Hey everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast. We talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 306. recorded on Tuesday, March the 16th 2021. My name is Clint Hufft and with me is the gentlemen that just taught me all about the Irish Catholic Goodbye, the one and only JP Reynolds.
JP Reynolds 0:25
Well, Clint, that was a nice teaser. It's not what we're going to talk about.
Well, before I launch into that, JP is an accomplished author. His books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. And mine is Reverendclint.com. JP, before we get into the things that I want to talk about, have you ever heard of crowd crowdfunding or crowdsourcing or that sort of thing?
Yeah. Okay. So I'm thinking about your books, because I talk about your books every single episode. And it occurs to me, one time you told me, this is years ago, but I said, Are you available that this day at this time? And you said, No, that's the time of week that I like to write. And I thought, oh, that tells me that he's always creating. And it occurred to me that you might be working on something. And I would like, if that is true, and when it ever becomes true, I would love to tease it. I would love to let people know that something is on the horizon from JP and then it would build up that excitement and that anticipation and that kind of stuff. So would you do me a favor? And whenever that day comes where you feel comfortable, like Yes, I have something that's in the pipeline, just so that we can get really excited about it.
JP Reynolds 1:53
That is so sweet of you Clint. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that. I find that very supportive and encouraging. So thank you.
You're welcome. But you haven't said you'll do it.
JP Reynolds 2:05
Oh, no, no, I'll do it. Yes, absolutely.
Okay, great. Good. Okay. You heard it here. First. Everybody JP.
Oh, my goodness.
JP Reynolds 2:18
I have a question for you. Even though before we went on the air as it were, I said, nothing to talk about. And then I realized, Oh, I do have a question for you. Okay. So, how do you feel about And how do you handle when a mother wants to join the initial conversation about the wedding ceremony?
The minute you said, Mother, I started laughing. Yeah. That is just a magic word for you. And I love it. Okay. Well, this has happened a few times over the years. Okay. Not so much recently. But in the past, usually it was a mother who was conservative and wanted to see who is this Reverend Clint, and it does he meet my criteria. I mean, that's not said out loud. But I always had the feeling of that was the reason they wanted to be there in person. Right. Now, having said that, there have been, okay, if I put it on a spectrum, let's say that over the years, maybe 10 times, the mother comes to the initial meeting, let's just say that. So I would say three or four of those times was the the situation I just described, but the rest of the time. They're just lovely. And they're just kind of like sitting at the table nearby and just full of smiles because their child is planning the wedding and, I come off as being charming so it's been a really pleasant experience. But I suspect you have something specific that you would like to share,
JP Reynolds 4:04
Thank you for reminding me of that. Thank you for reminding me that I too have had fewer than two handfuls of mothers. And you are right that they fall into two camps. One is of a religious background and wants to make sure that you're not, I'm not an Elvis impersonator. You know that there's going to be a dignity to the service. And then there are mothers who are just so enthused that they want to go to every meeting. What I find interesting is so I've been approached about a couple and I ended up working with an event planner but I had been asked to coordinate with the mother rather than coordinate directly with the couple in terms of setting up the zoom. And I thought, Oh, well, now this is interesting. If I find three people on the zoom chat. It's just interesting. My initial visceral response is one that I want to keep in check. And thank you for reminding me that you're absolutely right. Most of the time, the mothers are just sweet and delightful. And it's part of the support process.
Well, but the way you described it, I had this exact same initial response, which is Yeah, yeah. Listen, Miss bossy pants. Yeah, it's not about you. But I mean, there is a history to that. You and I both have had a history of parental figures, because I did have a dad that got kind of like Mr. bossy pants. But, based on that experience, you kind of look for the indicators. And when somebody says go through the parent, as opposed to I mean, because the kids, we don't marry kids that are under 18. I mean, have you ever married somebody like that?
JP Reynolds 6:31
Well, I never have. I never have let me just say,
JP Reynolds 6:36
You'll love it. It's a fun experience. Great. It's different, but it's fun.
