Hey everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 292, recorded on Tuesday, October the 27th. My name is Clint Hufft. And with me is a gentleman that has no idea what I'm about to say the one and only JP Reynolds.
JP Reynolds 0:22
You know, you're right. I don't.
Well, you do you do know what I'm about to say. JP is an accomplished author, his books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle Store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. Thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com, for all of the things that I do.
JP, I host, six podcasts.
JP Reynolds 0:59
I know. And so I love every single one of them. And the reason I bring that up is I just finished editing one of the final episodes for this year for the wedding MBA conference, which, little plug here, will begin online on November the 10th. It's all digital, it's all on demand. And so weddingmba.com if you want to get in on that.
I did a wedding about I don't know, not that long ago. And it was frustrating. And I know that you know what I'm about to describe. It's frustrating because this is a wedding that was scheduled for a while ago. And then it got rescheduled, and then it got rescheduled, again, into like a micro wedding at a really nice place. Now, where it was originally scheduled, was nice. But where it ended up was really nice. And it was on a Tuesday. And so that was part of the deal. The venue is probably having a real hard time filling their their dates and getting customers in and so they probably did some kind of wheeling and dealing and said, if it's on a Tuesday, then come on in. And so it was lovely. Everything was lovely, except for one thing that just kind of kept nagging at me after the ceremony. Hmm. So I'm in contact with them for the original date. And, my process, you know, we build the ceremony together. And so right as we were about to get into that process, they began to realize that they might have to reschedule. And so I was looking at my emails, I have to go back and track and make sure I follow the thread of communication. And the bottom line is when we got to the Tuesday, a little while ago, we hadn't actually met or communicated like verbally in a really long time. Right. And, I showed up, and I, okay, this is gonna sound a little weird, but I felt like I was not really important. You know how there have been times where you walk into a room. You ever walk into a room and the bride starts crying? Because she sees you and she realizes it's real. It's about to happen. Does that ever happen to you?
JP Reynolds 3:37
Ah, not. Not, not when? Not when she sees me. I'll get her to cry Later. I do like the idea.
God love you can walk into a room, a woman looks at you and burst into tears. Yes. And I love that your interpretation is she's happy to see you.
Oh, no, I'm really clear that she tears not because she's happy to see me. Although that might be a part of it. She burst into tears because oh my gosh, this is really happening and all that stuff that has been welling up inside her since the moment that she said yes. On the elopement, not the elopement but the engagement. What do you call it, proposal. Yeah, on the proposal, all of that's been welling up and everything that she's been going through to plan this thing and everybody that's been interacting with her.
JP Reynolds 4:42
I'm giving you a hard time i i'm not sure that I've seen. I've made women cry when I walked into the room, bride or men for that matter, but there has been that reaction of Okay, JP’s here, this is getting real now. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yes.
Well, this didn't feel like that. Okay, it was bizarre, quite honestly, to be quite frank, part of what we do is pretty much an ego stroke. I mean, we have this wonderful job where people keep telling us, it's not going to happen without you. And, then they all are deferential to us as officiants. And it's very rare when it just seems like, we're just not that big of a deal. So, here's the thing, they acknowledged me, okay, the officiant is here. And, I started going through my checklist of making sure that we all know what's about to happen, and that sort of thing. So I want to do the checklist with the bride. But the bride is not really paying attention to me. Now I have this thing, that if I need to make sure you understand what I'm saying, you're absorbing what I'm trying to tell you, I will wait until I have your complete attention. So this particular bride was just kind of like, I mean, there was one time where I was going to talk to her about the rings. And she literally walked away from me, because she had to go in front of a mirror to do the veil or something. They'd already seen each other, they just got done with all their photos. Yeah. And now we're in the bridal suite. And, I just need to knock this stuff out. You know what I mean? I don't have to be Mr. bossy pants. But this is kind of important stuff. So that everybody feels comfortable. And the fact that she actually walked away from me. And then there was another time where I'm about to say something, and I see. And she turns her head to somebody else. You know, as if I wasn't even talking. Somebody else says, Susie, I forget her first name, Susie. And then she turns away from me. And I thought, Man, this is a struggle. What the heck, I'm not the one getting married here. Don't you want this to go Well? You know what I mean? Have you ever had any semblance, or any like fraction of that feeling when you're trying to finalize stuff before the ceremony?
JP Reynolds 7:22
Well, this is actually interesting.
292 episodes, it's the first time you've actually said to me, this is actually interesting.
JP Reynolds 7:38
I knew if I waited long enough to get to a podcast, but I thought it was interesting.
I finally come up to you.
