Hey everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 315 recorded on Tuesday, May the eighth 2021. My name is Clint Hufft and with me as a gentleman that, Well, there's a gap in our memories, but we'll figure it out. The one and only JP Reynolds.
JP Reynolds 0:36
You are very optimistic, Clint.
The figuring out part? JP is an accomplished author. His books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website, his wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com, for all of the things that I do.
I talk about the gap. It's because last week, I had a wedding on Thursday and a wedding on Friday. But then that was it for the weekend for me, but then you had one on Sunday, I guess. And I did the first full wedding that I've done in a long time. On Friday.
JP Reynolds 1:21
Yeah. Beautiful. How many guests?
I would say about 100.
JP Reynolds 1:27
Yeah. And I know that you've done a bunch of them. I mean, since the beginning of the year, but I say a bunch. Like what four?
JP Reynolds 1:35
Well, a few Yeah, yeah.
And then the one prior to that was a really sweet story. The couple met in the Navy. They're both currently still in the Navy. He's from like, Louisiana. And I don't remember where she grew up. But I don't know if this has ever happened to you. I zoomed with them a few months ago, in order to get to know you and that kind of stuff. She was stationed at Port Hueneme. But he was stationed in Guam. And I immediately thought of you because did you do time in Guam?
JP Reynolds 2:34
Okay, Clint, you may wanna. I Did hard time in Guam. I lived on an island 700 miles south of Guam.
I know Guam, because that's where we would go. That was the main hub of everything.
Well, that's where he was stationed when we did the zoom. Wow. Yeah, there was a big time difference. I think he was up really late or something like that. We figured it out. Yeah. But here's the thing that was, it was a little embarrassing for me. Because when she's on zoom, her hair is pulled back. She's Navy proper, and all that kind of stuff. And he had a beard. Then on Thursday, she shows up first at this really cool little venue. It's like one of those spaces that is not very big, probably the maximum capacity would be about 100 people. But for this wedding, there was only 10 maybe. And, it's just kind of neat that these spaces exist. The event planner that I worked with seem to specialize in these small, intimate weddings. She discovers these really cool spaces that are like a blank canvas and you can do whatever you need to do in there, usually anyway.
So she shows up beautiful white dress. I'm talking to her going over the normal things. He hasn't shown up yet. And out of the clear blue. I remembered that we had a zoom call, because I started to ask her questions. And then I realized, Oh, we've already had a conversation, haven't we? And she said, and with that look in her eyes. That's kind of like yes. And in my head, I'm kicking myself and my wife says you need to start taking notes. Do you do that? Do you take notes with your conversation?
JP Reynolds 4:42
I do. Yeah. See, after every zoom call. I have a template that they fill out and I have a section on for notes and When I spoke to them, what was the energy? What was the tone? If there was anything particular about how they first met that I would want to mention in the ceremony? Any notes? So yeah. And they do. Let me say, I find it to be very helpful later on.
Do you look at those when you go to the wedding? Or is that your review?
JP Reynolds 5:27
I review it the night before.
Yeah, that probably would be smart for me to like, get my act together and do that, jiminy Christmas. I mean, it turned out great. But that was just an awkward moment for me.
JP Reynolds 5:42
Well, I have it now. So I get no credit for this, that when I show up, I am able to recognize the bride or the groom. I now go to the event planner, and I say, I'm an utter ditz. I only zoomed with this couple. I need you to like, not introduce me to the groom. But I'd love if you could just walk me over to the group. Because there are times where you look and off to the side, it's like four guys standing together. And they all have the same haircut or the whatever. And as you say, the guy could be scruffy on zoom. And of course, clean cut during the search for the wedding, whatever.
I cut myself a little slack on that, because obviously everybody looks different on their wedding day. You know what I mean?
JP Reynolds 6:53
I cut myself slack. But I've learned that I want to just for the sake of smoothness, right?
It's just something I do. Yeah, I will.
If I really don't know, fortunately, the trend nowadays is the groom differentiates themselves, like with a different colored jacket or with a different color boutonniere or, and sometimes just the interaction. Yeah, where you can kind of figure out who's the Alpha Dog here? Who's getting the most whatever, right. And you can also tell, maybe it's a process of elimination, because the groomsmen that are just acting loopy, they're not getting married that day, you know? So, yeah, I look at that kind of stuff.
JP Reynolds 7:38
So I especially got tripped up when, when the groom had a twin brother.
Oh, no, seriously.
JP Reynolds 7:53
I was like, I need more than a boutonniere here.