It's cool. Do they pass out juice juice boxes afterwards? So in other words, you're right, that initial response. And you know what, I think we have gut reactions to a lot of different things that have to just remain internal, based on past experiences all the time. Yeah. And there was one mom who wanted to make sure that the ceremony contained enough religious content, and the daughter, who she and her fiance, had decided that religion was not a key component of their marriage and their future. But the mom was, you know, the mom was the mom. And, she was the one who in the middle of the meeting, got up and said, I'm sorry that you don't have a relationship with Jesus Christ. And, then walked away in a huff to the restroom. And the daughter was mortified. She looked at me, and she said, I am so sorry. And I said, No, no, no, I've been through this before. It's fine. It's fine. She's just a little emotional right now. It's fine. Because I said in front of the mother, I said, My primary concern is that your daughter and her fiance have the ceremony that they want and that they're very happy. And so that was me saying, and I'm not really concerned about you.
JP Reynolds 8:26
So it's been a while since I had a mother be however, involved in that first initial meeting. And I realized that it's different when I'm meeting the couple at a Starbucks because as you said, the mother could sit at the another table and she could ever sit at her table with another table nearby and just listen in. But if this mother is going to be on the zoom call, and I don't know, I know nothing. This is just all fresh off the press. But if the mother is going to be on the zoom call, I'll just put her in a breakout room by herself.
Yeah, I was just wondering how do you deal with that? I mean, because the zoom call everybody is just right there, their faces are right exactly. Yeah. at a Starbucks or someplace like that, You can angle your chair so your focus mostly on the couple. I like the breakout room. I think that's the breakout room to nowhere.
JP Reynolds 9:43
And treat it like an escape room. But yeah, yeah. All right. Well, there will be a part two to this at some point in time.
I was thinking about them who objected to the music that the bride wanted to be played? It was fascinating that it came up. Oh, also the indicator is when the mom requests the meeting, like the bride, or the couple will say, Can we meet with you? And my mom really wants to attend, then I know, okay, something's up. Right. So the bride and her fiance, were very much entrepreneur hipsters, they had started their own line of bags and belts and that sort of thing. And they were at the the cutting edge of the online store. And, they were doing really well. So they wanted more. They didn't want the traditional classical music played at their ceremony. They wanted something that was more contemporary, maybe even Jazzy, something like that. Yeah. Just so you know, I don't care. I don't care what they play. But the mom looked at me and said, Can you believe they're not gonna play the, I don't know if it was the Wedding March at the end, or the bridal chorus at the beginning, I don't remember. But they're not going to play the da da da. And I said, Well, I mean, music is emotional, and they want to feel what they want to feel and experience it. You know, this is a memorable moment, they're going to have it forever. And she said, but I can't believe they're not going to play. And then I took a leap of faith. And every time I tell this story, I usually get one of two strong reactions. Let's see what happens with you. So I said, Did you have it played at your wedding? And she said, Yes. All three of them. And that was the key thing for me. And I thought, Oh, my gosh, she just opened the door. Here we go. So let me rephrase. I said, Did you ever play that at your wedding? She did. She said, Yes. All three of them. And I said, well, that I guess that song has been taken care of, hasn't it? And there was just a silence. And the mom looked at me, and you could tell that her brain was going a million miles a second. But finally, she said, to her credit, she said, I guess it has, and the bride was just so happy. You know what I mean? And then we went on with the rest of conversation. But then the bride told me afterwards, that as soon as they got in the car, the mom turned to her daughter and said You told him to say that.
JP Reynolds 12:33
It's fabulous. Fabulous.
JP Reynolds 12:39
Props to you for telling that story for Well, for telling the story, the props to you for saying what you said,
Well, we walk a fine line, you know, we want to maintain the integrity of what the bride and groom or the couple has in mind. And without offending the parent. And I don't know, we just do the best we can and hope for the best. Because whenever I tell that story, some people will say, like I said, it's either one or two reactions. Some people will say kind of like what you did, like, Oh, that was cool. You kind of handled that and handled her. And the other people will say, I can't believe you said that.
JP Reynolds 13:18
Well, let me say you did take a risk. It was a risky statement, in that she could have huffed and puffed and walked away. You know? So it is to her credit, that she responded the way she did. She had an array of other options in which to respond. But here's the thing. 80% of what people pay attention to in a conversation is the non verbal, right? Tone, looking at facial expression, etc. And for people who have not met Clint, you in person are very non verbally reassuring.
