Clint:
Hi! Welcome to the Wedding Ceremony Podcast. We’re in double digits. Oh, my God.
JP:
Happy Anniversary, Clint.
Clint:
Thank you so much. We are recording on Tuesday, April 8, 2014. You know, JP, I'll be honest with you. When we first started this we thought that we would never run out of things to say and that has proven to be true because every time over the last few weeks I've said to myself, okay, let's talk about the XY & Z and we don’t even come close to it. Because we go off on a side note. But it's still incredibly valid. I really have enjoyed the way we have explored the dynamics. It's interesting how deep you can go. I guess, maybe because it's people, how deep you can go with what happens during the wedding ceremony.
JP:
Very much so. Very much so.
Clint:
Also the getting ready for. Have you noticed on the wedding day how relieved everybody, everybody, I mean, the bride and groom, especially the families, wedding party, the guests, especially the wedding professionals, how relieved they are the second that the ceremony is concluded? It's a miracle. Like 500 elephants are off of everybody’s shoulders. I wonder why that is? I always talk about how there's this little sliver of time and the emotional content and all that kind of stuff but I've heard wedding coordinators, the best of the best, say if I can just get them down the aisle then the rest is cake.
JP:
I just had a planner say that to me. I always say to couples, all I need is for you to get down the aisle and everything else is on my shoulders.
Clint:
Actually, I'm glad you phrased it that way. Because what I want to talk about this week is the little things that have caught us by surprise over the 20+ years that you and I have both been doing this. Just to be clear that's 20 years each. I probably should do a little bookkeeping right now. What do you call it when you start a meeting? You can see JP at JP Rweddings.com and I’m at ReverendClint.com. Remember our website which is WeddingCeremonyPodcast.com. Right there on the homepage is a big button that says “email us” and that's how we find out what you want. So by all means. And I want to give props to the wonderful group that's been providing our music. It's the DaCapo players. It’s D-A-C-A-P-O players. You go to DaCapoPlayers.com and hear the beautiful music. They're fantastic. They have been our intro and outro music. Right, so, little things. Little things. I always say that if you if you talk to somebody who hasn't been in business for a long time they don't have the scars, the war wounds. They haven’t been slapped enough in order to really understand how to avoid the the pitfalls that can come with a wedding ceremony. I’m talking about anything that breaks the concentration.
JP:
Nice, nice. I like that phrase “breaks the concentration”.
Clint:
The biggest thing is when you need something and it's not there. Have you ever turned around to the table… Okay listen to this. This is obviously a while ago. The couple was going to do a handfasting ceremony. For those of you not familiar with that, it's really simple. The couple holds hands and then you can use a cord, ropes, decorative cords, whatever and you talk about aspects of the marriage to be. I love the language. We can get into that another time. I needed the chords. I have about eight different sets of chords and I let the couples choose and then we use that. I had left the chords in the bridal suite. So here's how I handled it. It's time to do the handfasting and I explain the ritual. I realize I am not holding the chords and they are not on the table right behind me and nobody near me has them. So I just and thank goodness for groomsmen because they are really servants and they are at our beck and call. I just I turn to the best man I said - fortunately the bridal suite was about 50 yards away - and so I just said, “I left I left the ropes in the room. Can you go get them quickly?” Then while he was running across the grass to the room I then further explained what we're about to do. By the time I got done he was back and we went right into it. But that was one of those make sure this never happens again moments. Have you ever had anything like that?
JP:
Oh yeah and you know the reality is we all learn the hard way. So we all need to have one of those experiences in order to learn from it. No matter how careful we are at some point in time there will be slip up like that. I had and an experience where the best man did not have the rings. It was a wedding where it was an event planner I worked with frequently in the past who was really good at what she does. It’s just one of those things where she forgot to give the rings to the groom, to the best man, and I forgot before the ceremony to double check to make sure he had the rings. So I turned and I asked for the rings and he shakes his head says he doesn't have them. I thought he was joking. I’m thinking, you know, this is not funny. Just give me the rings. Suddenly, after doing this a couple of times, it's like I realized OMG, he doesn't have the rings. Turned out that the rings were back at the hotel. So what we did was I made a lighthearted comment and we proceeded to the conclusion of the ceremony. Then I actually was meeting some people at Starbucks nearby afterwards and I went back to the reception and just before they started their meal the rings arrived and we had a very cute ring exchange.
