Hey everybody, welcome to the wedding ceremony podcast, we talk about anything and everything that has to do with wedding ceremonies. This is episode number 290. recorded on Tuesday, October the 13th 2020. My name is Clint Hufft. And with me is a gentleman that I have no idea what he's about to say the one and only J P. Reynolds.
JP Reynolds 0:22
And nor does he know.
JP is an accomplished author. His books are in the Amazon store. And in the Kindle store in Amazon. He is a communications expert. That website is the businessofconfidence.com. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com, or ClintHufft.com for all the things that I do. JP, here's a little something that just occurred to me this morning. You know, the whole idea of doing zoom weddings. I was listening to a podcast and listen to a lot of them. And they were talking about zoom. And they said that, and I've always believed this, that if you give people a structure, they're going to explore all the nooks and crannies of that structure to see how they can kind of morph or get the most out of it. Not everybody will do that. I'm just gonna like, what is it? Okay, great, that's fine. But the concept of zoom wedding, and people show up, they join the zoom wedding on time, because they think that's when the ceremony is going to begin. But typically, you and I both know that sometimes the ceremony doesn't start for like a half hour after the invitation time. And it's very awkward in a zoom setting, because you can't kind of wander over and get a cocktail or schmooze with people that you know, or, whatever it is, unless it's like a breakout room, because everybody's always right there. And I thought, wouldn't it be nice if they would do slideshows? What do they call it?
Yeah, I know, there's another name for it. It's kind of fancy. It's some kind of fancy name anyway, of the couple, them as kids, and then they grow up and then the shows the meeting and then them together and leading up to the wedding day. And it's a whatever they call that. No, I just can't think of it. Anyway, I thought, would it be great if you had a zoom wedding, and when people joined, that was running on a loop, where it was something that would be interesting, because you and I both know what it's like to walk into a room. You don't really know anybody, but they have one of those slide presentations going. That gives you something that you can walk over and enjoy. So I thought when people join the zoom meeting for a wedding. If that was running, would that be interesting?
JP Reynolds 2:57
Right? Okay, Yes, go ahead.
I sorry, you're gonna launch on it. And I want you to do that. Because I do have something else that I thought of this morning. But go ahead.
JP Reynolds 3:08
Is the other from the morning? Why do we even bother? Let me go get it. This is the other thought you had this morning, God help us, related to what you just said about Clint, or will it take us on a different track?
No, it's exactly the same thing. Just another nuance to it. You want to hear it?
JP Reynolds 3:32
Please nuance please. Okay, here we go. And then I will speak.
Okay. Somebody brought up the idea this morning on the podcast of have a Google Doc. So I started to think about the guestbook. And I thought what if, when people signed in, because they're gonna watch the wedding ceremony, what if, and they signed into a Google Doc, so that there was some kind of a, I know, it's digital recognition of Best wishes and that sort of thing, all in one place, that the couple could then print out and that would be their guestbook. Does that make sense?
I don't even know what that word means.
JP Reynolds 4:12
Okay, well, it means that you're cooking. You're cooking on all cylinders, guy.
That's a preeminently me.
JP Reynolds 4:20
The t-shirts will say, “Are you cooking on all cylinders? Or are you preeminent?”.
JP Reynolds 4:29
Alright, so first of all, let me address your second point, which already exists for zoom. funerals. Oh, okay. So when you go to a wake that is being live streamed or a funeral that's being live streamed. There are already websites, apps, whatever, that allow the family Friends to sign that virtual book because typically, when you go to a funeral home, you do have a much like the wedding, a guest book, although you're not in that particular book necessarily leaving messages like, you know, best of luck, homeboy.
Although you want to.
