#282
Clint  0:00  
Hey everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 282, recorded on Tuesday, August the 11th 2020. My name is Clint Hufft and with me is a gentleman who just confessed He's got some tidbits. The one and only JP Reynolds.


JP Reynolds  0:21  
Hey, Clint. Happy new week.


Clint  0:24  
Happy new week. Let's celebrate whatever we can.


JP Reynolds  0:30  
Okay. Sure.


Clint  0:36  
Oh, the people would talk about on their birthday. We made it to a new year. We made it to Tuesday.


JP Reynolds  0:43  
Yeah.


Clint  0:45  
Oh JP is an accomplished author. We should celebrate that. His books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle Store and Amazon. He is a communications expert and that website is thebusinessofconfidence.com. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is Reverendclint.com or Clinthufft.com for all the things that I do.
Speaking of, which, here is a little personal information. JP, I don't know if you know this about me, but I don't drink and I've never had alcohol.


JP Reynolds  1:18  
Never.


Clint 1:19  
Well, okay, that's a big fat lie. So I had communion wine when I was growing up. Well, when I got of age to do communion at my Lutheran Church. And then I was in the nightclub business for 15 years. So every now and then I would see something that looked like it was interesting, or people really liked it. Most of the time, all I would do is smell it. Okay, I'm getting off here. And I've never done any drugs, recreational drugs. So the reason is because I don't like the idea that I might really like it and want to do it a lot. So if I don't start that, somebody told me one time, the best way to quit smoking is to never start smoking. So I've never smoked. But here's this thing called social media. Now, friendly listener. You don't know this, but we actually started recording a few minutes later than what we normally do. And I take full responsibility for that because I got stuck in Instagram. And I lost track of time.
And because I got stuck in Instagram and lost track of time, you now you understand why I've never started drinking. I've because I would get stuck. 
Have you ever done that? Have you ever gotten into social media and lost track of time?


JP Reynolds  2:52  
No, but I have gotten drunk.


Clint 2:56  
And lost track of time.
Oh man, have you ever had to confront a couple and say no, I'm sorry, but we can't do this.


JP Reynolds  3:13  
Okay, did not see that question coming. No, no, I've never seen a drunk couple. And fortunately, I've actually I've never suspected that a groom or a bride was drunk. Although I have seen many a groom, many a bride actually drinking alcohol before the ceremony. And I'm always disappointed with that just because it's like, oh, just be all that you can be in this next 45 minutes. But be that as it may, I have seen drunken wedding party members and drunken family members prior to the ceremony. And during the ceremony? And I've not directly intervened with any of those people. But did confer with event planners for a heads up. What is our game plan should something go down?


Clint  4:33  
Yeah. Right. The one time where definitely, the couple had been drinking a lot and the groom was definitely three sheets to the wind. No, too extreme, but definitely drunk, was for a wedding where I got called at the last second. So it's a venue that I had worked a lot. This is at least 10 years ago, I think. And it was a venue that I worked a lot and they called me in a panic and they said, the officiant didn't show up or called them and said they're not coming or whatever, just kind of bailed. And it reminded me of that thing that our friend Alan Katz, who runs Great Officiants here in Southern California, one time he said something that I thought was just right on the money in terms of officiants that advertise on Craigslist. And their price point is very low. And Alan said, Oh, sure, I'll give you $100 to not show up.


JP Reynolds  5:31  
Haha. So, oh, fist bump on that one. Yeah,


Clint  5:39  
absolutely. So I don't really understand the whole backstory. All I know is I said, well, as soon as I could get there would be an hour because of driving time and I was definitely not ready to go. So, okay, fine, just as long as you can get here. Great. And then I get there. Where's the marriage license? Oh, we don't have a marriage license. I thought that that was your thing because that he told us he would take care of that. And I thought, Oh, these guys have been scammed so hard. And so I said, Well, it's gonna be a commitment ceremony. And so we handled it that way. And obviously, they were disappointed. But then once we got into the ceremony, it contained all the emotional components that you would want. And, from that standpoint, they were happy. And I said, Listen, here's how you get your marriage license. And when you get it, just let me know and I'll sign it. Or you can just do it at the clerk recorders office, and it'll be fine. But I would not have felt comfortable. And now that I'm thinking back on it, I might have pulled the plug on that anyway, because the groom was so drunk.
But because it was just a commitment ceremony, let's plow ahead, everything's gonna be fine because there's no legal responsibilities.


