why I've got my, biology, Native American Studies, Divinity School, degree. I love learning about stuff. So anytime a couple comes to me with something that I don't know anything about, I'm like, Great. I'll read a book on it. I'll Google it. I'll read some articles. I just have a great time with it.


Clint  21:33  
You know, I feel so happy for the area that you serve. So lucky that they have you. I almost have a little bit sad that the rest of the country doesn't have access to you yet. Because you're spectacular.


Carly  21:47  
Oh, thank you so much. I really, really love what I do. And I'm glad to be able to share.


JP Reynolds  21:49  
Well, it comes through. And I also love how you have embraced your as you put on your website, the nerd. Yeah, I must admit, when I read it, I was like, Oh, wow. Because it's sprinkled throughout your website and it's just something so engaging, and, heartwarming.


Carly Miller  22:31  
I mean, it's been really important in my life. I love going to like little local Comic Cons. I haven't been to like the big one in California, but I love dressing up. I love cosplaying. I find that community to be super welcoming, and very intriguing and supportive of one another. And it also overlaps a lot with the LGBT community. And so yeah, it's something that I really love. And it's maybe a little bit weird, but there's so many people that are into it. And so my people find me and I'm glad that they do.


Clint  23:11  
Well, we're almost out of time. And I would imagine there's gonna be people, especially after listening to this conversation, who will want to reach out to you Carly. What's the best way for them to do that?


Carly Miller  23:21  
Yeah, sure. So my Instagram is magical weddings by Carly. And you can find me there on Facebook as well. My website is www.CarlyJaneMiller.com. And there's a contact form on there. My email is also Carly@CarlyJaneMiller.com and I'm super happy. I'm really trying to get into more LGBT education for wedding professionals. I've run a few clubhouse rooms so I'm also on clubhouse set at magical weddings. I don't think it has by Carly because I think that was too many characters but magical weddings on clubhouse and so definitely if you have any questions about about serving the LGBT community, especially trans clients, then I am more than happy to answer them.


Clint  24:13  
Brilliant. Anything else JP?


JP Reynolds  24:16  
Just quickly, last question in 25 words or less. Who is the Harry Potter character that you want to cosplay officiate in or with?


Carly Miller  24:31  
So, I'm a Hufflepuff and I have like full Hufflepuff robes, the socks, all the stuff and I would love to wear that sometime. It's really just me, the character is me going to Hogwarts as me.


JP Reynolds  24:48  
The word has been put out.


Carly  24:49  
Yes. Excellent.


Clint  24:52  
Well, there you go, everybody. That's the way it works here at the wedding ceremony podcast. We are so so appreciative that Carly has been with us today and I have a feeling that it will not be the last time. I think we're going to get a round two in the future. Well everybody you can hear all of our episodes on our website WeddingCeremonyPodcast.com and they're arranged chronologically, the most recent one is at the top. That's also where you can send us an email let us know who you want us to talk to, what you would like us to talk about, or tell us a story. Any way you want to communicate with us it's all awesome. We also want to remind you that JP’s books are in the amazon store and in the kindle store in amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is reverendclint.com or clinthufft.com for all the things that I do. Thank you again to the incredible musicians that play our theme music the DacapoPlayers.com. Remember if you want to make your life simple then find the wedding ceremony podcast in the apple store or in stitcher and subscribe and then that way every time we post a new episode it'll automatically come into your world. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP and Carly, we will see you next time.

#307
Clint  0:01  
Hey everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 307. recorded on Tuesday, March 23 2021. My name is Clint Hufft. And with me is a gentleman that just gave me great news. He has a little something he wants to share with us, the one and only JP Reynolds.


JP  0:24  
Hey there.


Clint  0:28  
You're you're being coy.


JP Reynolds  0:30  
Who, me?


Clint  0:35  
JP is an accomplished author. His books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website, his wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com For all of the things that I do. Before we launch into what you're going to share, I want to give kind of like a little acknowledgement. One of our listeners reached out who also went to the wedding MBA conference this last fall, which actually was all online, it was all digital and zoom, and you know, all that kind of stuff. And my session was how to start a podcast. And she reached out to me and said that she took the course, she signed up for the conference and took the course online, because she and her friends are thinking of starting a podcast. And then she was wondering if there was any access to the slides, because normally the conference will share the presenter slides online as part of the package that you buy, but I guess it got lost in the translation there. So for anybody that's curious about that, I put it up on my ClintHufft.com website. If you open the tab that says wedding MBA, then you'll see a couple of files from my presentations that you can download. They’re PDF files, and they're just all the slides from my presentation. So there you go.


JP  2:23  
Cool, cool. Cool.


Clint  2:25  
All right, JP.


JP Reynolds  2:30  
I officiated a wedding on Sunday.


Clint  2:33  
Yes.


JP Reynolds  2:35  
And just a couple little bits and pieces that I want to share. Okay. So to begin with hindsight, initially I thought it was going to be a micro wedding. Then I talked with the couple and realized, Oh, it was probably going to be an old fashioned 100, 120 person wedding. Which for us would be, in the old days, would say that's a normal size wedding. Yeah. Well, it ended up being a wedding with 250 Plus. 


Clint
Holy moly. Oh, my gracious. 


JP
Now, let me quickly say everything was outdoors, ceremony, reception. But 250 people, I'm not sure that I saw 250 people in the last year.


Clint  3:40  
Exactly.


JP Reynolds  3:41  
Yeah, I think it was just visually and viscerally. A bit overwhelming. And I was surprised at kind of my, like gut feeling to seeing everybody and a number of the vendors I have enjoyed working with previously. And everybody again, was saying how they felt rusty with such a big gathering most of the vendors said that they had been doing micro seem to be back as a team with 250 plus people like wow, that's crazy. Wow. And, there's an article I read just last week that talked about the adjustments, so many of us are gonna have to make as we re enter a, quote normal life.


Clint  4:57  
Now, just to be clear, we are not In one of the states that has “opened up”, we are in California


JP Reynolds  5:05  
Interesting. Thank you for saying that. Because originally, they booked a venue in Los Angeles County. But LA would not allow even outdoors gathering of 250 people, right? So everything migrated down to Orange County, which does allow that kind of size gap.


Clint  5:31  
Man Oh man, were you at all nervous just because of having a year of pandemic and all of the rules and all that kind of stuff?


JP Reynolds  5:42  
Because I have issues that make me hyper aware and sensitive to all of this, and I've not been vaccinated yet. My appointment is not for another couple of weeks. However, it was a beautiful venue, right? I didn't even know existed. And I was very comfortable with the size of the outdoors. It sounds like I really have phobias. That sounds so pathetic. I'm so embarrassed I said that. But it was size wise, It was very comfortable. Yeah. Yeah. So that's the first thing I wanted to say. So now we've got 250 seats, and we've got the runway and the guy was very sweet. Delightful couple. And the ceremony begins. And we've got the processional. And you've got the groomsmen and the bridesmaids. And then we have children.


Clint  7:03  
Oh my,


JP Reynolds  7:04  
We have ring bearers and flower girls. And I almost called you from where I was standing in the ceremony.


Clint  7:17  
You mean like to FaceTime me to show me?


JP Reynolds  7:19  
Okay? Like folks, I just need to talk to point for a moment. Because after a year of lockdown, God love us all. The Lost Children of weddings have reappeared. It's like, you’re back. You're back. Who says we can't go back in time?
Here they were. About six children.


Clint  7:54  
Oh, man,


JP Reynolds  7:56  
Wandering around, looking around. And God forbid that some grown up would sweep these children up. Nope. Nope. Nope. We got the camera. We got the phones out. We got the pictures. We like the laughing, the giggling and children just milling about and it's like even in the lowest landed children thing just starting to reopen. Was lovely.


Clint  8:29  
You got the whole magila. You got the whole enchilada. That's crazy.


JP Reynolds  8:33  
Oh, now I got this crazy but then I have the stab me in the heart beautiful. So as we've said time and time again. We'll continue to say always an honor to stand before a couple and witness their vows. This was especially poignant the entire wedding because last week as so many corners of our country were rocked again with the shooting of six people in Atlanta and not just six people but the fears and the reality of bias and racism against Asians and Asian Americans. And just the pain of that experience. And then to officiate this wedding, both the bride and the groom and their families are Vietnamese. And so it was this and the vast majority of guests were Asian predominantly. Vietnamese, and so to be celebrating, to be officiating a wedding for an Asian community at the end of a week, whose horror I can't even begin to imagine in terms of how it impacted the people sitting there. Very moving, very poignant experience, because to see joy, to see love, to see family, to seek community. You bow before the sacredness of it, and just the horror of the past week. So, that’s the poignant context. So now it's time for the vows. And the couple have been together for seven years, they have a daughter, and the groom was just very eloquent. Very sweet vows. And then it was time for the bride to gift him with her vows. And in a sweet gesture, she invited their daughter I think, who was four years old, to come up and join her and stand by her as she gave her vows to the father of her child, to her now husband. And the first line. Just, oh, I just get goosebumps even recalling her offering. And the first line was okay, it was: “when I was in high school as an immigrant, I never felt I belonged. I never felt at home. And then I met you.” And there were some gasps in the audience and certainly, like, stabbed me in the heart. stabbed me in the heart beautiful. Um, and it was perhaps, not perhaps, it was one of the most beautiful lines ever heard.


Clint  12:47  
There's a reading that talks about You are my home. And the fact that she shared that and the fact that so many people in their guest collection Could I probably identify with that. I'm guessing based on the way you've described it.