JP Reynolds 5:26
Send me winning lottery ticket numbers. Anyway, it already exists. And I'm virtually certain that there's also applications for weddings. Right. But, all of this gets me excited, because you've touched on something that I feel so strongly about. And let me also preface this by saying that I did a wedding this past Saturday. For a couple who were supposed to get married, originally the wedding was supposed to be in May, then they transferred it to Saturday, October 10. When they initially transferred the wedding to October 10, I already had a book of wedding on the books for October 10. So I had to drop out of their wedding. Then the October 10 couple eventually moved their wedding to next year. And that freed me up for this micro wedding this past Saturday, and it went from being held at a lovely, exclusive venue to the backyard of a neighbor. However, backyard of the neighbor was even more beautiful than the exclusive venue. Oh, it was like, I don't want to go home. Okay. However, the reason why I'm sharing this is because many of their friends and family were scattered about the United States, particularly on the East Coast, where they had with a groom was from and they enlisted the aid of a friend, who also happened to work in the world of AV and sound. So he had professional experience. And he live zoomed the ceremony using an iPad. However, prior to the start of the ceremony, which you're correct, it was supposed to start at four, and there's no reason why anything should start at four exactly at four. So it started like at 4:10, 4:15, or whatever. But about five minutes to four, This fella simply began zooming and he simply walked around the backyard and gave people a sense of the view and the sense of the space and wandered over and spent some time with the bridesmaids and went over to another little area where some people were having a glass of champagne. So to your point, this couple enlisted the aid of somebody who knew what they were doing with minimal technology and consciously made the decision that prior to the start of the ceremony, They were going to offer some ambience for everybody who was going to be present via zoom.
I love that. That is such a personal thing.
JP Reynolds 9:33
Yes. And here's the thing. Okay, I have talked about this book before I'm going to talk about it. Now I'm going to continue to talk about it because everybody who is in the wedding and event industry must read this book. It is entitled, “The Art of gathering”. It's by a woman named Priya Parker. Okay, I bow before Priya Parker. Okay, she is not in the wedding industry, she's not even in the event industry, I think her primary circle of work is actually negotiation. And a fascinating woman. The purpose of this book, it's entirely art of gathering. And her whole thesis is that whenever we gather, for whatever the reason, be it in a conference room, at a dinner table, at a funeral or a wedding, whatever the celebration may be, whatever the observance may be, to gather, mindfully and purposefully. And that gathering, and the reason one of the reasons why I love her work is because she couches it in terms of communication Gathering, is the forum, is the act of communicating. And in order to make value and sense out of that act of gathering, You have to do it with purpose, with intention. And it really speaks to the point that you're making, this thought that you had this morning, and you're absolutely right. To many people, when they're thinking about, oh, let's assume the ceremony or thinking, Okay, let's just do a live feed. Like it's a TV show, like, ou turn on the news, and as a reporter, live from City Hall. And it's just you, it just plays out? Well, they're saying that what you're saying and what she would be saying and what I'm saying, and so we're now a chorus, okay, is that you need to be as mindful in how you create the zoom experience as you would if it was a totally in real time event. And so that means yes, the celebration begins at four, and you have at four o'clock, a slideshow, because you know how often times you'll go to a wedding and on the guestbook table will be photos of the grandparents and the parents of their wedding their wedding photos, right? Well, that can be in a slideshow, you can have an enhanced music playlist, right? There's a lot of creativity and going forward, it’s interesting, I had a couple reach out to me over the weekend who are getting married next July. And they're planning like a pre COVID wedding: 180 guests, the venue, etc, etc. And I just was thinking, wow, next July. next July. What in God's good name will next July look like? But it's like, great, All right, let's Full speed ahead, let's plan. But I maintain, going forward, We as a society and as a world are not automatically simply going to go back full on to the past. And we do not know how celebration
will eventually evolve based on the experience of the pandemic. And zoom is going to remain in whatever form to whatever degree. It's not simply one day, it's like, wow, whether we're zoom, there's no zoom it away. That whole notion of live streaming, that whole notion of people being a part of your celebration, who were in some corner of the world, that I have no doubt will remain and therefore as you Plan your wedding, People will need to have more morning thoughts similar to yours, Clint.