JP Reynolds  7:01  
Do you recall how big a wedding it was with guests?


Clint  7:03  
Oh, that was a good question. It was less than 100 people. And they were running so far behind that, I think we started the ceremony at least an hour and a half past when they were going to do the ceremony and anytime, and because it was a, it was at the beach, and it's a venue that they make money on, on selling food, right. And so they may charge you to have the ceremony there, but where they really are going to make their money. And this is true for most resorts, hotels, that sort of thing is on the catering. Right. Right. And I always think of, I tell couples, when they're planning their day, I'll say there's only two things that are really time sensitive. Number one is the sunset. Like if you want those photos with the sunset, the sun's gonna go down. No matter what you try to do, it's just going to go down. So you have to revolve your schedule around that but the second thing is the food because the people that make The food, they have a particular point in time where they know it's going to be perfect. And you can just imagine how frustrating it is when somebody walks up to the chef and says they're running behind. They're not going to eat for another hour.


JP Reynolds  8:18  
Right. Okay, I have to ask you quick. How did this come up in conversation about the food?


Clint  8:27  
Oh, that's a great question. Okay. So what I've discovered when you were gone for the month of June, yeah. So I had Reverend Joel on for a couple of times. And then I got this idea. And what happened was in social media, I came across a photo. I don't remember exactly. In my memory, this is what happened. I came across a photo of a wedding site. And I couldn't help it it as soon as I looked at it, it was one of pretty pictures where no guests were there. It's just all decorated, ready to go. Yeah, yeah. And I immediately started pointing out in my mind the things that could go wrong. The things that would get in the way of the couple having a brilliant memory of their wedding ceremony. There were things in the aisle, or there were things that are here or things over there and, and I thought, you know what, that would be fun to get a bunch of officiants or any wedding professionals they wanted to play. And so I did a Facebook Live, and I got about 10 photos, just off the internet of wedding ceremonies all set up with no guests and, we just went through a few of them. And I would kind of open it up to the to the anybody who attended, what do you see? You kind of have to develop that muscle. 
So now I'm also thinking in terms of being a DJ and an emcee and all the things that we had to do ahead of time in order to make sure that everything flows during the reception. I was doing that for quite a while before I became an officiant. So I brought that sensibility into officiating. And I'm always thinking in terms of, and if we get into the conversation of, obviously before the wedding day with a couple, because I tell them, I'll meet with them as many times as they want. I mean, they hardly ever take me up on that. But if every now and then a couple will ask for a meeting about a week or two before the wedding day. And then we just go over details and logistics and things like that for the ceremony. Right? But if they're talking about, are they going to do a first look, or no, we're not going to do that we're going to do to and then, and then what comes into my head is everybody's staying on schedule. And so I figure that the wedding vendors are going to do whatever the couple insists on unless it's really extreme. But for the most part, if the photographer says, I need you for another 20 minutes, and the couple says, No, we're done. Then they're done. Right? And so that's what I just kind of bring to their attention. There's only two things that are time sensitive and it's the sunset and the food. And you know what? I would say 95% of the time the couple looks at me with like, that look in their face, like oh my gosh, I never even thought of that.
So that's how it comes up. Does that make sense?


JP Reynolds  11:27  
Right, right. Right. Right.
I talked to them more about how many bars Do you have set up? And will it be open for me before the ceremony?