Clint:
That's cool. Logistics don't always give us that opportunity. Sometimes we gotta go. There is a guy who has a really busy officiant business in Southern California. It's GreatOfficiants.com. He has a stable of officiants. He’s got about 29 to 30 officiants that work for his company. JP I know that you and I are sole proprietors and were kind of, you know, here we are. It's us. You know what it's like when when someone calls you and you want to be able to to help everybody but you're already booked. We refer each other but we don't have that kind of a business. He does. What that means is that he does a ton of weddings. Last year his company did about 1000 ceremonies. He himself is always first in line depending upon what the couple needs. He has kind of like an emergency kit. Wedding coordinators have an emergency kit. Makeup artists, florists, they all have emergency kits. Officiants, not so much. But he does. He always has a battery-powered sound system. He's got fake rings. He's got, no I'm serious, he’s got fake rings, extra unity candles. He does Hawaiian ceremonies so he’s got extra leis. He does Filipino ceremonies so he’s got coins and the rope and all this kind of stuff. Now you and I have been blessed to do a lot of interfaith ceremonies and in a lot of different traditions and cultures but he's packed and ready to go. All that stuff is in his car and every now and then on his Facebook page he’ll express frustration with some of the wedding vendor that you know didn't step up to the plate. But he was able to fill in the blanks and I admire that. But that's a tremendous amount of pressure. To have all of that kind of stuff. I met him a number of years ago. I actually have a little bag of fake rings. There was one wedding before I had any of that. You know the thing that is silly is that I put together an emergency kit. And I never take it with me. Fortunately the level of people we work with there’s hardly ever an issue for concern. In the the rare occasions where they’ve forgotten the marriage license or they forgot the rings or whatever it doesn't mean the ceremony stops. I tell everybody the ceremony does not stop. Have the ceremony. Tell everybody how much you love each other. Tell everybody: this is my wife. This is my husband. Ceremony does not stop. You stay on schedule. Everyone watches. Everybody applauds you. There really is no reason for the guests to understand if anything is missing anyway.
JP:
Exactly.
Clint:
Just fill in the blanks later. Sometimes with a marriage license you literally fill in the blanks later. With this one couple his ring was not there and so I just let them use my ring for the ceremony. The only thing is that I wear like a size 13 ring. For those of you that don’t know anything about jewelry that's kind of like a fat finger. His ring size was probably an eight. So when she put it on his finger, his finger was swimming inside this big circle. But it worked. The only thing is that there's emotional disconnect because you talk about the significance of the rings and with this ring I thee wed and la la la la la. Whatever they decide to say. I felt just a little bit bad because that's my ring. That’s not your ring. You don’t get to keep that ring. So a little bit was lost there because of that.
JP:
Right right right. Interesting.
Clint:
Have you ever considered having like an emergency kit?
JP:
Well, it’s not actually an emergency kit. I always have in my car in extra shirt and tie in case I have lunch before the ceremony and I splatter my white shirt. So I always have the white shirt and tie in the car. I have in the car a binder of the readings that I had sent to the couple. So I have a backup of readings.
Clint:
Do you have your ceremony in front of you? How much is right in front of you to be read and how much of it just comes from you?
JP:
Well, because I do a lot of keynote speaking and because I teach I have most of the ceremonies memorized. And like yourself I'm able to think on my feet. You're right. Nobody knows what's supposed to happen in the ceremony. So I always say to people the only person who can make a mistake is me. Since I’m not going to admit it, nobody’s going to know there’s been a mistake.
Clint:
There you go. That’s the key. Never let them see you sweat.
JP:
Exactly. Because we're in a bubble, the three of us, myself or yourself and whoever couple is, people in the last row don't know what's going on. I mean that's a little harsh but because people from the middle row on to the they don’t necessarily see exactly what's happening. So, I've had issues with the rings before. The ring for the bride wasn't there and I just turn to the maid of honor and asked for her ring. The way I’m doing it people think that it's part of the ritual.
Clint;
Right. Because it's common for the maid of honor to be holding the ring.