JP Reynolds  13:53  
Well, yeah, I mean it I have to say, if there had not been a mass shooting, if there had not been in the last year, a rise in the horror of Asian racism and harassment, violence. I'm not sure that I would have gotten goosebumps with the line. Because I actually heard that line of your my home. You're my apartment. You're my condo. So I've heard that sentiment, which should begin, at the end of this week, to begin by saying as an immigrant, I never felt at home. Well, then I met you like, wow, wow. Wow. This should be heard from sea to shining sea. So it was very, very poignant. Though let's just remember it's a wedding I did so, of course, poignancy is pouring it. It doesn't last, because now we have to go back to the last moment that I would share with the ceremony. A couple walks down the aisle, as they're walking down the aisle, Everybody starts to leave. Just leave like, by the time the last bride, groomsmen and bridesmaids were walking down the aisle, I would say it was only a third of the people left in their seats.


Clint  15:48  
Oh, my gracious.


JP Reynolds  15:50  
So what I loved was normally it's like, waiting to that last couple from the wedding party, down the aisle. And now I will say part of it was it was a nippy, nippy day. It might have been the first Sunday of spring, it was chilly. So I think people wanted to find a heater and find a drink. And warm up. Okay, but visually, it was a bit jarring to see the wedding party processing and everybody leaving their rows by the side. And that is the story of my first wedding on the first Sunday in the year 2021.


Clint  16:51  
So I'm guessing, this seems like an obvious question, but they didn't do any spreading of the chairs social distancing, like they was just the old normal. Everybody together one center aisle.


JP Reynolds  17:04  
Yeah. The chairs were in regulation formation. However, when people arrived, they were given a quick COVID check.


Clint  17:23  
Oh, no kidding. Yeah. You mean like just a temperature type deal?


JP Reynolds  17:31  
You know, I don't know what that means. The event planner told me that they were doing COVID checks.


Clint  17:43  
I remember the only time that I've ever been a part of that may be going to the gym, which where we live, Now the gyms just opened back up. And then as you walk in, they have like one of those forehead temperature gun type of deals. And so they do that to everybody. And, then there's kind of like a, are you feeling any symptoms? Where else did I have that? I think it's kind of like the standard thing. Now, when I donated blood, or we went for a checkup, I think one of my family members went for a checkup at the hospital. And they have somebody out front before you can go into the building. They'll say, can we take your temperature? And did you feel any symptoms? And, that kind of stuff. So I'm just guessing that there was that protocol, something along those lines? Well, everybody's talking about the big light at the end of the tunnel. You know, it sounds to me that what you just experienced. While it does make me a little nervous. It's also very encouraging. I mean, if it happened 40 miles away from where I live, then it just sounds to me like I don't know. There's so many good signs.


JP  19:00  
It's getting closer to where you live Clint. Yes. Block after block.


Clint  19:04  
Oh, man, I think when it finally gets to my house, I'm gonna have snacks.


JP Reynolds  19:12  
Fair enough. Yeah. So big takeaway, folks. The Lost Children of weddings have returned. All restrictions have been lifted. They're free to roam.


Clint  19:29  
Outside of this podcast. Have you published anything anywhere that talks about the Lost Children of weddings?


JP Reynolds  19:40  
We just hold hands and have a zen moment and just reflect on that. Two grown professional men. Hey, dude, bro. Anyway, you right? Take this up the grant research grant MIT, Harvard. No, no.


Clint  20:10  
Okay, fair enough. We'll keep it right here nice and tidy and safe.


JP Reynolds  20:16  
Right? There you have it.


Clint  20:18  
Hey, there you have it. And by the way, everybody if you have anything that you would like us to talk about, or we want to say thank you, because we have something that could happen over the next two episodes. That's very exciting, a very special guest. And if we can arrange it, and I can't tell you anything else about it other than that, and the way you can reach out to us and offer a suggestion for a guest, or even something that you would like us to talk about, then go to our website, weddingceremonypodcast.com, and just click on the “email us” button, and then it'll come right to us. I check it every day. And that also is where you can listen to our episodes if you'd like to. They're arranged chronologically, the most recent one is at the top. We've started putting transcripts of our episodes on that website as well. If you want to make your life really simple, then just subscribe to the podcast. We are in the Apple Store and in Stitcher and any of the apps that you have in your mobile devices that access the Apple store you can find us, just search for wedding ceremony podcast. We’re the only one, it'll pop right up, click on the subscribe button. Every time we post a new episode, it'll automatically come into your world. Remember the JP’S books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website, his wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com For all of the things that I do. Thank you again to the incredible musicians that play our theme music the dacapoplayers.com. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP We will see you next time.

#306
Clint  0:01  
Hey everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 306. recorded on Tuesday, March the 16th 2021. My name is Clint Hufft and with me is the gentlemen that just taught me all about the Irish Catholic Goodbye, the one and only JP Reynolds.


JP Reynolds  0:25  
Well, Clint, that was a nice teaser. It's not what we're going to talk about.


Clint  0:33  
Well, before I launch into that, JP is an accomplished author. His books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. And mine is Reverendclint.com. JP, before we get into the things that I want to talk about, have you ever heard of crowd crowdfunding or crowdsourcing or that sort of thing?


JP  1:05  
Oh, sure.


Clint  1:06  
Yeah. Okay. So I'm thinking about your books, because I talk about your books every single episode. And it occurs to me, one time you told me, this is years ago, but I said, Are you available that this day at this time? And you said, No, that's the time of week that I like to write. And I thought, oh, that tells me that he's always creating. And it occurred to me that you might be working on something. And I would like, if that is true, and when it ever becomes true, I would love to tease it. I would love to let people know that something is on the horizon from JP and then it would build up that excitement and that anticipation and that kind of stuff. So would you do me a favor? And whenever that day comes where you feel comfortable, like Yes, I have something that's in the pipeline, just so that we can get really excited about it.


JP Reynolds  1:53  
That is so sweet of you Clint. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that. I find that very supportive and encouraging. So thank you.


Clint  2:02  
You're welcome. But you haven't said you'll do it.


JP Reynolds  2:05  
Oh, no, no, I'll do it. Yes, absolutely.


Clint  2:09  
Okay, great. Good. Okay. You heard it here. First. Everybody JP.
Oh, my goodness.


JP Reynolds  2:18  
I have a question for you. Even though before we went on the air as it were, I said, nothing to talk about. And then I realized, Oh, I do have a question for you. Okay. So, how do you feel about And how do you handle when a mother wants to join the initial conversation about the wedding ceremony?


Clint  2:47  
The minute you said, Mother, I started laughing. Yeah. That is just a magic word for you. And I love it. Okay. Well, this has happened a few times over the years. Okay. Not so much recently. But in the past, usually it was a mother who was conservative and wanted to see who is this Reverend Clint, and it does he meet my criteria. I mean, that's not said out loud. But I always had the feeling of that was the reason they wanted to be there in person. Right. Now, having said that, there have been, okay, if I put it on a spectrum, let's say that over the years, maybe 10 times, the mother comes to the initial meeting, let's just say that. So I would say three or four of those times was the the situation I just described, but the rest of the time. They're just lovely. And they're just kind of like sitting at the table nearby and just full of smiles because their child is planning the wedding and, I come off as being charming so it's been a really pleasant experience. But I suspect you have something specific that you would like to share,


JP Reynolds  4:04  
Thank you for reminding me of that. Thank you for reminding me that I too have had fewer than two handfuls of mothers. And you are right that they fall into two camps. One is of a religious background and wants to make sure that you're not, I'm not an Elvis impersonator. You know that there's going to be a dignity to the service. And then there are mothers who are just so enthused that they want to go to every meeting. What I find interesting is so I've been approached about a couple and I ended up working with an event planner but I had been asked to coordinate with the mother rather than coordinate directly with the couple in terms of setting up the zoom. And I thought, Oh, well, now this is interesting. If I find three people on the zoom chat. It's just interesting. My initial visceral response is one that I want to keep in check. And thank you for reminding me that you're absolutely right. Most of the time, the mothers are just sweet and delightful. And it's part of the support process.


Clint  5:49  
Well, but the way you described it, I had this exact same initial response, which is Yeah, yeah. Listen, Miss bossy pants. Yeah, it's not about you. But I mean, there is a history to that. You and I both have had a history of parental figures, because I did have a dad that got kind of like Mr. bossy pants. But, based on that experience, you kind of look for the indicators. And when somebody says go through the parent, as opposed to I mean, because the kids, we don't marry kids that are under 18. I mean, have you ever married somebody like that?


JP Reynolds  6:31  
You don’t?


Clint  6:33  
Well, I never have. I never have let me just say,


JP Reynolds  6:36  
You'll love it. It's a fun experience. Great. It's different, but it's fun.


Clint  6:41  
It's cool. Do they pass out juice juice boxes afterwards? So in other words, you're right, that initial response. And you know what, I think we have gut reactions to a lot of different things that have to just remain internal, based on past experiences all the time. Yeah. And there was one mom who wanted to make sure that the ceremony contained enough religious content, and the daughter, who she and her fiance, had decided that religion was not a key component of their marriage and their future. But the mom was, you know, the mom was the mom. And, she was the one who in the middle of the meeting, got up and said, I'm sorry that you don't have a relationship with Jesus Christ. And, then walked away in a huff to the restroom. And the daughter was mortified. She looked at me, and she said, I am so sorry. And I said, No, no, no, I've been through this before. It's fine. It's fine. She's just a little emotional right now. It's fine.  Because I said in front of the mother, I said, My primary concern is that your daughter and her fiance have the ceremony that they want and that they're very happy. And so that was me saying, and I'm not really concerned about you.