Clint  12:04  
You know what you said earlier in this conversation about, you get disappointed if they've been drinking before the ceremony. Because I was in the nightclub business. As a DJ, I talk to a lot of musicians who felt that they couldn't be at their best, unless they were under the influence of something in terms of creating music and stuff like that. And I think that there's a lot of people that say, the dance floor is not going to happen until people started drinking. I also think it's kind of a social peer pressure type of a deal, where perhaps there are some people who think that they need to have a little alcohol and before they can relax in front of everybody, if they're not used to being in the center of attention like that. I'm not justifying it. I'm with you 100% but I'm just thinking in terms of what people think and what they do.


JP Reynolds  13:03  
Well, you know, it's interesting listening to all of this because it again reminds me of why I have fallen in love with mini-weddings. And this whole phenomenon that is now popping up of, weddings of 12 guests or under because these weddings just strip away all of what you're talking about and strip away all of that sense of real or pseudo anxiety and Hey, let's have a drink before you lose your freedom kind of thing. And I had an opportunity to do another mini wedding. And they did this just oh, I just it's just such a refreshing experience. Because there's, there's no anxiety. There's no rushing about. It's just the essence of what the day and what the moment is about this couple celebrating in a world gone mad, their love for each other. And it's beautiful. Now, what I think is interesting also is you're talking it's reminding me of Oh my god, yes. This is what it was like pre COVID and at the end of this month, I'm doing my first Old Fashioned wedding. The first that I've done since February, and the couple are getting married at a country club, and they are having 145 guests


Clint  15:16  
where, where can they do that?


JP  15:19  
They're doing it in San Diego County. 


Clint
No kidding? And everything's okay?


JP Reynolds  15:25  
Well, okay, so it's so interesting, as you know, all too well, in these last months, it was just every, every week we were getting emails from couples postponing canceling, I need my money back. It's just, you needed to hire a secretary to keep track of everything but what was going on and I was doing it pretty much month by month in terms of where my attention was being paid and kind of forgotten about all August and cuz August pretty much vacated A while ago. And then a couple of weeks ago, I looked at my file and there was this couple at the end of the month and it's like, Wow, did they cancel yet? I had no record of them. And I reached out and I said, Hey, I thinking of you and just wanted to know what your plans are. And I was fully expecting them to say, Oh, we we've decided we're just gonna have 10 people on the beach and we look forward to seeing you. Hey, we're back. And they said, everything's great. We've made a few adjustments. But yeah, let's hop on the zoom and review everything and it was full speed ahead. So the guest list originally had been 200 dropped down to 145. The reception was going to be in a ballroom. Now everything is outdoors. Nothing is taking place indoors. There's going to be no dancing. So they got rid of the dance floor and it's now more of a traditional dinner party. But without the dancing. They're having full on wedding party of I think it's like five or six attendants on each side. 
What gives me relief is that they're in the hands of a fabulous event planner. So I know that they and all involved are in good hands. But having said that, this will be my first quote true traditional wedding since February.


Clint  18:04  
You know, I have mixed feelings, because I'm excited for you. But it could go south. I don't know. Oh, yeah.


JP Reynolds  18:18  
Now this couple I actually officiated the wedding of the groom’s sister eight years ago. Okay, so that's how I became involved with this wedding. And the family, wonderful family and these are not people riding into the wedding on Harley Davidsons for a beer fest. I think part of the pressure was that everybody in the family who's married on both sides had been married in August. Oh, groom's parents, August. Bride's parents, August. The wedding I did for the sister, August. So in order to maintain that tradition they would have to wait another year. 
But be that as it may, the venue, the Country Club is on the up and up and has been very helpful and it reminded me that where you and I living here in Los Angeles County, we're so focused obviously on the bubble of LA County, and LA County has been very, very vigilance in its protocol. The reality though is, you know, there's no statewide norm for weddings, and God knows there's no countrywide norm for weddings. And so across the state and across the country, everybody is approaching weddings from a different perspective and with different protocols.


