Hey everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 317. recorded on Wednesday, June the second 2021. My name is Clint Hufft. And with me as a gentleman that's been very busy, the one and only JP. Reynolds.
JP Reynolds 0:22
But I always have time for you, Clint.
Yes, you do. JP is an accomplished author. His books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website, his wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com, for all of the things that I do. Well, last episode, we kind of teased a little bit the concept of couples seem to match the personality of the event planner.
And you've had a week to think about that. Do you find that to be plausible?
JP Reynolds 1:09
What do you think? I need another week? Well, it does. You know, it makes sense to a degree. Because certainly I know that I am not the right officiant for every couple. And the couples who hire me, there definitely is some alignment with personality, and not just vision of the ceremony. Because I establish a level of comfortableness. And I think people, I think more than anything, people hire me because there's that high level of comfortableness with me. And I think part of the reason why there's a comfortableness level is because there's an alignment of personality. And so I think it would be true for anybody that they hire. But especially the event planner, who is the event planner, and becomes their therapist and their BFF.
Right, right. That's exactly right. Well, I didn't even think of that. Yeah, it does make sense, there has to be some sort of, I guess, a compatibility between the event planner and the couple, they have to understand each other. I saw a presentation from a photographer that has since gone on to become kind of a celebrity in her own right, not as a photographer, but as an expert in marketing and social media and that kind of stuff, Jasmine Star, and I saw her speak, at the beginning of social media, and she embraced it 100%. And she said that she also embraced the concept that she gravitates towards brides that are divas, she said, because I'm a diva. And I'm a diva, and they're divas, and we understand each other. And so that kind of supports what you're talking about, although I think you mentioned also last time that most of your couples come to you by referral from I'm assuming other event planners primarily or other professionals. And so I've always felt that my business model is similar to that. And I've always felt that, that means that the couples, they’ve gone through some filters, they're pre qualified before they get to us, because somebody thinks that we're already a good match. Does that make sense?
JP Reynolds 3:49
Right. Right. Right.
But I think it's fascinating that when it comes to event planners, and the personalities that a couple, it's just fascinating to me. I mentioned the one that was, well, she looked at the world differently than I do, and seem to be more combative. And here's the quote, one of her couples, completely different mindset than any other couple that I've ever married. Young couple, obviously well to do just based on a lot of different criteria. And I was talking to the groom, and they didn't really interface with me that much. I ended up just kind of creating something for them. And that was fine. They didn't have any interplay. They didn't want to spend any time on the ceremony, nothing like that. But then on the wedding day, there's time to kind of shoot the breeze, the people that you're going through and checking everything. And I've already seen the bride, and I'm talking to the groom, and I said have you seen her? No. Well, she looks spectacular. And he says, Well, she should and here's the quote: I built her from the ground up.
Oh, oh, oh,
I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do. I remember to this day, just in my head alarm bells are going off. Something was screaming inside me. I didn't know what to do, like, all I could do was just be quiet. And I did say to myself, just do the ceremony. Just do the ceremony. It's gonna be fine. Now, having said that everybody was really nice. But, man, what a unique mentality for both sides of that couple.
JP Reynolds 5:51
Yeah, I have I have other words than the word unique.
Yeah. Yes. And it was with that event planner that also had kind of unique personality. And then I started paying attention to it. And there are some event planners that are gracious and loving, and their couples seem to carry that vibe. There are others that are incredibly hip, almost like a jet set type of deal. And the couple's carry that vibe. I don't know, I just I see a common thread that runs through there. Does that make sense?
JP Reynolds 6:27
Right, right. Well, a really good event planner, an event planner, who has a sense of self and personal and professional identity will not want to work with every couple. I don't want to work with every couple. Right? Because I know that I'm not the right person for every couple. And I don't want to expend the effort in becoming somebody that I'm not so as to make a quick buck with a couple.
Right. I think we do what we do, besides the fact that we get paid to do it. We do what we do, because we're not we're getting rich off of this. We do what we do, because we like it so much. And if you change the dynamics of what we like, then doesn't it make sense that we're not going to have the same?
JP Reynolds 7:31
Right. And that's true for anybody who works for themselves. If you work for yourself, the whole benefit for working with yourself is that you get to work with the people that you want to work with. And I've known some fabulous event planners who have fired couples, they've just fired their client and it's just this isn't working out. And I give them great credit for that. And I think that's a very respectful thing to do for the client and for themselves.
Now, something else happened this last weekend, I did a wedding at a really fancy place. I don't remember ever being there before. It was like a private golf course, like a country club type of deal. And everybody was really nice. And the event planner, we've worked together before and there's just this air of familiarity and everything was just really nice. Do you ever find that when you're hanging with groomsmen? That sometimes the stuff that they say not only to each other, but definitely to the groom veers into the not politically correct, perhaps inappropriate and maybe a few other words that could describe something that you wouldn't repeat.