JP Reynolds 7:46
See, all good things for those who wait. Before we went on the air, we did our usual do you have something? Do you have something? And you said I have a tidbit. And I said, Well, we know what tidbits oftentimes morph into. And this is a little tidbit that's morphing into something interesting. And I think first of all, you've identified a real phenomenon regarding the fact that so many in the majority of our weddings have migrated to next year. And in the last couple of months, since roughly the middle of July. I think you and I and I'm presuming other officiants listening, have been getting these random calls from couples where it's, we're going micro, we're getting married this year. We're just exhausted. We got to do it. And I find for myself and I will admit that I take pride in being preeminently on top of things professionally, but there is a strong ditzy streak in my personality. And I will admit I was supposed to see you in May and I supposed to see you in July. Who are you again? So I have been making extra effort to make sure that I zoom with all of these couples, before I do my micro wedding. Because I need to reconnect with them. There's been articles written anecdotal evidence COVID is just messing with our sense of time and place and then add the fact that we have a roster of clients that keep shuffling from from month to month, venue to venue. I shoot them an email and I say, we can just hop on the zoom for 10 minutes, it would be great in which to review and reconfirm the ceremony because I need to make that connection. So I think you've identified an important phenomenon, then, in terms of arriving at the ceremony site, and not having people start to cry when they see me. Um, I think, yeah, there are some couples who do make a focused three or four minutes to talk with me. Okay. I'm very much aware that it's utter chaos before the ceremony. And my concern is that I speak to at least one of the two people, either the bride or the groom, in an ideal situation, they did the first look, both of them at the same time to give them a quick rundown. I don't go into a lot of detail because they're out of their minds. And I simply reassure them, I will guide you through everything. And I just need you to get up there, look at each other, hold hands, I will guide you through it all. However, I always want to figure out which of the two people is more in their right mind when I arrive. And can I have a few moments to take them aside and say, Look, I don't expect you to remember anything that I'm about to tell you. But I want to just verbally say to you, that this is what's going to happen for the vows or for the rings or for the roses for the whatever. I think more times than not, we are able to do that. And then there are those circumstances where you just described and I've come to realize that for some people, I am the hired help. I am the hired help. And they're going to pay me an agreed upon fee. And they're going to be polite. And they will not remember my name next week.
That's a weird feeling, though, isn't it?
I've come to de-weirdize It.
is there a hyphen in that?
JP Reynolds 13:06
I think it may be two. D weird eyes it. Um, I used to think it was weird. And then I realized I can be more invested in this than they are. And there's also the reality not everybody puts the same as we know, we've talked about this. Not every couple puts the same premium upon the ceremony as other couples, right? For some couples, it's simply, okay, we got to do the ceremony in order to get to the party.
JP Reynolds 13:43
The other thing I also realize is, in terms of a cool reception to me, I don't know what the morning was like, I don't know who they had an argument with whether it was with each other, with a mother with a father. I don't know what that was a snafu with the event planner. And the reality is of what we do, there are some couples that we fall madly in love with. You know, it's just Can I move into your basement? I love you, I want to share with you every night. And then there are other couples where it's, I don't want to say it's transactional because I never want to be transactional. But it’s I don't need to live in your basement. Right. And that's what this sounds like that there was a couple who they hired you. You were there to do a function. They trusted you. Now leave us alone. Just do what you have to do. And we'll take your lead.
It wasn't quite to that point. But it was a little disconcerting. Now there is another element to this that I haven't revealed yet. Here it comes.
Yes. The maid or matron, the matron of honor? Yes, is how they found me. And she is an event planner that I've worked with before. So whenever an event planner refers us to, I mean, it was a sister that was getting married. I always take that as a big compliment. You trust me enough for your sister. Thank you. That's really cool. But, I also got this kind of like lack of investment. How can I put this? It was a simple wedding. And so, there wasn't that many people there. And and so from that standpoint, it was simple. I think maybe they afterwards they weren't going to stay at the resort, they were going to go to some restaurant or something. And so all of it from an event planner standpoint, I can see where this is so easy. It's no big deal, don't worry, it's all right. And, I guess it was kind of like and Clint will take care of you. So don't worry about that. ButI had to push just a little bit, I had to provide a little bit more, you know when you try to get people to pay attention to you by concentrating harder on them, something like that. Yeah, so I had to do that, even with the maid of honor the matron of honor, just to kind of talk over everything. Because sometimes the event planner, I cut them a lot of slack, because I don't know who they've worked with before. But sometimes the event planner will try to take care of everything, even as it goes into the logistics of the wedding ceremony that I'm personally responsible for. And I found over the years that there are certain things that are, they're just handled better. I've been through this a million times, if I just arrange this with the wedding party or arrange this with the parents, then it all works out really well. And everybody has a better experience. But they've been told by the event planner, that it's going to go a different way. And I know you've been through that. All right. Yeah. And so what I say is very quietly, I say, well, we're going to change that just a little bit. And then I tell them what we're actually going to do. Right, like 1.1% of the time. No, I didn't say that right. Point 1% of the time, then I'll get a little pushback, like the dad is like, well, that's not what we rehearsed. And I don't want to change it. And I'll say, okay, that's fine. But, I that I felt this kind of a scenario in this little micro wedding, where it seemed as though the sister who is a very good event planner, had told everybody what was going to happen before I even got there to explain what was going to happen. And so I had to just kind of tweak a few things. I wasn't used to that. I'm used to people who refer me and they understand my rhythms and they know that when I show up, I literally am going to take care of everything that I'm in contact with. Unless it, like you say, unless it's like choreography or something like that, but it was just a little disconcerting.