JP:
Exactly. I thing the most humorous aspect of the rings was one time they had the rings tied to a pillow and they had the three-year-old present the rings. I'm always nervous when it's a three-year-old. And I’m a little nervous about the pillow because I wasn't a Boy Scout and what about the knot? That sort of thing. So I pulled the knot for the one ring and it slips out beautifully. I pull the string for the second ring and it just forms this incredible knot.
Clint:
With those little ribbons. And we have big man fingers.
JP:
I could not get the ring off. So then the groom tries. He can’t do it. Now people are laughing. The best man tries. The maid of honor tries. Finally it took the photographer to whip out a penknife and cut it off. So after that, whenever people say they’re going to have the pillow I start to hyperventilate.
Clint:
What I do is when they say there’s going to be a Ring Bearer, the first first question is how old? And if they tell me something - this is just kind of a basic rule of thumb - anything younger than six, I’ll say, well, you may not want them to have the actual rings. If for some reason somebody, some emotional connection to the ritual, whatever it is, then I say, okay, I just want to make sure that I tie the rings onto the pillow. It's just my own security blanket. I tie it. I know exactly how secure it is. I know exactly how to untie it. If I'm in control of that then when they get up in front of me… Here's the other thing that I do. I'll make sure the kid goes directly up the aisle right to the best man. Like immediately. Because then the best man can get the rings off of the pillow while nobody is looking. They are looking at the bride. The bride is about to do her processional, which is the entrance, and everybody’s back is facing the altar, so to speak, and then I tell the best man, get those rings off of there. Make sure they’re really secure in your pocket or on your fingers or whatever. Then let the kid go away. My reasoning is to do all that, it may sound a little of obsessive-compulsive, but I'm thinking of the child. It's the kid that could suffer the most because people are kinda dopey and they'll think that they're making a joke in kidding around. But children take stuff to heart. Somebody will inevitably say, “Well, you almost ruined the wedding.” You know kids really think that. There are some adults that are dopey and they think that too. Anything you can do to protect the child so that you can avoid 30 years of therapy then it's worth it. It’s totally worth it. There was one, we were at the beach. So you can imagine the ring hits the sand and whoa nelly. But the bride said, no he really wants to carry the rings. I just went, okay, step by step by step. Let me tie them to make sure that it’s good. Go right to the best man. It’s all the name of protecting that child from someone.
JP:
I will tell you you're very nice because if it was on the beach and my rule of thumb is if you are not old enough to have a beer you're not old enough to have the real rings. Having said that, I agree with you. There are times when the child may be the couple’s child. So they want the child to present the rings. First of all, when it's a young child, I referred to it as the protector of the rings. So they kind of give it that, you know, Lord of the Rings feel in a it's kind of manly.
Clint:
Oh, wait. I have to interrupt you. Remember where you are. One of the creepiest things ever, speaking of Lord of the Rings. There was a ringbearer that when I was in the groom’s room checking everything the kid kept saying, “My preciousssss!” Oh my gosh. I kind of slowly backed out of the room. It was very funny and very creepy all same time. Okay, go ahead.
JP:
What I really trying to do is to encourage people rather than the pillow to have the rings in a decorative box. I actually had really young children who they wanted to have the rings they put it in a whimsical type of box that captured the theme of the wedding. I would be so hyper nervous on the beach with the pillow. I would have said to them just get a clamshell or something. However, let me say in all of these many years doing weddings, I could count on one hand the number of times someone dropped the ring.
Clint:
Oh sure, yeah. But it only takes that one time. The beach weddings are interesting because there were a couple of times instead of having a pillow or a box that actually have shells. Open shells. The rings were to sit on the shells and be delivered. Assuming that the shells were going to stay completely horizontal.
JP:
It’s especially difficult here in Southern California because no matter what the season no matter what time of the year our beaches are always windy.
Clint:
The wind really picks up the closer you get to Sunset. That's another thing. Okay, let's move off of the rings. When the wind picks up, what I say to every maid of honor, if the bride has a veil I say, there is a possibility that during the ceremony I’m going to look at you and say would you please hold that. It doesn't mean you take it off and give it to the maid of honor. What it means is the maid of honor just takes a step, reaches out with what we call the upstage hand which is the the one farthest away from the guests, and just holds the edge of the veil so it's not a distraction. Because when the wind swirls, have you seen it where that's like a snake dance? Now there are little weights. Somebody invented little veil weights that are a godsend. Have you seen those? Not everybody is aware or knows how to get them. If they have the veil and they're in a windy location. I always try to say, oh, your going to get married at ba ba ba. Just be aware gets a little breezy.