JP Reynolds  8:26  
So it's been a while since I had a mother be however, involved in that first initial meeting. And I realized that it's different when I'm meeting the couple at a Starbucks because as you said, the mother could sit at the another table and she could ever sit at her table with another table nearby and just listen in. But if this mother is going to be on the zoom call, and I don't know, I know nothing. This is just all fresh off the press. But if the mother is going to be on the zoom call, I'll just put her in a breakout room by herself.


Clint  9:19  
Yeah, I was just wondering how do you deal with that? I mean, because the zoom call everybody is just right there, their faces are right exactly. Yeah. at a Starbucks or someplace like that, You can angle your chair so your focus mostly on the couple. I like the breakout room. I think that's the breakout room to nowhere.


JP Reynolds  9:43  
And treat it like an escape room. But yeah, yeah. All right. Well, there will be a part two to this at some point in time.


Clint  9:55  
I was thinking about them who objected to the music that the bride wanted to be played? It was fascinating that it came up. Oh, also the indicator is when the mom requests the meeting, like the bride, or the couple will say, Can we meet with you? And my mom really wants to attend, then I know, okay, something's up. Right. So the bride and her fiance, were very much entrepreneur hipsters, they had started their own line of bags and belts and that sort of thing. And they were at the the cutting edge of the online store. And, they were doing really well. So they wanted more. They didn't want the traditional classical music played at their ceremony. They wanted something that was more contemporary, maybe even Jazzy, something like that. Yeah. Just so you know, I don't care. I don't care what they play. But the mom looked at me and said, Can you believe they're not gonna play the, I don't know if it was the Wedding March at the end, or the bridal chorus at the beginning, I don't remember. But they're not going to play the da da da. And I said, Well, I mean, music is emotional, and they want to feel what they want to feel and experience it. You know, this is a memorable moment, they're going to have it forever. And she said, but I can't believe they're not going to play. And then I took a leap of faith. And every time I tell this story, I usually get one of two strong reactions. Let's see what happens with you. So I said, Did you have it played at your wedding? And she said, Yes. All three of them. And that was the key thing for me. And I thought, Oh, my gosh, she just opened the door. Here we go. So let me rephrase. I said, Did you ever play that at your wedding? She did. She said, Yes. All three of them. And I said, well, that I guess that song has been taken care of, hasn't it? And there was just a silence. And the mom looked at me, and you could tell that her brain was going a million miles a second. But finally, she said, to her credit, she said, I guess it has, and the bride was just so happy. You know what I mean? And then we went on with the rest of conversation. But then the bride told me afterwards, that as soon as they got in the car, the mom turned to her daughter and said You told him to say that.


JP Reynolds  12:33  
It's fabulous. Fabulous.


Clint  12:36  
Yeah. Fabulous.


JP Reynolds  12:39  
Props to you for telling that story for Well, for telling the story, the props to you for saying what you said,


Clint  12:47  
Well, we walk a fine line, you know, we want to maintain the integrity of what the bride and groom or the couple has in mind. And without offending the parent. And I don't know, we just do the best we can and hope for the best. Because whenever I tell that story, some people will say, like I said, it's either one or two reactions. Some people will say kind of like what you did, like, Oh, that was cool. You kind of handled that and handled her. And the other people will say, I can't believe you said that.


JP Reynolds  13:18  
Well, let me say you did take a risk. It was a risky statement, in that she could have huffed and puffed and walked away. You know? So it is to her credit, that she responded the way she did. She had an array of other options in which to respond. But here's the thing. 80% of what people pay attention to in a conversation is the non verbal, right? Tone, looking at facial expression, etc. And for people who have not met Clint, you in person are very non verbally reassuring.


Clint  14:11  
Oh, really? Oh, thanks.


JP Reynolds  14:13  
No, I mean, if you've not met Clint, he's gigantically tall. imposing, scary looking.


Clint  14:24  
When he sits around the house, he sits around the house.


JP Reynolds  14:27  
But when you speak, there's a warmth that comes from you. And so the words were risky, however, I'm going to presume if I looked at security video footage, that the warmth is what she was responding to.


Clint  14:55  
I hope it all turned out great. Yeah,


JP Reynolds  14:58  
So then that's Yeah. So then yeah,


Clint  15:01  
yeah. You know, that would be fascinating. You know what that would be fascinating. You mentioned security footage. We couldn’t get much from that. But wouldn't it be fascinating for you and I to look at meetings, officiant meetings, that first meeting with wherever it is, right and, from your perspective with all of your incredible knowledge and expertise to evaluate what you see going on with the participants of the meeting, including the officiant maybe especially the officiant, that would be a TV show all by itself.


JP Reynolds  15:33  
Right. Right. Right. Hidden Camera. Yeah.


Clint  15:38  
Yeah. Oh my gosh. Okay, now we have to find a sponsor. So, Alright, good deal. Thanks, everybody. That would be amazing. You know, what, if there's anybody listening that would you Okay, when you coach people, we're almost out of time. But when you coach people, do you consult them like to be an officiant? Do you consult them on any of the physicality.


JP
Oh, yes. 


Clint
Oh, do you?


JP Reynolds  16:06  
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I really emphasize that. Yeah.


Clint  16:10  
Oh, then we should talk about that.


JP Reynolds  16:13  
Yeah. Okay. And just actually, it was interesting. Over the weekend, I zoomed with a couple in New York City and their guest officiant Oh, and they were referred to me by a couple who live in New York and who got married a couple years ago here in Southern California, his wedding I officiated. And the the couple invited the bride's brother in law to officiate their wedding. It's going to be very simple micro or small wedding, probably about 25 to 30 people in a New York City restaurant. And they asked so it was all three, the couple and the officiant and it was interesting. I've never coached where it was the couple and the officiant. Typically, I'll coach the officiant. And it was a great experience. It's a great experience. And it just reminded me about some things that we don't have time to talk about right now.


Clint  17:29  
Yeah. Yeah. I would love to kind of dive into that. Because, yeah, I'm gonna make a note. That's how we will begin the next episode. Cool.


JP Reynolds  17:42  
Do you want to make a preview announcement of what you and I are doing tomorrow?


Clint  17:50  
Oh, that's right. Oh, my gosh, we're gonna be a guest on somebody else's podcast. Yes. I'm very excited about that. Yes.


JP Reynolds  18:00  
Yes. And we'll give more information. When we know when that podcast will be airing.


Clint  18:07  
Right. Okay. Yeah, we'll put that out. Oh, my gosh, the wedding hacker. That's the name of that podcast. So we will. Yeah, I'm very excited. I you know, you and I talk to each other every week. But when somebody else interviews the two of us, that is a unique experience that I really enjoy.


JP Reynolds  18:25  
Yes, yeah. Yeah. No, I like when the police interview.


Clint  18:30  
That's the best. Right after the breathalyzer. That's what I really, that's what I really go to town. Alright, okay.


JP Reynolds  18:41  
I'm gonna abruptly say, thank you. I'm done.


Clint  18:48  
All right, everybody. That's the way this works at the wedding ceremony podcast. If you have anything that you would like to ask us, or share with us, then please go to our website. It's weddingceremonypodcast.com, click on the email list button and it'll come right to us. I check it every day. That's also where you can find our episodes. They are all right there on the landing page. And they're organized chronologically, the most recent ones are always at the top. We also have added another page that shows you the transcripts in blog form. And if you want to make your life really simple, then just subscribe to the podcast. And the way you do that is you find us in the Apple store or in Stitcher and click on the subscribe button and every time we post a new episode, it'll automatically come into your world. Remember that JP’S books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. For communications coaching thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com. For all the things that I do. Thank you again to the incredible musicians that play our theme music. The Dacapoplayers.com. That's it for this episode of The wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP We will see you next time.

#305
Clint  0:00  
Hey everybody. Welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with those wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 305, recorded on Tuesday, March the ninth 2021. My name is Clint Hufft. And with me is a gentleman that I can guarantee he watches the clock seconds tick down till exactly 10:30 and then he joins the zoom, the one and only JP Reynolds.


JP Reynolds  0:29  
I am always watching the clock and anticipating.


Clint  0:36  
With with eager anticipation.


JP Reynolds  0:38  
Absolutely. That's the way I feel. Absolutely. Absolutely.


Clint  0:43  
JP is an accomplished author. His books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com. Or ClintHufft.com For all of the things that I do. Speaking of which, JP correct me if I'm wrong, but have you also done baby ceremonies and funerals? 


JP
Yes.


Clint
okay. Because not everybody is comfortable with either one of those things. I love them. I think the babies are magnificent. And then yesterday, I did a funeral.


JP Reynolds  1:33  
I don't know. I have to say I held my breath. Because when you said the babies are magnificent. I was waiting for you to say the corpse is magnificent also.


Clint 1:46  
No.


JP Reynolds  1:47  
Okay. Okay.


Clint  1:51  
So yesterday, I did a funeral. And I got caught by surprise with my own emotions. Now not about being around somebody who's passed away and the people that are grieving. I've been doing this for years. And I was surprised, my first one, I was a little nervous about it. But it turned out to not be a thing. It turns out for me to be a very positive experience. I grew up going to church a lot. I went every weekend. And then in our church, we would do Lent and Advent. And then my social group was the youth group. And I went there every Sunday afternoon. It was just like a thing. It was very much a thing for me.


