Hey everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 289, recorded on Tuesday, October the sixth 2020. My name is Clint Hufft. And with me is a gentleman that just told me he's got a little tidbit. JP Reynolds.
JP Reynolds 0:22
All right, I'm gone. That's it. Have a nice podcast.
I didn't expect it to be that funny. Oh.
JP Reynolds 0:36
I could say something wrong. I know.
JP is an accomplished author. His books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. He's a communications expert. Thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website.His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com. For all the things that I do. JP, you promised me a tidbit.
JP Reynolds 1:11
Okay, so a couple of weeks ago, I had friends of mine in New York City call and ask if I was able to do a wedding via zoom. And New York City accepts zoom weddings. And they have a protocol and all that. So we were talking about options for their wedding. They had been together, like, you know, since you know, the beginning of time, so there is no, there's no rush on this wedding. It's you know, it's like really now you want to go on zoom. Be that as it may. So we we talked and all that sort of thing. And we came to know, they they've not made a decision as to how they want to proceed whether to wait until I get back to New York, or if they come out here with zoom or whatever. But the point is, having had that conversation about a zoom wedding, a few days later, I came across an article that said, and you will be able to find this article on my Facebook page at JP or weddings. And it's posted about a week ago. The article told the story of how the very first on line wedding was 144 years ago.
How is that possible? Was it like a telegraph thing?
JP Reynolds 2:56
Yes. Yes, 144 years ago, there was a couple in Arizona who wanted to get married. The bride was from San Diego. And there was no there's nobody to marry, do the wedding. There's no one to marry them. There was no justice of the peace. There was no minister in the town that they lived in whatever. And so they telegraphed back to San Diego to her pastor. And it was arranged for them to get married online. And that's what the telegraph was called online, via via telegraph. It is so cool. Isn't that fascinating?
First of all, I love the internet. All this information is just available at our fingertips. I think it's fantastic. The thing that jumped into my head, I don't know if you felt this when you first read that. But the first thing that went in my head is it's all Morse code. So you're communicating in a completely different language. Does that make sense? Yeah. And, well, I don't know, all of a sudden I felt like who's who takes that responsibility. And how does this work? And is there a real?
Unknown Speaker 4:24
Are you going into Clint mode here?
Unknown Speaker 4:26
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
JP Reynolds 4:29
Apparently the witnesses were fellow telegraph operators along the line.
So you know, that make sense. That makes total sense to me.
JP Reynolds 4:46
Yeah. And, uh, as the story goes on, a one of the telegraph operators telegraph. The couple saying that there was a band in San Diego that was serenade. Then at the same time,
that's like closed captioning. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Funny. That's funny. That is so cool. Yeah. Well, okay, getting back to your zoom thing, you can do a zoom wedding, even if you're not in the state. And then, but Okay, so wait, I'm just kind of process.
JP Reynolds 5:21
So that's the whole purpose of zoom.
Well, but then in regards to the marriage license…
JP Reynolds 5:27
Well, here's the thing. I, this couple, like many couples had only vague understandings of what the parameters were right, though, one of the things I gave them for their homework was it's like, Okay, you've got it, you got to give me some solid information here on what I need to do. So I can't I can't answer your questions at this time, Clint. And I will not be entertaining questions from the press corps.
Is that the end of this?
JP Reynolds 6:04
I know how you go Clint.
JP Reynolds 6:09
I will tell you, I will give you one little bit. All right. All right. Another tidbit. Um, they already have their license issued by New York State. And what I find fascinating is for the New York license, the officiant has to put down and not only the town or the city and the county. They have to record at what time was the ceremony?
Little glint in your eye.
Yay. Oh, yes. Absolutely. Oh, my gosh, I love this. You know, what's interesting about that is why not that long ago. Remember, when I told you that I was going to go do the wedding? Or I did the wedding at that big house that was so big it felt like a castle.