Clint  20:33  
Yeah, and here we are the lonely little officiants that kind of have to roll with the punches, you know?


JP Reynolds  20:43  
Well, yeah, well, depending on what county you're in.


Clint 20:46  
Yeah. Well, speaking of that, one of the other podcasts that I do is I interview people that speak at the Wedding MBA conference, and we just got word that that entire conference is going to be online. The entire conference is going to be digital. There's a good side to that in that. Normally, there's about six or seven breakout sessions happening concurrently. And you have to decide, okay, what am I going to miss? What am I going to see? But now all of these are going to be on demand all the way through the end of November, it'll start on the 10th of November and through the end, and they're all be on demand. So you really, you don't have to miss anything. The only thing we're gonna miss, which is really sad, is the camaraderie, the connection and all that kind of stuff. And, of course, the Expo and seeing what's new in the business and stuff like that. 
I'm always looking for the silver lining, and the fact that all of that great education is going to be accessible is really cool. But the reason they made that decision is because the governor of Nevada came out with a decree that said, no more than 100 people. And they get thousands of people at this thing. So they just said, let's stay ahead of this. And let's go ahead and make the decision to make it all online. 


I got great news that a couple that just cancelled from May that I was going to do in May, at this beautiful place up north, just cancelled boom and I made the decision to refund their deposit. But then the planner reached out to me and they said they've decided to go ahead and get married. And it's just gonna be the two of them and a photographer and the event planner and and hopefully me the officiant on a Tuesday. And it's funny how, depending upon the circumstances, what brings us joy. If you're in the desert, a single sip of water is going to be like the greatest thing you've ever tasted. And so the fact when I got that email and said, Oh my gosh, I get to number one, reconnect with this couple and number two, be with them and actually help them get married. It was it was exhilarating. It's just funny how the context can change all that, you know?


JP Reynolds  23:06  
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's it's crazy days crazy days and Crazy Nights.


Clint  23:20  
Yep. Yeah. It'll be interesting to see how this will how the rest of the year plays out.


JP Reynolds  23:29  
I feel relieved but the event planner they have is the event planners they have when I first when they first hired me they had my chosen event planner at that time yet, so I know they're in impeccable hands so I know their in sensible hands.


Clint  23:50  
It makes a difference, doesn't it?


JP Reynolds  23:52  
It does make all the difference, all the difference. I actually I found myself yesterday on the zoom call like looking at them and it's like yeah we hear oh wow like wow wow.


Clint  24:15  
well we have a few weeks before that happens but I really want a follow up on that because I'm really excited about that but we've run out of time for this episode.


JP Reynolds  24:24  
All right. I'm gonna go start happy hour, I guess.


Clint  24:30  
Where's the bar and can I get to it? All right, everybody. There you go. That's the way this works. By the way, we want to say thank you to Ron from down under in Australia who reached out to us after a while it was so good to hear from you again, commenting on a passed episode. And you can do that too, listener all you have to do is go to weddingceremonypodcast.com click on the email us button and we would love to hear from you. All of JP’S books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. For communications coaching. I recommend thebusinessofconfidence.com. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or Clinthufft.com for all the things that I do. Thank you again to the incredible musicians that play our theme music The Dacapo players, Dacapoplayers.com. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP We will see you next time.

#281
Clint Hufft  0:00  
Hey everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 281, recorded on Tuesday, August the fourth 2020. My name is Clint Hufft. And with me is a gentleman that, well, I don't know if he's excited as I am, but I'm really excited. The one and only J.P. Reynolds.


JP Reynolds  0:23  
Clint, as always good to be with you. Good to be with the gang.