Oh, my gosh, my dad was an identical twin. And he would tell us stories about what they would do when they were kids, and how they would take each other's classes and all kinds of stuff. In fact, I saw it firsthand, because my uncle who lives in Missouri came out here for their 50th birthday. And my dad loved to bowl. And he sent my uncle in there on bowling night. And I got to watch it. Because everybody was saying hi to my uncle who didn't have a clue as to who anybody was. But you could tell for them It was like turning back the clock and all the shenanigans they did when they were younger. So I would imagine your identical twins are kind of used to that confusion, right?
JP Reynolds 8:43
That's great. That's great.
I'll have the event planner, like I needed to find the mother or the father of the bride. And, really relevant, important people that are going to be involved in the ceremony in some capacity, that really seriously, get lost in the crowd. And so it's very easy for me to say is the so and so here? Yeah. Can you just point them out?
The event planner on Friday started to walk me over there. And I said, No, no, no, you don't have to walk me over. Just point him out, I can figure it out from there. Right? And then I always say what's your dad's name? Because usually that person is going to be involved in a conversation like a social setting. And it's my job to walk up look like the officiant and say that person's name. So that there's an air of formality and we got to talk about some stuff. But I hate the idea of walking into a cluster of people that could all be a dad and not having a clue, that drives me crazy. Right. Thank you for your support on that JP.
JP Reynolds 10:00
The wedding I did on Sunday was for a couple it was their fourth effort to get married.
JP Reynolds 10:17
They had they had to cancel, postpone their wedding three times prior. And they both went to school. In Hawaii, they grew up for periods of time in Hawaii. They met in Hawaii. And I think the bride's family still lives in Hawaii. And so originally they were going to get married in Hawaii. And then because of travel restrictions, etc, etc. They they had postponed and anyway they It was a very micro wedding where it ended up being the couple and the bride's parents and the bride's brother. And I forget the groom's parents were not able to attract level to the wedding. So it was the most micro of micro weddings. And they rented this gorgeous, gorgeous home in the hills of what's known here in Southern California is Topanga Canyon. Yeah. And but as luck would follow them that morning, in a particular section of Topanga Canyon, there was a brush fire. Oh, no. And so one of the main arteries was closed to all traffic. Fortunately, their Airbnb was located was about on the freeway 10 minutes north. But in the background, you would see the fire helicopters. Jumping water on the brush fire.
You could see that while you were doing the ceremony?
JP Reynolds 12:29
Yes, yes, it was it was just, it's like we all had this sense of surrender to the universe. But I give them high props. They hired an event planner. Even though they knew they were only going to have three to four guests. Because the bride said, on my wedding day, I do not even want to look for ice cubes.
Perfect. I love that.
JP Reynolds 12:58
And, she she got an event planner, who typically is doing more elaborate and more traditional sized weddings. And it was really just a wonderful day. And it was just wow, how pre eminently sensible and civilized and it was so gracious, just so gracious and was no anxiety is just very lovely. Just exquisite.
I love it When a couple figures out something that we learned over the years is a better way to go. You know, where a couple just has instincts. I try to tell every single couple, listen, all we want is for the two of you to just be like floating around on your wedding day and everything just magically happens. And you don't have to think about anything. But it's rare that you come across somebody who takes the initiative to make that happen. I love that.
JP Reynolds 14:15
Yeah. That's great. And this was almost like a small compound, where there were two modern designed houses situated on the property. And the groom got ready in one of the houses and bride and her family were in the other house. And so they didn't see each other until the beginning of the ceremony. And they had been together 12 years. Wow. Yeah. Well, they would have been married in their 10th or 11th. You're right on according to plan, right?
Well, it's interesting, isn't it, the way the world works? Because they were gonna get married in Hawaii And due to circumstances, they ended up with you. And they're probably way better for it. In my opinion.
JP Reynolds 15:21
Well, thank you. Yes. You bow before the universe. Yeah, absolutely. The universe.
Yes. On Friday, I got to do the love box again, the love capsule. I don't know what you call it. You call it the wine box? What do you call it?
JP Reynolds 15:47
Well, it is a bottle of wine.
Yes, it does. It's the box.
JP Reynolds 15:53
I call it the wine box ritual. Yeah.
So when I first came across it, it was called the love capsule. And it’s a box, and it's got a bottle of wine. And two love letters from the couple to each other. And then what I usually say, that they want me to say in conjunction with the box is that the letters were written, neither of them have read the letters, and the bottle of wine, and they're going to close the box, and they're not going to open the box unless their marriage becomes troubled. And they need to kind of reset. And then they take the letters, and they separate and they read privately what the other person wrote on the wedding day. So they can rekindle that feeling of you know why they got married, stuff like that, and then come together and share a bottle of wine.
But if, the language says, if you don't need to open the box, then on your fifth year anniversary, and I've heard different variations of that fifth year, 15th year, five year, 10th year, whatever, that you open the box and you share, and then you read the letters anyway.