Oh, really? Oh, thanks.
JP Reynolds 14:13
No, I mean, if you've not met Clint, he's gigantically tall. imposing, scary looking.
When he sits around the house, he sits around the house.
JP Reynolds 14:27
But when you speak, there's a warmth that comes from you. And so the words were risky, however, I'm going to presume if I looked at security video footage, that the warmth is what she was responding to.
I hope it all turned out great. Yeah,
JP Reynolds 14:58
So then that's Yeah. So then yeah,
yeah. You know, that would be fascinating. You know what that would be fascinating. You mentioned security footage. We couldn’t get much from that. But wouldn't it be fascinating for you and I to look at meetings, officiant meetings, that first meeting with wherever it is, right and, from your perspective with all of your incredible knowledge and expertise to evaluate what you see going on with the participants of the meeting, including the officiant maybe especially the officiant, that would be a TV show all by itself.
JP Reynolds 15:33
Right. Right. Right. Hidden Camera. Yeah.
Yeah. Oh my gosh. Okay, now we have to find a sponsor. So, Alright, good deal. Thanks, everybody. That would be amazing. You know, what, if there's anybody listening that would you Okay, when you coach people, we're almost out of time. But when you coach people, do you consult them like to be an officiant? Do you consult them on any of the physicality.
Oh, do you?
JP Reynolds 16:06
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I really emphasize that. Yeah.
Oh, then we should talk about that.
JP Reynolds 16:13
Yeah. Okay. And just actually, it was interesting. Over the weekend, I zoomed with a couple in New York City and their guest officiant Oh, and they were referred to me by a couple who live in New York and who got married a couple years ago here in Southern California, his wedding I officiated. And the the couple invited the bride's brother in law to officiate their wedding. It's going to be very simple micro or small wedding, probably about 25 to 30 people in a New York City restaurant. And they asked so it was all three, the couple and the officiant and it was interesting. I've never coached where it was the couple and the officiant. Typically, I'll coach the officiant. And it was a great experience. It's a great experience. And it just reminded me about some things that we don't have time to talk about right now.
Yeah. Yeah. I would love to kind of dive into that. Because, yeah, I'm gonna make a note. That's how we will begin the next episode. Cool.
JP Reynolds 17:42
Do you want to make a preview announcement of what you and I are doing tomorrow?
Oh, that's right. Oh, my gosh, we're gonna be a guest on somebody else's podcast. Yes. I'm very excited about that. Yes.
JP Reynolds 18:00
Yes. And we'll give more information. When we know when that podcast will be airing.
Right. Okay. Yeah, we'll put that out. Oh, my gosh, the wedding hacker. That's the name of that podcast. So we will. Yeah, I'm very excited. I you know, you and I talk to each other every week. But when somebody else interviews the two of us, that is a unique experience that I really enjoy.
JP Reynolds 18:25
Yes, yeah. Yeah. No, I like when the police interview.
That's the best. Right after the breathalyzer. That's what I really, that's what I really go to town. Alright, okay.
JP Reynolds 18:41
I'm gonna abruptly say, thank you. I'm done.
All right, everybody. That's the way this works at the wedding ceremony podcast. If you have anything that you would like to ask us, or share with us, then please go to our website. It's weddingceremonypodcast.com, click on the email list button and it'll come right to us. I check it every day. That's also where you can find our episodes. They are all right there on the landing page. And they're organized chronologically, the most recent ones are always at the top. We also have added another page that shows you the transcripts in blog form. And if you want to make your life really simple, then just subscribe to the podcast. And the way you do that is you find us in the Apple store or in Stitcher and click on the subscribe button and every time we post a new episode, it'll automatically come into your world. Remember that JP’S books are in the Amazon store and in the Kindle store in Amazon. For communications coaching thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com. For all the things that I do. Thank you again to the incredible musicians that play our theme music. The Dacapoplayers.com. That's it for this episode of The wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and on behalf of JP We will see you next time.