Clint Hufft  0:31  
Yes, indeed. The gang, the wedding ceremony gang. There's somebody, I think it's Rabbi Marc who calls us the the WCP.
Yeah, W right wedding ceremony podcast the W CP. So shout out to Marc for that. JP is an accomplished author. His books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store, and Amazon is a communications expert. That website is the business of confidence calm his wedding website is J p r weddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or Clint Hufft.com for all the things that I do. Well, the internet is sometimes the gift that just keeps on giving.
I first came across this video that has gone viral. My sister who is an officiant up in Reno sent it to me. And then Rabbi Marc sent it to us. And you can you can Google it. It's “angry mother in law.”
And man, where to begin? First of all, if you don't mind, JP I'm just going to kind of set the scene. It's a wedding ceremony, but it is definitely not at a high end venue. It looks to me like, sometimes a congregation or church will move into like a multi purpose room. And that's what it looked like to me. There was a little bit of a step up a little bit of a, what would be the altar, but really, it was just like, like a, I don't know what they call that but where you have the regular floor and then you have like, not even 12 inches 10 inches maybe at the end of the room that is kind of like a faux stage sort of thing. So it looks like a church had gone into that environment and there was a wedding and the bride in a white dress and groom in a suit. And I couldn't really even see the officiant but when the video begins, you hear the voice of the groom's mother. And correct me if I'm wrong JP but the first thing that I remember is “don't don't say my son has flaws.”


JP Reynolds  3:00  
Right.


Clint  3:08  
Yeah. So you now I know what you want to get to. But it was such a reveal for me when they finally panned over. Okay, first of all, let's just start with that. What do you remember about the beginning and how it starts?


JP Reynolds  3:23  
Well, I have to tell you, I know that people who have emailed us are waiting for me to channel my mother. I have to tell you though, about this video. I actually found it very hard to watch. Because I think this is such a horrific, ugly video. Yes, the internet is the source of gifts that keep on giving. But I think it's emblematic of an aspect of wedding industry where people love videos of horrific moments in weddings. And there is so much unsettling about this video. Right? And I know what you're referring to, because my comment to you was the what the mother. It's a bizarre setting. It looked like a it looked like a rundown Rotary Club conference room. And you know that carpet smelled. Okay. And then you pan over to the mother and she is wearing shorts. She is wearing shorts to her son's wedding.


Clint Hufft  4:49  
and it looked like she was on her way to Walmart. It really did.


JP Reynolds  4:53  
I guess. Yes, it looks like she was just stopped off on a trip to Walmart or Trader Joe's and the anger, the anger in that woman and the hatred in that woman I found really hard to watch. It is about as ugly as ugly can get. And I want to know why. 
This video is like two or three years old and I just posted by the bride’s sister. I'm thinking sweetheart, why are you posting this video? Why would you want to show the world this horrifically bizarre, embarrassing moment? It’s I just think we are in such an exhausting period in history. I’m just like, OMG.


Clint Hufft  6:16  
Let's dive into this because I saw a lot of things. You know how sometimes you'll see a video online and you make a snap judgment or, the headline for the video will what in a court of law they would call it leading the witness. So the headline it kind of starts you down an emotional path as you begin to watch the video. It's almost like the headline of an article. Once you get like two paragraphs in you realize the headline has nothing to do with the actual content of the article. It's just clickbait. 
I didn't even see a title for this video. My sister sent it to me. I clicked on it. I didn't know what to expect. There's a wedding. But the first thing I noticed JP, before they panned over to the mom was the bride and groom and how they reacted, you hear this voice off to the side.
“Don't talk about don't say my son has flaws.” And I can only imagine what preceded that was the personal vows and “even though we have flaws, we work together“ and whatever, right?


JP Reynolds  7:26  
You take him with all of your flaws, and yeah,


Clint Hufft  7:29  
Something like that. Yeah, but when the mom spoke up off camera, the bride says “you can leave” like immediately. And I thought, oh, there's a deep history here. But what really triggered it for me was when the groom turned around and said, “just leave”.
And then that became what was what was passing for a dialogue. With the added thing that the mother said I paid for that dress. And I thought, a writer would would take all of this and create a two hour movie with the whole backstory leading up to this ceremony, right? And the fact that the bride and the groom were equally as, how can I put this, I don't know what the right adjective is, but aggressive, like they were ramped up like immediately, which tells me that they've already had so much interaction with this behavior. And it's a deep trigger for them, especially on their wedding day. So it's easy to point to the mother in law as the villain. But it seemed to me the the the dynamic between the three of them was everybody was culpable. Does that make sense?