What was great about it is I don't like the couple to have to touch anything unless they absolutely, positively have to. I want the guests to all be included in what we're doing. So I opened up the box. And I explained item by item, what we're doing, I pulled out the letters first. And I showed them to the guests. And I explained what they were, I put them back in the box. And I said and they're supposed to share. And then I kind of winked at the guests and reached back and pulled out the bottle of wine. And the reaction was fantastic. It was everybody in the audience was like, Oh, yeah, they're going to share a big bottle of wine. And that went way better than I thought it would. But I think the fact that I tried to put the guests, kind of like, bring them on board as if they were part of the deal? I think I made a big difference. Right?
JP Reynolds 17:53
Right. Well, that always does. Yeah, yeah, I will admit, I don't use the wine box ritual, with the idea of the couple reading the letters. Originally, it's like after your first argument, or if there's trouble or whatever, I simply, the couple agree that they're not going to reopen the box until their first wedding anniversary. And in terms of what they put into the box, there's different options depending on how they want to punch up the emotional overtones of it. So the traditional thing is they write letters to each other. Sometimes couples simply say, we're putting our all into our personal vows. And so instead of writing in additional letter, they'll put into the box, the personal vows that they've said to each other.
JP Reynolds 19:06
I've had couples invite the members of their wedding party to write them a note slash letter. And then at the rehearsal, the notes from the bride's attendants are bundled up and tied, so too with the other person's own attendants, their bundle, and then the best man or woman the maid of honor. In the ceremony, they place those two bundles into the white box, and then a couple add their vows or their letters and then the bottle of wine. I've also had other times where it's the parents of the couple write letters. And then the parents come up. And they put the letters into the box. And the couple adds their letters and the one.
The first thing I thought of is that box is going to have to be bigger.
JP Reynolds 20:15
I love it. Let me give you a virtual hug. You would be there with the hammer and so on. There are many sizes to the box. Yes. I do tell them that you want to make sure the box is big enough for whatever it is that you're putting in. Yes, yes. I've had grooms as a gift, hand make the box.
Yeah. Or a relative that's into that sort of thing.
JP Reynolds 20:53
Yeah, somebody like yourself?
You don't want to turn me loose on that? No, no. That'd be like the wood shop project in high school where it's supposed to be a box, but it ends up as an ashtray. That's where I would go. Okay.
JP Reynolds 21:08
All right. So the point of all of this is, is that as I always say to couples, it's like the sand ritual without the sand, and you've got a bottle of wine to look forward to at the end of it. But there's many different ways to play up. I've also had it where the box is displayed as guests arrive, everybody writes a little note, tosses it into the box. So that then a year from now, when the couple reopen the box, they'll have the notes from their guests, plus their letters to each other plus the public one.
See, I think that changes the significance of the box. Yeah, like that, that I have in my choices that I give to every couple. That's interesting. I wonder if I need to add an addendum.
JP Reynolds 22:06
I don't do the whole thing about when you have an argument, because my thought is you're having an argument, you want to take the bottle of wine, you want to smash it against the wall. You're gonna be so mad. It's like, Oh, yeah, okay. You wrote this five months ago? Yeah. Obviously, you didn't mean it. If you're having an argument, go see a therapist, I make it much more of a time capsule rather than a here's something when you're having a hard time. I mean, obviously, they can open the box anytime they want.
JP, I don't know what the listeners feel. But you took a dark turn there. We’re smashed in it. And you can hear the theme music from the rumble on West Side Story.
JP Reynolds 23:01
Oh, yeah. I just like it. Oh, yeah, I say you're gonna keep the eye and then I always say the guests. I say the couple know that when you reopen this box, tumbling out of it. It's all of our loving joy for the two of you. I like that. And then I look at the guests. And I say and when you visit them. Make sure the box is still closed.
Oh, look at you.
JP Reynolds 23:31
Yeah, see, I'm not all darkness.
So let's not smash the wine bottle today. Let's not do that.
JP Reynolds 23:40
All right, I get a little Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf.
Oh, man, we're gonna end on that note, that's just too good. All right, everybody. That's the way this works at the wedding ceremony podcast. Remember, you can listen to our episodes if you want to, on our website, wedding ceremony, podcast calm. all the episodes are archived chronologically. So the most recent one is always at the top. We've added transcripts for the most recent episodes. And you also if you want to can look up the wedding ceremony podcast in the Apple Store. And then you can subscribe, which would be great because every time we post a new episode, it'll automatically come into your world. That also is where if you want to you can leave us a review, because that's how people find new content. And there's a lot of people out there in the wedding world that I think would have a lot of fun listening to the wedding ceremony podcast. We want to thank the incredible musicians that play our theme music the dacapoplayers.com. Remember that JP'S books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. For communications coaching His website is thebusinessofconfidence.com. His wedding website is jprweddings.Com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com for all of the things that I do. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP We will see you next time.