Well, thank you, JP. First of all, I checked that book out of the library, the very same day that you told us about it. I don't know how many episodes ago, “the art of gathering”, I found it, because I am a big devotee of the library system. And I'm very lucky where I live in here in Los Angeles that I can access the Los Angeles City Library System, and also the Los Angeles County Library System. And it is amazing. I found that book and I said, if it's that important to JP, then I'm going to look at this book. And I'll be honest with you, I didn't have time to actually read the whole book. However, I thought, okay, there's a concept here. And I looked at the overall concept, and I locked into it immediately. And I agreed 100%, and I can understand why it resonated with you. Because to go with any kind of gathering, and she talked about corporate gathering and meetings and everything, she talked about everything. And she was right on the money, right on the money. Yeah. And so it makes me in regards to the relevance of a slideshow, and but you took it to another level. I needed to address that in just one second. The idea of if you've got photos of your grandparent’s wedding, somewhere on a table somewhere where guests can see it, then you're absolutely right. If you're going to tell that story, then go ahead and include it in the slideshow that precedes the wedding. Because it really is that kind of, and here's how we got to this point, that long thread of both the lives of the of the two people getting married. And now we get back to the idea that not every wedding has the photos of the grandparents. Would you agree with that?
JP Reynolds 17:04
Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm not saying that you even necessarily have to track the photos on the table. I'm saying that prior to the ceremony, you're creating a special, quote package that will be played and seen just by your zoom guests.
Right. And you know, how you say that the ceremony kind of sets the tone for the rest of the day?
Yeah, this is an opportunity to set the tone for the ceremony. And here's where I was going with this. I tell couples that a wedding ceremony is only three basic things. It's the commitments obviously, between the two people, you want to get married, so say that, and then it's who they are as individuals, which I tell every couple, I think that's the most important part of the ceremony, is who you are. Because I mean, let's face it, that's who you're marrying, that's who you fell in love with. But that's also who you're offering to this other person is who you are. So the ceremony should be honest and credible to that. It should be authentic to that, who the two of you are as individuals. And the third thing is whatever you think your marriage is going to be moving forward. Which brings me to some of the rituals that we include that honor the families, whether you honor, the heritage, or your parents with a flower or whatever it is, that's all kind of built into the ceremony, because it's important to you, and it's going to be part of your marriage moving forward. So that what triggered that thought was the idea that the grandparents are important. And I think it's a cultural thing. That's what I'm just guessing, based on my experience, and what I've seen is that there are some cultures who really resonate with the heritage and showing pictures of the grandparents and I've been to people's houses, and they think that's really important. And so they have pictures of their grandparents in their house. And, that sort of thing. And I know, this all ties in to the art of gathering, where as officiants, when we are working with couples, to be sensitive and open to what's important to them. And I realize it's difficult if you're doing 10 ceremonies a day, and you may not have an opportunity to really connect and find out what's important to them as individuals, they just want to get married and you have to kind of knock that thing out. But if if we can take the time and energy to find out those specifics. It does. I mean, obviously every ceremony being different, makes it a little bit more exciting for us, as opposed to just a wham bam, Thank you, ma'am. Then I love that exploration and I like the idea that the art of gathering speaks to that no matter what you're doing, even the pre, What do you call it the meetings that we have with the couple? What's the purpose of the meeting? And how do we go about it? And how do we honor the purpose of the meeting? And every single interaction no matter what it is, if it's a phone call, or a zoom meeting, or a Skype or FaceTime, or in person, whatever it is. I guess what I'm saying is I'm really endorsing the book that you've endorsed, to say the theme of it was completely and is completely and will be completely relevant. So there you go.
JP Reynolds 20:30
Thank you. Thank you, I am I endorse you endorsing me?
You know, I just realized that you deserve an endorsement for endorsing me.
And so on. Alright, infinity.