JP Reynolds  8:54  
Well, I'm not sure, yes. I would say though, it's not an issue of who was culpable? I think you're absolutely right. That there was no surprise. Everybody was shocked by her outburst. I think though, if we interviewed everybody the next day, they would all say that they were not surprised that the mother did what she did right now. 
Over time when people are in a significant relationship, they develop patterns, rituals, dance steps for dealing with strong emotions. And this son and his mother, have a lifetime history of patterns, rituals and dance steps for how they communicate. The daughter in law has developed that the son and daughter This is the son and daughter and what's Together, I've developed patterns for dealing with the mother. And all of those patterns are, as displayed in this video massively dysfunctional, massively dysfunctional. And, spinning this around for the purpose of this podcast, which is focused on the ceremony, focused on officiants. That is why it is so crucial for us as officiants to do our due diligence in those initial interviews with a couple and that's why I always ask a couple, is everybody happy? And who is not happy and where are they going to be seated in the ceremony? And this was obviously a wedding where there was probably minimal involvement between the officiant and the couple, but this is the kind of thing that you want to in the interviews, identify, ideally? And then how do you vaccinate the couple? How do you vaccinate the ceremony from that kind of toxic behavior?


Clint Hufft  11:19  
There have been a couple of times where I've talked to a couple and it seems as though they are so used to drama, interpersonal drama, that even though it's going to be their wedding, they talked to me in anticipation of this person saying this or that person saying that. So in regards to this video, even if that conversation had been had, it seems to me, as if the adrenaline rush of feeding on this drama was so, I was gonna say inbred, and that might be true too. But it was so ingrained and then there's a certain point most… Okay, let me back up. When I tell people what I do, that I'm a wedding officiant, I perform wedding ceremonies, the response almost always is, Oh, that's great. Everybody's happy. And my answer to that is you hope, because not necessarily.
Whatever is the fight just because it's a wedding doesn't mean that, everything all of a sudden becomes touched by a fairies wand and it's all good.
it's a fascinating thing, but yet, I do remember having a conversation with a bride specifically. And she was explaining to me what she anticipated in terms of this person's behavior or that person's behavior. And I said, you get to make a choice. If this is what you think they're going to do based on behavioral patterns leading up to that Wedding Day, then you have a choice of what you're going to focus on.
Because, almost all the time, JP, I know that you have the same experience where “my parents are divorced”. How do they get along? Well, not that good, but they'll be civil on the wedding day.


JP Reynolds  13:20  
Okay.


Clint Hufft  13:21  
As long as it's on the table, as long as everybody sees it with their eyes wide open, oh, yeah. Then all we can do is make suggestions. But, you know, essentially, it's up to them.


JP Reynolds  13:31  
Well, it's all on a spectrum. So it's my parents are divorced, but they're civil, that my parents are divorced, and they would be too embarrassed to cause a scene. My parents are divorced, and we're going to make sure that they have no contact with each other at the reception. And you keep going down the line. I had a couple where it was, our parents are divorced, and we've hired security to sit In between them in the first row. 


Clint
Really? 


JP
Yes, we've hired security. Yes. A plainclothes security person was hired to sit between the mother and father in the first row. So that he looked like, maybe he could be a cousin or a child or whatever. 


Clint
And you did that ceremony? 


JP
Yeah.


Clint Hufft  14:26  
Did you recognize the plainclothes person as what they were? I don't mean out loud.


JP Reynolds  14:31  
I mean, well, I saw a man sitting between the mother and father. So I presumed it was the plainclothes person. Yeah.