JP Reynolds  2:39  
Excuse me, if I recall, you grew up in the Lutheran Church.


Clint  2:46  
yeah. And I'm going somewhere with this, so bear with me. So all of that is really familiar to me. It's very much a part of my upbringing and that kind of stuff. But then, when I became an adult, I didn't have a specific church. I moved away and then also became familiar with a lot of different theologies and philosophies. And, then, about 10 years ago, maybe a little bit longer than that, I was invited to a baptism at a Catholic Church, a magnificent, big, beautiful Cathedral. And they have this separate alcove that had the baptismal font. And when I walked in, it was so familiar, even though the church I went to was not big like that, but just the trappings of it was so familiar and felt so comfortable. And then prior to that, I was watching, you're gonna laugh at this, I was watching Sister Act, the movie with Whoopi Goldberg. When they started singing gospel music in the theater, I started to cry. Because, I don't know, gospel music just does that to me. It just makes me very emotional. Yesterday, I found a Bible passage that was really relevant to the family and that kind of stuff. And when I was reading it, I felt emotions coming up again. And it made me think of you, because every time we talk, I get emotional. No, because I was wondering, with all of your experience, have you ever found yourself, while you're performing a ritual or ceremony, Getting caught up in the emotions of the moment or something triggers something in you?


JP Reynolds  4:27  
Well, that's a a really intriguing question. And let me say the answer is yes. Okay. Let me directly answer your question. The answer is yes. Of course. Part of our responsibility is to be the anchor for The folks present in whatever ceremony it may be. So I'm always concerned that I, it's this balance between to be an emotionally aware and emotionally sensitive anchor. But there are moments where the anchor almost wiggles free and I find myself moved by an image or a piece of music or somebody else's emotions while doing the reading or whatever it may be that is for people who I don't know. When I officiate my god daughter's wedding, last May. And it was converted into a micro wedding. I was very concerned that, it's like, oh, my God, how will I get through this? And it was very interesting at what parts in the ceremony, I choked up. And the first time I choked up in the ceremony was on the word “the”. I literally said the and I looked at Meredith and her husband, and I found myself like having to look away.


Clint  6:44  
Oh my goodness.


JP Reynolds  6:46  
Yeah, I just loved the idea that I had worried about all these different moments in the ceremony. And I was fine. Find the best was okay. I pulled this together.


Clint  7:02  
You know, what's weird is yesterday, when I felt that coming up. I was aware of so many things simultaneously. Yeah, I was aware of Wait a minute, this is my job. I can't lose it. This is ridiculous. Because what I'm feeling has nothing to do with the moment, right? It's my own internal thing. For some reason, this is triggering something in me. I'm thinking this while I'm reading. Right? And, then I also am thinking relax. Where is this coming from? What's going on? But I'm still reading, I have to keep going. And then this The third thing that came into my mind was, can they tell that I'm going through this? Can people look at me and think, wait a minute, is he getting emotional? It wasn't like, I felt it. And I don't know if any little bit like leaked out in my delivery or my facial expression or whatever. I'm hoping that no, because it all worked out great.


JP Reynolds  8:01  
Oh, no, let's say I'm hoping Yes, yes,


Clint  8:03  
I know you're hoping.


JP Reynolds  8:06  
No, in the sense that we have a responsibility to be able to guide people through a ceremony. So we have to be an anchor. However, what gives us credibility is that we present ourselves as vulnerable, as human and any show of emotion reassures people that we're not treating this like a production number, where it's like, oh, this is just wedding number 1500. It's that there's a real connection being made. So I'm not going to manufacturer emotions. However, if they come, I hope that whatever flicker people pick up on doesn't distract them. Rather, reassures them.


Clint  9:13  
Right, exactly. I didn't want what I was going through to get in the way. And another thing that makes this very frustrating is that one of the things I've done in my life is I was an actor for quite a while. And, we train ourselves to let all of that stuff come out. That's part of the art form or the craft, if you will, is that if something comes up, then you're supposed to just let it out. Right and the other thing that I've learned about myself is that I can't be trusted. When it comes to like, with my daughter's Bat Mitzvah. There's a part in the ceremony where the parents are supposed to get up and talk to their child and I just lost it. And so when my mom passed, it seemed like I'm the public speaker, I'm the professional, then I should get up and say something. And I politely declined and said, No, because I can't trust myself, emotions just all of a sudden explode out of me. And that's probably going to happen. I didn't cry at her bedside when she passed. I don't know, that wasn't the moment. I knew that if I started to talk about it, that probably something will come out. So it made me really, I don't know, almost not paranoid, but kind of like, my senses were alerted. Because I mean, obviously, you and I have both done more weddings than we can count probably. And, I'm thinking back that there might have been one or two moments where I was reading something that a couple included in their ceremony that kind of caught me a little bit. But I've never showed that kind of emotion. I remember one time at a baby ceremony, I was looking directly at the baby and talking to the room about the future of the baby and all the possibilities. And the same kind of emotion started to come up in me. And I had to pull that back as well. Maybe that's part of officiant training, is how to recognize and pull back when your emotions start to well up. What do you think?


JP Reynolds  11:56  
Oh, you see, that's interesting that you put it that way. I think what's more important is knowing how to be comfortable being emotional. And it's when couples tell their stereotypical horror stories about an officiant. If you examined the stories, I think I can virtually guarantee you that they're telling the story about a person who was not emotionally connected to what was going on. And a ceremony is an emotional experience. It is not a TED talk. It is not a lecture on what is a marriage or what is the existential meaning of life? or What does it mean to raise a child? A ceremony plays out on an emotional plane. It's not simply about knowing how to pull back. It's knowing how to recognize what you're feeling and manage your feelings in that moment, without trying to become a robot or an automaton.


Clint  13:37  
Oh, yeah, I agree. 100%. And I think that there's this middle space. First of all, I agree. It has to be a human connection. Absolutely. But I want to protect and enhance and serve the emotion without distracting from the emotion.


JP Reynolds  14:02  
No, that's beautifully put. And that's what I mean, when I say manage your emotions.


Clint  14:07  
Right. So maybe I said pull back, maybe we're saying something similar. But I think what you're describing is if somebody is so afraid, as an officiant, that they become completely closed off. And I agree that that's not a good thing at all.


JP Reynolds  14:24  
Well, it's either They're so afraid or they approach officiating like it was a sales job. I always say that is nothing to compare, in the realm of public presenting. So the role of being an officiant is not giving a toast. It's not giving a roast. It's not giving a classroom experience. It is its own beast, its own experience. And you have to approach it with great respect and almost tentativeness because you're tapping into power. It's a powerful experience. And it's calling people to the sacredness of the moment, whether it's a moment that celebrates new life, or a moment that celebrates life that no longer exists on Earth, or it's celebrating two entities who have bumped into each other in this universe, and are pledging to go through the universe together. That is what I mean by sacred and so yeah, yeah, you tread gently and respectfully of your emotions and everybody else's emotions. Fascinating.


Clint  16:23  
You bring up something really interesting and important. I think there's a skill set to what we do that can be transferred to and from other responsibilities. Like, for instance, if you're a public speaker, then it makes sense that you would be able to officiate a wedding ceremony?


JP Reynolds  16:42  
Oh, no, no, wholeheartedly. Yeah.


Clint  16:44  
What I'm saying is that, here's my kind of analogy. When I was a DJ, I learned doing radio. And then I got into nightclubs. And even though the technology was the same, the equipment was the same. It was a different beast. And I had to do something really different. But fortunately, I already had that skill set, technically. And then when I got into social events, and that sort of thing, same equipment, same music, but a completely different set of circumstances that required a different level of craft, so to speak. And so I think that's what I mean by when we officiate, in essence, we are doing the role of a master of ceremonies and a public speaker and that sort of thing. But you're absolutely right, it is so different. It's great to have those skills to bring to the job. But it's so different. And all of the nuances and requirements are unique to that specific job. I agree. 100%.


JP Reynolds  17:49  
Right. Right.


Clint  17:51  
Right, I think one would be best served to have done some public speaking before they begin.


JP Reynolds  17:58  
Right? And you see, this is the issue with when couples say, Well, I'm going to have my college roommate, officiate our wedding. Because we want the ceremony to be personal when he or she knows us. And in my book I wrote love alone will not give you a wonderful ceremony. Love alone is just not enough in crafting and executing a ceremony. It's this very unique experience. And we know that I've worked with other folks who say, Well, I'm the uncle of the bride and groom, and I'm a college professor. And it's like, okay, I'm impressed that you were published, in MIT's daily newspaper. However, this is not MIT. Well, that's where you have to be able to tap into your emotions, not being ruled and held hostage by your emotions. But you have to be able to tap into your emotions to understand this is an emotional experience That is not about you. However, your emotions are a part of the experience or your emotions allow you to participate in the experience. This is fascinating. I've never really thought about this. I'm thinking aloud right now.


Clint  19:49  
No, you’re right. I think that we ruminate about a lot of different things in connection with our job as officiants but to articulate it and get into the weeds so to speak. We're almost out of time. But the thing about being emotional, it's more along the lines of opening up to a human connection and to the significance of the moment as opposed to, because you and I both seen officiants that will pretend, who will put on a show, will say their words in a specific way, because they think it has more dramatic effect.