JP:
Right. Now as men we will never understand the emotional attachment the bride has to a veil. Because when the wind comes, I just want to say, take it off.
Clint:
You know that's really easy to do because it is just a comb.
JP:
My experience has been maid of honors are so fabulous. They are just right there. And jump to. The overwhelming majority of brides know how to pick a good maid of honor.
Clint:
We’re almost out of time but one real quickly about the maid of honor. Sometimes when everybody stands up for the bride's entrance these girls that are sometimes really invested in their friend and the magic of this friend's wedding day. Everybody stands up then all of a sudden they can't see the bride walk up the aisle. So there were a couple of times where I've said to the bridesmaids, “Come here. Come here.” And they all come close to me, look up the aisle and I always think from the bride’s standpoint how cool that is. Where you see the little heads of the bridesmaids just lit up. Maybe there’s some tears as they watch. Then when she gets about halfway up, I’ll say, “Okay. Go back, go back.” Do what we can in order to share that moment.
Well, we’ve run out of time. This was good. We’re probably going to pick this up next week unless of course, you know, we just go off on another tangent. Once again I want to remind you that we really want your feedback. Go to the website. WeddingCeremonyPodcast.com. Click on the email button. Send us a note: what you want us to talk about. What you hope we will never talk about again. Good luck with that. And anything else that you can offer us so that we can make this the best it can possibly be. JPRWeddings.com is JP’s website. I’m at ReverendClint.com. We will have some special announcements over the next few weeks on things that we have come up with that I think will help a lot of people. We’ll have some seminars and some products that will make available to you. You'll see them posted on the website. Also, JP has written some books. You can go to Amazon and put in JP Reynolds and his e-books will come up. They're just fantastic.
JP:
Thank you, Clint, for that plug. Onward and upward.
Clint:
Thank you very much. Take care. We’ll see you next time of the Wedding Ceremony Podcast.
Hi! Welcome to the Wedding Ceremony Podcast. We’re in double digits. Oh, my God.
JP:
Happy Anniversary, Clint.
Clint:
Thank you so much. We are recording on Tuesday, April 8, 2014. You know, JP, I'll be honest with you. When we first started this we thought that we would never run out of things to say and that has proven to be true because every time over the last few weeks I've said to myself, okay, let's talk about the XY & Z and we don’t even come close to it. Because we go off on a side note. But it's still incredibly valid. I really have enjoyed the way we have explored the dynamics. It's interesting how deep you can go. I guess, maybe because it's people, how deep you can go with what happens during the wedding ceremony.
JP:
Very much so. Very much so.
Clint:
Also the getting ready for. Have you noticed on the wedding day how relieved everybody, everybody, I mean, the bride and groom, especially the families, wedding party, the guests, especially the wedding professionals, how relieved they are the second that the ceremony is concluded? It's a miracle. Like 500 elephants are off of everybody’s shoulders. I wonder why that is? I always talk about how there's this little sliver of time and the emotional content and all that kind of stuff but I've heard wedding coordinators, the best of the best, say if I can just get them down the aisle then the rest is cake.
JP:
I just had a planner say that to me. I always say to couples, all I need is for you to get down the aisle and everything else is on my shoulders.
Clint:
Actually, I'm glad you phrased it that way. Because what I want to talk about this week is the little things that have caught us by surprise over the 20+ years that you and I have both been doing this. Just to be clear that's 20 years each. I probably should do a little bookkeeping right now. What do you call it when you start a meeting? You can see JP at JP Rweddings.com and I’m at ReverendClint.com. Remember our website which is WeddingCeremonyPodcast.com. Right there on the homepage is a big button that says “email us” and that's how we find out what you want. So by all means. And I want to give props to the wonderful group that's been providing our music. It's the DaCapo players. It’s D-A-C-A-P-O players. You go to DaCapoPlayers.com and hear the beautiful music. They're fantastic. They have been our intro and outro music. Right, so, little things. Little things. I always say that if you if you talk to somebody who hasn't been in business for a long time they don't have the scars, the war wounds. They haven’t been slapped enough in order to really understand how to avoid the the pitfalls that can come with a wedding ceremony. I’m talking about anything that breaks the concentration.