I have something else I need to bring up. Are you ready?
JP Reynolds 18:40
For the second podcast? I'll say I'm ready. I know you're in a delicate mood today.
Okay, we got an email from one of our listeners, Peter. Oh, Peter, I'm so sorry. I'm gonna try to say your name. Please forgive me. Boruchowitz, yeah, he's in New York. And I think that we were talking about, I think you had a zoom wedding. And then a couple was, I was
I did not complete. The wedding did not. I had a couple friends in New York, who inquired about the zoom wedding. Okay, place. Yeah.
Well, Peter thought it was important that we clear that up, because he does 5 billion weddings in New York. And so he said, the question was whether an officiant needs to be in New York to perform an online wedding, because it's online. Do you have to physically be in New York? And he says the answer is unambiguously Yes. Published in the regional emergency executive order signed by Governor Cuomo, the governor of New York way back in April 18. Let's see. I guess it read the whole the requirements were subsequently affirmed. Okay. Blah, blah, blah. The officiant Couple of the witnesses not located in New York State during the ceremony, video conference, the marriage is not valid. So he talked about an officiant, who lives in Connecticut, and works a lot in New York, that if they're doing an online wedding, that officiant will cross the state border, to be standing in New York State. So that everything is legal. So that answers that question that if you're going to do an online wedding, everybody has to physically be in.
JP Reynolds 20:25
Thank you, Peter, for clarifying I. I found it so fascinating. Because, Oh, perfect purpose of zoom, is that you have to be near the people you're zooming with, right? And it's like, okay, New York, I didn't realize you were so anal on it. It's like, I know that there's something a little complicated about how you all have to be in New York, like whenever I think it should simply be you have to have a New York accent. And it doesn't matter where you
See, now you have a monopoly on the industry though, California.
Yes, I do. Yes. Hello. Yeah.
Peter just says there's one more thing where some couples he does, he marries a bunch of couples that actually live in New Jersey. And he says that he's had several couples from New Jersey drive across the bridge, or through the tunnel with the witness, and get married in their car to make sure they're legally inside the state of New York.
JP Reynolds 21:30
Right. And that, by the way, for people who are not familiar with New York, that notion of driving through the tunnel or driving across the bridge, that is iconic, and many a person who lives in New Jersey and who works in New York has spent a significant portion of their life in a tunnel and on a bridge.
you mean because of traffic? Yeah. Okay. Well, thank you, Peter. And I'm glad we cleared that up.
JP Reynolds 22:05
Alright, JP, I think that's it for this episode of The What do we call this podcast?
JP Reynolds 22:14
Well, I think it's group therapy for you. Clint, I see you, I recognize you, I validate you, bro, I give you a virtual hug. Thank you. Like the couple. I'm turning my head and like paying attention to what you're saying.
But don't take it personally. The thing that was finally interesting isn't interesting anymore.
JP Reynolds 22:47
Yeah, it was kind of interesting. But yeah, whatever.
And the moments gone and scene.
All right. Now I want to give everybody a heads up, we have a special guest next week. And that's all I'm going to tell you. We have a special guest next week, we're both pretty excited about this. And so mark your calendars. I don't even know if you can mark your calendars because it's whenever I post the episode, but generally speaking, it's going to be around Tuesday of next week. And and we're very excited that this person has decided to join us. She's an accomplished author, and she's created something that is really, really cool. And so that will be next week.
JP Reynolds 23:30
Hopefully she won't have something better come up. And then she'll just blow us off.
Turn and talk to somebody else. Yes,
Walk away while I'm still talking. All right, everybody. That's the way this works. Remember, you can reach out to us the same way that Peter did, all you have to do is go to our website, weddingceremonypodcast.com and click on the email us button. Tell us a story. ask us a question, clarify something the way Peter did, it's all good. And that's how you do that. And you will also notice it on the very same landing page are all of our episodes. They're all archived chronologically, the most recent one was at the top. And we also have added a page where we start putting up the transcripts of our conversations, which is scary and exciting all at the same time. And, and that's the way that works. We also suggest you go to the Apple podcast store or any of the apps on your mobile devices that access that library and subscribe to the wedding ceremony podcast and that way every time I post a new episode, it'll automatically come into your world. That's also where you can leave us a review if you would like to. That's one of the ways people find us. Remember the JP’S books are in the Amazon store and the Kindle Store in Amazon. For communications coaching thebusinessofconfidence.com. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. And mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com for all the things that I do. Thank you again to the Incredible musicians that play our theme music that DacapoPlayers.com. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP We will see you next time.