Hey everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 298, recorded on Monday, December 14 2020. My name is Clint Hufft. And with me is a gentleman that has been out gallivanting the world And finally he's back, the one and only JP Reynolds.
Oh, my goodness is so good to hear your voice. JP is an accomplished author. His books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. That website is thebusinessofconfidence.com. His wedding website is Jprweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com, For all the things that I do. JP, You and I have had a couple of weddings since the last time you and I spoke. But do you have anything you'd like to begin with?
JP Reynolds 1:17
I was supposed to have a wedding this past Saturday, a micro, And because restaurants are shut down here in Southern California. The wedding was canceled.
Oh, not postponed or rescheduled, just canceled?
JP Reynolds 1:38
Oh, well, I'm sorry. It was it was postponed to next December.
December like a year from now. Next December?
JP Reynolds 1:51
Yeah. I have couples who they're now postponing for the third time. And I have couples who have now postponed the third time where the fourth time, and they have now decided to simply postpone to 2022.
JP Reynolds 2:18
The emails are so charming. It's like hello JP. Do to the COVID we've decided to postpone until May 2022. Would you be available? It's like, whatever you want to do in 2022 is fine with me. I am wide open. Let me get my pencil. Let me get a post it note. I hope I don't lose it.
2022 that sounds like such a faraway planet.
JP Reynolds 2:57
I have four weddings on the books. And they were targeted for 2020. And I met the couple. I met these couples in 2019.
Oh my gosh. Did I hear that Right? You just said that You've already got Four Weddings for 2022?.
JP Reynolds 3:19
Correct. Couples who I met in 2019.
Yeah, I get that which means I will have been in communication with these couples for like, three years. I just zoomed with a couple who I met in 2019, we'll be doing this service in 2022. I feel like went to school together.
Right. Well, I have a story to tell you. Are you ready?
I'm always ready.
So I'm doing a small wedding. Oh, by the way, maybe you've already experienced this, but I went to this house. And it was one of those houses in like a regular neighborhood type of deal. But as I'm about to explain to you what this house was, perhaps the neighborhood wasn't that regular. So it's a single story house. And then I walk in and the garage is open and there's obviously catering people in there doing their thing. This is a small wedding, maybe 15 people, 20 at the most. So I go back along the side. You know how they have the walk along beside the house. I go back there and there's an open area and a pool and a second house. And then I keep walking and run into the catering person that I know and she says right back there. And sure enough, I see chairs set up in this backyard. The back. So this house went about three times farther back than I thought when I first approached the house. That was the first thing.
JP Reynolds 5:01
This house was located here in what we call the valley. Yes.
Yes, it was. And I'm trying to remember exactly where it was, but I can't right now.
JP Reynolds 5:16
Clint, here in what we call the valley, that's very common from this district looks like a simple, regular house. And then you just keep going for miles.
I loved it. It was almost like a Harry Potter thing where you walk into the tent, and it's a five bedroom house type of deal. And so that was the first thing. Second thing was it turns out it was an Airbnb, that they had found this house, I forget exactly where they're from, but they're not from around here. And they found this house and they did the Airbnb for this house for the wedding. And then all of a sudden, it was like my eyes opened up to the possibilities of Airbnb because I've never used it and, I always just figured it was just somebody's guest home or whatever. But here was this big, big thing that was available to them. And it was perfect. It was awesome. So beautiful. Right?
JP Reynolds 6:18
Right. So here's the thing I want to tell you. I’ve done a few Airbnb weddings.
You've done a few. A few Airbnb weddings.
JP Reynolds 6:25
Airbnb weddings. Yeah, right, right. Yeah.
Yeah, this was I think I probably have too but nothing of this size. I didn't even know that that was a thing. But it was really cool. Okay, so here's the deal that really made me think of you. So I'm saying hi to everybody. And I'm in the backyard on the patio of the second building, the second house. And the best man walks out. And I look at him. And I immediately say, are you alright? How are you feeling? Because he was drenched in sweat, drenched in sweat. Nobody else was but this guy was. And it was not a hot day. It was a lovely day, the temperature was lovely. Everything was great. Except for this guy. Something was going on. And he says yeah, I'm just really nervous. Okay, well, don't feel obligated and relax. I mean, just take care of yourself. What do you feel like? He says, Well, I’m feeling nauseous right now. I said, Well, do whatever you need to do, don't worry about it, do it. This is about 40 minutes before the ceremony start.
So then I talked to, who did I talk to? I think the groom, the next person I talked to was the groom. And I said, your best man is not feeling Tip Top. He says, Yeah, he suffers from severe anxiety. And I said to the groom, Well, I told him, don't worry about it. Just take care of yourself. And we'll just kind of see how it plays out. And we'll adjust accordingly. And he said, What do you think I should do? I said, Well, I wouldn't force him to do it. Because, number one, he may vomit. Number two, if he doesn't, everybody is looking at him from 10 feet away, you look at them, and you realize this guy is not happy. I mean, just to be drenched in sweat was something that I had never seen before in that kind of a scenario. And I said, if he walks out there, no one's going to be paying attention to you and your bride. No one. They're all going to be focused on this guy, wondering whether or not he's going to survive. And he also is already really embarrassed, and already really anxious. And so in my opinion, he should be relieved of that responsibility and let them just be a guest. That's the first thing. Second thing is you probably have I mean, it's a simple thing to have somebody stand up there with you. I mean, I don't think that that shouldn't be getting in the way of the success of the ceremony.