Okay, so the idea of putting a time stamp on the marriage license for the New York State is interesting, because I just experienced something similar to that. Remember, when I told you about the elopement that I did, and it was at that big fancy house that felt like a castle? Remember that? Okay, so the, obviously these people are in the upper demographic, perhaps the 1%, if you will. And so here's what was fascinating about this. When I walked in, it's just their house. So it's a big house and you walk in, and then there's the living room straight ahead of you. And then the windows that just go right back direct out into the backyard. And to my left is where the kitchen was, and I see them sitting on some couches with some people in suits that look to me, okay, there's something legal going on here. And the groom says, Oh, hi, I've never met them, right. And so the groom says, Oh, hi. Up until that point, I've been dealing with it with an assistant. So hi. Hi, I'm so and so. And I'm so so great. And I said, What's going on? And he says, oh, we're finalizing the prenup. And he laughs and the people that were there, I saw a big stack of paper, a couple of those. And I'm thinking, Oh, this is legit. This is for real. And the people that looked up were not laughing. They had that serious face of we're trying to get something really serious done here. And I thought, well, I'm in no hurry, that's fine. And then I walk outside and the professional that was also there, said, The prenup. And I said I thought that prenups had to be finalized, like 48 hours in advance. And he said, I thought it was two weeks. And I said I thought you had to have lead time so that it couldn't be contested as a shotgun wedding. You know what I mean? Like, everything had to be taken care of. And all the T's had to be crossed and the i's and then we looked at each other and said, that's what lawyers are for. And so it was fascinating that they completed the prenup. And then we went and did the marriage license and the ceremony. And then here's what made it really interesting is the lawyer said, Would you sign a document that says that you pronounced them husband and wife at the specific time that you did it, so that we can prove legally that the prenup was signed prior to the signing of the license and the legality of the wedding? And I said, Sure. And then I thought, I'm gonna walk away from this. And who knows what's going to happen? If push comes to shove. Now, they had been together for a long time, and I didn't get any vibe about that kind of a thing. Everybody seemed to be really happy and in love and all that stuff. But that was the first time I had ever walked in on that kind of a scenario. And then to have the follow up of, Will you please. And sure enough, by the time I got home, in my email, there was a please sign this. I don't know what you call it an affidavit or whatever it is, to say that, here's the timing of this. And he even said, on the customer copy of the marriage license, he said, Would you mind putting down the time that you pronounced them? And I said, Sure, that'd be fine. And I wrote it in at the bottom, on the customer copy of the marriage license. So I didn't feel ever like I was putting myself and I'm kind of ignorant on this. And it'll be interesting to hear the feedback that we get from this episode. I didn't feel like I was in danger. You know how we say that if you don't have a marriage license, you can't use marriage language. It has become a commitment ceremony, or else you could be complicit in fraud, and so I didn't ever feel it was that kind of a danger in this scenario, but it was the first time I had ever been through anything like that. Where the prenup was happening at the very last second.
JP Reynolds 11:43
Yeah, but that doesn't surprise me. Really, I had not heard about you know, 48 hours or two weeks. I think a prenup is just that it's a legal agreement made before people enter into the bonds of marriage. And it's interesting though, I officiated a couple's wedding where I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to because there was some problem with the the groom's divorce, oh, and throughout the planning of the wedding, because the voices coming through the voices coming through this is not divorced. And his divorce was not finalized until the day before his wedding.
I always figure that that's what the clerk recorder or any government entity that issues the marriage license contract. I always figured that's their problem. That if a couple shows up with a marriage license, then whatever they had to go through in order to get it I can now proceed.
JP Reynolds 13:10
no see they weren't able to see that. That's funny. Where we feel most he wasn't able to get a marriage license until he was divorced.
I know. That's my point. Yeah. My point is that they if they have a marriage license, then they've already had to jump over some hurdles to get it including proof showing the divorce paper, the clerk or admitting the divorce.
The concept of, I think I may have talked about this in past episodes, because there's only 288 of them. When I say to couples that you have to make it as personal as you can and then I told you the story that you just can't stand of the real estate couple that invited.
JP Reynolds 14:01
Thank you. This is the monthly recounting of the story. Yes. Okay, stark raving mad.