JP  20:31  
Right,


Clint  20:32  
That isn't the secret sauce, and you and I are saying the same thing. The secret sauce is having a real emotional connection to the people that are going through this milestone. I don't know if I'm saying it any better. But there it is. Right. Right. And I don't know how to learn that. I don't know how how, if you coach people on it being an officiant, how do you get them to go to that place? Because it takes a certain amount of confidence and trust to be able to go to that place and still do your job.


JP Reynolds  21:12  
Right. That's another great question. And then ongoing series of great, great question. It's a Yeah, how do you?


Clint  21:36  
It would be interesting to have a hierarchy, a list, if you will, what's the most important part of the job? And then kind of go down the list to everything that's included in the job, but prioritize them in terms of the actual emotional impact of the job. And maybe I shouldn't even add that but that would


JP Reynolds  22:00  
Yeah, that's, Well, number one. The most important part of the job is reading my book.


Clint  22:07  
Yes. Of course, let's not lose our heads here.


JP Reynolds  22:15  
Number two is listening to this podcast, number three is going on a shopping spree in our gift shop.


Clint  22:22  
Oh, the curio shop? Yes.


JP Reynolds  22:25  
Okay, if you’re tuning in for the first time we'll be searching for the gift shop.


Clint  22:29  
Yeah, you got to load up on the T shirts. That’s it?


JP Reynolds  22:33  
No, you know, it's fascinating. I know, we're running out of time. But this was outside the realm of officiating. However, I had a woman take my class at UCLA. And afterwards, she reached out and wanted to do some one on one coaching with me. And I learned that she is a marriage and family therapist. So in the first session, exploratory sessions, well, how can I help you? What are you looking for? And she said to me, her issue was that she did not like talking to people.
It's like, am I on candid camera? You want me to coach you, because you are a therapist, because you don't like to talk to people. And she explained, she clarified that what she really doesn't like she said, I'm fine For the 45 minutes, the 45 minutes that insurance is paying me to talk to these people that she says, I don't want to talk to them, like when they arrive, and they're doing the chit chat. And it's the Oh, hi, Doctor, how are you? I'm not interested in that. And when the session is over, I want them to leave immediately. I don't want them to speak.
I have blogged about this woman on LinkedIn. And on my communication site, I have talked about her in workshops. I remain fascinated by her, I bow before the mystery of the human mind and being and soul. I just throw that out there just to to say that there are all of these nuances.


Clint  28:18  
There's a part of me that I get it. There's a part of me that understands that. No, I'm serious. There's a part of me that says, enough of the baloney. Let's get to the heart of the situation. Sometimes when people call me, the normal, I guess, social norm is to chitchat a little bit before you get to the purpose of the call. And I try to cut through that. I try to get right to so what's up as quickly as possible, because I know that the other chat will happen afterwards. I know that there's a reason that they called me so I get that whole thing about chit chat and that kind of stuff. Yeah.


JP Reynolds  29:02  
Yeah, that is where we are, our style is different. Because at the beginning of the conversation, I am out to seduce the people.


Clint  29:11  
Oh, I'm not talking about potential clients. I'm not talking about that. I'm just talking about like friends when they call me and that kind of thing. I'm an open book of whatever's going on is going on. There was a comedian that had a one man show. And it was called “only the truth is funny” a guy named Rick Reynolds and he said something in there that I thought was just amazing. He said that he also couldn't stand chitchat. He just can't stand small talk, that sort of thing. He would like every conversation to begin with: Tell me your emotional pain. And that's the way he wanted to just to get to the heart of who the person is. And I thought, oh, that would be awesome. every conversation Tell me your emotional pain.


JP Reynolds  29:58  
I need to now email you the contact information for my coaching on communications. We have to coach you. I have a lot of people it's so funny I have a lot of people reach out to me and who say that they don't like small talk and they asked me to teach them how to do small talk.


Clint  30:32  
Can you give us just like one suggestion that you know for small talk?


JP Reynolds  30:46  
No, I can't.


Clint  30:49  
Awesome.


JP Reynolds  30:54  
I'm emotionally drained at this point in the podcast. We did earlier in the podcast, I might have been able to.


Clint  31:08  
Okay, well, that's enough anyway. Alright, everybody, remember that If you have something that you would like to talk to us about, reach out.


JP Reynolds  31:18  
Small talk, please.


Clint  31:21  
Yeah, of course, you can go to our website, weddingceremonypodcast.com and click on the email us button. It's right there on the landing page. And just let us know what you're interested in or anything that we said that you would like to comment on or any of that kind of stuff. That also is where you can listen to our episodes, they are archived chronologically, the most recent ones are always at the top. You can also go to the Apple iTunes podcast store or Stitcher and you can subscribe to the podcast, click on that little button. And then every time that we put a new episode out into the podcast world, it'll automatically come to you, which is fantastic. And remember that JP’S books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com. Or ClintHufft.com For all of the things that I do. Thank you again to the incredible musicians that play our theme music thedacapoplayers.com. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP We will see you next time.

#304
Clint  0:00  
Hey everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 304, recorded on Tuesday, March the second 2021. My name is Clint Hufft. And with me is a gentleman that well, he's back again, the one and only JP Reynolds.


JP Reynolds  0:22  
Yeah, I'm back.


Clint  0:26  
As if, as if you had really, really gone anywhere, actually, you did go away for a little while. Yeah, you did.


JP Reynolds  0:31  
I was with you last week.


Clint  0:33  
I know. But that was so long ago, JP, let's face it.


JP Reynolds  0:38  
Okay. Well, it is because yes, it feels Yes. Okay, keep on going.


Clint  0:42  
Okay. JP is an accomplished author. His books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. Thebusinessofconfidence.com, is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com For all of the things that I do. jp, tell us about your wedding.


JP Reynolds  1:10  
Well, I had my first wedding of 2021 on Friday, and it was a good old fashioned micro wedding. The couple plus about 12,13 people. And it just reminded me of how much I enjoyed the intimacy of these weddings. You know, it's just a very surprisingly delightful experience. And the groom was an utter sweetheart. You know how everybody has their own personality. And with some weddings, it's more. Okay, let's do it. And then with other couples, you do make a connection of a little deeper emotional level. And if I was hugging people these days, I would have given him a big hug. He says to me, just Oh, he's so sweet. He's, first of all, he's 41 years old and had never been married.


Clint  2:33  
Oh, okay.


JP Reynolds  2:34  
And, his bride, is his wife now, is 14, 15 years younger, and she had never been married. And they were so grateful that they had waited for each other, that they had discovered each other. And, so that sense of gratitude, and that sense of gratefulness, just permeated the entire celebration. I realize every couple is grateful, but for this couple, there was that sense of I didn't think this was going to happen, or it shouldn't have happened or it shouldn't have happened with you. And, the bride, their personalities are just very extroverted, larger than life. And she began her personal words by saying something along the lines of it's true that when I first saw you, my heart did not skip a beat.


Clint  3:54  
That's a great opening line.


JP Reynolds  3:57  
Because they are in some respects, certainly beginning with the age difference, etc, etc. And that phrase, you win over your bride in many respects, he won her over and as she won him over, it was just lovely. It was just so, the emotions were so raw, and he said to me, I'm going to be a hot mess. I don't know how I'm gonna do this. Have you ever had a hot mess? Oh, that's so sweet Victor. If you knew who I had. I just was thoroughly charmed by them, and there was just a real sweetness. I also think it's interesting how with a micro wedding if you had a set budget going into your wedding, your big wedding would be looking different from your micro wedding. And this micro wedding was just so beautiful. And they they had a wonderful event planner, wonderful event company and it was magic. It was a magical, magical setting.


Clint  5:45  
There's a couple of things that you've said that I would like to respond.


JP Reynolds  5:50  
Oh, please. Yes, jump in. Jump in.


Clint  5:52  
When the groom said I'm going to be a hot mess. I don't think he realized how happy that made you.


JP  6:00  
Ha ha. Oh, it's so true.


Clint  6:07  
Please be a hot mess. What's beyond hot? Can you be a hotter mess?


JP Reynolds  6:10  
Exactly. Oh, Clint is so bad. But yes, I thought oh, I'm swooning. Oh, here you go, bro. Be as messy as, you think you're a hot mess now? Wait until I'm done with you.


Clint  6:27  
That's exactly right. See? There you go. That's the JP special. Oh, yes. Now the second thing is the age of your couple. I can identify with that completely. Because I didn't even meet my wife till I was 44. And we went to lunch for our first date Exactly 23 years ago today. And we got married Exactly 19 years ago, today.
The reason I identify so much with your couple is because I was 44 when I met my wife. And so four years later I was 48 when we got married. And I completely identify with and my attitude was that it was just right for me. And apparently just right for Debra. She had never been married. I had never been married. I knew. Okay, please understand. I was in the nightclub business for 15 years. And I knew that I was not going to get married until I was 100% ready to get married. And then I was really lucky because I was on an airplane and I looked across the aisle and there she was. So that whole thing about gratitude. And what's fascinating is today we're gonna go to lunch at the place where we had our first date, hopefully.


JP  7:59  
Oh.