JP:
Nice, nice. I like that phrase “breaks the concentration”.
Clint:
The biggest thing is when you need something and it's not there. Have you ever turned around to the table… Okay listen to this. This is obviously a while ago. The couple was going to do a handfasting ceremony. For those of you not familiar with that, it's really simple. The couple holds hands and then you can use a cord, ropes, decorative cords, whatever and you talk about aspects of the marriage to be. I love the language. We can get into that another time. I needed the chords. I have about eight different sets of chords and I let the couples choose and then we use that. I had left the chords in the bridal suite. So here's how I handled it. It's time to do the handfasting and I explain the ritual. I realize I am not holding the chords and they are not on the table right behind me and nobody near me has them. So I just and thank goodness for groomsmen because they are really servants and they are at our beck and call. I just I turn to the best man I said - fortunately the bridal suite was about 50 yards away - and so I just said, “I left I left the ropes in the room. Can you go get them quickly?” Then while he was running across the grass to the room I then further explained what we're about to do. By the time I got done he was back and we went right into it. But that was one of those make sure this never happens again moments. Have you ever had anything like that?
JP:
Oh yeah and you know the reality is we all learn the hard way. So we all need to have one of those experiences in order to learn from it. No matter how careful we are at some point in time there will be slip up like that. I had and an experience where the best man did not have the rings. It was a wedding where it was an event planner I worked with frequently in the past who was really good at what she does. It’s just one of those things where she forgot to give the rings to the groom, to the best man, and I forgot before the ceremony to double check to make sure he had the rings. So I turned and I asked for the rings and he shakes his head says he doesn't have them. I thought he was joking. I’m thinking, you know, this is not funny. Just give me the rings. Suddenly, after doing this a couple of times, it's like I realized OMG, he doesn't have the rings. Turned out that the rings were back at the hotel. So what we did was I made a lighthearted comment and we proceeded to the conclusion of the ceremony. Then I actually was meeting some people at Starbucks nearby afterwards and I went back to the reception and just before they started their meal the rings arrived and we had a very cute ring exchange.
Clint:
That's cool. Logistics don't always give us that opportunity. Sometimes we gotta go. There is a guy who has a really busy officiant business in Southern California. It's GreatOfficiants.com. He has a stable of officiants. He’s got about 29 to 30 officiants that work for his company. JP I know that you and I are sole proprietors and were kind of, you know, here we are. It's us. You know what it's like when when someone calls you and you want to be able to to help everybody but you're already booked. We refer each other but we don't have that kind of a business. He does. What that means is that he does a ton of weddings. Last year his company did about 1000 ceremonies. He himself is always first in line depending upon what the couple needs. He has kind of like an emergency kit. Wedding coordinators have an emergency kit. Makeup artists, florists, they all have emergency kits. Officiants, not so much. But he does. He always has a battery-powered sound system. He's got fake rings. He's got, no I'm serious, he’s got fake rings, extra unity candles. He does Hawaiian ceremonies so he’s got extra leis. He does Filipino ceremonies so he’s got coins and the rope and all this kind of stuff. Now you and I have been blessed to do a lot of interfaith ceremonies and in a lot of different traditions and cultures but he's packed and ready to go. All that stuff is in his car and every now and then on his Facebook page he’ll express frustration with some of the wedding vendor that you know didn't step up to the plate. But he was able to fill in the blanks and I admire that. But that's a tremendous amount of pressure. To have all of that kind of stuff. I met him a number of years ago. I actually have a little bag of fake rings. There was one wedding before I had any of that. You know the thing that is silly is that I put together an emergency kit. And I never take it with me. Fortunately the level of people we work with there’s hardly ever an issue for concern. In the the rare occasions where they’ve forgotten the marriage license or they forgot the rings or whatever it doesn't mean the ceremony stops. I tell everybody the ceremony does not stop. Have the ceremony. Tell everybody how much you love each other. Tell everybody: this is my wife. This is my husband. Ceremony does not stop. You stay on schedule. Everyone watches. Everybody applauds you. There really is no reason for the guests to understand if anything is missing anyway.