JP Reynolds 9:12
Let me ask, was there a wedding party?
Was it just best man, maid of honor. Apparently that was a thing for the groom. I realize that part of my personality quirks is that sometimes I don't feel the emotional magnitude of a scenario. I don't know. There's just something about me. Maybe there's a plus to that, maybe. But anyway, the point is, in my head, I'm thinking, this is not that big of a deal. Just pick somebody else. Maybe they'll hold the rings, maybe they won't, I don't care, but at least the photos will be balanced and let's just let This poor guy off the hook. But it meant so much to the groom that he called over his mother and explained to his mother and wanted his mother's advice. Who do you think I should choose to stand up with me?
JP Reynolds 10:13
I know, I can't stay on the podcast. You know how I feel about grooms who ask mothers for advice, minutes before they get married, but go ahead.
Well, apparently, there was already tension in the family. And I didn't go into that. I didn't go deep into that. But he said that he wanted to make the right choice. He didn't want somebody to feel offended. Like, for instance, this person or his sister, or whatever it was, and And finally, the mom kind of echoed what I said, well, what I said to him before he called his mother over, I said, right now, first instinct, who would you ask? And he said, so and so. And I said, Great, then that's probably who you should go with. But he wanted to talk over with his mom, and then laid out the options and I could see on her face, she was thinking the same thing I was thinking, let's make it simple. Let's just make it happy. Let's just get this over with. And, he ended up choosing the person that was his first instinct, not related at all, just a friend. And everything was great. Everything worked out great. And you could tell the relief on the former best man, because when he came to sit down. I said, you don't have to do a thing. Just be there and watch and relax, and it'll all be great. And you don't have to think about it ever again. So it went really well. And the second thing was there was a zoom audience. So I think perhaps that played into his anxiety that he felt that the world was watching. I don't know. This is not anything new to the groom.
JP Reynolds 12:02
He said that. Well, it's interesting, because it's interesting in a number of respects. I presumed then that the best man was not the brother or relative of the groom.
That's correct. Yeah.
JP Reynolds 12:21
Yeah. I mean, you handled it in your typical cold, calculating way, and it worked accord my heartless, soulless, heartless, soulless way, and, props to you, bro. My concern would have been for the state being faced of the original best man. And what I would have done is everything that you did, and then emphasized that he would still sign the license.
It turned out they had a confidential. So no witness.
JP Reynolds 13:19
Right. Here's the thing, Clint. I wasn't kidding When I talked about being a little nervous about turning to the mother for advice. My instinct would have been to ask if the bride would be okay with both the best man and maid of honor sitting down. Oh, that was that they would both process down the aisle best man, maid of honor. And then both of them take their seat. And then, with the rings, the best man or the maid of honor could have presented the rings and call it a day. Again, all's well, that ends well, which is the only important thing and there's many ways in which it can all end well. My instinct, though, would would be to go first to the bride rather than the mother of the groom.
Oh, that was the groom's call.
JP Reynolds 14:24
I would have suggested to him that we go to the bride.
Hmm. Okay. Well, in this case they didn't want to see each other until she walked up the aisle.
JP Reynolds 14:35
I would have asked him if I could see the bride.
Yeah, to bring her into the conversation. Yeah. Yeah. That's interesting. Why would you do that? Because it was his choice for the best man. Oh, are you saying to suggest that they both sit down?
JP Reynolds 14:49
No, no, no. I just think that in terms of what are we going to do? It's, here's what I suggest. If you like them both walking down the aisle And sitting down. If you like that idea, Mr. Groom, I will go to the bride, and let her know that this is an option. And if she signs off on it, then we would do it that way.
Okay, I get that, I understand that. And I think that I was not the messenger, I think that the event planner, who actually she had been an assistant event planner for a lot of different events, big and small. But this was her first solo, take charge event. And so I think that she was the one who, once the decision was made, she went to the bride. Just so you're not surprised. Here's the situation. I'm pretty sure, although I didn't talk to the bride about it, I'm pretty sure that the bride was very well aware of the the best man's anxiety situation.
JP Reynolds 15:56
I was laughing because it's like, event planner goes to the bride, your fiance is very nervous. And so we've decided that so and so will stand up there for him.
Groom by proxy,
JP Reynolds 16:15
Groom by proxy. But all of this once again, is a reminder. Although the people who should be reminded are not listening to this podcast, but it is a reminder that nobody at any point in time should do anything in a wedding that they're not comfortable doing. And it's a reminder of how couples need to be aware of and sensitive to the emotional comfortableness of key players. And as an officiant, that is something that I explore with people.
In the initial conversation?