Clint  14:40  
Usually what I recommend is the the couple do a seating chart, especially for the for the rows,


JP Reynolds  14:46  
You know, this is the couple. Again, it's about the issue of what people are focused on and what they think the day should visually look like. And for the bride, it was tradition for the parents to sit in the first row. I want my parents to sit in the first row. And the parents should sit on the appropriate side. That's the focus of her attention. So that's why they hired the security.


Clint Hufft  15:31  
What I usually say is if you're going to do if they're divorced, then you got to put people between them, you know, family members, whatever.


JP Reynolds  15:39  
That's what I mean by vaccinate. So you're absolutely right. When you said earlier that there were some people who thrive on drama. Yeah, psychodrama. And that was what was on display here. That's why this video I found to be so horrific is because that this was simply a typical day In the life of this family. This was not a special day, this was just family drama at the Elks Lodge, alright? It becomes the air they breathe. And people forget that they don't have to live with the drama. And so the question is alright, if you know that your mother or your father, has the potential for causing a disturbance. Is that what you want? Do you want a disturbance? No, I don't want them to disturb my day. Well, if you do not want them to disturb your day, then let's come up with a strategy of containment. And sometimes that means you need to recruit a trusted relative whose gift to you is on your wedding day keeping a sharp I on mama, papa, Grandpa, whatever it may be, so that it if there is trouble, they can immediately intervene and whisk this person away.
Meaning, if like for instance, I had a couple where the bride's father was an alcoholic. And he was an alcoholic who was not regularly making an effort to remain sober. And so it was always a crapshoot as to whether he was going to be drunk at a family gathering, or if he was going to be sober. And with the pressure of the wedding, the bride was very nervous that he was going to get drunk. So I said, Well, You've got to identify somebody, that person has to be with him throughout the day. And if he indeed becomes drunk, he needs to be whisked away. He needs to be just squirted away by that person.


Clint Hufft  18:19  
There's a website, Quora.com. And the whole idea is people asking for advice. And it's huge. It's a huge website. It's free to sign up and you can go in and you can put in the things that you know something about. And anytime you want to you can ask a question. And so I'm listed in there and all the questions I get are all wedding related. A lot of them I ignore because they they come from other countries and they deal with things that I'm not really an expert in. But one woman, I don't know her background, but she said what are the things that couples who are planning their wedding Don't know They don't know? 
I listed a couple of things. And then I said, and if there is any family drama, they need to deal with it right now. They can't wait. If they want something to be different on their wedding day, then they have to start dealing with it differently right now. 
So in this particular case, the other thing is, I'm very curious, right? There's all kinds of different motivations for the way why human beings do things. It seems to me that every human being wants to feel important. And sometimes they manifest that as a martyr, where they're always the victim. And sometimes they manifest that as a bully. Sometimes they manifest that in really positive ways. You know, just to be the best they can possibly be. 
But I would imagine there's also an aspect of the couple saying the world is going to see what we've been dealing with. And most of us would say, Yeah, but you want to do that on your wedding day? Is that really the memories that you want?


JP Reynolds  20:14  
Well, I'm not sure that I agree with that claim to actually win because the world is not going to know about crazy Mama unless you post it to social media. 


Clint
Oh, I met the world meaning their their community. 


JP
Oh, but if you look at the video, it was a very small gathering. And I presume the people who were in that room knew about the mother. This was not a large wedding. This was this looked like a very small wedding. I couldn't tell how many guests were there. Just because, yeah, it's, it's also the other issue is okay, so two things based on 2% is number one, how you communicate during your wedding planning. how you're going to communicate after the marriage license has been signed. And another aspect that was said that this video is that if you look at the groom's nonverbal, he simply slumped. Yep, in the face of the outburst of his mother, that man, that that it was that man's responsibility to deal with his mother. The fact that the bride was the one who snapped and went after the mother, mother in law speaks to again the dynamic of how that son simply receded. And that's going to present that dynamic, that dynamic is going to present challenges for the couple, if it hasn't already done so.