JP Reynolds 8:52
Which is why i'm not sure that I would say that I hang with the groom and the groomsmen. I make myself known, I check base I will for reassurance. If the groom wants to engage me in conversation, I'm always happy to do that. But when I see that there's a boys club atmosphere. I will remove myself. But having said that, let me directly answer your question. Since I have this annoying habit of not directly answering people's question and say yes, Clint, I have noticed that.
Well, sometimes it just happens because you're taking care of your job. You're you know, going over certain things and whatever. Right this last weekend there was this one groomsmen and Okay, don't get me wrong. Everybody was really nice to me. But this one guy, some of the stuff he said to the groom, and I thought it was kind of like, Well, I think there's an East Coast saying that says he was busting his B’S. And, it really felt like that this is not new. The guy was relentless. And yeah. And it wasn't that it was like a constant chatter. It would just be that there might be a couple of the comments from the other guys. But then he would come in with this zinger. And I could tell by the response from everybody, the groom would just lower his head and shake it with a little grin on his face like that, that's what he gets.
JP Reynolds 10:46
Did you have a chance to know what the relationship was between the groom and this particular groomsmen? Were they related?
No, they were not.
JP Reynolds 11:08
You know, it also speaks to the fact that it is not uncommon for people to invite people in their wedding party because they feel they're obligated to invite them to be in the wedding party, not because they want them in the wedding party. And that was the beauty of a micro wedding. It got rid of all of that drama. It's like there's no wedding party. So there was no politically incorrect banter, because it was nobody to banter with. People do not change their personality because somebody is getting married.
Well, you know how the couple says when you ask the question about the parents, do it again, do the thing that you always ask about the parents.
JP Reynolds 12:13
Well, I always say your parents, alive, deceased together, not together, talking, not talking, or any combination thereof?
Right. And the response that I get from a lot of couples who are dealing with divorced parents is well, they're divorced, but they'll be civil. Right? You hear that a lot. Right? So that tells me that people are willing to modify their behavior, depending upon the circumstances, but you always have the feeling that there's a breaking point. And thank goodness, we leave. We don't hang around for the reception.
Well, there was a moment that was fascinating. So I walk in with the groom. That's the way they choreograph this, I walk in with the groom from the side, and then the bridesmaids are escorted by the groomsmen up the aisle. But before they came in, the parents come in. Now the bride's parents are still married. So the mom comes in, she's escorted, she sits down and then the dad is going to escort the bride. They're the last ones in the processional. Okay, so the groom's parents come in, they're divorced. They're both remarried. I didn't see any open animosity while I'm getting ready, just say hi to everybody, and congratulations and stuff like that, prior to the ceremony.
But here's what happened. So the mom walks in with her husband. And they sit down in the front row, and the mom has the first seat in the front row, and then her husband sits next to her. Then the dad walks in with his wife. And he brings her over to her chair, looks at his son and says, should I hug you? And then he just came over and he hugged his son. It was really sweet. And then he goes to his chair and I very quietly, because the rest of the they're going to change the music and the wedding party is about to come in. And they've got a long walk across some grass and stuff. I had a moment and I just very quietly said to the groom, do you want to hug your mom? I really want to know the backstory on this. But anyway, he looks at his mom, his mom looks at him. The dad just hugged him and is now sitting down. And the groom says to me, no, I've hugged her enough. And the mom says, that's okay. I know where you are. And she didn't get out of her chair. He didn't make a move towards her. That was it. No, I've hugged her enough. Yeah, I know where you are. Right after the father had hugged him, and I thought, Oh my gosh, JP Where are you what I need you?
JP Reynolds 15:04
Well, see because I've learned not to ask that question to anybody.
Well, sometimes they want to do it but they're afraid that they're not allowed to do it because of protocol or whatever, and I just figured, well, If the officiant says it, then that kind of releases them, you know? Right. Right. And I've said it very quietly.
JP Reynolds 15:31
Well, I on Saturday, I had a bride do something that I have always wanted a bride to do.
All the years I've officiated a wedding. I have never had a bride do this.
Okay. I'm fired up.
JP Reynolds 15:58
Okay. I will admit, I love the Sound of Music. That movie. Yeah. My favorite piece of music from the sound of music is Edelweiss.
Oh, yes, of course.
JP Reynolds 16:17
And I actually gave my grandmother a music box one time with the Edelweiss music. And, I say that just so as people know, I can be desperately sentimental and romantic. And I always thought it would be a beautiful piece of instrumental music for a bride to process into. And finally, on Saturday, the bride processed to Edelweiss.