Clint  8:01  
Yeah, we've done it every single year since although a year ago, most of the time I have this big event in Columbus, Ohio that I go to the first weekend of every March. But because of the pandemic, it's been postponed. And so this is very rare that we're going to be together on our our anniversary, because many times I'm traveling. So we're gonna see if the restaurant has outdoor dining. And then we're on our wedding day. I can also identify with the whole charm of the micro wedding, because we kind of had a micro wedding. We had a small wedding with about 30 people at this beautiful place overlooking the ocean. And then we all went to lunch. And this particular place, we found a bakery. And they made brownies in the shape of a heart on a stick covered with chocolate. And that was just like I don't know, that was just like perfect for us. So we ordered those special and that's what we had for our dessert instead of a wedding cake. For our wedding day dessert we had. So this morning, I made brownies and they're in the shape of a heart. And I bought the chocolate and I tested this a couple of weeks ago for Valentine's Day. So the kids are all fired up. Because every year we tell them about the heart shaped brownies covered in chocolate. And so we tested it a couple of weeks ago with cookies and it was amazing. And so later today I will cover those things in chocolate. I bought the special melting baking chocolate, you melt it in the microwave, you slather it all over the brownies that are in the shape of a heart. I put sticks in them. They’re like on a popsicle stick and I'm going to put them in the freezer. Then tonight, after my beautiful bride and I have our anniversary dinner, we will come home and the four of us will celebrate with brownies in the shape of a heart on a stick covered in chocolate.


JP Reynolds  10:13  
Oh.


Clint  10:16  
I know, I'm so excited.


JP Reynolds  10:19  
First of all, we should remind listeners again, we really don't know what we're going to be talking about from week to week. And just how lovely that that story of my first wedding of 2021 dovetails so nicely with this the story of your meeting and your dating and your wedding.


Clint  10:49  
Well, it also dovetails into what we've discovered with the pandemic and how elopements and micro weddings have become our favorites. And we discovered that 19 years ago, because on the Saturday, we had our wedding day, and we had it with that small group of people. And we had a great lunch at this beautiful place overlooking the ocean. But then, the very next day, we had a bigger reception where we invited everybody else that was going to be on the guest list. And we had it in the backyard of this neighbor that had this beautiful backyard and we hired the caterer and we hired the baker for a wedding cake. And we did that whole thing. And it was okay. But we realized almost immediately that we didn't need that. And I think that a lot of couples are going to realize that when they have their micro wedding, they may have been planning to have a bigger wedding later, when I think there's going to be a significant amount of those couples that are going to say no, you know what, that was perfect. That's excellent. We can have parties, where everybody congratulate us for being married because I know that you and I have both experienced that with couples where they'll get married, and then they have plans to travel. And everywhere they're going to there's going to be like a reception for them. Right? Because they got married. So I think that that could happen. But I think a lot of couples are going to realize, no, what you and I experienced as officiants because of all of our experience of all of our track record of all the different types of weddings that we've been fortunate to be a part of, and how much we love the micro weddings, because of the intimacy and the honesty of the emotion and all that kind of stuff without the performance aspect. I think a lot of couples are gonna realize, No, you know what, that was perfect. And we don't need to try to do anything else.


JP Reynolds  12:35  
Right. Right. I agree with you. Yeah.


Clint  12:39  
Because if we had to do over, we would not have done the second day, we would have just said, You know what, we can't make it any better than it was on our wedding day. And that's good enough for us.


JP Reynolds  12:48  
Right? Well, with this bride, it was lovely. You know, prior to the ceremony, prior to the beginning of the celebration, she had texted the groom, and simply said, Thank you for giving me the wedding of my dreams.


Clint  13:07  
Oh my gosh. Well, that was before the wedding right, before the ceremony?


JP Reynolds  13:12  
Yeah, yeah. And I thought, I don't think the original dream was a dream with 12 people. But that dream evolved. And she was just, they were both floating. They were just so happy.


Clint  13:43  
I never had the feeling that, like, there's a certain point in your life, compare it to the biological clock. I know that that's a reality for some women, if they want to have a baby, there's a certain age point where I guess it's best if you do it before then. But in terms of finding the love that I would have for the rest of my life or finding that person? I guess I was really lucky that I wasn't worried that it wasn't going to happen because the odds are in my favor. Just in terms of humanity. No, I know that sounds a little, I gotta explain it. Humanity. I tell my daughter, went through a breakup, and I'll say, you know what, the numbers are in your favor. Because there's so many people in the world. How can you not interact or find somebody that is a good fit? How can you not and that's the way I felt that that even when I got to a certain point or when I would get lonely or whatever in between relationships or whatever it was. I never really worried that I wasn't going to find my wife. The numbers in my favor, it's just a matter of putting it out there and keeping my eyes open. That's the way it worked for me.


JP Reynolds  15:07  
I think that attitude serves you well. And I think it's about it's not so much about numbers, as I think it is about attitude.


Clint  15:23  
Oh, it makes a big difference, no doubt,


JP Reynolds  15:25  
And interestingly, where the celebration took place on Friday, it was also the venue where I officiated a wedding for my oldest bride. And I've told I've told this story before, right?


Clint  15:52  
She had a magnificent dress. That's what I remember.


JP Reynolds  15:54  
Well, it was it was a very appropriate dress in that she didn't try to wear a white dress because she was for the getting married for the first time. At the age of 78. Wow.


Clint  16:09  
Oh, my gracious.


JP Reynolds  16:10  
Her groom, the groom, had been a widower, and he had been married just once. And he had been widowed. I just have always been in awe, and cheered on that couple and that bride and so when the groom that said to me, I'm so old, I said, Victor, you're so young compared to my oldest bride, you've got a long ways to go.


Clint  16:45  
That whole thing of age is perspective, you know what I mean? I remember when I was in high school, and I was looking, thinking ahead to the millennium, the year 2000. And I thought, I'm gonna be 47. I'm going to be 47 when we get to the millennia. And now I look back on that, and like, 47 was awesome. You know, it's all perspective. And I have met a lot of people that say, I'm so old. And I my response is, you're a baby. Are you kidding me? And I don't mean baby with your attitude. I mean, chronologically, you're still a baby, you have so much ahead of you. I realized that nobody should take anything for granted. But still, to think that. I don't know. We have married couples. And I'm sure that your couples have said this to you where they just stopped looking. They just thought, okay, I don't want to be bothered anymore. I mean, I've been through heartaches, and I've been through frustrations, and I just don't want to be bothered anymore. I don't want to date. I don’t want to do any of that kind of stuff. And then the person walks into their life.


JP Reynolds  17:55  
That's like every other week you get that stir. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.


Clint  18:01  
I don't know why the universe works like that. But it's kind of magical that it does. I also got another couple that I'm getting more and more couples that are meeting online. That seems to be more and more. And it's a different platform that I've never, it was two women. And I said, what was the platform? And they told me and I Okay, then you'll be the first from that platform.


JP Reynolds  18:23  
Did you recall the platform?


Clint  18:24  
I don’t. I don't remember. I'm so sorry. It didn't stick. I just knew that I'd never heard of it before, for next year.


JP Reynolds  18:34  
Well, Clint, I never thought I'd find a podcasting host. And I had given up and then you walked into a networking event. And everything changed.


Clint  18:51  
Did you hear the choirs of angels Did you?


JP Reynolds  18:54  
Did you know it was the crashing of dishes? The waiter bumped into somebody?


Clint  19:07  
Destiny, JP.


JP Reynolds  19:09  
Yes,


Clint 19:10  
Well, well. Alright, everybody, I think that we should put a little bow on this episode.


JP Reynolds  19:17  
You have an anniversary to get to.


Clint 19:19  
I do.


JP Reynolds  19:20  
I stay ahead of you.


Clint  19:21  
Yeah, for some reason, she wants me to not wear sweats. So it's a big day for me. All right, everybody. That's it. We encourage you to reach out to us and tell us your story and ask us questions or whatever you want to do. All you have to do is go to our website, it's weddingceremonypodcast.com. And right there at the very top is the big button that says email us and that's the way you can reach out to us. That also is where you can listen to our episodes. They're all organized chronologically, and the most recent one is at the top, or you can go to Stitcher or you can go to the Apple Store and if you do Stitcher or the Apple Store, then you can subscribe. It's really simple. Just Look up wedding ceremony podcast and click on the subscribe button. Every time we post a new episode, it'll automatically come into your podcast world, which is awesome. Remember that JP’s books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. Thebusinessofconfidence.com, is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com For all of the things that I do. Thank you again to the incredible musicians that play our theme music that dacapoplayers.com. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and I'll be half of JP We will see you next time.

#303
Clint  0:00  
Hey everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 303, recorded on Tuesday, February the 23rd 2021. My name is Clint Hufft. And with me is a gentleman that keeps me on track when I stray off the hip the and with me as a gentleman.


JP Reynolds  0:24  
I'm with you. I'm with you. When people would say I'm a gentleman. My name is JP Reynolds.


Clint  0:36  
I was gonna edit that I don't think I have now I like that. JP’S accomplished author. His books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. The businessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com For all of the things that I do.
JP, I was really lucky that Sunday, two days ago, I got to do an elopement, but it was a zoom deal.


JP Reynolds  1:13  
Oh, okay. I'm officially jealous.


Clint  1:17  
Oh, well, then let me tell you a little bit more.


JP Reynolds  1:21  
Oh, I've got questions. Yes.


Clint  1:22  
Oh, good. Okay, okay. Okay. So why? Are you going to do one?


JP Reynolds  1:28  
No, it's my bucket list. My bucket list is not a very full bucket. But that is one of the items in my bucket list to do a zoom wedding.


Clint  1:37  
Your bucket isn't full, because you haven't accomplished much on your bucket list, or you don't have many items on the list itself.