JP Reynolds 20:50
Let me just say, in the spirit of endorsement, that I offered the whole grandparent thing as just an example. I think what we're talking about here is, to put it in more visual terms is here in the States, and I'm going to presume, elsewhere around the world, that when you have broadcast on television broadcasts of an award show, particularly high profile Oscars, in England, the BAFTA, whatever it may be, in the realm of entertainment, it is almost now expected that prior to the broadcast of the show, will be the quote, pre show, where it’s either celebrities being interviewed on the red carpet or background on people who are going to be honored or the movies, plays or whatever, that's going to be honored. There's always that sense of the pre show. And so what I just want to clarify and highlight that what I was playing up, and when I'm becoming more aware of is the thought that you had this morning is that if you are going to have a micro wedding, and it is going to be live streamed, that now, you want to give consideration not only to the experience of the people physically present at your micro wedding, you want to give consideration to the people who will be present via Livestream. And that's where a lot of wonderful creativity can go into the creating of a, quote, pre ceremony show that last anywhere from five to 10 to 15, 20 minutes. All for the purpose, as you said, of creating energy, spirit, tone, atmosphere.
Well, there you go. And the other thing, because we've run out of time, but I really would just want to touch on this is I love the innovation and the creativity of people who are looking to expand the capabilities of those platforms like zoom, and Microsoft and Facebook and Google meeting, whatever they've got. And I saw, I don't know where I saw it. But a teacher was talking about how a bunch of teachers who have to use zoom now to reach their students, are requesting adaptations to the zoom platform, so that they can better serve their students. And there's a number of things that teachers have said, Can you please incorporate this? Can you please add on to that, that the people at zoom are working feverishly to add those adaptations, and I'm thinking in regards to what we do, and where zoom comes into play. Just the simple thing that that guy walked around to give a better experience. And then the idea of a virtual guestbook and, and so on and so on and so on. It's very exciting for us. What a wonderful marvelous time we live in.
JP Reynolds 24:41
Absolutely. And the one thing I forgot, and I know that you said that we're at the end so and I respect and obey you. I would say that there's also new demands placed upon the officiant because if I know that the ceremony is being live streamed, I make it a point Now, at least a few times in the ceremony to speak to or reference, the family and friends who are with us via Livestream.
JP Reynolds 25:15
And that is all again, it's part of the the evolution of ceremony. So thank you for having had a wonderful morning. And I wish you a week of thoughtful, insightful, provoking mornings this week, Clint.
Are you endorsing me?
JP Reynolds 25:43
I’m endorsing, I'm also endorsing the idea that it's time to cut it off.
And that's another of the great features that we have here at the wedding ceremony podcast. Listen, everybody, we've been getting emails and we ran out of time this time, but I want to make sure I acknowledge everybody that reaches out to us. And so next episode, we will definitely kind of acknowledge all the people that took the time to go to our website, weddingceremonypodcast.com, click on the email us button and offered some suggestions. One person just said thank you for everything. So that's a way that you can contact us and give us some ideas or tell us a story or whatever is relevant to you. And that is also where you can listen to our episodes. They are on that website weddingceremonypodcast.com, they're all archived chronologically, so that means the most recent one is at the top. You can also listen to us in every podcast app that accesses the Apple Store. And that way you can subscribe to our podcast, which is great because then every time we post a new episode, it'll automatically come into your podcast world. And if you don't mind leave us a review. Because that's another way that people find us discover our content and and everything that we do. Remember the JP’S books are in the Amazon store and the Kindle store in Amazon. For communications coaching thebusinessofconfidence.com is that website. His wedding website is JPRweddings.com. Mine is ReverendClint.com or ClintHufft.com For all the things that I do, Thank you again to the incredible musicians that play our theme music, The DaCaPo players, dacapoplayers.com. That's it for this episode of the wedding ceremony podcast. This is Clint and I'll be half a JP We will see you next time.