Clint Hufft  21:58  
Well, it's possible that That groom married his mom. That's a possibility.


JP Reynolds  22:03  
Well, that's that's true, too. Yes. That is very true. That is very true. And and I give you a fist bump on that.


Clint Hufft  22:13  
Yes, yes. Yes. Um, the one thing that I am incredibly curious about is how the mom kept saying, I paid for that dress. I there's a backstory there that I'm fascinated with, if we've talked about all these interpersonal dynamics, right, and the obviously the antagonistic relationship that they have, and Is that true?
Is it true that the bride's dress was paid for by the mother in law? That is fascinating to me, that I don't care about all that. I mean, I agree with you. It's painful to watch and I really would rather not, but I am curious about that. I am curious about that. One thing. What did she mean? And is it what we think it is? Like she paid for that dress and how did that happen?


JP Reynolds  23:01  
Right. Right no it's it's from start to finish. It's it's a tough video because it is. It is just dis-functionality on display at full glory. I will be shameless in my plug because you're always so good about reminding folks in my book How to officiate a nondenominational wedding ceremony but they have also written a another book entitled, how to stay sane while planning your wedding and it's 25 tips for how to communicate effectively while planning the wedding and the couple didn't read it before their ceremony. I agree.


Clint Hufft  23:55  
Well, JP, I love that you have these books that are available. And it's that whole thing about you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink that whole thing. Right. But I do think I guess the cautionary tale is all of these conversations need to be had. And the officiant needs to broach the subject, so that we do the best we can. That's really all boils down to.


JP Reynolds  26:52  
I just think that there's more to being an officiant than signing a marriage license and throwing together a ceremony. Getting to know your couple. It's not simply the story of how they met. It's really about, who is this? Who is at this ceremony? What is the ceremony about what is the dynamics? And it's a very tricky nuance thing. And I'm not saying that doing what we typically do, would have been able to prevent that outburst?


Clint Hufft  27:56  
No, those are decisions far beyond us,


JP Reynolds  27:58  
However, with due diligence, it could have been a less emotionally violent experience. Yeah, we would hope we would hope well, it if if we had, if you engage in honest, hard, crucial conversation with the couple and it's about, it's about having those hard conversations. All right. This is the situation with your mother. We have to come up with a strategy. And this this couple. This video shows what happens when you go into a potentially emotionally high stakes scenario and you have no game plan. And things just happen. Yep. Yep, absolutely.


Clint Hufft  29:06  
I still feel like there's so much but that's enough for right now. Would you agree with that?


JP Reynolds  29:12  
Oh yeah. Yeah, no The world is the world is coming to an end. So it's like whatevah.


Clint Hufft  29:24  
that's what I was waiting for, whatevah. 
That's what this is all about. We talk about things that have to do with wedding ceremonies and we talk about you know, the ups and the downs and the and the whacker dues. And if you would like to be part of the conversation, then it's really simple. Email us, go to our website, wedding ceremony, podcast comm and click on the email us button and just join in the conversation. And you also can subscribe to our podcasts now. Just so you know on that same website wedding ceremony, podcast, calm all the episodes are right there and they're archived chronologically so the most recent ones at the top. But if you want to make your life really simple, then just subscribe any, any podcast app that accesses the Apple Store, then you can click on the subscribe button and every time we post a new episode, it automatically comes to your world. Remember the books this is so apropos today. Remember the books that JP was referencing, they are in the Apple store now I'm sorry, they are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. And just so you know for communications coaching and as you can see JP is an expert in that. The website is thebusinessofconfidence.com. The wedding website is JPRweddings.com mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com for all the things that I do. Once again, thank you to the incredible musicians that play our theme music, the Da capo players. dacapoplayers.com. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony broadcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP We will see you next time.