JP Reynolds  1:46  
I don't have many items on the list itself. But you'll recall, we talked about zoom weddings a little bit when I almost I had a chance to do a zoom wedding in New York and then found out because I wasn't in New York, I couldn't do the New York scene. Right.


Clint  2:00  
Right. Right, right.


JP Reynolds  2:02  
But now here you are. So yeah, tell me.


Clint  2:04  
Well, first of all, the venue was awesome. It's called the SmogShoppe. Now, those of you who are listening from outside of Southern California, actually outside of LA, would say to yourself, what is that, and it's spelled exactly the way you would think s m o, g. Sh, O p PE, I guess to kind of add a little something to it. And it used to be an automobile repair place. I mean, I'm almost positive. 


JP
That's what it used to be. 


Clint
Yeah, yeah. And they've converted it into this beautiful venue. I mean, gorgeous. It's got an outdoor patio. It's got lots of foliage and greenery. And it's just open and it's beautiful. And then you walk into, I don't know what you call this, you're really good with words like this. I don't know what you call it when the doors have been flown wide open, and an entire wall is open between the indoor and the outdoor. Is there a name for that open space that the transition as opposed to you're not walking through a doorway, necessarily.


JP Reynolds  3:13  
I feel like I'm doing a crossword with you now. I don't know. But let me say that What I like about this venue, is that, yes, it's beautiful. Yes, they've done some remodeling. But they have kept the structure of the building. And they've kept that you're in a funky place. Yes, you can walk in and imagine very easily what it looked like when it was functioning as an auto repair shop.


Clint  3:51  
Well, one of the ways that it's easy to imagine that is because the on the wall, how can I put this, there's one section where if you go up the stairs, you get to the bridal suite. And then below that are the restrooms. And, then what I noticed is that I think they have their offices back there underneath. But on the wall above the restrooms, they have at least 200 automobile fan belts, those black belts that go inside the engine of your car, those are all hanging up there. Then when you go into the restrooms, there's old posters, and it's fantastic. But having said that, because I think most people would start imagining like, Ooh, it's probably kind of grimy and dirty. No, it's spotless. And the big room where people gather and big long tables and benches and is just spotless. It's immaculate. It's a beautiful place. I've done a bunch of weddings there with some, I guess what would be considered high profile event planners or whatever. The point that I'm making is that their clientele could go anywhere. But they go here because it's funky, but immaculate all at the same time. Does that make sense?


JP Reynolds  5:10  
I described to you the people, quite funky but immaculate.


Clint  5:20  
That reminds me of that movie, The Beatles, their first movie Hard Day's Night. Boy, this is generational. But Paul's grandfather, when everybody looks at him, he's very clean. He's very clean. Those of you that have ever seen that movie as you'll get, okay, so I know. Thank you. Thank you very much. So regarding the zoom thing, it was only the couple, no family, no wedding party, just a couple with an event planner, and photographer. And I think it was combo video-DJ, kind of a guy, obviously, there was no party, per se. But they ran the zoom through him. And so he had a couple of laptops. And what I noticed is there were iPhones on tripods, and I saw two of those. But then in the main room, there was a huge, huge screen, I don't even know like, it took up most of the wall. And that's what the zoom feed was playing on. So he was able to


JP Reynolds  6:28  
Okay, this is a little different than I was imagining. So the zoom wedding, so I'm a little confused. On that zoom screen. Were you able to see the guests who were zooming in from around the country?


Clint  6:43  
Yes. Yeah. And the way they did it is they started the zoom feed 15 minutes before we started the ceremony. Gotcha. And so everybody got a chance to log in and see everybody else and say hello, and that kind of stuff. But they didn't see the couple until they came downstairs and then walked to the ceremony site, which was outdoors. And then the iPhones were on cameras, and I told the camera guy, I said, You do whatever you want, anytime you want, wherever you want, I don't care. This is all about you. And we're just going to have a ceremony. So whatever you want to shoot. I talked a little bit to him and to the event planner about well, okay, at first they're going to have me like not centered, though, the groom was really concerned about social distancing. When I talked to him on the phone, or we did a, I think we might have done a zoom thing. Anyway. And so okay, fine, that's fine. I wear a mask all the way up until the ceremony begins. And I take it off, but it turns out, I was at least 12 to 15 feet away from them anyway. Hmm. Yeah. That what happened was it was that time of day, it was around noon. And so there was shade on half of the patio. And so the event planner said, I think we're going to put you in the shade over here. And then they're going to be over there in the sun. But it turned out the timing was perfect, because there was some kind of overhang or tree or something that shaded both of them. Right when we started the ceremony. So from the photographer standpoint, there wasn't that mottled sunshade from if you're looking through tree leaves. It was even, which makes for great photos anyway. And they had a single microphone. As you know, the way I work, they build their own ceremony, they chose to only say I do. That's it. And so they exchanged rings, but nothing was said. And they had two poems, two readings that they wanted me to do with the idea that everybody's watching, so it's not like it's just me and them. There is an actual audience. We've talked about this before, when you're doing zoom. The thing is, is that I didn't have the luxury, I never saw a camera on me. I thought he was going to have one camera that was locked down on where they were going to be standing and I said how close are you going to get? He says I'm going to stay wide just to keep it simple for everybody. I said okay. That means that it was going to be wider than the two of them during the entire ceremony. But then he had a second one that was going to catch them coming down the stairs, kind of like their processional. And then I thought that he said that I'm going to reposition that and turn it on to you because people are going to want to see you. But I never saw that. I never saw that phone turned around on me. And I had to, because it was different and I'm so used to playing to the camera. I had to say to myself, there's no camera on me. Just focus on them. And let's do the ceremony. But it was so sweet. So the groom had both of the rings. And then I said before we started, I was talking to the bride and I always go through this thing with the rings. You know, where are the rings? And then are you wearing your engagement ring right now? Yes. And then I have to kind of shortcut because most brides get all this advice about what they're supposed to do with the ring. You know, put it on the other finger or just put the wedding band on the outside or whatever. And I always go through this, well, here are your options and do whatever you want to do. And I said, when you wear them after today, are you going to wear them as a set on one finger? She said, No, I think I’m going to wear the engagement ring on my right hand. And the wedding band on my left hand. I said, Oh, well, do you want to just put the engagement ring on your right hand right now? And then he'll just put the band on your finger? She said, Yeah, I think I would like that. I said, Well, there you go. If that's the way you're going to live your life, then that's what you should do. That's great. I think it's important to kind of cut through the baloney. Because some people are just so concerned about the rings during the ceremony. Why are you laughing?


JP Reynolds  10:54  
Well, you are right, about the rings. And I always say you want to do what is easiest. I always tell them in the ceremony, you will not recognize the rings, you won't know where they came from, you will not know who bought them. You’ll look at them and think they're lovely. You may even think I bought them for you. Please understand I did not. Do whatever works for you. You go girl. Um, and then, in a moment of reassurance, I oftentimes suggest they speak to the event planner, because I think it's a kind of a girl on girl, woman on woman conversation to have.


Clint  11:50  
It's interesting you say that, because I think that sometimes that's what gets in the way. Because what I say to couples, I mean no disrespect to anybody, but this is going to be disrespectful. What I say to couples is you're going to get all kinds of advice, advice in air quotes, right? And I said people mean well, they really do. But most of the time, they have no idea what they're talking about. They're just telling you what other people have told them. And, so my job is to let you know what all of your options are. So you can choose what feels right for the two of you.


JP Reynolds  12:22  
Right, right. Absolutely.
I was just gonna say I do think there is a, when you're dealing with a really good event planner, there is a different kind of relationship that develops between the couple and the event planner, as opposed to what develops between me and the couple. Right. So, for instance, in terms of choreography for the processional, I will, based on the information they've given me, make my preliminary suggestions. And then I say to them, that this is all up to the event planner, in the sense that everybody has their own style, they're going to make their own suggestions to you. This is just a preliminary, to give you a sense of how it can flow. So there are certain aspects where I defer to the event planner.


Clint  13:25  
Right.


JP Reynolds  13:27  
Yeah. And in terms of the rings, you're right, and I do know what you mean. And I have said that to them, that people are going to get a lot of conflicting information, etc, etc, etc. But with the rings, and the fact that and I don't want to belabor this, because we're kind of spending a lot of time on a smaller aspect of it. But, it indicates how people can lose their mind, in every aspect of the wedding is brides obsess about the rings. And I do ultimately say, what ever is going to be most easy for you. Do that.


Clint 14:09  
Right. So you're not worried about it.


JP Reynolds  14:12  
Just make a decision. Do it. It doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.


Clint  14:19  
I guess what we're both trying to do is comfort them so they can just relax and enjoy their wedding ceremony. What I try to keep saying is don't worry. I'll guide you through everything. The subtext of that is your brain isn't going to be working.


JP Reynolds  14:34  
I say to them, I just need you to get to me. And once you get to me, you don't have to think about anything. Yeah, I said, all you have to do is hold hands and look good for Instagram, and I'll take care of everything.


Clint  14:54  
You say that to them?


JP Reynolds  15:02  
Yeah. Oh heads up. Think you might be a little surprised at what I say to my couples.


Clint  15:05  
Well, I was just thinking that that's our new t shirt. Just hold hands and look good for Instagram.


JP Reynolds  15:11  
That's it. That's it.