JP:
Exactly.
Clint:
Just fill in the blanks later. Sometimes with a marriage license you literally fill in the blanks later. With this one couple his ring was not there and so I just let them use my ring for the ceremony. The only thing is that I wear like a size 13 ring. For those of you that don’t know anything about jewelry that's kind of like a fat finger. His ring size was probably an eight. So when she put it on his finger, his finger was swimming inside this big circle. But it worked. The only thing is that there's emotional disconnect because you talk about the significance of the rings and with this ring I thee wed and la la la la la. Whatever they decide to say. I felt just a little bit bad because that's my ring. That’s not your ring. You don’t get to keep that ring. So a little bit was lost there because of that.
JP:
Right right right. Interesting.
Clint:
Have you ever considered having like an emergency kit?
JP:
Well, it’s not actually an emergency kit. I always have in my car in extra shirt and tie in case I have lunch before the ceremony and I splatter my white shirt. So I always have the white shirt and tie in the car. I have in the car a binder of the readings that I had sent to the couple. So I have a backup of readings.
Clint:
Do you have your ceremony in front of you? How much is right in front of you to be read and how much of it just comes from you?
JP:
Well, because I do a lot of keynote speaking and because I teach I have most of the ceremonies memorized. And like yourself I'm able to think on my feet. You're right. Nobody knows what's supposed to happen in the ceremony. So I always say to people the only person who can make a mistake is me. Since I’m not going to admit it, nobody’s going to know there’s been a mistake.
Clint:
There you go. That’s the key. Never let them see you sweat.
JP:
Exactly. Because we're in a bubble, the three of us, myself or yourself and whoever couple is, people in the last row don't know what's going on. I mean that's a little harsh but because people from the middle row on to the they don’t necessarily see exactly what's happening. So, I've had issues with the rings before. The ring for the bride wasn't there and I just turn to the maid of honor and asked for her ring. The way I’m doing it people think that it's part of the ritual.
Clint;
Right. Because it's common for the maid of honor to be holding the ring.
JP:
Exactly. I thing the most humorous aspect of the rings was one time they had the rings tied to a pillow and they had the three-year-old present the rings. I'm always nervous when it's a three-year-old. And I’m a little nervous about the pillow because I wasn't a Boy Scout and what about the knot? That sort of thing. So I pulled the knot for the one ring and it slips out beautifully. I pull the string for the second ring and it just forms this incredible knot.
Clint:
With those little ribbons. And we have big man fingers.
JP:
I could not get the ring off. So then the groom tries. He can’t do it. Now people are laughing. The best man tries. The maid of honor tries. Finally it took the photographer to whip out a penknife and cut it off. So after that, whenever people say they’re going to have the pillow I start to hyperventilate.
Clint:
What I do is when they say there’s going to be a Ring Bearer, the first first question is how old? And if they tell me something - this is just kind of a basic rule of thumb - anything younger than six, I’ll say, well, you may not want them to have the actual rings. If for some reason somebody, some emotional connection to the ritual, whatever it is, then I say, okay, I just want to make sure that I tie the rings onto the pillow. It's just my own security blanket. I tie it. I know exactly how secure it is. I know exactly how to untie it. If I'm in control of that then when they get up in front of me… Here's the other thing that I do. I'll make sure the kid goes directly up the aisle right to the best man. Like immediately. Because then the best man can get the rings off of the pillow while nobody is looking. They are looking at the bride. The bride is about to do her processional, which is the entrance, and everybody’s back is facing the altar, so to speak, and then I tell the best man, get those rings off of there. Make sure they’re really secure in your pocket or on your fingers or whatever. Then let the kid go away. My reasoning is to do all that, it may sound a little of obsessive-compulsive, but I'm thinking of the child. It's the kid that could suffer the most because people are kinda dopey and they'll think that they're making a joke in kidding around. But children take stuff to heart. Somebody will inevitably say, “Well, you almost ruined the wedding.” You know kids really think that. There are some adults that are dopey and they think that too. Anything you can do to protect the child so that you can avoid 30 years of therapy then it's worth it. It’s totally worth it. There was one, we were at the beach. So you can imagine the ring hits the sand and whoa nelly. But the bride said, no he really wants to carry the rings. I just went, okay, step by step by step. Let me tie them to make sure that it’s good. Go right to the best man. It’s all the name of protecting that child from someone.