And what I love about what you're telling me is that you probably had no idea and all of a sudden you hear the music.
JP Reynolds 16:59
I had established a lovely, fun rapport with this couple. But we're not old drinking buddies. And I thought, My God, I'm gonna start crying. Here it is. I sent a memo to my nieces and my goddaughter is this is the piece of music, you'll be processing down the aisle to when you get married. I just want to give you a heads up that one part, you don't have to worry about wanting to do your wedding, you will be walking down the aisle to Edelweiss. It was an exquisitely beautiful, magical piece of music. And it was in a lovely hotel venue and it's in a secluded garden on the grounds and it was just magical.
Was it played with live musicians? Or was it a recording?
JP Reynolds 17:52
It was a recording.
Was it instrumental? Or were there vocals or just instrumental?
Not not the lyrics? Oh, man, the lyrics would make it a little weird. Music, that's all I want. It was just the music. So it's like, Alright, I can check something off my bucket list.
See, that's a perfect example of why we keep doing this podcast. Because as long as you have been officiating wedding ceremonies, there was this secret desire I'm guessing it was secret. We've never talked about it before. The Secret desire for you to hear that song as a bride walks up the aisle. And out of the clear blue it happens after all these years. I'm empathizing the emotions that you must have felt that's just so cool. That's so cool.
JP Reynolds 18:46
No, it was just it was exquisite. It was expressing. Then, at that same wedding, I had a moment with the father of the groom, and I have to say, he was one of the most memorable and one of the most gracious fathers I have ever encountered in all of my years of officiating. Wow. And I'll tell you why. Thank you for asking. Yeah.
I was sitting off to the side before the ceremony, as I often do, and just collecting my thoughts and observing people as they were starting to arrive and taking in the energy. And this man in a tuxedo with a boutonnière probably in his 60s walks up to me and he simply stands. I was seated and he simply stands in front of me, and he doesn't say anything, and it's fleetingly awkward, because it's like, dude, I really am not sure who you are. I presume you donated DNA to somebody here, but I don't know exactly who you are. So I stood up, and I extended my hand. I said, I am JP. I'm going to officiate the ceremony. And he hands me his cell phone without saying a word. He hands me his cell phone, like you would hand somebody a business card. And I look down at the phone and the screen has writing on it. And I read it in large print. It says, this is just stabbing in the heart. It says “I have Parkinson's. My voice is garbled. My face is paralyzed. Thank you for coming. I am smiling on the inside.”
Oh my gosh. Holy moly.
JP Reynolds 21:31
And I hand him the phone back and in a very garbled low voice. He says “thank you”. And I shook his hand with both hands. I said it's an honor to be here. And then I remembered the groom had told me that that his father has Parkinson's. And it had not affected his walking. But it did his vocal abilities. Very poignant.
JP Reynolds 22:09
And that he made it a point to come to me. And want me to know that, that despite what his face may look like, in the ceremony that he was smiling, like, Wow. Wow.
Do you think that that was going to be his go to for everybody he met that he didn't know?
JP Reynolds 22:31
You're saying I'm not special?
Oh, you're very special, JP.
JP Reynolds 22:36
Well, just by the way he came over and everything and because it was the timing everything he knew that I was the officiant. Because he would have seen me speaking earlier to his wife. And the way I was interacting with the groom and so yeah, I presumed I think there's a 90% chance that that he knew that I wasn't a guest he didn't recognize
that is so. So cool. Wow, that must have meant the world to his son too, you know?
JP Reynolds 23:24
Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Well, we need to end on that note. So long farewell. Auf Wiedersehen, good night.
Adieu, adieu, to you and you and you. De de de de de, de de de de de.
Someday, America's Got Talent.
All right, everybody. That's the way this works at the wedding ceremony podcast. Remember, if you have a story or something that you would like to share with us, go to our website, WeddingCeremonyPodcast.com and click on the email us button, and you can share whatever is on your mind with us or tell us a story or lead us down a particular path that will bring rewards to everybody who listens to the podcast. That also is where you can listen to our episodes. They're all archived chronologically, the most recent one is at the top. You can also go to the Apple Store and Stitcher and find us and then you can subscribe to the podcast, which is great. That way every time we post a new episode, it automatically come into your world. That also, if you want, you can leave us a review. Reviews are one of the ways that people find new content and our audience continues to grow. And in no small measure to the way that people are spreading the word about the podcast which by the way, thank you very much. Remember that JP'S books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. For communications coaching His website is thebusinessofconfidence.com. His wedding website is jprweddings.Com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com for all of the things that I do. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP We will see you next time. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP We will see you next time.