Okay, what led me to the moment in the meeting at Starbucks where I said, What would you do if nobody else was there? Yeah. And then he confessed. I said, Well, that's the intimacy that I want. That between the two of you. What led up to that was a long time ago, I met this wonderful couple, and I forget exactly, I think she did some premarital counseling or something like that. Anyway, we finally got together face to face and had a cup of coffee or whatever hot chocolate, whatever I was drinking. And they told me the story of them getting married. They met, they were both married to other people. And they were both unhappy in their marriages. And they had come to an agreement with their respective spouses that it's time for us to get a divorce. And then they meet each other and they fall in love, right. But they know they can't get legally married until the divorces are final. And they have the divorce papers to get the marriage license. But what they did is they knew they were committed to each other, they knew this and, and just so you know, 20 years later, they're still married. And they seem to be doing great. But what they did was they went to the beach, and they held hands. And they actually said vows to each other, just the two of them and then gave each other rings. And they said, it was a magical experience, because of the intimacy and the fact that it was only the two of them. And
they said that doing it that way was a magical experience, because it was only the two of them. And the power of what they were promising to each other, what they were committing to, without any other distractions, or finalities was so gratifying that while they were telling the story, I was drawn in to the power of the moment. And that's the moment where I said, this is going to be a thing that I am going to have to communicate to my couples. So they understand the options they have in terms of in the best ability replicating that moment for the two of them.
JP Reynolds 16:23
Well, interestingly enough, Clint, I mean, I think what you're describing is what is being captured and experienced today with the micro weddings.
Absolutely. Absolutely. And, you and I have experienced over the years before we were forced into micro weddings. Over the years, we've had the joy of those really small weddings, the elopements people coming from anywhere in the world to get married here.
JP Reynolds 16:52
Well, I have to say, I was not always or readily a fan of elopements. And I have, I felt that it was important for this to take place within the context of what I would call the community of family and friends. And so I've had the journey of progression in my feelings towards elopements. And now I am madly in love with with the micro wedding.
A friend of ours, this couple that our kids are approximately the same age and we've socially interacted a lot. In fact, the mom of this family is one of my wife's best friends. And they would always entertain at their house and have barbecues in the backyard and things like that. I don't know what the occasion was, but we went over there. Obviously, this is more than 10 years ago, Well, it's obvious to me, and they out of the clear blue, they said, everybody, thanks for coming. I don't remember them ever asking for everybody's attention. At the same time, it was just kind of like a party and you just talk to wherever you want to but they said just wanted to let you know that today we got married. We went to the clerk recorders office and they did a little ceremony there and now we're married. It caught me. It's like everybody was like, we didn't know what to feel. I mean, like, Yeah, well, congratulations. But I wasn't there. You know what I mean? Right? It was that thing of back and forth that thing. But being an officiant I've been on the other side of that, where I can understand why a couple makes that choice. And, it's a fascinating thing, the emotions that people feel.
JP Reynolds 18:53
But I think that those intimate ceremonies are fantastic. Yeah.
JP Reynolds 19:03
Well, I just end with dot, dot, dot. Dash, dash, dash. Dot, dot, dot.
I think that's SOS. What are you trying to say? What do you mean by that?
oh, all right. Well, there you go, everybody. That's the way this works. You know, we talk to you about what has just recently happened to us or things that happened in the past because we do weddings. We just keep doing weddings. And that's just the way this works. And you know what, you can be involved in the conversation. All you have to do is go to our website, weddingceremonypodcast.com and click on the email us button. Tell us a story. Bring something to our attention. And by the way, Cantor Marc, we've received your latest suggestion and we will be dealing with that in a future episode. So thank you. If you really want to enjoy the podcast effortlessly, then subscribe to it. You can find us in stitcher and in the Apple Store, click on the subscribe button. Every time we post a new episode, it'll automatically come into your world. And if you're there and you really enjoy the podcast and leave us a review, and that's another way people can discover us. All of the episodes are also archived on the website so you have two ways that you can find it. They are chronological on our website weddingceremonypodcast.com. The most recent one is at the top. Remember that JP’S books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. For communications coaching, thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website is wedding website is JPRweddings.com mine is ReverendClin.com, or ClintHufft.com for all the things that I do. Once again, we thank the incredible musicians that play our theme music, The DaCaPo players dacapoplayers.com. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP We will see you next time.