JP:
I will tell you you're very nice because if it was on the beach and my rule of thumb is if you are not old enough to have a beer you're not old enough to have the real rings. Having said that, I agree with you. There are times when the child may be the couple’s child. So they want the child to present the rings. First of all, when it's a young child, I referred to it as the protector of the rings. So they kind of give it that, you know, Lord of the Rings feel in a it's kind of manly.
Clint:
Oh, wait. I have to interrupt you. Remember where you are. One of the creepiest things ever, speaking of Lord of the Rings. There was a ringbearer that when I was in the groom’s room checking everything the kid kept saying, “My preciousssss!” Oh my gosh. I kind of slowly backed out of the room. It was very funny and very creepy all same time. Okay, go ahead.
JP:
What I really trying to do is to encourage people rather than the pillow to have the rings in a decorative box. I actually had really young children who they wanted to have the rings they put it in a whimsical type of box that captured the theme of the wedding. I would be so hyper nervous on the beach with the pillow. I would have said to them just get a clamshell or something. However, let me say in all of these many years doing weddings, I could count on one hand the number of times someone dropped the ring.
Clint:
Oh sure, yeah. But it only takes that one time. The beach weddings are interesting because there were a couple of times instead of having a pillow or a box that actually have shells. Open shells. The rings were to sit on the shells and be delivered. Assuming that the shells were going to stay completely horizontal.
JP:
It’s especially difficult here in Southern California because no matter what the season no matter what time of the year our beaches are always windy.
Clint:
The wind really picks up the closer you get to Sunset. That's another thing. Okay, let's move off of the rings. When the wind picks up, what I say to every maid of honor, if the bride has a veil I say, there is a possibility that during the ceremony I’m going to look at you and say would you please hold that. It doesn't mean you take it off and give it to the maid of honor. What it means is the maid of honor just takes a step, reaches out with what we call the upstage hand which is the the one farthest away from the guests, and just holds the edge of the veil so it's not a distraction. Because when the wind swirls, have you seen it where that's like a snake dance? Now there are little weights. Somebody invented little veil weights that are a godsend. Have you seen those? Not everybody is aware or knows how to get them. If they have the veil and they're in a windy location. I always try to say, oh, your going to get married at ba ba ba. Just be aware gets a little breezy.
JP:
Right. Now as men we will never understand the emotional attachment the bride has to a veil. Because when the wind comes, I just want to say, take it off.
Clint:
You know that's really easy to do because it is just a comb.
JP:
My experience has been maid of honors are so fabulous. They are just right there. And jump to. The overwhelming majority of brides know how to pick a good maid of honor.
Clint:
We’re almost out of time but one real quickly about the maid of honor. Sometimes when everybody stands up for the bride's entrance these girls that are sometimes really invested in their friend and the magic of this friend's wedding day. Everybody stands up then all of a sudden they can't see the bride walk up the aisle. So there were a couple of times where I've said to the bridesmaids, “Come here. Come here.” And they all come close to me, look up the aisle and I always think from the bride’s standpoint how cool that is. Where you see the little heads of the bridesmaids just lit up. Maybe there’s some tears as they watch. Then when she gets about halfway up, I’ll say, “Okay. Go back, go back.” Do what we can in order to share that moment.
Well, we’ve run out of time. This was good. We’re probably going to pick this up next week unless of course, you know, we just go off on another tangent. Once again I want to remind you that we really want your feedback. Go to the website. WeddingCeremonyPodcast.com. Click on the email button. Send us a note: what you want us to talk about. What you hope we will never talk about again. Good luck with that. And anything else that you can offer us so that we can make this the best it can possibly be. JPRWeddings.com is JP’s website. I’m at ReverendClint.com. We will have some special announcements over the next few weeks on things that we have come up with that I think will help a lot of people. We’ll have some seminars and some products that will make available to you. You'll see them posted on the website. Also, JP has written some books. You can go to Amazon and put in JP Reynolds and his e-books will come up. They're just fantastic.
JP:
Thank you, Clint, for that plug. Onward and upward.
Clint:
Thank you very much. Take care. We’ll see you next time of the Wedding Ceremony Podcast.