JP Reynolds 16:58
I don't know if they would have shared this in an initial conversation. But I tried to explore levels of comfortableness.
I had a FaceTime conversation with this couple, and I explained my situation, all that kind of stuff. But the best man, that was a complete surprise. And nobody said when I was walking up, nobody said, we have a thing with the best man. And so it was when I saw him that I immediately kind of assessed the situation and said, Okay, let's go with Plan B.
JP Reynolds 17:34
Again, it just is a reminder, no matter how many questions we ask in an initial interview, there is still one more question that we could ask. Hey, the list just keeps growing. And this is a great story and a great reminder. And it's something for you and I and anyone listening who wants to keep it in mind. To be aware of in conversations.
I've been through anxiety. What I mean is I've dealt with weddings where somebody, a participant had anxiety. This is the first time it was the best man. I've done groom. I've done a bride, and you modify according to that. But it's that whole thing that we don't know what we don't know.
JP Reynolds 18:25
And actually, what I love about this story is well, of course everything turned out all right. What I love about this story is after all the weddings that I've done, and all the years that I've been doing this and all the stories that you and I have shared, this was a first for me. Right. And how great is this business?
JP Reynolds 18:47
Clint, I salute you. But at the end of 2020, a year filled with firsts, yet another first. I've never had nervous specimen. And all I've had to do is like slap them and they snap to. But this is a fellow who a slap wouldn't have been enough.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
JP Reynolds 19:17
Yeah. Yeah. I feel for the for the guy. I feel for the guy.
Yeah, and for me, it was gratifying. From an empathetic standpoint, how relieved he was when the ceremony began. Right? You know, because he didn't have to process, he just kind of quietly went to his chair and the other thing that was very heartwarming was that everybody was supportive of him. Everybody. There wasn't a single person that said, what's the deal, pull it together. None of them. They all just, not physically embraced him but embraced him and with the idea that don't worry, everything's gonna be fine. Take care of yourself. We love you and that sort of thing.
JP Reynolds 20:02
Would you like to tell us the guy's full name and where he lives?
Yes, I would love to do that.
I don't remember the name of any best man that I've ever worked with. Do you? One guy, one guy I remember. And that's only because he had a little celebrity.
JP Reynolds 20:24
And the same with myself. Yes. I can remember one guy because of some celebrity.
Okay, two guys. Right. That's it. Yeah, that's it. They just and and I, maid of honor. No, I can't I don't remember anybody's name.
JP Reynolds 20:42
I do like to remember a maid of honor. A specific one? I have very much so. And she is more than just a little celebrity. She's a major celebrity. I'm not gonna say who she is. But it was like, Yeah, yeah, it's like omg. Wow. Oh, yeah.
Let me hold the bouquet for your celebrity. That's okay. I'll do it.
You didn't know until you showed up?
JP Reynolds 21:12
I was aware, I was aware. I was told by the event planner, because this was like, a really big celebrity who was the maid of honor. And it was very sweet. It she was the sister of the bride. So the maid of honor was the sister of the bride. Yeah. And it was just very lovely to see her being a sister. And, nothing more than just the beauty of being a sister on that day.
There was one time where the one of the bridesmaids paid for the event planner. And, this was not a cheap event planner. And, we had a really nice location. I knew that that person was going to be there. But I went into the room with a conscious decision and I had actually met this person before in a completely unrelated scenario, friend of a friend type of deal. I made the conscious decision that when I walk into the bridal suite, I am not going to give that person any attention or energy at all. I'm not going to say, Hey, remember when we, none, zero. Because I thought I don't want to diminish how special the bride feels. And I know she's already kind of sensitive to that, as anybody would be. And so that was the deal. But the two best men, I had no idea till I showed up. Oh, wow. Hey, look at that. So there you go.
JP Reynolds 22:49
Right. Right. Right.
Well, it's time to announce that we're taking our annual break over the holidays in the new year, and we will resume in January at some point. So all of our faithful listeners, we wish you the best of the holiday season, and a very Happy New Year. And it seems like like we can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel. That's what it feels like.
JP Reynolds 23:20
Is that what that is? I thought it was a lightning bug.
Well, I could be wrong, but there's always hope.
JP Reynolds 23:30
All right, keep walking, keep walking. Keep walking right behind you.
All right, everybody, we do wish you the best of the best. Remember, if you want to get in contact with us, it's really easy to do. I'll be checking the email every day all the way through the holidays and the break. Just go to weddingceremonypodcast.com and click on the email us button. And then you can ask us a question or tell us a story or whatever you want to do. That is also where you can listen to our episodes if you want. They're all archived on there chronologically, the most recent one is at the top. And if you really want to make it easy on yourself if you have not already subscribed to then go to the Apple Store and click on the subscribe button once you found the wedding ceremony podcast. And then that way every time we post a new episode, it'll automatically come into your world. Remember that JP’S books are in the Amazon store and the Kindle store in Amazon. For communications coaching thebusinessofconfidence.com. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com for all of the things that I do. Thank you again to the incredible musicians that play our theme music DaCaPoplayers.com. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP We will see you next time.