Clint  15:17  
Well, because they only said I do. There was a second microphone. And there was nobody else to like, fortunately, the bride had one of those little trains, where it doesn't really need to be straightened or anything, it just kind of it kind of lays and flows is a little bit of a dragging behind. But it's nothing that you know what I mean. So that took all of the heat off of the event planner, she doesn't have to do a veil, there wasn't any of that kind of stuff. However, it turned out the event planner was in charge of the microphone. Normally, when everybody's right in front of me, I just kind of take care of everything. I move a mic when I need to, I do whatever I need to do in this particular scenario, because of social distancing. I didn't have any control over any of that. I had to stay where I was. And so there was a microphone set up. But I had already talked to the to the event planner and said, all they want to say is I do. She says, I know. I said so you know what, we don't even need that microphone there. When we get to that part of the ceremony, I'll just take a second and you just put the microphone there. And then they'll say I do and then we'll pull it right back out. You know, for the photos over there.


JP Reynolds  16:30  
Well, let me ask you in terms of when you were planning the ceremony with them, and they said, they just wanted to do I do. Did you review with them and gently encouraged them to consider saying the vows for each other?


Clint  16:54  
Yes and no. So what happens is I give a bunch of information, I give like a big document that has a bunch of ceremony choices, right? Yeah. And then they send it back to me. And then we kind of go through it. So what I noticed when they sent me, every couple is different. Sometimes they'll just do like a rough draft. And then it's takes a lot of work. But sometimes a couple will just send me a ceremony. And so I looked at it and I wrote back to them. I said just to be clear, it looks like the only thing you're going to say to each other is I do. And the response, return email was That's correct. That's the only thing we feel comfortable with. We're going to exchange love letters at another point during the day. And, that kind of a thing. And I thought, all right, cuz I've done those ceremonies before.


JP Reynolds  17:45  
Well see, that's interesting, because when in my conversation with a couple and remind them that they have four options for doing the vows.


Clint  17:57  
Four.


JP Reynolds  17:59  
Yeah, well, the first is I do, I do. The second is they either repeat a traditional vow after me, or I have them printed on the card and they gift each other with the vow. The third is they write their own personal vows, right? And the fourth is a hybrid where they write personal words, and then conclude those personal words with the traditional vow.


Clint  18:34  
Okay, so I'm hesitating for just a second because I think it depends on the content of their personal vows. What I just heard you say is that maybe you don't always do an I do, but they do personal vows to each other. But I thought in a previous episode, you said, no, we have to make this something, I forget the words you use, but like for real.


JP Reynolds  18:57  
In the personal vows, what I was emphasizing was there has to be, I take you as my husband, I take you as my wife.


Clint  19:03  
Okay, we're on the same page. If that's included in the personal vows, then they've made the commitment and they've said husband and wife and so it's all good. They don't have to do I do.


JP Reynolds  19:14  
Right. But here's the thing. When sometimes people say to me, we just want to do I do. And I will be upfront on this podcast and say I don't like just I do because if a car horn honks outside the SmogShoppe, the I do vanishes. You're at the beach, a seagull goes overhead and squacks, The I do is gone. And I think that if you are doing what you're doing in this marriage, in this wedding ceremony, that no matter how shy you are, I encourage couples to say the vows to each other. Now, I don't force them to do it. But I do take time to review their options with them and explore their level of comfortableness. And I will say that I could probably count on one and a half hands. Number of couples who have only said I do.


Clint  20:24  
Is that seven or eight, I'm just doing the math in my head. It's an odd number.


JP Reynolds  20:28  
Depending on how much where my hand was. But yeah. Well, it's just because I think it is more meaningful and warmer. I have a couple whose wedding is coming up in April and who upfront said to me, we are very shy. I think there was a part of me, that's an introvert. When I was growing up, I was socially awkward, a geek and nerd, pathetic.


Clint  21:15  
You were fine Until you said pathetic.


JP Reynolds  21:17  
I was pathetic. I was pathetic. Somebody say I was still in, but it was pathetic. So I do have great empathy for people who say to me that they're shy, and I coach people who were shy and had to speak. I mean, that's what I do when in the business of confidence. So I will respect that. But this couple in April, they wanted to do just I do. And I spoke to them about this, and and laid out their options. And we explored Why just the I do and I very gently put this other option before them. And they're they're going to say the vows to each other.


Clint  22:08  
Oh, okay.


JP Reynolds  22:11  
Because, there are many versions of the traditional vows. Actually, the simplest version of the traditional vows happens to be the Catholic version. And it's really the only simple thing about the Catholic Church. And that's a professional assessment. But the Catholic vow is, I John take you Mary to be my wife, I promise to be true to you, in good times, and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life. So that's really like two and a half sentences. And my thought is no matter how shy you are, to gift each other with those two, two and a half sentences, I think is a gift.


Clint  23:06  
Oh, I agree. Absolutely. I think we're kind of saying the same thing. I think what you do is you offer them options, which is what obviously, that's what I do. That's the whole process and you offer them options. And then you explore it, you touch on it, you explain what your things are, but then ultimately, you'll go with whatever they want to do.


JP Reynolds  23:27  
Yes, I will respect their vow Choice, right? If they just say we wanted just i do, I do spend time exploring what's behind that I just want to do an I do?


Clint  23:44  
Oh, sure. Yeah. Most of the time, the couple will explain. I bring it to their attention, I noticed that all you're saying is I do. That's all I say. I see what you're doing. I'm just want to bring it to your attention. Is that really what you know? Because sometimes couples will send me something like a first draft or whatever, they're kind of wondering around, they can't see the forest for the trees type of deal. And so when I get that I'll see things that are omitted. Things that they've skipped over, things that are normally in a regular ceremony and my job I think is just to bring it to their attention and say, I noticed that you're only doing this. Did you also want to include this? So I think we do exactly the same. Well, we do similar things towards the same end which is are you sure that's all you want to do?


JP Reynolds  24:32  
I may explore it a little more deeply.


Clint  24:38  
Yeah, I think it sounds like you do.


JP Reynolds  24:39  
Yeah, in that you need to submit a document explaining why you're doing it.


Clint  24:44  
Yes. I'd like a triplicate.


JP
Notarized. 


Clint
That's the upper cross punch that I was waiting for. Oh my goodness gracious. Well, then the caveat for those of you that are curious with the zoom wedding is that when the ceremony was done, then they walked back into the building where the big screen was. And then the video guy brought one of those iPhones around so that now they have their own little box amongst all the zoom boxes. And they got to hear everybody say congratulations, and oh my gosh, and so they had that interaction, because while they were getting married, they couldn't see anybody because it was in another room. But it was really heartwarming. It was really special.


JP Reynolds  25:36  
This guy, this zoom Meister, yeah. He must have pivoted at some point last year, and provides this as a service.


Clint  25:55  
Yeah, I think so. Yeah.


JP Reynolds  25:57  
Right. Because over the last year, most of the people who have, quote, zoomed their wedding did it in, piecemeal, do it yourself fashion, all iPad and iPhones and all that sort of thing. But these folks really went ahead and hired somebody who was able to offer them a true professional zoom wedding.


Clint  26:31  
Right. One of my other podcast is the mitzvah party podcast. And we've been doing it for a few years, and when the pandemic hit, it was similar to what you and I did, we took a little break to kind of figure out what's going on. And then our focus is on the party, as opposed to the ceremony that we do here. This is the party after the bar mitzvah ceremony, we've been focusing on that because my co host owns an entertainment company. And it's been fascinating JP over the last eight months to listen to companies talk about how they not only pivoted, but they kind of like push the envelope in terms of, cuz it's a similar type of deal, we have to have a ceremony with these kids. And then we have the party afterwards. And then how people have been trying to adapt, because a wedding ceremony is a really important deal. But a bar mitzvah is also a really important deal in the life of a family. And so it's the same time and you'd be amazed JP, with all the stuff that's out there, the technology that's been incorporated and Now, another thing, there are virtual spaces where people will go in and they'll have an avatar, and they'll have parties and ceremonies and all this stuff. But it's all virtual online as if you're in a game, right?


JP Reynolds  27:40  
No, it is interesting. It's fascinating to see the progression from, let's say, last March, to this March, because last March, the wedding you just described could not have taken place in the way in which it did.


Clint  27:58  
Right? Because people had to be get up to speed. And yes, there's all the iterations of you know, wait, I can't do anything. Okay, maybe I can do a little bit. Okay. Oh, wait a minute now. Yeah, it's fascinating. And I don't think it's gonna stop. I think that as things start to open back up again, all of the experiences that have been developed, technically and professionally are going to be it's like you said, there's, it's gonna be a new normal, and we don't even know exactly what that is, but I'm really excited to see it. Right.


JP Reynolds  28:31  
Hi, Clint.


Clint  28:32  
So that's it, JP.


JP Reynolds  28:35  
All right. Well, thank you for being your wonderful, funky and immaculate self.


Clint  28:43  
You're welcome. I'm very clean. Oh, there you go, everybody. That's the way this works at the wedding ceremony podcast. And please realize that we welcome you to reach out to us just go to our website, weddingceremonypodcast.com, click on the Email button, do it. I mean, we'd love that when you reach out to us and tell us a story or ask us a question or whatever it is, that's on your mind. That also is where you can listen to our episodes. They're archived chronologically, the most recent one was at the top. My recommendation is that you look us up in the apple podcasts because that way you can subscribe to the podcast and every time we post a new episode, it'll automatically come into your world. And if you would like to leave us a review, that would be wunderbar, which means really good. JP’S books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. The businessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com For all of the things that I do. Thank you again to the incredible musicians that play our theme music the dacapoplayers.com. That's it for this episode of the Wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP We will see you next time.